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GRACE  ABOUNDING  f! 
CHIEF  OF  SINNERS 


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A  BRIEF  AND  FAITHFUL  RELATION  OF  THE  EXCEED- 
ING MERCY  OF  GOD  IN  CHRIST  TO  HIS  POOR  SERVANT 


john'bunyan 


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Edited  with  an  Introduction 
by 

EDWARD  CHAUNCEY  BALDWIN,  Ph.D. 

ASSISTANT   PROFESSOR  OF   ENGLISH   LITERATURE 
AT  THE  UNIVERSITY  OF  ILLINOIS 


GINN  AND  COMPANY 

BOSTON  •  NEW  YORK  •  CHICAGO  •  LONDON 


Copyright,  igio,  by 
EDWARD   CHAUNCEY  BALDWIN 


ALL    RIGHTS    RESERVED 


&bc   gtftengum   jPrcgg 

GINN  AND  COMPANY-  PRO- 
PRIETORS •  BOSTON  •  U.S.A. 


PREFACE 

Because  Bunyan's  Grace  Abounding  is  so  complete  a  rev- 
elation of  the  mind  of  Puritanism,  because  it  is  so  perfect  an 
example  of  the  subjective  autobiography,  because  of  its  interest 
as  a  narration  of  a  soul-experience,  and  finally  because  it  fur- 
nishes such  an  illuminating  commentary  upon  Pi/grim' s  Progress, 
it  cannot  well  be  ignored  by  any  student  of  the  literature  of  the 
seventeenth  century.  Despite  the  undeniable  interest  and  value 
of  the  book,  however,  no  cheap  and  at  the  same  time  reliable 
text  has  hitherto  been  available.  In  the  belief  that  other  teachers 
of  English  would  welcome  such  a  text,  but  chiefly  because  the 
editor  has  felt  the  need  of  one  in  his  own  university  teaching, 
he  has  prepared  this  edition.  The  text,  used  by  permission  of 
the  publishers,  is  that  of  the  Clarendon  Press.  No  notes  have 
been  admitted,  because  in  so  simple  and  straightforward  a  nar- 
rative none  seemed  necessary.  Some  questions  for  the  study 
of  the  book  have,  however,  been  included,  but  merely  by  way 
of  suggestion.  They  are  not  intended  to  be  even  measurably 
complete,  but  are  meant  only  to  suggest  a  method  of  approach. 
Whether  the  book  be  read  for  its  interest  as  an  historical  docu- 
ment, as  a  literary  classic,  or  for  its  purely  human  interest,  it 

will  repay  a  thorough  and  reverent  study. 

K.  C.  B. 

Urbana,  Illinois 


CONTENTS 

PAGE 

INTRODUCTION vii 

BIBLIOGRAPHY xvii 

SUGGESTIVE    QUESTIONS xix 

GRACE   ABOUNDING   TO   THE    CHIEF   OF   SINNERS  .       .       .  i 
A     RELATION     OF     THE     IMPRISONMENT     OF     MR.    JOHN 

BUNYAN 117 


INTRODUCTION 

Bunyan's  Character  revealed  by  His  Work.  The  external  facts 
in  the  life  of  Bunyan  are  relatively  unimportant,  for  they  give 
us  little  insight  into  the  real  nature  of  the  man.  The  outward 
events  in  the  lives  of  most  great  authors,  and  in  this  respect 
Bunyan  is  not  exceptional,  are  comparatively  unimportant,  be- 
cause such  men  are  not  men  of  action.  Theirs  were  lives,  not 
primarily  of  action,  but  of  thought.  Consequently,  we  know  these 
men  rather  through  what  they  have  written  than  through  what 
they  have  done.  We  know  far  more  about  Shakespeare,  for 
example,  from  his  plays  than  from  the  scanty  records  of  his  life. 
In  the  case  of  Bunyan,  however,  our  knowledge  of  what  manner 
of  man  he  was  is  supplemented,  not  only  from  what  we  are  able 
to  infer  from  the  tracts  and  allegories  that  he  wrote,  but  from  his 
own  account  of  his  inner  life  as  recorded  in  Grace  Abounding 
to  the  Chief  of  Sinners.  The  book  is  a  spiritual  autobiography, 
like  the  Co?ifessio?is  of  St.  Augustine.  It  is  one  of  the  most  vivid 
accounts  of  spiritual  struggle  and  victory  ever  penned.  From  it 
we  are  able  to  see  clearly,  even  though  we  may  not  be  able  to 
explain  them,  those  qualities  of  mind  and  heart  which  gave  him 
such  power  to  influence,  through  the  written  and  the  spoken 
word,  the  lives  of  other  men.  We  know  how  he  impressed 
those  who  knew  him. 

Contemporary  Estimate.  A  contemporary  of  Bunyan  has  left 
the  following  account  of  Bunyan's  character  and  person,  under 
the  title,  "A  Brief  Character  of  Mr.  John  Bunyan." 
.  M  He  appeared  in  countenance  to  be  of  a  stern  and  rough 
temper,  but  in  his  conversation  mild  and  affable;  not  given 
to  loquacity  or  much  discourse  in  company,  unless  some  urgent 


viii  INTRODUCTION 

occasion  required  it ;  observing  never  to  boast  of  himself  or 
his  parts,  but  rather  seem  low  in  his  own  eyes,  and  submit 
himself  to  the  judgment  of  others ;  abhorring  lying  and  swear- 
ing, being  just  in  all  that  lay  in  his  power  to  his  word,  not 
seeming  to  revenge  injuries,  loving  to  reconcile  differences 
and  make  friendship  with  all ;  he  had  a  sharp  quick  eye,  ac- 
complished with  an  excellent  discerning  of  persons,  being  of 
good  judgment  and  quick  wit.  As  for  his  person,  he  was 
tall  of  stature,  strong  boned,  though  not  corpulent,  somewhat 
of  a  ruddy  face,  with  sparkling  eyes,  wearing  his  hair  on  his 
upper  lip,  after  the  old  British  fashion ;  his  hair  reddish,  but  in 
his  latter  days  time  had  sprinkled  it  with  grey ;  his  nose  well  set, 
but  not  declining  or  bending,  and  his  mouth  moderate  large,  his 
forehead  something  high  and  his  habit  always  plain  and  modest. 
And  thus  we  have  impartially  described  the  internal  and  external 
parts  of  a  person  whose  death  hath  been  much  regretted  —  a 
person  who  had  tried  the  smiles  and  frowns  of  time,  not  puffed 
up  in  prosperity  nor  shaken  in  adversity,  always  holding  the 
golden  mean. 

In  him  at  once  did  three  great  worthies  shine  — 

Historian,  poet,  and  a  choice  divine  : 

Then  let  him  rest  in  undisturbed  dust, 

Until  the  resurrection  of  the  just." 

Sincerity.  When  we  read  Grace  Abounding  to  the  Chief  of 
Sinners,  the  estimate  of  his  contemporaries  is  confirmed  and 
supplemented.  We  are  chiefly  impressed  by  Bunyan's  sincerity 
and  earnestness,  —  by  the  fact  that  he  said  what  he  really 
thought,  and  that  he  was  so  intensely  serious  about  it  all. 
The  book  is  exactly  what  he  himself  called  it,  "a  relation  of 
the  work  of  God  upon  my  soul,  even  from  the  very  first  till 
now,  wherein  you  may  perceive  my  castings  down  and  risings 
up  "  ;  and  again  he  says  :  "  I  could  also  have  stepped  into  a  style 
much  higher  than  this,  in  which  I  have  here  discoursed,  and 
could  have  adorned  all  things  more  than  here  I  have  seeme4 


INTRODUCTION  ix 

to  do,  but  I  dare  not.  God  did  not  play  in  tempting  of  me ; 
neither  did  I  play,  when  I  sunk  as  into  the  bottomless  pit  — 
wherefore  I  may  not  play  in  relating  of  them,  but  be  plain  and 
simple  and  lay  down  the  thing  as  it  was."  The  thing  that  Bunyan 
lays  down  —  his  experience  of  sin,  sorrow,  repentence,  and  a 
miraculous  pardon  —  was  not  unique  in  the  experience  of  the 
Puritan  of  the  seventeenth  century.  Only  Bunyan's  presenta- 
tion of  that  experience  was  in  any  way  unique.  It  was  so 
because  his  equipment  for  such  a  presentation  was  so  perfect. 
Two  qualities,  plainly  evident  in  Grace  Abou?idi?ig  to  the  Chief 
of  Sinners,  fitted  Bunyan  to  embody,  in  what  is  perhaps  the 
most  intensely  vivid  spiritual  record  ever  written,  the  inward 
experience  of  many  a  humble  Christian  of  his  time.  These 
qualities  are  a  vivid  imagination  and  a  marvelous  gift  of  expres- 
sion. To  the  former  is  due  his  power  to  see  visions  and  to 
dream  dreams  ;  to  the  latter  is  due  his  power  to  reproduce  those 
mind  pictures  in  the  form  of  concrete  images. 

Rese??iblance  to  Luther.  Though  Bunyan  was  a  dreamer,  he 
was  not  a  mystic.  He  never  lost  his  connection  with  the  world 
of  fact.  In  this  union  of  interest  in  the  things  of  the  spirit 
with  a  shrewd  common  sense  Bunyan  reminds  us  of  Luther. 
Indeed  they  were  kindred  spirits.  It  is  not  without  significance 
that  Bunyan,  when  he  read  Luther's  commentary  on  the  Gala- 
tians,  "  found,"  he  says,  "  my  condition  in  his  experience,  so 
largely  and  profoundly  handled,  as  if  his  book  had  been  written 
out  of  my  heart,"  and  that  he  preferred  that  book  to  any  he 
had  ever  read,  except,  of  course,  the  Bible. 

Simplicity.  Like  Luther,  Bunyan  remained  to  the  last  a  simple 
man.  No  hint  of  arrogance  appeared  in  anything  that  he  wrote. 
Never  once  does  he  speak  with  pride  of  his  eloquence,  or  of  the 
influence  which,  after  his  liberation  from  prison,  he  came  to 
exert.  His  humility  was  the  result  of  his  sensitive  conscience 
and  of  the  fact  that  he  lived  always,  after  his  conversion,  in  the 
light  of  eternity. 


X  INTRODUCTION 

Tolerance.  Like  Luther,  again,  Bunyan  was  free  from  bigotry. 
He  never,  but  in  one  instance,  entered  into  religious  controversy. 
And  his  controversy  with  the  Quakers  was  due,  not  to  his  intol- 
erance, but  to  his  belief  that  their  emphasis  upon  the  value  of 
the  "  inward  light "  threatened  danger  to  the  supremacy  of  the 
Bible  as  a  rule  of  faith  and  practice.  He  certainly  did  not,  like 
so  many  of  the  dissenters  of  that  age,  quarrel  with  others  over 
non-essentials.    In  an  age  when,  as  Butler  says, 

.  .  .  men  fell  out  they  knew  not  why  ; 
When  hard  words,  jealousies  and  fears, 
Set  folks  together  by  the  ears, 

it  is  interesting  to  find  Bunyan  writing,  "I  never  cared  to 
meddle  with  things  that  were  controverted,  and  in  dispute 
among  the  saints,  especially  of  the  lowest  nature  .  .  .  ."  Equally 
refreshing  in  a  time  of  such  theological  rancor  as  that  in  which 
he  lived,  is  his  other  statement,  "  I  would  be  as  I  hope  I  am,  a 
Christian.  But  for  those  factious  titles  of  Anabaptist,  Inde- 
pendent, Presbyterian,  and  the  like,  I  conclude  that  they  come 
neither  from  Jerusalem  nor  from  Antioch,  but  from  Hell  or 
from  Babylon."  Bunyan  was  too  sane  a  man  to  be  carried  off  his 
feet  by  the  trivial  disputes  of  warring  sects.  To  him  the  single 
absorbing  interest  in  life  was  the  salvation  of  men's  souls. 

Style.  Bunyan's  style  is  merely  the  natural  expression  of 
his  character.  It  is  plain  and  simple,  because  Bunyan  himself 
was  a  plain  man,  describing  for  plain  people  a  simple,  though 
profound,  religious  experience.  What  impresses  us  most  about 
this  religious  experience  is  its  objectivity.  For  Bunyan,  to 
think  was  to  see  pictures.  He  never  thought  in  abstract  or  in 
general  terms.  His  thinking  was  all  in  terms  of  the  specific  and 
the  concrete.  As  a  result  of  such  habits  of  thought,  Bunyan 
excels  every  other  English  writer  in  his  ability  to  reveal  mental 
states.  His  power  lies  in  his  skill  in  making  these  mental  states 
visibly  real  to  the  reader.   Take,  for  example,  his  account  of  how 


INTRODUCTION  xi 

he  felt  when  he  considered  the  difference  between  himself  and 
the  Christians  of  his  acquaintance.1 

"  About  this  time,  the  state  and  happiness  of  these  poor  people 
at  Bedford  was  thus,  in  a  kind  of  vision,  presented  to  me.  I 
saw  as  if  they  were  on  the  sunny  side  of  some  high  mountain, 
there  refreshing  themselves  with  the  pleasant  beams  of  the  sun, 
while  I  was  shivering  and  shrinking  in  the  cold,  afflicted  with 
frost,  snow,  and  dark  clouds :  methought  also,  betwixt  me  and 
them,  I  saw  a  wall  that  did  compass  about  this  mountain ;  now 
through  this  wall  my  soul  did  greatly  desire  to  pass  ;  concluding, 
that  if  I  could,  I  would  even  go  into  the  very  midst  of  them, 
and  there  also  comfort  myself  with  the  heat  of  their  sun." 

Rhetorical  Figures.  This  visualizing  power  caused  Bunyan's 
constant  use  of  rhetorical  figures.  With  him  a  figure  was  not 
something  added  as  a  means  of  making  the  style  picturesque, 
it  was  an  essential  element  of  his  thought.  Speaking  of  his 
"  temptations,"  he  says :  "  I  often,  when  these  temptations  had 
been  with  force  upon  me,  did  compare  myself  to  the  case  of 
such  a  child,  whom  some  gypsy  hath  by  force  took  up  in  her 
arms,  and  is  carrying  from  friend  and  country.  Kick  sometimes 
I  did,  and  also  shriek  and  cry ;  but  yet  I  was  bound  in  the 
wings  of  the  temptation,  and  the  wind  would  carry  me  away." 
Such  a  passage  as  this  throws  a  great  deal  of  light  both  upon 
Bunyan's  habits  of  thought  and  upon  his  habitual  expression.  It 
helps  to  explain  how  he  could  write  such  a  book  as  The  Pilgrim 's 
Progress.  Allegory,  the  expanded  metaphor,  is,  without  doubt, 
the  most  artificial  form  of  expression  of  which  either  poetry  or 
prose  is  capable ;  yet  the  use  of  allegory  was  with  Bunyan  not 
artifice  at  all.  He  thought  in  images.  He  could  grasp  truth 
only  when  made  simple  by  concrete  terms.  His  constant  use  of 
figurative  expressions  was,  then,  not  a  matter  of  choice  but  of 
necessity. 

1  Grace  Abounding  to  the  Chief  of  Sinners,  p.  22.  The  passage  is  particularly 
interesting  because  it  seems  to  contain  the  germ  of  The  Pilgrim's  Progress. 


xii  INTRODUCTION 

Ea?-nestness.  To  Bunyan's  passionate  earnestness,  rather  than 
to  confusion  of  thought,  must  be  attributed  his  occasional  mix- 
ing of  figures.  Were  not  the  experience  he  is  describing  so 
tragic  and  so  real,  there  would  be  something  almost  ludicrous 
in  the  expression  in  such  an  instance  as  that  in  which  he  says : 
"  Here  again  my  torrent  would  flame  out  and  afflict  me ;  yea  it 
would  grind  me,  as  it  were  to  powder,  to  consider  the  preserva- 
tion of  God  toward  others,  while  I  fell  into  the  snare."  Yet, 
while  a  flaming,  grinding  torrent  may  be  rhetorically  indefen- 
sible, it  is  artistically,  perhaps,  not  wholly  a  blemish,  for  in  the 
very  confusion  and  incoherency  of  the  expression  we  get  an 
effect  of  earnestness,  as  if  Bunyan  were  too  intent  upon  the 
idea  he  is  trying  to  convey  to  care  much  about  the  form.1  It  is 
Bunyan's  earnestness  which  often  leads  him  to  make  use  of  ex- 
clamation. So  frequent  is  his  use  of  the  exclamatory  sentence 
that,  were  it  not  for  his  evident  earnestness,  he  would  be  open  to 
the  charge  of  rhetorical  declamation.  Nothing  could  be  further 
from  rhetorical  flourishes,  however,  than  these  pious  ejaculations 
scattered  through  Bunyan's  account  of  his  religious  experiences. 
Sometimes  they  sound  in  their  religious  fervor  like  the  responses 
in  the  litany,  as  when,  in  narrating  his  examination  before  Justice 
Keating,  he  interjects  such  expressions  as  "The  Lord  forgive 
them !"  and  a  few  lines  farther  on,  after  quoting  a  particularly 
insulting  remark  of  the  Justice,  "  The  Lord  open  his  eyes  !  " 

Oral  Quality.  Probably  this  inattention  to  form  partly  ac- 
counts for  the  oral  quality  of  Bunyan's  style.  Nowhere,  so  much 
as  in  Bunyan's  writing,  do  we  get  the  effect  of  the  spoken  word. 
This  oral  quality  is  that  of  hurried  and  energetic  speech.  The 
book  gains  immensely  in  its  appeal  when  read  aloud,  and  it  is 
impossible  to  read  some  of  the  passages  aloud  without  reading 

1  The  student  may  in  this  connection  recall  how  effectively  Shakespeare  has 
consciously  employed  a  similar  mixture  of  figures  to  produce  artistically  the 
effect  of  earnestness  and  doubtful  questioning.  The  instance  is  in  Hamlet's 
famous  soliloquy,  where  Shakespeare  makes  Hamlet  speak  of  taking  arms  against 
a  sea  of  troubles.  —  ffqm/et,  III,  i,  58  ff. 


INTRODUCTION  xiil 

them  rapidly.  The  effect  of  breathless  haste,  as  well  as  that  of 
energetic  speech,  is  apparent  even  in  the  Preface,  for  example, 
in  the  passage  beginning:  "  Remember,  I  say,  the  word  that  first 
laid  hold  upon  you :  remember  your  terrors  of  conscience,  and 
fear  of  death  and  hell ;  remember  also  your  tears  and  prayers 
to  God ;  yea,  how  you  sighed  under  every  hedge  for  mercy. 
Have  you  never  an  hill  Mizar  to  remember  ?  Have  you  forgot 
the  close,  the  milk-house,  the  stable,  the  barn,  and  the  like,  where 
God  did  visit  your  souls?  Remember  also  the  word — the  word, 
I  say  upon  which  the  Lord  hath  caused  you  to  hope.  If  you 
have  sinned  against  light ;  if  you  are  tempted  to  blaspheme ; 
if  you  are  down  in  despair ;  if  you  think  God  fights  against 
you ;  or  if  heaven  is  hid  from  your  eyes,  remember  it  was  thus 
with  your  father ;  but  'out  of  them  all  the  Lord  delivered  me.'" 
Emphasis.  One  notices  in  reading  this  passage  the  repeti- 
tions which  are  a  pretty  constant  feature  of  Bunyan's  style  and 
which  contribute  not  a  little  to  the  colloquial  effect  of  it.  They 
appear  not  only,  as  here,  in  the  form  of  repeated  structure,  but 
more  often  in  the  form  of  words  or  phrases  repeated  for  the 
sake  of  emphasis.  Note  the  effect  of  insistent  emphasis  in  the 
following  sentence  :  "  But  oh  !  't  was  hard  for  me  now  to  have 
the  face  to  pray  to  this  Christ  for  mercy,  against  whom  I  had 
thus  vilely  sinned :  't  was  hard  work,  I  say,  to  offer  to  look  him  in 
the  face,  against  whom  I  had  so  vilely  sinned  .  .  .  ."  Emphatic, 
too,  are  the  rhetorical  questions  which  usually  occur  in  groups 
like  those  on  page  53.  These  groups  of  rhetorical  questions  are, 
of  course,  oratorical  in  their  effect.  Indeed,  they  often  sound  like 
echoes  of  some  impassioned  address,  as  perhaps  they  are.  Pos- 
sibly of  the  same  origin,  and  certainly  of  similar  effect,  is  the  fre- 
quent oratorical  cadence  coming  usually  at  the  end  of  a  paragraph. 
Such  a  case  is  found  on  page  &&.  "  But  now  a  word,  a  word  to 
lean  a  weary  soul  upon  that  it  might  not  sink  forever,  it  was  that 
I  hunted  for."  These  mannerisms  make  it  seem  as  if  Bunyan 
must  have  composed  his  sentences  while  thinking  aloud. 


Xiv  .  INTRODUCTION 

Colloquial  Element.  This  oral  quality  in  Bunyan's  style  is  not 
wholly  unique  in  the  literature  of  the  seventeenth  century.  Jeremy 
Taylor's  Holy  Living  and  Holy  Dying  possess  it  to  the  same, 
or  perhaps  to  an  even  greater,  degree.  Bunyan's  style,  however, 
is  not  only  oral,  but,  to  an  extent  that  would  have  horrified  Bishop 
Taylor,  colloquial  as  well.  He  is  said  to  have  used  words  of 
Anglo-Saxon  origin  more  habitually  than  any  writer  since  Chau- 
cer. Though  occasionally  he  employs  a  word  of  Latin  derivation 
as  a  result  of  his  constant  reading  of  Foxe's  Book  of  Martyrs, 
he  usually  couples  it  with  some  homely  English  word  so  that 
the  most  unlettered  reader  is  not  driven  to  the  dictionary.  Thus 
on  page  99,  he  writes :  "To  that,  therefore,  I  did  stick  and 
adhere."  Generally,  however,  his  diction  is  wholly  colloquial,  as 
when  speaking  of  men's  good  opinion  of  him  he  naively  adds, 
"  it  pleased  me  mighty  well."  Colloquial  speech  of  the  seven- 
teenth century  retained  from  Anglo-Saxon  poetry  a  large  alliter- 
ative element.1  It  is  not  surprising,  therefore,  to  find  in  Bunyan's 
style  a  great  deal  of  alliteration.  When  we  read  on  page  12, 
"  Thus  man,  while  blind,  doth  wander,  but  wearieth  himself 
with  vanity,  for  he  knoweth  not  the  way  to  the  city  of  God," 
we  see  both  how  colloquial  and  how  alliterative  Bunyan's  style 
sometimes  became  in  its  resemblance  to  the  style  of  common 
speech. 

Influence  of  the  Bible.  While  Bunyan's  style  is  the  style  of 
common  speech,  it  is  not  uninfluenced  by  literary  models.  To  an 
extent  that  we  now  find  hard  to  realize,  the  everyday  language 
of  the  Puritan  of  the  seventeenth  century  was  the  language  of 
the  Bible.  The  Bible  formed  practically  the  whole  literature  that 
was  accessible  to  ordinary  Englishmen.  Consequently,  the  mass 
of  picturesque  allusion  and  illustration  that  we  consciously  or 

1  Note  how  everyday  speech  still  retains  something  of  this  alliterative  ele- 
ment, especially  in  popular  proverbs  such  as  "  a  bird  in  the  hand  is  worth  two  in 
the  bush"  ;  "  penny  wise  and  pound  foolish"  ;  "  hedges  have  eyes  and  little  pitchers 
have  ears."  All  three  of  these,  by  the  way,  have  come  down  to  us  through 
Bunyan's  writings. 


INTRODUCTION  XV 

unconsciously  borrow  from  Milton,  or  Wordsworth,  or  Tennyson, 
they  were  forced  to  borrow  from  the  Bible.  As  a  result,  the 
English  people  became  the  people  of  a  book,  and  that  book 
the  Bible.  It  exerted,  naturally,  a  remarkable  influence  upon 
the  diction  and  structure  of  ordinary  speech.  We  are  told  that 
when  Cromwell  saw  the  mists  break  over  the  hills  just  before 
the  battle  of  Dunbar,  he  hailed  the  sight  with  the  cry  of  the 
Hebrew  poet,  "  Let  God  arise  and  let  his  enemies  be  scattered. 
Like  as  the  sun  riseth,  so  shalt  thou  drive  them  away."  The 
wide  range  of  Hebrew  literature,  and  particularly  its  richness  in 
emotional  appeal,  fitted  it  to  become  the  medium  of  expression 
for  every  kind  of  elemental  emotion  of  which  the  human  heart 
is  capable.  It  is  no  wonder,  then,  that  the  ideals  of  the  Hebrew 
prophet  became  the  ideals  of  the  Puritan  ;  that  he,  too,  dreamed 
of  a  theocracy,  —  a  kingdom  of  God  on  earth.  Nor  is  it  surpris- 
ing that  the  very  phrases  of  the  Hebrew  poets  should  have  found 
a  place  in  the  everyday  speech  of  the  Puritan.  Now  Bunyan 
was  a  Puritan  of  the  Puritans.  One  cannot  read  ten  pages  of 
his  autobiography  without  realizing  that  Grace  Abounding  to  the 
Chief  of  Sinners  is  a  product  of  Puritanism.  Indeed,  the  Puritan 
spirit  nowhere  else,  not  even  in  the  Puritan  epic  Paradise  Lost, 
finds  such  complete  expression.  Hence  it  is  because  Grace  i 
Abounding  to  the  Chief  of  Sinners  is  a  product  of  the  age,  that  I 
Bunyan's  style  could  be  so  intensely  colloquial  and  at  the  same 
time  so  intensely  biblical  in  its  coloring.  It  was  so  because  to  » 
the  Puritan  the  words  of  Hebrew  prophet,  priest,  and  sage 
were  the  language  of  daily  life. 

Bunyan  knew  the  Bible  as  few  have  known  it.  "  The  Bible," 
he  says,  "was  precious  to  me,"  and  "  I  was  never  out  of  the 
Bible,  either  by  reading  or  meditation."  He  lived  in  the  Bible 
till  its  words  became  his  own.  So  completely  did  it  become  a 
part  of  his  life,  that  one  feels  its  phrases  to  be  the  natural  and 
spontaneous  expression  of  his  thought.  Not  only  does  he  con- 
tinually quote  it,  —  and  this  from  memory,  for  the  quotations 


xvi  INTRODUCTION 

are  often  slightly  inaccurate,  —  but  he  continually  adapts  its  ex- 
pressions to  his  use.  Such  adaptations  of  figurative  Oriental 
phrasing  often  gives  his  style  a  quaint,  exotic  look,  as  when, 
instead  of  saying  that  God  gave  him  a  short  respite  from  temp- 
tation, he  tells  us  "  God  gave  me  leave  to  swallow  down  my 
spittle."  Though  this  sentence  has  been  cited  by  at  least  one 
commentator  upon  Bunyan  as  an  instance  of  his  homely,  racy 
English,  it  is  really  borrowed  from  the  words  of  Job.1  The 
phrase  is  thoroughly  Oriental,  and  is  still  in  use  among  the 
Arabs ;  yet  here  Bunyan  uses  it  so  naturally  as  to  make  it 
sound  entirely  English. 

In  the  history  of  the  development  of  English  prose  style 
Bunyan  holds  an  important  place.  He  represents  a  tendency 
directly  opposed  to  that  exemplified  in  the  work  of  such  men  as 
Browne  and  Taylor,  whose  prose  followed  the  classical  tradition. 
Bunyan,  by  writing  as  men  talked,  established  a  precedent  which 
Defoe  in  the  next  century  was  to  follow,  and  which,  through 
him,  has  had  a  strong  influence  in  shaping  modern  English 
prose  style. 

1  Job  7.  19. 


BIBLIOGRAPHY 


Brown*,  John,  John  Bunyan :  his  Life,  Times,  and  Work.    Third 

edition.    Boston,  1888. 
Froude,  J.  A.,  Bunyan,  in  English  Men  of  Letters  Series.    London, 

1880. 
Macaulay,  T.  B.,  John  Bunyan,  in  Encyclopaedia  Britannica. 
Southev,  R.,  Cromwell  and  Bunyan.    London,  1861. 
Taixe,  H.  A.,  History  of  English  Literature.    New  York,  1874. 
Yexap.les,   E.,    Life   of   John   Bunyan,  in    Great  Writers   Series. 

London,  1 861 .   John  Bunyan,  in  Dictionary  of  National  Biography. 

The  Pilgrim's  Progress,  Grace  Abounding,  and  A  Relation  of  His 

Imprisonment.    Second  edition.    Oxford,  1900. 
Woodberry,  G.  E.,  Studies  in  Letters  and  Life.    Boston,  1891. 


A  CHRONOLOGICAL  LIST   OF   BUNYAN'S  WORKS, 
PUBLISHED   DURING   HIS   LIFETIME 

1656.  Some  Gospel  Truths  opened. 

1656.  A  Vindication  of  "  Some  Gospel  Truths  opened." 

1658.  A  Few  Sighs  from  Hell,  or  the  Groans  of  a  Damned  Soul. 

1659.  The  Doctrine  of  the  Law  and  Grace  unfolded. 

no  date.  Profitable  Meditations  fitted  to  Man's  different  Conditions. 

1663.  I  will  pray  with  the  Spirit  and  with  the  Understanding  also. 

1663.  Christian  Behaviour;  being  the  Fruits  of  True  Christianity. 

PaSS""  The  Four  Last  Things;  Ebaland  Gerizim;  Prison  Meditations. 

1665.  The  Holy  City. 

1665.  The  Resurrection  of  the  Dead  and  Eternal  Judgment. 

1666.  Grace  Abounding  to  the  Chief  of  Sinners. 

1672.    Defence  of  the  Doctrine  of  Justification  by  Faith. 
1672.    Confession  of  Faith. 


xvin  BIBLIOGRAPHY 

1673.  Difference   of  Judgment  about  Water    Baptism  no   Bar  to 

Communion. 

1674.  Peaceable  Principles  and  True. 

No  date.  Reprobation  asserted,  or  Doctrine  of  Eternal  Election  pro- 
miscuously handled. 

1675.  Light  for  them  that  sit  in  Darkness. 

1675.  Instruction  for  the  Ignorant,  or  a  Salve  to  heal  that  great 
want  of  knowledge  which  so  much  reigns  in  Old  and 
Young. 

No  date.  A  Catechism  for  Children. 

1675.  Saved  by  Grace. 

1676.  The  Strait  Gate,  or  the  great  Difficulty  of  going  to  Heaven. 
1678.    The  Pilgrim's  Progress. 

1678.  Come  and  welcome  to  Jesus  Christ. 

1679.  A  Treatise  of  the  Fear  of  God. 

1680.  The  Life  and  Death  of  Mr.  Badman. 
1682.  The  Holy  War. 

1682.  The  Barren  Fig  Tree,  or  the  Doom  and  Downfall  of  the 

Fruitless  Professors. 

1683.  The  Greatness  of  the  Soul. 

1683.  A  Case  of  Conscience  resolved. 

1684.  Seasonable  Counsel  or  Advice  to  Sufferers. 
1684.    A  Holy  Life  the  Beauty  of  Christianity. 

1 864.    A  Caution  to  stir  up  to  Watch  against  Sin. 

1684.  The  Pilgrim's  Progress  —  Second  Part. 

1685.  Questions  about  the  Nature  and  Perpetuity  of  the  Seventh- 

day  Sabbath. 

1685.  The  Pharisee  and  the  Publican. 

1686.  A  Book  for  Boys  and  Girls,  or  Country  Rhymes  for  Children. 
1688.    The  Jerusalem  Sinner  saved,  or  Good  News  for  the  Vilest 

of  Men. 

1688.    The  Work  of  Jesus  Christ  as  an  Advocate. 

1688.  Discourse  of  the  Building,  Nature,  Excellency,  and  Govern- 
ment of  the  House  of  God. 

1688.    The  Water  of  Life. 

1688.  Solomon's  Temple  spiritualized,  or  Gospel-light  fetcht  out  of 
the  Temple  at  Jerusalem. 


BIBLIOGRAPHY  xix 

SUGGESTIVE  QUESTIONS  FOR  THE  STUDY  OF 
"  GRACE  ABOUNDING" 

1.  Bunyan,  like  his  father,  was  by  trade  a  "  tinker."  What  impres- 
sions of  the  social  rank  of  the  "  tinker  "  in  the  seventeenth  century 
do  you  get  from  the  following  references  to  the  plays  of  Shakespeare  ? 
Winter's  Tale,  IV,  iii,  19  and  103;  /  Henry  IV,  II,  iv,  20; 
2  Henry  VI,  III,  ii,  277. 

2.  Discuss  the  statement, !?  No  man  eyer  owed  more  to  his  limi- 
tations than  Bunyan." 

3.  Does  he  seem  to  have  been  chiefly  a  man  of  action  or  a  man 
of  thought  ? 

4.  In  his  mental  life  does  he  seem  to  have  been  under  the  control 
of  his  feelings  or  of  his  will  ?    Give  reasons  for  your  answer. 

5.  What  proof  of  Bunyan's  tolerance  and  dislike  of  controversy 
do  you  find  in  this  book  ? 

6.  Was  Bunyan's  dislike  for  the  Quakers  unwarranted? 

7.  What  was  his  attitude  toward  the  "  Ranters,"  and  who 
were  they? 

8.  What  books  besides  the  Bible  had  Bunyan  read? 

9.  WThat  passages  seem  to  you  best  to  illustrate  Bunyan's  shrewd- 
ness and  good  sense  ?  his  humility  ? 

10.  What  instances  do  you  find  of  Bunyan's  satiric  humor? 

11.  Do  you  think  that  Bunyan  was  a  staunch  loyalist  or  not? 
What  light  is  thrown  on  this  question  by  p.  135,  11.  25-28? 

12.  Illustrate  Bunyan's  colloquial  manner  by  p.  37,  1.  28  ff.  Com- 
pare his  use  of  "  such  "  with  that  in  the  modern  colloquial  phrase, 
n  such  a  one." 

13.  Do  you  find  other  instances  of  such  a  colloquialism  as  that  on 
p.  109,  1.  7? 

14.  In  what  sense  is  "should"'  used  on  p.  $y,  1.  30?  Compare 
the  German  so  lien. 

15.  Explain  the  colloquial  form  "  a-coming,"  p.  no,  1.  7. 


XX  BIBLIOGRAPHY 

16.  In  what  sense  is  "  must  "  used  on  p.  91,  1.  4,  and  p.  92,  1.  10  ? 
Compare  Milton's  Lycidas,  1.  38. 

17.  In  what  sense  is  "  sot  "  used  on  p.  21, 1.  14?  Compare  Shake- 
speare's Cymbeline,\ ',  v,  177.  From  what  language  do  we  get  the 
word  ? 

18.  Point  out  cases  of  alliteration. 

19.  Illustrate  from  the  text  his  use  of  exclamation,  and  of  repeti- 
tion for  emphasis. 

20.  What  passages  seem  best  to  exemplify  Bunyan's  use  of  con- 
crete imagery  to  reveal  different  states  of  mind  ? 

21.  Illustrate  the  effect  upon  Bunyan's  style  of  his  reading  of  the 
Bible.  See  p.  4,  1.  2,  and  compare  Judges  xiv.  12-14.  What  other 
examples  of  this  influence  can  you  find  ? 

22.  What  is  the  prevailing  form  of  the  sentences  —  periodic,  loose, 
balanced  ? 

23.  How  does  the  average  length  of  the  sentences  compare  with 
that  of  modern  journalistic  writing  ? 

24.  The  book  may  conveniently  be  divided  into  four  sections,  as 
follows:  Section  I,  §§  1-36;  Section  II,  §§  37-252;  Section  III, 
§§  253—317  ;  Section  IV,  §§  318-339.  Select  appropriate  headings 
for  these  sections. 

25.  What  should  you  say,  judging  from  this  book,  was  the  Puritan 
attitude  toward  life  present  and  to  come  ? 

26.  What  reason  is  there  for  calling  the  book  an  "  epic  of  the 
inner  life  "  ? 


GRACE    ABOUNDING 


TO  THE 


CHIEF    OF   SINNERS 


OR, 


A   BRIEF  AND   FAITHFUL   RELATION   OF  THE   EXCEEDING 
MERCY  OF   GOD    IN   CHRIST  TO   HIS   POOR  SERVANT, 


JOHN    BUNYAN 


WHEREIN    IS    PARTICULARLY   SHOWED   THE    MANNER   OF   HIS   CONVERSION, 

HIS    SIGHT    AND    TROUBLE    FOR    SIN,    HIS    DREADFUL    TEMPTATIONS, 

ALSO    HOW    HE    DESPAIRED   OF   GOD'S    MERCY,    AND    HOW   THE 

LORD    AT     LENGTH     THROUGH     CHRIST     DID     DELIVER 

HIM   FROM   ALL  THE  GUILT  AND  TERROR  THAT 

LAY   UPON    HIM. 

Whereunto  is  added  a  brief  relation  of  his  call  to  the  work  of  the  ministry, 

of  his  temptations  therein,  as  also  what  he  hath  met  with  in  prison. 

All  which  was  written  by  his  own  hand  there,  and  now 

published  for  the  support  of  the  weak  and 

tempted  people  of  God. 


Come  and  hear,  all  ye  that  fear  God,  and  I  will  declare  what  he 
hath  done  for  my  soul.'' —  Psal.  lxvi.  16. 


London:  Printed  by  George  Larkin,  1666. 
[A  reproduction  of  the  title-page  of  first  edition] 


A     PREFACE, 

OR 
BRIEF  ACCOUNT  OF  THE  PUBLISHING  THIS  WORK, 

Written  by  the  Author  thereof,  and  dedicated  to  those  whom  God  hath  counted 
him  worthy  to  beget  to  Faith,  by  his  Ministry  in  the  Word 

Children,  grace  be  with  yon,  Amen.  I  bei?ig  taken  from  yon 
in  presence,  and  so  tied  up  that  I  cannot  perform  that  duty  that 
from  God  doth  lie  upon  ??ie  to  you-ward,  for  your  further  edify  i?ig 
and  building  up  in  faith  and  holiness,  &>c,  yet  that  you  may  see 
my  soul  hath  fatherly  care  and  desire  after  your  spiritual  and  5 
everlasting  welfare,  I  now  o?ice  again,  as  before  from  the  top  of 
Shenir  and  Hermon,  so  now  from  the  lions'  dens,  and  from  the 
Mountains  of  the  Leopards,1  do  look  yet  after  you  all,  greatly 
longing  to  see  your  safe  arrival  into  THE  desired  haven. 

I  thank  God  upon  every  Remembra?ice  of  you  ;  and  rejoice,  even  10 
while  I  stick  between  the  Teeth  of  the  Lions  i?i  the  Wilderness, 
at  the  Grace,  and  Mercy,  and  Knowledge  of  Christ  our  Saviour, 
which  God  hath  bestowed  upo?i  you,  with  abundance  of  faith 
and  love.  \  'our  Himgerings  and  Thirstings  also  after  further 
Acquaintance  with  the  Father,  in  his  Son;  your  Tender?iess  of  15 
Heart,  your  Trembling  at  Sin,  your  sober  and  holy  Deportment 
also  before  both  God  and  Men,  is  great  Refreshme?it  to  me ;  For 
you  are  my  glory  and  joy.2 

I  have  sent  you  here  enclosed  a  drop  of  that  Honey,  that  I  have 
taken  out  of  the  Carcase  of  a  Lion.s    I  have  eaten  thereof  myself  20 
also,  and  am  much  refreshed  thereby.     Temptations,  when  we 
meet  them  atfrst,  are  as  the  Lion  that  roared  upon  Samson  ;  but 

1  Cant.  4.  8.  2  1  Th.  2.  20.  3  judg.  14.  5-9. 

3 


4  AUTHOR'S   PREFACE 

if  we  overcome  them,  the  next  ti?ne  we  see  them,  we  shall  find  a 
Nest  of  Honey  within  them.  The  Philistines  understand  me  not. 
It  is  something  a  Relatio?i  of  the  Work  of  God  upo?i  my  ow?i 
Soul,  eve?i  from  the  very  first,  till  now  ;  wherein  you  may  per- 
5  ceive  my  Castings  dow?i,  a7id  Risings  up ;  for  he  woimdeth,  and 
his  Hands  make  whole.  It  is  written  i?i  the  Scripture,  The 
father  to  the  Children  shall  make  known  the  Truth  of  God.1 
Yea,  it  was  for  this  Reason  I  lay  so  long  at  Sinai,  to  see  the  Fire, 
and  the  Cloud,  and  the  Darkness?  that  I  might  fear  the  Lord 

io  all  the  days  of  my  Life  upon  Earth,  and  tell  of  his  wondrous 
Works  to  my  Children.3 

Moses  writ4  of  the  foumeyings  of  the  Children  of  Israel,  from 
Egypt  to  the  Land  of  Canaan  ;  a?id  commanded  also,  that  they 
did  remember  their  forty  Years'  Travel  in  the  wilderness}    Thou 

15  shalt  remember  all  the  way  which  the  Lord  thy  God  led  thee 
these  forty  years  in  the  wilderness,  to  humble  thee,  and  to 
prove  thee,  to  know  what  was  in  thy  heart,  whether  thou 
wouldest  keep  his  commandments,  or  no.  Wherefore  this  I 
have  endeavoured  to  do ;  and  not  only  so,  but  to  publish  it  also  ; 

20  that,  if  God  will,  others  may  be  put  i7i  7'eme?nbra?ice  of  what  he^ 
hath  done  for  their  Souls,  by  reading  his  Wo?'k  upon  me. 

It  is  profitable  for  Christians  to  be  often  calling  to  mind  the 
very  Beginnings  of  Grace  with  their  Souls.  It  is  a  night  to 
be  much  observed  unto  the  Lord  for  bringing  them  out  from 

25  the  land  of  Egypt:  this  is  that  night  of  the  Lord  to  be 
observed  of  all  the  children  of  Israel  in  their  generations.6 
My  God,  saith  David,  my  soul  is  cast  down  within  me ; 
therefore  will  I  remember  thee  from  the 'land  of  fordan,  and 
of  the  Hermonites,  from  the  hill  Mizar?    He  re??iembered  also  the 

30  Lion  and  the  Bear,  when  he  went  to  fight  with  the  Giant  of  Gath.8 

//  7c>as  Paul's  accustomed  manner,  and  that  when  tried  for 

his  life,   even   to   open,   before  his  Judges,   the   manner  of  his 

1  Is.  38,  19.  3  ps.  78.  3-5.  5  Deut.  8.  2.  "  Ps.  42.  6. 

2  Deut.  4.  10,  11.    4  Numb.  33.  1,  2.      6  Ex.  12.  42.  8  1  Sam.  17.  36,  37. 


AUTHOR'S   PREFACE  5 

Conversion  :  he  would  think  of  that  Day,  and  that  Hour,  i?i  the 
which  he  first  did  meet  with  Grace ;  for  he  found  it  supported 
him}  When  God  had  brought  the  children  of  Israel  out  of  the 
Red  Sea,  far  into  the  Wilderness,  yet  they  must  turn  quite  about 
thither  again,  to  remember  the  drowning  of  their  Efiemies  there}  5 
For  though  they  sang  his  Praise  before,  yet  they  soon  forgat  his 

Works} 

In  this  Discourse  of  mine  you  may  see  much  ;  much,  I  say,  of 
the  Grace  of  God  towards  me.  I  thank  God  I  can  count  it  much, 
for  it  was  above  my  Sins  and  Satan's  te7nptations  too.  I  can  10 
remember  my  Fears,  and  Doubts,  and  sad  Months  with  Comfort ; 
they  are  as  the  head  of  Goliah  in  my  Hand.  There  was  nothing 
to  David  like  GoliaJCs  Sword,  even  that  Sword  that  should  have 
been  sheathed  in  his  Bowels ;  for  the  very  sight  and  reme?nbra?ice 
of  that  did  preach  forth  God's  Deliverance  to.  him.  Oh,  the  15 
Remembrance  of  my  great  Sins,  of  my  great  Temptations,  a?id  of 
my  great  Fears  of  perishing  for  ever  !  They  bring  afresh  into  my 
mind  the  Re?nembrance  of  my  great  Help,  my  great  Support  from 
Heaven,  and  the  great  grace  that  God  extended  to  such  a  wretch 
as  I.  20 

My  dear  children,  call  to  mind  the  former  days,  and  Years 
of  ancient  Times :  remember  also  your  Songs  in  the  Night ;  and 
commune  with  your  own  Hearts}  Yea,  look  diligently,  and  leave 
no  Corner  therein  u?isearched,  for  there  is  Treasure  hid,  eve?i  the 
Treasure  of  your  first  and  second  Experience  of  the  Grace  of  God  25 
toward  you.  Remember,  I  say,  the  word  that  first  laid  hold 
upon  you ;  remember  your  Terrors  of  Co?iscie?ice,  and  Fear  of 
Death  and  Hell ;  I'emember  also  your  Tears  and  Prayers  to  God ; 
yea,  how  you  sighed  under  every  Hedge  for  Mercy.  Have  you 
never  an  Hill  Mizar  to  re?nember  ?  Have  you  forgot  the  Close,  30 
the  Milk-house,  the  Stable,  the  Barn,  and  the  like,  where  God 
did  visit  your  Souls?  Re?nember  also  the  Word — the  Word,  I 
say,  upon  which  the  lord  hath  caused  you  to  Hope.  If  you  have 
1  Acts  22.   Acts  24.       2  Numb.  14.  25.       3  Ps.  106.    11-13.       4  Ps.  77.  5-12. 


6  AUTHOR'S   PREFACE 

sinned  against  Light;  if  you  are  tempted  to  Blaspheme ;  if  you 
are  down  in  Despair ;  if  you  think  God  fights  against  you  ;  or 
if  Heaven  is  hid  from  your  Eyes,  remember  it  was  thus  with 
your  Father ;  but  out  of  them  all  the  Lord  delivered  me. 
5  I  could  have  enlarged  much  in  this  my  Discourse,  of  my 
Temptations  and  T?vubles  for  Sin  ;  as  also  of  the  merciful  Kind- 
ness a?id  Working  of  God  with  my  Soul.  I  could  also  have 
stepped  into  a  Style  much  higher  than  this  in  which  I  have  here 
Discoursed,  a?id  could  have  adorned  all  things  more  than  here 

10  I  have  seemed  to  do ;  but  I  dare  not.  God  did  not  play  in  co?i- 
vincing  of  me  ;  the  Devil  did  not  play  in  te?7ipting  of '  ?ne ;  neither 
did  I  play  when  I  sunk  as  into  a  bottomless  pit,  when  the  pangs 
of  hell  caught  hold  upon  me :  whei-efore  I  may  not  play  in  my 
relating  of  them,  but  be  plain  and  simple,  and  lay  down  the  thing 

15  as  it  was.  He  that  liketh  it,  let  him  receive  it;  and  he  that  does 
not,  let  him  produce  a  better.    Farewell. 

My  dear  children,  the  Milk  and  Honey  is  beyond  this  Wilder- 
ness. God  be  merciful  to  you,  and  grant  you  be  not  slothful  to 
go  in  to  possess  the  land. 

JO.    BUNYAN 


GRACE  ABOUNDING 

TO   THE 

CHIEF  OF  SINNERS: 


A  BRIEF  RELATION  OF  THE   EXCEEDING  MERCY  OF  GOD  IN 
CHRIST  TO  HIS  POOR  SERVANT,  JOHN   BUNYAN 

i .  In  this  my  Relation  of  the  merciful  Working  of  God  upon 
my  Soul,  it  will  not  be  amiss,  if,  in  the  first  place,  I  do,  in  a  few 
Words,  give  you  a  Hint  of  my  Pedigree,  and  manner  of  bring- 
ing up  ;  that  thereby  the  Goodness  and  Bounty  of  God  towards 
me  maybe  the  more  advanced  and  magnified  before  the  Sons  5 
of  Men. 

2.  For  my  Descent,  then,  it  was,  as  is  well  known  by  many, 
of  a  low  and  inconsiderable  Generation ;  my  Father's  House 
being  of  that  Rank  that  is  meanest  and  most  despised  of  all 
the  Families  in  the  Land.  Wherefore  I  have  not  here,  as  others,  10 
to  boast  of  noble  Blood  or  of  a  high-born  State  according  to  the 
Flesh ;  though,  all  things  considered,  I  magnify  the  heavenly 
Majesty,  for  that  by  this  door  he  brought  me  into  this  world,  to 
partake  of  the  Grace  and  Life  that  is  in  Christ  by  the  Gospel. 

3.  But  yet,  notwithstanding  the  meanness  and  inconsiderable-  15 
ness  of  my  Parents,  it  pleased  God  to  put  it  into  their  Hearts 

to  put  me  to  School,  to  learn  both  to  read  and  write ;  the  which 
I  also  attained,  according  to  the  Rate  of  other  poor  Men's  Chil- 
dren ;  though  to  my  shame  I  confess  I  did  soon  lose  that  little 
I  learnt,  even  almost  utterly,  and  that  long  before  the  Lord  did  20 
work  his  gracious  Work  of  Conversion  upon  my  Soul. 

4.  As  for  my  own  natural  life,  for  the  time  that  I  was  with- 
out God  in  the  world,  it  was  indeed  according  to  the  Course  of 

7 


8  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

this  World,  and  the  Spirit  that  now  worketh  in  -the  Childreji  of 
disobedie?ice}  It  was  my  delight  to  be  taken  captive  by  the 
Devil  at  his  will,2  being  filled  with  all  Unrighteousness:  the 
which  did  also  so  strongly  work  and  put  forth  itself,  both  in 
5  my  Heart  and  Life,  and  that  from  a  Child,  that  I  had  but  few 
Equals  (especially  considering  my  years,  which  were  tender, 
being  few,)  both  for  cursing,  swearing,  lying,  and  blaspheming 
the  holy  Name  of  God. 

5.  Yea,  so  settled  and  rooted  was  I  in  these  things,  that 
10  they  became  as  a  second  Nature  to  me.    The  which,  as  I  also 

have  with  soberness  considered  since,  did  so  offend  the  Lord, 
that  even  in  my  Childhood  he  did  scare  and  affright  me  with 
fearful  Dreams,  and  did  terrify  me  with  dreadful  Visions.  For 
often  after  I  had  spent  this  and  the  other  day  in  sin  I  have  in 
15  my  Bed  been  greatly  afflicted,  while  asleep,  with  the  apprehen- 
sions of  Devils  and  wicked  Spirits,  who  still,  as  I  then  thought, 
laboured  to  draw  me  away  with  them,  of  which  I  could  never 
be  rid. 

6.  Also  I  should,  at  these  years,  be  greatly  afflicted  and 
20  troubled  with  the  thoughts  of  the  Day  of  Judgment,  and  that 

both  night  and  day,  and  should  tremble  at  the  thoughts  of  the 
fearful  Torments  of  Hell  fire ;  still  fearing  that  it  would  be  my 
Lot  to  be  found  at  last  among  those  Devils  and  hellish  Fiends, 
who  are  there  bound  down  with  the  Chains  and  Bonds  of  Dark- 
2 5  ness,  unto  the  judgment  of  the  great  day. 

7.  These  things,  I  say,  when  I  was  but  a  Child,  but  nine  or  ten 
years  old,  did  so  distress  my  Soul,  that  then  in  the  midst  of  my 
many  Sports  and  Childish  Vanities,  amidst  my  vain  Companions, 
I  was  often  much  cast  down  and  afflicted  in  my  Mind  therewith, 

30  yet  could  I  not  let  go  my  Sins.  Yea,  I  was  also  then  so  over- 
come with  despair  of  life  and  heaven,  that  I  should  often  wish 
either  that  there  had  been  no  Hell,  or  that  I  had  been  a  Devil 
—  supposing  they  were  only  Tormentors ;  that  if  it  must  needs 

1  Eph.  2.  2,  3.  2  2  Tim.  2.  26. 


TO  THE   CHIEF  OF  SINNERS  9 

be  that  I  went  thither,  I  might  be  rather  a  Tormentor,  than  be 
tormented  myself. 

8.  A  while  after  these  terrible  dreams  did  leave  me,  which 
also  I  soon  forgot ;  for  my  pleasures  did  quickly  cut  off  the 
remembrance  of  them,  as  if  they  had  never  been.  Wherefore,  5 
with  more  greediness,  according  to  the  strength  of  nature,  I  did 
still  let  loose  the  Reins  to  my  lust,  and  delighted  in  all  Trans- 
gression against  the  Law  of  God :  so  that,  until  I  came  to  the 
State  of  Marriage,  I  was  the  very  Ringleader  of  all  the  Youth 
that  kept  me  company,  in  all  manner  of  vice  and  ungodliness.     10 

9.  Yea,  such  prevalency  had  the  Lusts  and  Fruits  of  the 
Flesh  in  this  poor  Soul  of  mine,  that,  had  not  a  Miracle  of 
precious  Grace  prevented,  I  had  not  only  perished  by  the 
Stroke  of  eternal  Justice,  but  had  also  laid  myself  open  even 

to  the  Stroke  of  those  Laws,  which  bring  some  to  Disgrace  15 
and  open  Shame  before  the  Face  of  the  World. 

10.  In  these  days,  the  thoughts  of  Religion  were  very  griev- 
ous to  me.  I  could  neither  endure  it  myself,  nor  that  any  other 
should.  So  that  when  I  have  seen  some  read  in  those  Books 
that  concerned  Christian  Piety  it  would  be  as  it  were  a  prison  20 
to  me.  Then  I  said  unto  God,  Depart  from  me,  for  I  desire  not 
the  knowledge  of  thy  ways}  I  was  now  void  of  all  good  Consid- 
eration ;  Heaven  and  Hell  were  both  out  of  sight  and  mind ; 
and  as  for  Saving  and  Damning,  they  were  least  in  my  thoughts. 

O  Lord,  thou  knowest  my  life,  and  my  ways  were  ?iot  hid  from  thee.  25 

1 1 .  Yet  this  I  well  remember,  that  though  I  could  myself  sin 
with  the  greatest  Delight  and  Ease,  and  also  take  pleasure  in 
the  Vileness  of  my  Companions ;  yet,  even  then,  if  I  have  at 
any  time  seen  wicked  things  by  those  who  professed  goodness, 

it  would  make  my  Spirit  tremble.    As  once,  above  all  the  rest,  3° 
when  I  was  in  my  heighth  of  Vanity,  yet  hearing  one  to  sweai 
that  was  reckoned  for  a  religious  Man,  it  had  so  great  a  stroke 
upon  my  Spirit,  that  it  made  my  heart  to  ake. 

1  Job  21. 14. 


IO  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

12.  But  God  did  not  utterly  leave  me,  but  followed  me  still, 
not  now  with  Convictions,  but  Judgments ;  yet  such  as  were 
mixed  with  Mercy.  For  once  I  fell  into  a  Creek  of  the  Sea, 
and  hardly  escaped  drowning.    Another  time  I  fell  out  of  a  boat 

5  into  Bedford  river,  but  Mercy  yet  preserved  me  alive.  Besides, 
another  time,  being  in  the  Field  with  one  of  my  Companions,  it 
chanced  that  an  Adder  passed  over  the  Highway ;  so  I,  hav- 
ing a  stick  in  my  Hand,  struck  her  over  the  Back,  and  having 
stunned  her,  I  forced  open  her  Mouth  with  my  Stick,  and 
io  plucked  her  Sting  out  with  my  Fingers ;  by  which  act,  had  not 
God  been  merciful  unto  me,  I  might,  by  my  desperateness, 
have  brought  myself  to  mine  End. 

13.  This  also  have  I  taken  notice  of  with  thanksgiving.  When  I 
was  a  Soldier,  I,  with  others,  were  drawn  out  to  go  to  such  a  place 

15  to  besiege  it ;  but  when  I  was  just  ready  to  go,  one  of  the  Com- 
pany desired  to  go  in  my  Room  ;  to  which  when  I  had  consented, 
he  took  my  Place  ;  and  coming  to  the  Siege,  as  he  stood  Sentinel, 
he  was  shot  into  the  head  with  a  Musket  bullet,  and  died. 

1 4.  Here,  as  I  said,  were  Judgments  and  Mercy,  but  neither 
20  of  them  did  awaken  my  Soul  to  Righteousness ;  wherefore  I 

sinned  still,  and  grew  more  and  more  Rebellious  against  God, 
and  careless  of  mine  own  Salvation. 

15.  Presently  after  this,  I  changed  my  Condition  into  a  mar- 
ried State,  and  my  Mercy  was  to  light  upon  a  Wife  whose  Father 

25  was  counted  godly.  This  Woman  and  I,  though  we  came  to- 
gether as  poor  as  poor  might  be  (not  having  so  much  household 
stuff  as  a  Dish  or  Spoon  betwixt  us  both,)  yet  this  she  had  for 
her  part,  The  Plain  Man's  Pathway  to  Heaven,  and  The  Practice 
of  Piety,  which  her  Father  had  left  her  when  he  died.    In  these 

30  two  Books  I  should  sometimes  read  with  her,  wherein  I  also 
found  some  things  that  were  somewhat  pleasing  to  me  ;  (but  all 
this  while  I  met  with  no  Conviction.)  She  also  would  be  often 
telling  of  me,  what  a  godly  Man  her  Father  was,  and  how  he 
would  reprove  and  correct  Vice,  both  in  his  House,  and  amoiigst 


TO  THE  CHIEF  OF  SINNERS  -     II 

his  Neighbours ;  what  a  strict  and  holy  life  he  lived  in  his  Days 
both  in  Word  and  Deed. 

1 6.  Wherefore  these  Books  with  this  relation,  though  they 
did  not  reach  my  Heart  to  awaken  it  about  my  sad  and  sinful 
State,  yet  they  did  beget  within  me  some  desires  to  Religion :    5 
so  that,  because  I  knew  no  better,  I  fell  in  very  eagerly  with 
the  Religion  of  the  times ;  to  wit,  to  go  to  Church  twice  a  day, 
and  that  too  with  the  foremost ;  and  there  should  very  devoutly 
both  say  and  sing  as  others  did,  yet  retaining  my  wicked  Life. 
But  withal,  I  was  so  overrun  with  the  spirit  of  superstition,  that  10 
I  adored,  and  that  with  great  devotion,  even  all  things  (both  the 
High  place,  Priest,  Clerk,  Vestment,  Service,  and  what  else) 
belonging  to  the  Church;  counting  all  things  holy  that  were 
therein  contained,   and  especially  the   Priest  and   Clerk  most 
happy,  and  without  doubt,  greatly  blessed,  because  they  were  15 
the  Servants,  as  I  then  thought,  of  God,  and  were  Principal  in 
the  holy  Temple,  to  do  his  Work  therein. 

17.  This   Conceit  grew   so  strong   in   little   time   upon   my 
Spirit,  that  had  I  but  seen  a  priest  (though  never  so  sordid  and 
debauched  in  his  Life)  I  should  find  my  Spirit  fall  under  him,  20 
reverence  him  and  knit  unto  him.    Yea,  I  thought  for  the  Love 

I  did  bear  unto  them  (supposing  they  were  the  Ministers  of 
God,)  I  could  have  lain  down  at  their  feet,  and  have  been 
trampled  upon  by  them;  their  Name,  their  Garb,  and  Work, 
did  so  intoxicate  and  bewitch  me.  25 

18.  After  I  had  been  thus  for  some  considerable  time,  another 
Thought  came  into  my  mind  ;  and  that  was,  whether  we  were 
of  the  Israelites,  or  no  ?  For  finding  in  the  Scriptures  that 
they  were  once  the  peculiar  People  of  God,  thought  I,  if  I  were 
once  of  this  Race,  my  Soul  must  needs  be  happy.  Now  again,  30 
I  found  within  me  a  great  longing  to  be  resolved  about  this 
Question,  but  could  not  tell  how  I  should.  At  last  I  asked  my 
Father  of  it ;  who  told  me  —  No,  we  were  not.    Wherefore  then 

I  fell  in  my  Spirit  as  to  the  hopes  of  that  and  so  remained. 


12  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

19.  But  all  this  while,  I  was  not  sensible  of  the  danger  and 
evil  of  sin.  I  was  kept  from  considering  that  sin  would  damn 
me,  what  Religion  soever  I  followed,  unless  I  was  found  in 
Christ.    Nay,  I  never  thought  of  him,  nor  whether  there  was 

5  one,  or  no.    Thus  man,  while  blind,  doth  wander,  but  wearieth 
himself  zvith  vanity,  for  he  knoweth  not  the  way  to  the  city  of  God} 

20.  But  one  day,  amongst  all  the  Sermons  our  Parson  made, 
his  Subject  was,  to  treat  of  the  Sabbath-day,  and  of  the  Evil  of 
breaking  that,  either  with  Labour,  Sports,  or  otherwise.    Now  I 

10  was,  notwithstanding  my  Religion,  one  that  took  much  delight 
in  all  manner  of  Vice,  and  especially  that  was  the  day  that  I  did 
solace  myself  therewith.  Wherefore  I  fell  in  my  Conscience 
under  his  Sermon,  thinking  and  believing  that  he  made  that 
Sermon  on  purpose  to  show  me  my  evil  doing.    And  at  that 

15  time  I  felt  what  guilt  was,  though  never  before,  that  I  can 
remember.  But  then  I  was,  for  the  present,  greatly  loaden 
therewith,  and  so  went  home  when  the  Sermon  was  ended,  with 
a  great  burden  upon  my  Spirit. 

21.  This,  for  that  instant,  did  benumb  the  Sinews  of  my 
20  best  Delights,  and  did  imbitter  my  former  Pleasures  to  me. 

But  behold,  it  lasted  not,  for  before  I  had  well  dined,  the 
Trouble  began  to  go  off  my  Mind,  and  my  Heart  returned  to 
its  old  Course.  But  oh  !  how  glad  was  I,  that  this  Trouble  was 
gone  from  me,  and  that  the  Fire  was  put  out,  that  I  might  sin 
25  again  without  control !  Wherefore,  when  I  had  satisfied  Nature 
with  my  Food,  I  shook  the  Sermon  out  of  my  Mind,  and  to  my 
old  Custom  of  Sports  and  Gaming  I  returned  with  great  Delight. 

22.  But  the  same  day,  as  I  was  in  the  midst  of  a  game  at 
Cat,  and  having  struck  it  one  blow  from  the  Hole,  just  as  I 

30  was  about  to  strike  it  the  second  time,  a  Voice  did  suddenly 
dart  from  Heaven  into  my  Soul,  which  said,  Wilt  thou  leave 
thy  sins  and  go  to  Heave?i,  or  have  thy  sins  and  go  to  Hell?  At 
this  I  was  put  to  an  exceeding  Maze.    Wherefore,  leaving  my 

1  Eccl.  10.  15. 


TO  THE  CHIEF  OF   SINNERS  1 3 

Cat  upon  the  ground,  I  looked  up  to  Heaven,  and  was  as  if  I 
had,  with  the  Eves  of  my  understanding,  seen  the  Lord  Jesus 
looking  down  upon  me,  as  being  very  hotly  displeased  with  me, 
and  as  if  he  did  severely  threaten  me  with  some  grievous  Pun- 
ishment for  these  and  other  my  ungodly  Practices.  5 

23.  I  had  no  sooner  thus  conceived  in  my  Mind,  but  sud-    . 
denly  this  conclusion  was  fastened  on  my  Spirit,  (for  the  former 
hint  did  set  my  sins  again  before  my  Face,)  that  I  had  been  a 
great  and  grievous  sinner,  and  that  it  was  now  too  late  for  me  to 
look  after  Heaven  ;  for  Christ  would  not  forgive  me,  nor  pardon  10 
my  transgressions.    Then  I  fell  to  musing  upon  this  also.    And 
while  I  was  thinking  on  it  and  fearing  lest  it  should  be  so,  I 
felt  my  Heart  sink  in  despair,  concluding  it  was  too  late ;  and 
therefore  I  resolved  in  my  Mind  I  would  go  on  in  sin.    For, 
thought  I,  if  the  case  be  thus,  my  State  is  surely  miserable.  15 
Miserable  if  I  leave  my  sins,  and  but  miserable  if  I  follow 
them.    I  can  but  be  damned,  and  if  I  must  be  so,  I  had  as  good 
be  damned  for  many  sins  as  be  damned  for  few. 

24.  Thus  I  stood  in  the  midst  of  my  Play,  before  all  that 
then  were  present ;  but  yet  I  told  them  nothing.  But  I  say,  I  20 
having  made  this  conclusion,  I  returned  desperately  to  my 
sport  again ;  and  I  well  remember,  that  presently  this  kind  of 
Despair  did  so  possess  my  Soul,  that  I  was  persuaded,  I  could 
never  attain  to  other  Comfort  than  what  I  should  get  in  sin ; 
for  Heaven  was  gone  already,  so  that  on  that  I  must  not  25 
think.  Wherefore  I  found  within  me  a  great  desire  to  take  my 
fill  of  sin,  still  studying  what  sin  was  yet  to  be  committed,  that 

I  might  taste  the  sweetness  of  it.  And  I  made  as  much  haste 
as  I  could  to  fill  my  Belly  with  its  Delfcates,  lest  I  should  die 
before  I  had  my  Desire ;  for  that  I  feared  greatly.  In  these  30 
things,  /  protest  before  God,  I  lie  not,  neither  do  I  feign  this 
sort  of  Speech.  These  were  really,  strongly,  and  with  all  my 
heart,  my  .desires.  The  good  Lord,  whose  mercy  is  unsearchable, 
forgive  me  my  transgressions. 


14  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

25.  And  I  am  very  confident,  that  this  Temptation  of  the 
Devil  is  more  usual  amongst  poor  Creatures  than  many  are 
aware  of,  even  to  overrun  their  Spirits  with  a  scurfy  and  seared 
frame  of  Heart,  and  benumbing  of  Conscience ;  which  Frame, 

5  he  stilly  and  slily  supplieth  with  such  despair,  that  though  not 
much  guilt  attendeth  Souls,  yet  they  continually  have  a  secret 
conclusion  within  them,  that  there  is  no  hopes  for  them ;  for 
they  have  loved  sins,  therefore  after  them  they  will  go.1 

26.  Now  therefore  I  went  on  in  sin  with  great  greediness  of 
10  Mind,  still  grudging  that  I  could  not  be  so  satisfied  with  it  as 

I  would.  This  did  continue  with  me  about  a  Month,  or  more. 
But  one  day,  as  I  was  standing  at  a  Neighbour's  Shop-window, 
and  there  cursing  and  swearing,  and  playing  the  Madman,  after 
my  wonted  manner,  there  sat  within  the  Woman  of  the  House 

1 5  and  heard  me ;  who,  though  she  was  a  very  loose  and  ungodly 
Wretch,  yet  protested  that  I  swore  and  cursed  at  that  most 
fearful  Rate,  that  she  was  made  to  tremble  to  hear  me ;  and 
told  me  further,  That  I  was  the  ungodliest  fellow  for  swearing 
that  ever  she  heard  in  all  her  Life ;  and  that  I,  by  thus  doing, 

20  was  able  to  spoil  all  the  Youth  in  a  whole  Town,  if  they  came 
but  in  my  Company. 

27.  At  this  reproof  I  was  silenced,  and  put  to  secret  shame, 
and  that  too,  as  I  thought,  before  the  God  of  Heaven.  Where- 
fore, while  I  stood  there,  and  hanging  down  my  Head,  I  wished 

25  with  all  my  Heart  that  I  might  be  a  little  child  again,  that  my 
Father  might  learn  me  to  speak  without  this  wicked  way  of 
swearing ;  for,  thought  I,  I  am  so  accustomed  to  it,  that  it  is 
in  vain  for  me  to  think  of  a  reformation ;  for  I  thought  it  could 
never  be. 

30  28.  But,  how  it  came  to  pass  I  know  not,  I  did  from  this 
time  forward  so  leave  my  swearing,  that  it  was  a  great  wonder 
to  myself  to  observe  it.  And  whereas  before  I  knew  not  how 
to  speak  unless  I  put  an  Oath  before,  and  another  behind,  to 

1  Jer.  2.  25  ;   18.  12. 


TO  THE   CHIEF  OF  SINNERS  I  5 

make  my  words  have  authority  ;  now,  I  could,  without  it,  speak 
better  and  with  more  pleasantness,  than  ever  I  could  before. 
All  this  while  I  knew  not  Jesus  Christ,  neither  did  I  leave  my 
Sports  and  Plays. 

29.  But  quickly  after  this,  I  fell  in  company  with  one  poor  5 
man  that  made  profession  of  Religion ;  who,  as  I  then  thought, 
did  talk  pleasantly  of  the  Scriptures,  and  of  the  matters  of  Reli- 
gion. Wherefore,  falling  into  some  love  and  liking  to  what  he 
said,  I  betook  me  to  my  Bible,  and  began  to  take  great  pleas- 
ure in  reading ;  but  especially  with  the  historical  part  thereof.  10 
For,  as  for  PauVs  epistles,  and  suchlike  Scriptures,  I  could  not 
away  with  them,  being  as  yet  but  ignorant,  either  of  the  Cor- 
ruptions of  my  Nature,  or  of  the  want  and  worth  of  Jesus 
Christ  to  save  me. 

30.  Wherefore  I  fell  to  some  outward  Reformation,  both  in  15 
my  words  and  life,  and  did  set  the  Commandments  before  me  for 
my  way  to  Heave?i ;  which  Commandments  I  also  did  strive  to 
keep,  and,  as  I  thought,  did  keep  them  pretty  well  sometimes, 
and  then  I  should  have  comfort ;  yet  now  and  then  should 
break  one,  and  so  afflict  my  Conscience;  but  then  I  should  20 
repent,  and  say  I  was  sorry  for  it,  and  promise  God  to  do 
better  next  time,  and  there  get  help  again,  for  then  I  thought 

I  pleased  God  as  well  as  any  man  in  England. 

3 1 .  Thus  I  continued  about  a  year ;  all  which  time  our 
Neighbours  did  take  me  to  be  a  very  godly  Man,  a  new  and  25 
religious  man,  and  did  marvel  much  to  see  such  a  great  and 
famous  alteration  in  my  Life  and  Manners.  And,  indeed,  so  it 
was,  though  yet  I  knew  not  Christ,  nor  Grace,  nor  Faith,  nor 
Hope.  And,  truly,  as  I  have  well  seen  since,  had  I  then  died, 
my  state  had  been  most  fearful.  Well,  this,  I  say,  continued  30 
about  a  twelvemonth  or  more. 

32.  But,  I  say,  my  Neighbours  were  amazed  at  this  my 
great  Conversion  from  prodigious  Profaneness  to  something 
like  a  moral  Life.    And,  truly,  so  they  well  might ;  for  this  my 


16  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

Conversion  was  as  great,  as  for  Tom  of  Bethlem  to  become  a 
sober  Man.  Now,  therefore,  they  began  to  praise,  to  commend, 
and  to  speak  well  of  me,  both  to  my  face,  and  behind  my  back. 
Now,  I  was,  as  they  said,  become  godly ;  now,  I  was  become  a 
5  right  honest  man.  But,  oh  !  when  I  understood  that  these  were 
their  words  and  opinions  of  me,  it  pleased  me  mighty  well.  For 
though,  as  yet,  I  was  nothing  but  a  poor  painted  Hypocrite, 
yet  I  loved  to  be  talked  of  as  one  that  was  truly  godly.  I  was 
proud  of  my  Godliness,  and,  indeed,  I  did  all  I  did,  either  to  be 

io  seen  of,  or  to  be  well  spoken  of,  by  Man.  And  thus  I  contin- 
ued for  about  a  Twelve  Month  or  more. 

33-  Now,  you  must  know,  that  before  this  I  had  taken  much 
delight  in  Ringing,  but  my  Conscience  beginning  to  be  tender, 
I  thought  such  practice  was  but  vain,  and  therefore  forced  my- 

15  self  to  leave  it,  yet  my  mind  hankered.  Wherefore  I  should  go 
to  the  Steeple  house,  and  look  on  it,  though  I  durst  not  ring. 
But  I  thought  this  did  not  become  Religion  neither,  yet  I  forced 
myself,  and  would  look  on  still.  But  quickly  after,  I  began  to 
think,  How,  if  one  of  the  Bells  should  fall  ?    Then  I  chose  to 

20  stand  under  a  main  Beam,  that  lay  overthwart  the  Steeple, 
from  side  to  side,  thinking  there  I  might  stand  sure.  But  then 
I  should  think  again,  Should  the  Bell  fall  with  a  swing,  it  might 
first  hit  the  wall,  and  then  rebounding  upon  me,  might  kill  me 
for  all  this  Beam.    This  made  me  stand  in  the  Steeple  door ; 

25  and  now,  thought  I,  I  am  safe  enough ;  for,  if  a  Bell  should 
then  fall  I  can  slip  out  behind  these  thick  Walls,  and  so  be  pre- 
served notwithstanding. 

34.  So  after  this,  I  would  yet  go  to  see  them  ring,  but  would 
not  go  further  than  the  Steeple-door ;  but  then  it  came  into  my 

30  Head,  How,  if  the  Steeple  itself  should  fall  ?  And  this  thought, 
It  may  fall  for  ought  I  know,  when  I  stood  and  looked  on  did 
continually  so  shake  my  mind  that  I  durst  not  stand  at  the 
Steeple-door  any  longer,  but  was  forced  to  flee,  for  fear  the 
Steeple  should  fall  upon  my  head. 


TO  THE  CHIEF  OF  SINNERS  17 

35.  Another  thing  was  my  Dancing.  I  was  a  full  year  be- 
fore I  could  quite  leave  that.  But  all  this  while,  when  I  thought 
I  kept  this  or  that  Commandment,  or  did,  by  word  or  deed, 
anything  that  I  thought  was  good,  I  had  great  Peace  in  my 
Conscience;  and  should  think  with  myself,  God  cannot  choose  5 
but  be  now  pleased  with  me  ;  yea,  to  relate  it  in  mine  own  way, 

I  thought  no  man  in  England  could  please  God  better  than  I. 

36.  p]ut  poor  Wretch  as  I  was,  I  was  all  this  while  ignorant 
of  Jesus  Christ,  and  going  about  to  establish  my  own  Righteous- 
ness;  and  had  perished  therein,  had  not  God,  in  mercy,  showed  10 
me  more  of  my  State  by  nature. 

37.  But  upon  a  day  the  good  providence  of  God  did  cast 
me   to   Bedford,  to  work  on  my  Calling ;   and  in  one  of  the 
Streets  of  that  Town,  I  came  where  there  were  three  or  four 
poor  Women  sitting  at  a  door  in  the  Sun,  and  talking  about  the  1 5 
things  of  God ;  and  being  now  willing  to  hear  them  discourse 

I  drew  near  to  hear  what  they  said,  for  I  was  now  a  brisk 
Talker  also  myself  in  the  matters  of  Religion.    But  I  may  say, 
I  heard,  but  I  understood  not ;  for  they  were  far  above,  out  of 
my  reach.    Their  talk  was  about  a  new  Birth,  the  work  of  God  20 
on  their  hearts,  also  how  they  were  convinced  of  their  miserable 
state  by  nature.    They  talked  how  God  had  visited  their  souls 
with  his  love  in  the  Lord  Jesus,  and  with  what  words  and  prom- 
ises they  had  been  refreshed,  comforted,  and  supported  against 
the  temptations  of  the  Devil.    Moreover  they  reasoned  of  the  25 
Suggestions  and  Temptations  of  Satan  in  particular ;  and  told 
to  each  other  by  which  they  had  been  afflicted,  and  how  they 
were  borne  up   under  his  assaults.    They  also  discoursed  of 
their  own  wretchedness  of  heart,  of  their  Unbelief;   and  did 
contemn,  slight,  and  abhor  their  own  Righteousness,  as  filthy  30 
and  insufficient  to  do  them  any  good. 

38.  And  methought  they  spake  as  if  Joy  did  make  them 
speak ;  they  spake  with  such  pleasantness  of  Scripture  Lan- 
guage, and  with  such  appearance  of  grace  in  all  they  said,  that 


18  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

they  were  to  me,  as  if  they  had  found  a  new  World,  as  if  they 
were  people  that  dwelt  alone,  a?id  were  not  to  be  recko?ied  amongst 
their  Neighbours} 

39.  At  this  I  felt  my  own  Heart  began  to  shake,  and  mis- 
5  trust  my    Condition  to  be  naught ;   for  I  saw  that  in  all  my 

thoughts  about  Religion  and  Salvation,  the  new  Birth  did  never 
enter  into  my  Mind,  neither  knew  I  the  Comfort  of  the  Word 
and  Promise,  nor  the  Deceitfulness  and  Treachery  of  my  own 
wicked  Heart.  As  for  secret  Thoughts,  I  took  no  notice  of 
10  them  ;  neither  did  I  understand  what  Satan's  Temptations  were, 
nor  how  they  were  to  be  withstood  and  resisted,  &c. 

40.  Thus;  therefore,  when  I  had  heard  and  considered  what 
they  said,  I  left  them,  and  went  about  my  employment  again, 
but  their  Talk  and  Discourse  went  with  me ;    also  my  heart 

15  would  tarry  with  them,  for  I  was  greatly  affected  with  their 
words,  both  because  by  them  I  was  convinced  that  I  wanted 
the  true  Tokens  of  a  truly  godly  Man,  and  also  because  by 
them  I  was  convinced  of  the  happy  and  blessed  Condition  of 
him  that  was  such  an  one. 

20  41.  Therefore  I  should  often  make  it  my  business  to  be 
going  again  and  again  into  the  Company  of  these  poor  People ; 
for_  I  could  not  stay  away.  And  the  more  I  went  amongst 
them,  the  more  I  did  question  my  Condition ;  and  as  I  still  do 
remember,  presently  I  found  two  things  within  me  at  which  I 

25  did  sometimes  marvel  (especially  considering  what  a  blind,  igno- 
rant, sordid,  and  ungodly  Wretch  but  just  before  I  was) ;  the 
one  was  a  very  great  softness  and  tenderness  of  Heart,  which 
caused  me  to  fall  under  the  Conviction  of  what  by  Scripture 
they  asserted ;  and  the  other  was  a  great  Bending  in  my  Mind 

30  to  a  continual  meditating  on  them,  and  on  all  other  good  things 
which  at  any  time  I  heard  or  read  of. 

42.  By  these  things  my  Mind  was  now  so  turned  that  it  lay 
like  a  Horse-leech  at  the  Vein,  still  crying  out,  Give,  give 2;    yea, 

1  Numb.  23.  2  Prov.  30.  15. 


TO  THE  CHIEF  OF  SINNERS  19 

it  was  so  fixed  on  Eternity,  and  on  the  things  about  the  King- 
dom of  Heaven  (that  is,  so  far  as  I  knew,  though  as  yet,  God 
knows,  I  knew  but  little)  ;  that  neither  Pleasures,  nor  Profits, 
nor  Persuasions,  nor  Threats,  could  loosen  it,  or  make  it  let  go 
his  Hold.  And  though  I. may  speak  it  with  shame,  yet  it  is  in  5 
very  deed  a  certain  Truth,  it  would  then  have  been  as  difficult 
for  me  to  have  taken  my  mind  from  Heaven  to  Earth,  as  I 
have  found  it  often  since  to  get  it  again  from  Earth  to  Heaven. 

43.  One  thing  I  may  not  omit.    There  was  a  young  man  in 
our  town,  to  whom  my  Heart  was  knit  more  than  to  any  other,  10 
but  he  being  a  most  wicked  Creature  for  cursing  and  swearing 
and  whoring,  I  now  shook  him  off  and  forsook  his  Company ; 
but  about  a  quarter  of  a  year  after  I  had  left  him,  I  met  him 

in  a  certain  lane,  and  asked  him  how  he  did ;  he,  after  his  old 
swearing  and  mad  way,  answered,  He  was  well.  But,  Harry,  15 
said  I,  Why  do  you  swear  and  curse  thus  ?  What  will  become 
of  you,  if  you  die  in  this  conditio?i  ?  He  answered  me  in  a  great 
chafe,  What  would  the  Devil  do  for  Company,  if  it  were  not  for 
such  as  I  am? 

44.  About  this  time  I  met  with  some  Ranters'  Books,  that  20 
were  put  forth  by  some  of  our   Countrymen,  which  Books  were 
also  highly  in  esteem  by  several  old  Professors ;  some  of  these 

I  read,  but  was  not  able  to  make  a  Judgment  about  them. 
Wherefore  as  I  read  in  them,  and  thought  upon  them  (feeling 
myself  unable  to  judge),  I  should  betake  myself  to  hearty  25 
prayer  in  this  manner :  O  Lord,  I  am  a  fool,  and  not  able  to 
know  the  Truth  from  Error.  Lo?-d,  leave  me  not  to  my  own 
Blindness,  either  to  approve  of,  or  condemn  this  Doctrine.  If  it 
be  of  God,  let  7ne  not  despise  it ;  if  it  be  of  the  Devil,  let  me  not 
embrace  it.  Lord,  I  lay  my  Soul,  in  this  matter,  only  at  thy  foot ;  30 
let  me  not  be  deceived,  I  humbly  beseech  thee.  I  had  one  religious 
intimate  Companion  all  this  while,  and  that  was  the  poor  Man 
that  I  spoke  of  before.  But  about  this  time  he  also  turned  a 
most  devilish  Ranter,  and  gave  himself  up  to  all  manner  of 


20  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

filthiness,  especially  Uncleanness.  He  would  also  deny  that 
there  was  a  God,  Angel,  or  Spirit ;  and  would  laugh  at  all  ex- 
hortations to  sobriety.  When  I  laboured  to  rebuke  his  wicked- 
ness, he  would  laugh  the  more,  and  pretend  that  he  had  gone 
5  through  all  Religions,  and  could  never  light  on  the  right  till 
now.  He  told  me  also,  that  in  a  little  time  I  should  see  all 
Professors  turn  to  the  ways  of  the  Ranters.  Wherefore,  abom- 
inating those  cursed  Principles,  I  left  his  Company  forthwith, 
and  became  to  him  as  great  a  Stranger,  as  I  had  been  before 
10  a  Familiar. 

45.  Neither  was  this  man  only  a  temptation  to  me ;  but  my 
Calling  lying  in  the  country,  I  happened  to  light  into  several 
People's  Company,  who,  though  strict  in  Religion  formerly,  yet 
were  also  swept  away  by  these  Ranters.    These  would  also  talk 

1 5  with  me  of  their  Ways,  and  condemn  me  as  legal  and  dark ; 
pretending  that  they  only  had  attained  to  perfection  that  could 
do  what  they  would,  and  not  sin.  Oh !  These  Temptatiofis 
were  suitable  to  my  Flesh,  I  being  but  a  young  Man,  and  my 
Nature  in  its  prime.    But  God,  who  had,  as  I  hope,  designed 

20  me  for  better  things,  kept  me  in  the  fear  of  his  name,  and  did 
not  suffer  me  to  accept  of  such  cursed  Principles.  And  blessed 
be  God,  who  put  it  into  my  heart  to  cry  to  him  to  be  kept  and 
directed,  still  distrusting  mine  own  wisdom ;  for  I  have  since 
seen  even  the  effect  of  that  Prayer,  in  his  preserving  me  not 

25  only  from  Ranting  errors,  but  from  those  also  that  have  sprung 
up  since.    The  Bible  was  precious  to  me  in  those  days. 

46.  And  now,  methought,  I  began  to  look  into  the  Bible 
with  new  eyes,  and  read  as  I  never  did  before ;  and  especially 
the  Epistles  of  the  Apostle  St.  Paul  were  sweet  and  pleasant 

30  to  me ;  and,  indeed,  I  was  then  never  out  of  the  Bible,  either 
by  reading  or  meditation ;  still  crying  out  to  God,  that  I  might 
know  the  truth,  and  way  to  Heaven  and  Glory. 

47.  And  as  I  went  on  and  read,  I  lighted  on  that  passage, 
KTo  one  is  given  by  the  Spirit  the  word  of  wisdom ;  to  another 


TO  THE   CHIEF  OF  SINNERS  21 

the  word  of  knowledge  by  the  same  Spirit ;  and  to  another  faith? 
&>c}  And  though,  as  I  have  since  seen,  that  by  this  Scripture 
the  Holy  Ghost  intends,  in  special,  things  extraordinary,  yet  on 
me  it  did  then  fasten  with  conviction,  that  I  did  want  things 
ordinary,  even  that  understanding  and  wisdom  that  other  Chris-  5 
tians  had.  On  this  word  I  mused,  and  could  not  tell  what  to 
do,  especially  this  word  Faith  put  me  to  it,  for  I  could  not 
help  it,  but  sometimes  must  question,  whether  I  had  any  Faith 
or  no.  For  I  feared  that  it  shut  me  out  of  all  the  blessings  that 
other  good  people  had  given  them  of  God.  But  I  was  loth  to  10 
conclude  I  had  no  Faith ;  for  if  I  do  so,  thought  I,  then  I  shall 
count  myself  a  very  Cast-away  indeed. 

48.  No,  said  I  with  myself,  though  I  am  convinced  that  I 
am  an  ignorant  Sot,  and  that  I  want  those  blessed  Gifts  of 
Knowledge  and  Understanding  that  other  good  People  have;  15 
yet,  at  a  venture,  I  will  conclude  I  am  not  altogether  faithless, 
though  I  know  not  what  Faith  is.  For  it  was  shewed  me,  and 
that  too  (as  I  have  seen  since),  by  Satan,  that  those  who  con- 
clude themselves  in  a  faithless  State,  have  neither  rest  nor  quiet 

in  their  Souls  ;  and  I  was  loth  to  fall  quite  into  despair.  20 

49.  Wherefore,  by  this  suggestion,  I  was  for  a  while  made 
afraid  to  see  my  want  of  Faith.  But  God  would  not  suffer  me 
thus  to  undo  and  destroy  my  Soul,  but  did  continually,  against 
this  my  blind  and  sad  Conclusion,  create  still  within  me  such 
suppositions,  insomuch  that  I  could  not  rest  content,  until  I  25 
did  now  come  to  some  certain  Knowledge,  whether  I  had  Faith 
or  no  ;  this  always  running  in  my  mind,  But  how  if  you  want 
faith  indeed 7  But  how  can  you  tell  you  have  Faith  ?  And, 
besides,  I  saw  for  certain,  if  I  had  it  not,  I  was  sure  to  perish 
for  ever.  30 

50.  So  that  though  I  endeavoured  at  the  first  to  look  over 
the  business  of  Faith,  yet  in  a  little  time,  I  better  considering 
the  matter,  was  willing  to  put  myself  upon  the  trial,  whether 

1  i  Cor.  12.8,  9. 


22  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

I  had  Faith  or  no.  But,  alas,  poor  wretch,  so  ignorant  and 
brutish  was  I,  that  I  knew  to  this  day  no  more  how  to  do  it, 
than  I  know  how  to  begin  and  accomplish  that  rare  and  curious 
piece  of  Art,  which  I  never  yet  saw  nor  considered. 
5  51.  Wherefore,  while  I  was  thus  considering,  and  being  put 
to  my  plunge  about  it  (for  you  must  know,  that  as  yet  I  had  in 
this  matter  broken  my  Mind  to  no  Man,  only  did  hear  and  con- 
sider), the  Tempter  came  in  with  his  delusion,  That  there  was 
710  way  for  me  to  know  I  had  faith,  but  by  trying  to  work  some 

10  Miracle ;  urging  those  Scriptures  that  seem  to  look  that  way, 
for  the  enforcing  and  strengthening  his  Temptation.  Nay,  one 
day  as  I  was  betwixt  Elstow  and  Bedford,  the  temptation  was 
hot  upon  me,  to  try  if  I  had  Faith,  by  doing  of  some  Miracle : 
which  Miracle  at  that  time  was  this,  I  must  say  to  the  Puddles 

15  that  were  in  the  horse-pads,  Be  dry ;  and  to  the  dry  places,  Be 
you  the  Puddles.  And  truly,  one  time  I  was  going  to  say  so 
indeed  ;  but  just  as  I  was  about  to  speak,  this  thought  came  into 
my  mind,  But  go  under  yonder  Hedge  and pray  first \  that  God 
would  7nake  you  able.    But  when  I  had  concluded  to  pray,  this 

20  came  hot  upon  me,  That  if  I  prayed,  and  came  again  and  tried 
to  do  it,  and  yet  did  nothing  notwithstanding,  then  be  sure  I  had 
no  Faith,  but  was  a  Cast-away  and  lost.  Nay,  thought  I,  if  it 
be  so,  I  will  never  try  yet,  but  will  stay  a  little  longer. 

52.   So  I  continued  at  a  great  loss;  for  I  thought,  if  they 

25  only  had  Faith,  which  could  do  so  wonderful  things,  then  I  con- 
cluded, that,  for  the  present,  I  neither  had  it,  nor  yet,  for  time 
to  come,  were  ever  like  to  have  it.  Thus  I  was  tossed  betwixt 
the  Devil  and  my  own  Ignorance,  and  so  perplexed,  especially 
at  some  times,  that  I  could  not  tell  what  to  do. 

30  53.  About  this  time,  the  state  and  happiness  of  these  poor 
people  at  Bedford  was  thus,  in  a  Dream  or  Vision,  presented  to 
me.  I  saw,  as  if  they  were  set  on  the  Sunny  side  of  some  high 
Mountain,  there  refreshing  themselves  with  the  pleasant  beams 
of  the  Sun,  while  I  was  shivering  and  shrinking  in  the  Cold, 


TO  THE  CHIEF  OF  SINNERS  23 

afflicted  with  Frost,  Snow,  and  dark  Clouds.  Methought,  also, 
betwixt  me  and  them,  I  saw  a  wall  that  did  compass  about  this 
mountain ;  now,  through  this  wall  my  soul  did  greatly  desire  to 
pass  ;  concluding,  that  if  I  could,  I  would  go  even  into  the  very 
midst  of  them,  and  there  also  comfort  myself  with  the  heat  of  5 
their  Sun. 

54.  About  this  wall  I  thought  myself  to  go  again  and  again, 
still  prying  as  I  went,  to  see  if  I  could  find  some  way  or  passage, 
by  which  I  might  enter  therein  ;  but  none  could  I  find  for  some 
time.  At  the  last,  I  saw,  as  it  were,  a  narrow  gap,  like  a  little  10 
doorway  in  the  Wall,  through  which  I  attempted  to  pass ;  Now 
the  passage  being  very  strait  and  narrow,  I  made  many  efforts 

to  get  in,  but  all  in  Vain,  even  until  I  was  well  nigh  quite  beat 
out,  by  striving  to  get  in.  At  last,  with  great  striving,  methought 
I  at  first  did  get  in  my  head,  and  after  that,  by  a  sidling  striving,  15 
my  Shoulders  and  my  whole  Body.  Then  was  I  exceeding  glad, 
and  went  and  sat  down  in  the  midst  of  them,  and  so  was  com- 
forted with  the  light  and  heat  of  their  Sun. 

55.  Now,  this  Mountain  and  Wall,  &c,  was  thus  made  out 

to  me  —  the  Mountain  signified  the  Church  of  the  living  God  ;  20 
the  Sun  that  shone  thereon,  the  comfortable  shining  of  his  merci- 
ful Face  on  them  that  were  therein ;  the  Wall,  I  thought,  was 
the  Word,  that  did  make  separation  between  the  Christians  and 
the  World  ;  and  the  Gap  which  was  in  this  Wall,  I  thought,  was 
Jesus  Christ,  who  is  the  way  to  God  the  Father1.    But  foras-  25 
much  as  the  Passage  was  wonderful  narrow,2  even  so  narrow, 
that  I  could  not,  but  with  great  difficulty,  enter  in  thereat,  it 
showed  me  that  none  could  enter  into  Life,  but  those  that  were 
in  downright  earnest,  and  unless  also  they  left  this  wicked  World 
behind  them ;  for  here  was  only  room  for  Body  and  Soul,  but  30 
not  for  Body  and  Soul,  and  Sin. 

56.  This  resemblance  abode  upon  my  Spirit  many  days ;  all 
which  time,  I  saw  myself  in  a  forlorn  and  sad  Condition,  but  yet 

1  John  14.  6.  2  Matt.  7.  14. 


24  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

was  provoked  to  a  vehement  hunger  and  desire  to  be  one  of  that 
number  that  did  sit  in  the  Sunshine.  Now  also  I  should  pray 
wherever  I  was,  whether  at  home  or  abroad,  in  house  or  field, 
and  should  also  often,  with  lifting  up  of  heart,  sing  that  of  the 
5  5 1  st  psalm,  O  Lord,  consider  my  distress ;  for  as  yet  I  knew  not 
where  I  was. 

57.  Neither  as  yet  could  I  attain  to  any  comfortable  persuasion 
that  I  had  Faith  in  Christ ;  but  instead  of  having  satisfaction,  here 
I  began  to  find  my  Soul  to  be  assaulted  with  fresh  doubts  about 

10  my  future  happiness ;  especially  with  such  as  these,  Whether  I 
was  elected  ?  But  how,  if  the  Day  of  Grace  should  now  be  past 
and  gone  ? 

58.  By  these  two  Temptations  I  was  very  much  afflicted  and 
disquieted ;  sometimes  by  one,  and  sometimes  by  the  other  of 

1 5  them.  And  first,  to  speak  of  that  about  my  questioning  my  Elec- 
tion, I  found  at  this  time  that  though  I  was  in  a  flame  to  find 
the  way  to  Heaven  and  Glory,  and  though  nothing  could  beat 
me  off  from  this,  yet  this  Question  did  so  offend  and  discourage 
me,  that  I  was,  especially  at  some  times,  as  if  the  very  strength 

20  of  my  body  also  had  been  taken  away  by  the  force  and  power 
thereof.  This  scripture  did  also  seem  to  me  to  trample  upon  all 
my  desires,  It  is  neither  in  him  that  willeth,  nor  in  him  that  ru?i- 
neth,  but  in  God  that  sheweth  mercy} 

59.  With  this  Scripture  I  could  not  tell  what  to  do  ;  for  I  evi- 
25  dently  saw  that  unless  the  great  God,  of  his  infinite  Grace  and 

Bounty,  had  voluntarily  chosen  me  to  be  a  Vessel  of  Mercy, 
though  I  should  desire  and  long  and  labour  until  my  heart  did 
break,  no  good  could  come  of  it.  Therefore,  this  would  still  stick 
with  me,  How  can  you  tell  you  are  Elected?  And  what  if  you 
30  should  not  ?   How  then  1 

60.  O  Lord,  thought  I,  what  if  I  should  not,  indeed  ?  It  may 
be  you  arc  not,  said  the  Tempter.  It  may  be  so,  indeed,  thought 
I.    Why,  then,  said  Satan,  you  had  as  good  leave  off,  and  strive 

1  Rom.  9.  16. 


TO  THE  CHIEF  OF  SINNERS  25 

no  further ;  for  if,  indeed,  you  should  not  be  elected  and  chosen 
of  God,  there  is  no  talk  of  your  being  saved ;  For  it  is  neither 
in  him  that  willeth,  nor  in  him  that  runneth,  but  in  God  that 
sheweth  mercy. 

61.  By  these  things  I  was  driven  to  my  Wits'  end,  not  know-    5 
ing  what  to  say,  or  how  to  answer  these  temptations.    (Indeed, 

I  little  thought  that  Satan  had  thus  assaulted  me,  but  that  rather 
it  was  my  own  Prudence,  thus  to  start  the  Question ;)  for,  that 
the  Elect  only  attained  Eternal  Life,  that  I,  without  scruple,  did 
heartily  close  withal ;  but  that  myself  was  one  of  them,  there  lay  10 
all  the  Question. 

62.  Thus,  therefore,  for  several  days,  I  was  greatly  assaulted 
and  perplexed,  and  was  often,  when  I  have  been  walking,  ready 
to  sink  where  I  went,  with  faintness  in  my  Mind.  But  one  day, 
after  I  had  been  so  many  Weeks  oppressed  and  cast  down  15 
therewith,  as  I  was  now  quite  giving  up  the  Ghost  of  all  my 
hopes  of  ever  attaining  Life,  that  Sentence  fell  with  weight  upon 
my  Spirit.  Look  at  the  generations  of  Old  and  see  ;  did  ever  any 
trust  in  God,  and  were  confounded? 

63.  At  which  I  was  greatly  lightened  and  encouraged  in  my  20 
Soul ;  for  thus,  at  that  very  instant,  it  was  expounded  to  me,  Begin 

at  the  beginning  of  Genesis,  and  read  to  the  end  of  the  Revelations, 
and  see  if  you  can  find  that  there  was  ever  any  that  trusted  in  the 
Lord,  and  was  confounded.  So,  coming  home  I  presently  went 
to  my  Bible  to  see  if  I  could  find  that  saying,  not  doubting  but  to  25 
find  it  presently  ;  for  it  was  so  fresh,  and  with  such  strength  and 
comfort  on  my  Spirit,  that  I  was  as  if  it  talked  with  me. 

64.  Well,  I  looked,  but  I  found  it  not ;  only  it  abode  upon 
me.  Then  I  did  ask  first  this  good  Man,  and  then  another,  if 
they  knew  where  it  was,  but  they  knew  no  such  place.  At  this  30 
I  wondered  that  such  a  sentence  should  so  suddenly,  and  with 
such  comfort  and  strength,  seize  and  abide  upon  my  heart,  and 
yet  that  none  could  find  it.  For  I  doubted  not  but  it  was  in 
holy  Scripture. 


26  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

65.  Thus  I  continued  above  a  year,  and  could  not  find  the 
place ;  but  at  last,  casting  my  eye  into  the  Apocrypha  books,  I 
found  it  in  Ecclesiasticus.1  This,  at  the  first,  did  somewhat  daunt 
me  ;  but  because,  by  this  time,  I  had  got  more  experience  of  the 

5  love  and  kindness  of  God,  it  troubled  me  the  less ;  especially 
when  I  considered  that  though  it  was  not  in  those  Texts  that  we 
call  Holy  and  Canonical,  yet  forasmuch  as  this  sentence  was  the 
sum  and  substance  of  many  of  the  Promises,  it  was  my  duty  to 
take  the  comfort  of  it.  And  I  bless  God  for  that  word,  for  it 
10  was  of  God  to  me.  That  word  doth  still,  at  times,  shine  before 
my  face. 

66.  After  this,  that  other  doubt  did  come  with  strength  upon 
me,  But  how  if  the  day  of  Grace  should  be  past  and  gone  ?  How 
if  you  have  overstood  the  time  of  Mercy  ?   Now,  I  remember  that 

1 5  one  day,  as  I  was  walking  into  the  Country,  I  was  much  in  the 
thoughts  of  this,  But  how  if  the  day  of  Grace  be  past  ?  And  to 
aggravate  my  trouble,  the  Tempter  presented  to  my  mind  those 
good  people  of  Bedford,  and  suggested  thus  unto  me,  That  these 
being  converted  already,  they  were  all  that  God  would  save  in 

20  those  parts ;  and  that  I  came  too  late  for  these  had  got  the 
Blessing  before  I  came. 

67.  Now  was  I  in  great  distress,  thinking  in  very  deed  that 
this  might  well  be  so.  Wherefore  I  went  up  and  down  bemoan- 
ing my  sad  condition,  counting  myself  far  worse  than  a  thousand 

25  fools,  for  standing  off  thus  long,  and  spending  so  many  years  in 
sin  as  I  have  done ;  still  crying  out,  Oh,  that  I  had  turned 
sooner ;  Oh,  that  I  had  turned  seven  years  ago !  It  made  me 
also  angry  with  myself,  to  think  that  I  should  have  no  more 
Wit,  but  to  trifle  away  my  time  till  my  Soul  and  Heaven  were 

30  lost. 

68.  But  when  I  had  been  long  vexed  with  this  fear,  and  was 
scarce  able  to  take  one  step  more,  just  about  the  same  place 
where  I  received  my  other  encouragement,  these  words  broke  in 

1  Ecclus.  2.  10. 


TO  THE  CHIEF  OF  SINNERS  27 

upon  my  mind,  Compel  them  to  eome  in,  that  my  House  may  be 
filled ;  and  yet  there  is  room}  These  words,  but  especially  them, 
And  yet  there  is  room,  were  sweet  words  to  me ;  for,  truly,  I 
thought  that  by  them  I  saw  there  was  place  enough  in  Heaven 
for  me  ;  and,  moreover,  that  when  the  Lord  Jesus  did  speak  these  5 
words,  he  then  did  think  of  me ;  and  that  he  knowing  that  the 
time  would  come  that  I  should  be  afflicted  with  fear  that  there 
was  no  place  left  for  me  in  his  Bosom,  did  before  speak  this 
word,  and  leave  it  upon  record,  that  I  might  find  help  thereby 
against  this  vile  Temptation.    This,  I  then  verily  believed.  10 

69.  In  the  light  and  encouragement  of  this  Word,  I  went  a 
pretty  while ;  and  the  comfort  was  the  more,  when  I  thought 
that  the  Lord  Jesus  should  think  on  me  so  long  ago,  and  that  he 
should  speak  them  words  on  purpose  for  my  sake.  For  I  did 
then  think  verily  that  he  did  on  purpose  speak  them  to  encourage  1 5 
me  withal. 

70.  But  I  was  not  without  my  Temptations  to  go  back  again. 
Temptations,  I  say,  both  from  Satan,  mine  own  heart,  and  car- 
nal acquaintance.  But  I  thank  God  these  were  out-weighed  by 
that  sound  sense  of  Death  and  of  the  Day  of  Judgment,  which  20 
abode,  as  it  were,  continually  in  my  view.  I  should  often  also 
think  on  Nebuchadnezzar,  of  whom  it  is  said,  He  had  given  him 
all  the  Kingdoms  of  the  Earth}  Yet,  thought  I,  if  this  great 
man  had  all  his  portion  in  this  world,  one  Hour  in  Hell-fire 
would  make  him  forget  all.  Which  Consideration  was  a  great  25 
help  to  me. 

71.  I  was  almost  made,  about  this  time,  to  see  something 
concerning  the  beasts  that  Moses  counted  clean  and  unclean.  I 
thought  those  Beasts  were  Types  of  Men  ;  the  clean,  types  of 
them  that  were  the  people  of  God ;  but  the  unclean,  types  of  30 
such  as  were  the  Children  of  the  wicked  One.  Now,  I  read  that 
the  clean  beasts  Chewed  the  cud ;  that  is,  thought  I,  they  show 
us  we  must  feed  upon  the  Word  of  God.    They  also  parted  the 

1  Luke  14.  22,  23.  2  Dan.  5.  18,  19. 


28  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

hoof;  I  thought  that  signified  we  must  part,  if  we  would  be 
saved,  with  the  ways  of  ungodly  men.  And  also,  in  further  read- 
ing about  them  I  found,  that  though  we  did  chew  the  cud  as  the 
Hare,  yet  if  we  walked  with  Claws  like  a  Bog,  or  if  we  did  part 

5  the  Hoof  like  the  Swine,  yet  if  we  did  not  chew  the  cud  as  the 
Sheep,  we  were  still,  for  all  that,  but  unclean  ; x  for  I  thought  the 
Hare  to  be  a  type  of  those  that  talk  of  the  Word,  yet  walk  in 
the  ways  of  sin ;  and  that  the  Swine  was  like  him  that  parteth 
with  his  Outward  pollutions,  but  still  wanteth  the  Word  of  Faith, 

io  without  which  there  could  be  no  way  of  salvation,  let  a  Man  be 
never  so  devout.  After  this  I  found,  by  reading  the  Word,  that 
those  that  must  be  glorified  with  Christ  in  another  World  must 
be  called  by  him  here ;  called  to  the  partaking  of  a  share  in  his 
Word  and  Righteousness,  and  to  the  comforts  and  first-Fruits  of 

1 5  his  Spirit,  and  to  a  peculiar  interest  in  all  those  heavenly  things 
which  do  indeed  fore-fit  the  Soul  for  that  Rest  and  House  of 
Glory  which  is  in  Heaven  above. 

72.  Here,  again,  I  was  at  a  very  great  stand,  not  knowing 
what  to  do,  fearing  I  was  not  called ;  for,  thought  I,  if  I  be  not 

20  called,  what  then  can  do  me  good  ?  None  but  those  who  are  effec- 
tually called,  inherit  the  kingdo?n  of  heaven.  But  oh  !  how  I  now 
loved  those  words  that  spake  of  a  Christian's  calling !  as  when 
the  Lord  said  to  one,  Follow  me ;  and  to  another,  Come  after  me. 
And  oh  !   thought  I,  that  he  would  say  so  to  me  too,  how  gladly 

25  would  I  run  after  him  ! 

73.  I  cannot  now  express  with  what  longings  and  breakings 
in  my  Soul  I  cried  to  Christ  to  call  me.  Thus  I  continued  for  a 
time,  all  on  a  flame  to  be  converted  to  Jesus  Christ ;  and  did 
also  see  all  that  day,  such  glory  in  a  Converted  state,  that  I 

30  could  not  be  contented  without  a  share  therein.  Gold !  could 
it  have  been  gotten  for  Gold,  what  could  I  have  given  for  it !  had 
I  had  a  whole  World  it  had  all  gone  ten  thousand  times  over 
for  this,  that  my  Soul  might  have  been  in  a  converted  state. 

1  Deut.  14.  6,  8. 


TO  THE  CHIEF  OF  SINNERS 


29 


74.  How  lovely  now  was  every  one  in  my  Eyes  that  I  thought 
to  be  converted  Men  and  Women  !  they  shone,  they  walked 
like  people  that  carried  the  Broad  Seal  of  Heaven  about  them. 
Oh !  I  saw  the  Lot  was  fallen  to  them  in  pleasant  places,  and 
they  had  a  goodly  Heritage.1  But  that  which  made  me  sick  5 
was  that  of  Christ,  in  Mark,  He  went  up  into  a  mountain  and 
called  to  him  whom  he  would,  and  they  ca?ne  unto  him'} 

75.  This  Scripture  made  me  faint  and  fear,  yet  it  kindled  fire 
in  my  Soul.  That  which  made  me  fear  was  this,  lest  Christ  should 
have  no  liking  to  me,  for  he  called  whom  he  would.  But  oh  !  the  10 
glory  that  I  saw  in  that  Condition  did  still  so  engage  my  heart 
that  I  could  seldom  read  of  any  that  Christ  did  .call  but  I  pres- 
ently wished,  Would  I  had  been  in  their  clothes ;  would  I  had  been 
born  Peter  ;  would  I  had  been  born  John  ;  or  would  I  had  been 

by  and  had  heard  him   when   he  called  them,  how   would  1 15 
have  cried,  O  Lord,  call  me  also.    But  oh  !  I  feared  he  would  not 
call  me. 

76.  And  truly  the  Lord  let  me  go  thus  many  Months  together 
and  showed  me  nothing ;  either  that  I  was  already,  or  should  be 
called  hereafter.  But  at  last,  after  much  time  spent,  and  many  20 
Groans  to  God,  that  I  might  be  made  partaker  of  the  Holy  and 
Heavenly  calling,  that  Word  came  in  upon  me  —  /  will  cleanse 
their  Blood  that  I  have  not  cleansed,  for  the  Lord  dwell eth  in  Zion} 
These  words  I  thought  were  sent  to  encourage  me  to  wait  still 
upon  God,  and  signified  unto  me,  that  if  I  were  not  already,  yet  25 
time  might  come  I  might  be  in  truth  converted  unto  Christ. 

77.  About  this  time  I  began  to  break  my  mind  to  those  poor 
people  in  Bedford,  and  to  tell  them  my  Condition  ;  which,  when 
they  had  heard,  they  told  Mr.  Gi ford  of  me,  who  himself  also  took 
occasion  to  talk  with  me,  and  was  willing  to  be  well  persuaded.  30 
of  me,  though  I  think  but  from  little  grounds.    But  he  invited  me 

to  his  House,  where  I  should  hear  him  confer  with  others,  about 
the  dealings  of  God  with  their  Souls,  from  all  which  I  still  received 

1  Ps.  16.  6.  2  Mark  3.  I3.  3  joel  3.  2I, 


30  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

more  Conviction,  and  from  that  time  began  to  see  something 
of  the  Vanity  and  inward  Wretchedness  of  my  wicked  Heart, 
for  as  yet  I  knew  no  great  matter  therein ;  but  now  it  began  to 
be  discovered  unto  me,  and  also  to  work  at  that  rate  for  wicked- 
5  ness  as  it  never  did  before.  Now  I  evidently  found  that  Lusts 
and  Corruptions  would  strongly  put  forth  themselves  within  me, 
in  wicked  thoughts  and  desires,  which  I  did  not  regard  before ; 
my  Desires  also  for  Heaven  and  Life  began  to  fail.  I  found 
also,  that  whereas  before  my  Soul  was  full  of  longing  after 

10  God,  now  my  heart  began  to  hanker  after  every  foolish  vanity ; 
yea,  my  heart  would  not  be  moved  to  mind  that  that  was 
good ;  it  began  to  be  careless,  both  of  my  Soul  and  Heaven ; 
it  would  now  continually  hang  back,  both  to,  and  in  every  duty  ; 
and  was  as  a  Clog  on  the  Leg  of  a  Bird  to  hinder  her  from 

15  flying. 

78.  Nay,  thought  I,  now  I  grow  worse  and  worse ;  now  am 
I  farther  from  Conversion  than  ever  Iwas  before.  Wherefore 
I  began  to  sink  greatly  in  my  Soul,  and  began  to  entertain  such 
discouragement  in  my  Heart  as  laid  me  low  as  Hell.    If  now  I 

20  should  have  burned  at  the  Stake,  I  could  not  believe  that  Christ 
had  love  for  me ;  alas,  I  could  neither  hear  him,  nor  see  him, 
nor  feel  him,  nor  savour  any  of  his  things.  I  was  driven  as  with 
a  Tempest :  my  Heart  would  be  unclean  :  the  Canaanites  would 
dwell  in  the  land. 

25  79.  Sometimes  I  would  tell  my  Condition  to  the  People  of 
God,  which,  when  they  heard,  they  would  pity  me,  and  would 
tell  me  of  the  Promises.  But  they  had  as  good  have  told  me 
that  I  must  reach  the  Sun  with  my  finger  as  have  bidden  me 
receive  or  rely  upon  the  Promise  ;  and  as  soon  as  I  should  have 

30  .done  it,  all  my  Sense  and  Feeling  was  against  me ;  and  I  saw 
I  had  a  Heart  that  would  sin,  and  that  lay  under  a  Law  that 
would  condemn. 

80.  These  things  have  often  made  me  think  of  the  Child 
which  the  Father  brought  to  Christ,  who,  while  he  was  yet  a 


TO  THE  CHIEF  OF  SINNERS  3 1 

coming  to  him,  was  thrown  down  by  the  Devil}  and  also  so  re?it 
and  torn  by  him  that  he  lay  and  wallowed,  foaming} 

81.  Further,  in  these  days  I  should  find  my  heart  to  shut 
itself  up  against  the  Lord,  and  against  his  holy  Word.  I  have 
found  my  Unbelief  to  set,  as  it  were,  the  shoulder  to  the  door  5 
to  keep  him  out,  and  that  too  even  then,  when  I  have  with 
many  a  bitter  sigh  cried,  Good  Lord,  break  it  open  ;  Lord,  break 
these  Gates  of  Brass,  and  cut  these  bars  of  Lron  asunder}  Yet 
that  word  would  sometimes  create  in  my  heart  a  peaceable 
pause,  L girded  thee,  though  thou  hast  not  known  me}  10 

82.  But  all  this  while  as  to  the  act  of  sinning,  I  never  was 
more  tender  than  now.  I  durst  not  take  a  pin  or  a  stick,  though 
but  so  big  as  a  straw,  for  my  conscience  now  was  sore,  and 
would  smart  at  every  touch ;  I  could  not  now  tell  how  to  speak 
my  words,  for  fear  I  should  misplace  them.  Oh,  how  gingerly  15 
did  I  then  go  in  all  I  did  or  said !  I  found  myself  as  on  a  miry 
Bog  that  shook  if  I  did  but  stir ;  and  was  as  there  left  both  of 
God  and  Christ,  and  the  Spirit,  and  all  good  things. 

83.  But,  I  observe,  though  I  was  such  a  great  sinner  before 
conversion,  yet  God  never  much  charged  the  guilt  of  the  sins  20 
of  my  ignorance  upon  me ;  only  he  showed  me  I  was  lost  if9 

I  had  not  Christ,  because  I  had  been  a  Sinner.    I  saw  that  I 
wanted  a  perfect  Righteousness  to  present  me  without  fault. 
before  God ;  and  this  Righteousness  was  nowhere  to  be  found,  \ 
but  Jn_the  Person  ofy[esus  Christ.  2Y 

84.  But  my  original  and  inward  pollution,  that,  that  was  my 
plague  and  my  affliction ;  that,  I  say,  at  a  dreadful  rate,  always 
putting  forth  itself  within  me ;  that  I  had  the  guilt  of,  to  amaze- 
ment ;  by  reason  of  that,  I  was  more  loathsome  in  my  own  Eyes 
than  was  a  Toad ;  and  I  thought  I  was  so  in  God's  Eyes  too. 
Sin  and  Corruption,  I  said,  would  as  naturally  bubble  out  of 
my  Heart  as  Water  would  bubble  out  of  a  Fountain.    I  thought 

1  Luke  9.  42.  3  ps.  107.  16. 

2  Mark  9.  20.  4  Isa.  45.  5. 


32  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

now  that  every  one  had  a  better  heart  than  I  had ;  and  could 
have  changed  heart  with  any  body.  I  thought  none  but  the 
Devil  himself  could  equalize  me  for  inward  wickedness  and  pol- 
lution of  Mind.  I  fell,  therefore,  at  the  sight  of  my  own  vileness, 
5  deeply  into  despair ;  for  I  concluded  that  this  condition  that  I 
was  in  could  not  stand  with  a  state  of  Grace.  Sure,  thought  I, 
I  am  forsaken  of  God ;  sure  I  am  given  up  to  the  Devil,  and  to 
a  reprobate  mind.  And  thus  I  continued  a  long  while,  even  for 
some  Years  together. 

10  85.  While  I  was  thus  afflicted  with  the  fears  of  my  own  dam- 
nation, there  were  two  things  would  make  me  wonder ;  the  one 
was,  when  I  saw  old  People  hunting  after  the  things  of  this 
life,  as  if  they  should  live  here  always ;  the  other  was,  when  I 
found  Professors  much  distressed  and  cast  down,  when  they 

1 5  met  with  outward  losses ;  as  of  Husband,  Wife,  Child,  &c. 
Lord,  thought  I,  what  ado  is  here  about  such  little  things  as  these  ! 
What  seeking  after  carnal  things  by  some,  and  what  grief  in 
others  for  the  loss  of  them  !  If  they  so  much  labour  after,  and 
spe?id  so  many  tears  for  the  things  of  this  prese?it  life,  how  am  I 

20  to  be  bemoaned,  pitied,  and  prayed  for !  My  soul  is  dying,  my 
soul  is  damning.  Were  my  soul  but  in  a  good  condition,  and 
were  I  but  sure  of  it,  ah  !  how  rich  should  I  esteem  myself,  though 
blessed  with  Bread  and  Water.  I  should  count  those  but  small 
Afflictions,  and  should  bear  them  as  little  Burthens.    A  wounded 

25  spirit  who  can  bear? 

86.  And  though  I  was  thus  troubled,  and  tossed,  and  afflicted, 
with  the  sight  and  sense  and  terror  of  my  own  wickedness,  yet 
I  was  afraid  to  let  this  sight  and  sense  go  quite  off  my  mind ; 
for  I  found,  that  unless  guilt  of  Conscience  was  taken  off  the 

30  right  way,  that  is,  by  the  Blood  of  Christ,  a  man  grew  rather 
worse  for  the  loss  of  his  trouble  of  Mind,  than  better.  Where- 
fore, if  my  guilt  lay  hard  upon  me,  then  I  should  cry  that  the 
Blood  of  Christ  might  take  it  off  ;  and  if  it  was  going  off  without 
it  (for  the  sense  of  Sin  would  be  sometimes  as  if  it -would  die, 


TO  THE  CHIEF  OF  SINNERS  33 

and  go  quite  away),  then  I  would  also  strive  to  fetch  it  upon  my 
heart  again,  by  bringing  the  punishment  for  sin  in  Hell-fire  upon 
my  Spirits ;  and  should  cry,  Lord,  let  it  not  go  off  my  heart,  but 
the  right  way,  bat  by  the  Blood  of  Christ,  and  by  the  applicatioti 
of  thy  Mercy,  through  him,  to  my  Soul ;  for  that  Scripture  lay  5 
much  upon  me,  without  shedding  of  Blood  is  no  remission}  And 
that  which  made  me  the  more  afraid  of  this  was,  because  I  had 
seen  some,  who,  though  when  they  were  under  wounds  of  Con- 
science, then  they  would  cry  and  pray ;  but  they  seeking  rather 
present  ease  from  their  trouble  than  pardon  for  their  sin,  cared  10 
not  howT  they  lost  their  guilt  so  they  got  it  out  of  their  mind ; 
and,  therefore,  having  got  it  off  the  wrong  way,  it  was  not  sanc- 
tified unto  them  ;  but  they  grew  harder  and  blinder  and  more 
wicked  after  their  trouble.  This  made  me  afraid,  and  made  me 
cry  to  God  the  more,  that  it  might  not  be  so  with  me.  1 5 

87.  And  now  was  I  sorry  that  God  had  made  me  a  man,  for 
I  feared  I  was  a  Reprobate.  I  counted  man  as  unconverted, 
the  most  doleful  of  all  the  Creatures.  Thus  being  afflicted  and 
tossed  about  my  sad  condition,  I  counted  myself  alone,  and 
above  the  most  of  men  unblessed.  20 

88.  Yea,  I  thought  it  impossible  that  ever  I  should  attain  to 
so  much  goodness  of  heart,  as  to  thank  God  that  he  had  made 
me  a  man.  Man  indeed  is  the  most  noble  by  Creation  of  all 
creatures  in  the  visible  World ;  but  by  sin  he  had  made  himself 
the  most  ignoble.  The  beasts,  birds,  fishes,  8zc,  I  blessed  their  25 
condition,  for  they  had  not  a  sinful  nature,  they  were  not  ob- 
noxious to  the  wrath  of  God ;  they  were  not  to  go  to  Hell-fire 
after  death.  I  could  therefore  have  rejoiced,  had  my  condition 
been  as  any  of  theirs. 

89.  In  this  condition  I  went  a  great  while ;  but  when  com-  30 
forting  time  was  come,   I  heard  one  preach  a  Sermon  upon 
those  words  in  the  Song,  Behold  thou  art  fair,  my  Love ;  behold, 
thou  art  fair}    But  at  that  time  he  made  these  two  words,  My 

1  Heb.  9.  22.  2  Cant.  4.  1. 


34  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

Love,  his  chief  and  subject  matter ;  from  which,  after  he  had  a 
little  opened  the  Text,  he  observed  these  several  Conclusions : 
i.  That  the  Church,  and  so  every  saved  Soul,  is  Christ's  Love, 
when  loveless.  2.  Christ's  Love  without  a  cause.  3.  Christ's 
5  Love  when  hated  of  the  World.  4.  Christ's  Love  when  under 
temptation,  and  under  desertion.  5.  Christ's  Love  from  first 
to  last. 

90.  But  I  got  nothing  by  what  he  said  at  present,  only  when 
he  came  to  the  Application  of  the  fourth  Particular,  this  was  the 

10  word  he  said  ;  If  it  be  so,  that  the  saved  soul  is  Christ's  Love  when 
zuider  Temptation  and  Desertion  ;  then  poor  tempted  Soul,  when 
thou  art  assaulted  and  afflicted  with  temptation,  and  the  hidings 
of  God's  face,  yet  think  on  these  two  words,  My  Love,  still. 

91.  So  as  I  was  a  going  home,  these  words  came  again  into 
1 5  my  thoughts ;  and  I  well  remember,  as  they  came  in,  I  said 

thus  in  my  heart,  What  shall  I  get  by  thinkifig  on  these  two 
words  ?  This  thought  had  no  sooner  passed  through  my  heart, 
but  the  words  began  thus  to  kindle  in  my  spirit,  Thou  art  my 
Love,  thou  art  my  Love,  twenty  times  together ;  and  still  as  they 

20  ran  thus  in  my  mind,  they  waxed  stronger  and  warmer,  and  began 
to  make  me  look  up.  But  being  as  yet  between  hope  and  fear, 
I  still  replied  in  my  heart,  But  is  it  true,  but  is  it  true  ?  At  which, 
that  Sentence  fell  in  upon  me,  He  wist  not  that  it  was  true  which 
was  done  by  the  angel} 

25  92.  Then  I  began  to  give  place  to  the  Word,  which,  with 
power,  did  over  and  over  make  this  joyful  sound  within  my 
Soul,  Thou  art  my  Love,  thou  art  my  Love ;  and  nothing  shall 
■  separate  thee  from  my  Love ;  and  with  that  Romans  eight,  thirty- 
nine  came  into  my  mind.   Now  was  my  heart  filled  full  of  comfort 

30  and  hope,  and  now  I  could  believe  that  my  sins  should  be  for- 
given me ;  yea,  I  was  now  so  taken  with  the  love  and  mercy  of 
God,  that  I  remember  I  could  not  tell  how  to  contain  till  I  got 
Home.  I  thought  I  could  have  spoken  of  his  Love,  and  of  his 
1  Acts  12.  9. 


TO  THE  CHIEF  OF  SINNERS  35 

Mercy  to  me,  even  to  the  very  Crows  that  sat  upon  the  ploughed 
Lands  before  me,  had  they  been  capable  to  have  understood 
me ;  wherefore  I  said  in  my  soul,  with  much  gladness,  Well,  I 
would  I  had  a  Pen  and  Ink  here,  I  would write  this  down  before 
I  go  any  further,  for  surely  I  will  not  forget  this  Forty  Years  5 
hence.  But,  alas !  within  less  than  Forty  Days,  I  began  to  ques- 
tion all  again ;  which  made  me  begin  to  question  all  still. 

93.  Yet  still  at  times,  I  was  helped  to  believe  that  it  was  a 
true  manifestation  of  Grace  unto  my  Soul,  though  I  had  lost 
much  of  the  life  and  savour  of  it.  Now  about  a  Week  or  Fort-  10 
night  after  this,  I  was  much  followed  by  this  Scripture,  Simon, 
Simon,  behold  Satan  hath  desired  to  have  you}  And  sometimes  it 
would  sound  so  loud  within  me,  yea,  and  as  it  were  call  so 
strongly  after  me,  that  once  above  all  the  rest,  I  turned  my  head 
over  my  shoulder,  thinking  verily  that  some  Man  had,  behind  15 
me,  called  to  me  ;  being  at  a  great  distance,  methought  he  called 

so  loud.  It  came,  as  I  have  thought  since,  to  have  stirred  me 
up  to  prayer,  and  to  watchfulness  ;  it  came  to  acquaint  me 
that  a  cloud  and  a  storm  was  coming  down  upon  me,  but  I 
understood  it  not.  20 

94.  Also,  as  I  remember,  that  time  that  it  called  to  me  so  loud, 
was  the  last  time  that  it  sounded  in  mine  ear  ;  but  methinks 
I  hear  still  with  what  a  loud  voice  these  words,  Simon,  Simon, 
sounded  in  mine  ears.  I  thought  verily,  as  I  have  told  you,  that 
somebody  had  called  after  me,  that  was  half  a  Mile  behind  me ;  25 
and  although  that  was  not  my  Name,  yet  it  made  me  suddenly 
look  behind  me,  believing  that  he  that  called  so  loud  meant  me. 

95.  But  so  foolish  was  I,  and  ignorant,  that  I  knew  not  the 
reason  of  this  sound  ;  which,  as  I  did  both  see  and  feel  soon  after, 
was  sent  from  Heaven  as  an  Alarm,  to  awaken  me  to  provide  30 
for. what  was  coming ;  only  it  would  make  me  muse  and  wonder 

in  my  mind,  to  think  what  should  be  the  reason  that  this  Scrip- 
ture, and  that  at  this  rate,  so  often  and  so  loud,  should  still  be 

1  Luke  22.31. 


36  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

sounding  and  rattling  in  mine  ears.    But,  as  I  said  before,  I  soon 
after  perceived  the  end  of  God  therein. 

96.  For,  about  the  space  of  a  Month  after  a  very  great  storm 
came  down  upon  me,  which  handled  me  twenty  times  worse  than 
5  all  I  had  met  with  before.  It  came  stealing  upon  me,  now  by 
one  piece,  then  by  another ;  first,  all  my  comfort  was  taken  from 
me,  then  darkness  seized  upon  me,  after  which,  whole  floods  of 
blasphemies,  both  against  God,  Christ,  and  the  Scriptures,  were 
poured  upon  my  spirit,  to  my  great  confusion  and  astonishment. 

10  These  blasphemous  thoughts  were  such  as  also  stirred  up  ques- 
tions in  me,  against  the  very  Being  of  God,  and  of  his  only  be- 
loved Son ;  as,  whether  there  were,  in  truth,  a  God,  or  Christ, 
or  no  ?  And  whether  the  holy  Scriptures  were  not  rather  a 
Fable,  and  cunning  story,  than  the  holy  and  pure  Word  of  God  ? 

15  97.  The  tempter  would  also  much  assault  me  with  this,  How 
can  yon  tell  but  that  the  Turks  had  as  good  Scriphwes  to  prove 
their  Mahomet  the  Saviour,  as  we  have  to  prove  our  Jesus  is  ? 
And,  could  I  think,  that  so  many  ten  thousands,  in  so  many 
Countries  and  Kingdo?ns,  should  be  without  the  knoivledge  of  the 

20  right  way  to  Heaven  ;  (if  there  were  indeed  a  heaven),  and  that 
we  only,  who  live  in  a  corner  of  the  Earth,  should  alone  be  blessed 
the?'ewith  ?  Every  one  doth  think  his  own  religion  lightest,  both 
Jews  and  Moors,  and  Pagans!  and  how  if  all  our  Faith,  and 
Christ,  and  Scriptures,  should  be  but  a  Think-so  too  ? 

25  98.  Sometimes  I  have  endeavoured  to  argue  against  these 
Suggestions,  and  to  set  some  of  the  Sentences  of  blessed  Paul 
against  them ;  but,  alas !  I  quickly  felt,  when  I  thus  did,  such 
arguings  as  these  would  return  again  upon  me,  Though  we 
made  so  great  a  ?natter  of  Paul,  and  of  his  words,  yet  how  could 

30  /  tell  but  that  in  very  deed,  he  being  a  subtle  and  cunning  man, 
might  give  himself  up  to  deceive  with  strong  delusions ;  and  also 
take  that  pains  and  travel  to  undo  and  destroy  his  fellows. 

99.  These  suggestions,  (with  many  other  which  at  this  time 
I  may  not,  nor  dare  not  utter,  neither  by  word  nor  pen,)  did 


TO  THE   CHIEF  OF  SINNERS  37 

make  such  a  seizure  upon  my  spirit,  and  did  so  overweigh  my 
heart,  both  with  their  number,  continuance,  and  fiery  force,  that 
I  felt  as  if  there  were  nothing  else  but  these  from  morning  to 
night  within  me ;  and  as  though,  indeed,  there  could  be  room 
for  nothing  else  ;  and  also  concluded,  that  God  had,  in  very  5 
wrath  to  my  soul,  given  me  up  unto  them,  to  be  carried  away 
with  them,  as  with  a  mighty  Whirlwind. 

100.  Only  by  the  distaste  that  they  gave  unto  my  spirit, 
I  felt  there  was  something  in  me,  that  refused  to  embrace  them. 
But  this  consideration  I  then  only  had,  when  God  gave  me  10 
leave  to  swallow  my  Spittle 1 ;  otherwise  the  noise,  and  strength, 
and  force  of  these  temptations,  would  drown  and  overflow  and 
as  it  were,  bury  all  such  thoughts  or  the  remembrance  of  any 
such  thing.  While  I  was  in  this  temptation,  I  should  often 
find  my  Mind  suddenly  put  upon  it,  to  curse  and  swear,  or  to  15 
speak  some  grievous  thing  against  God,  or  Christ  his  Son,  and 
of  the  Scriptures. 

1  o  1 .  Now  I  thought,  surety  I  am  possessed  of  the  devil.  At 
other  times  again,  I  thought  I  should  be  bereft  of  my  wits ;  for 
instead  of  lauding  and  magnifying  God  the  Lord  with  others,  20 
if  I  have  but  heard  him  spoken  of,  presently  some  most  horrible 
blasphemous  thought  or  other,  would  bolt  out  of  my  heart 
against  him.  So  that  whether  I  did  think  that  God  was,  or 
again  did  think  there  were  no  such  thing ;  no  love,  nor  peace, 
nor  gracious  disposition  could  I  feel  within  me.  25 

102.  These  things  did  sink  me  into  very  deep  despair;  for 
I  concluded,  that  such  things  could  not  possibly  be  found 
amongst  them  that  loved  God.  I  often,  when  these  temptations 
have  been  with  force  upon  me,  did  compare  myself  in  the  case 
of  such  a  child,  whom  some  Gipsy  hath  by  force  took  up  under  30 
her  Apron,  and  is  carrying  from  Friend  and  Country.  Kick 
sometimes  I  did,  and  also  shriek  and  cry ;  but  yet  I  was  as 
bound  in  the  wings  of  the  temptation,  and  the  wind  would  carry 

1  Job  7.  19. 


38  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

me  away.  I  thought  also  of  Saul,  and  of  the  evil  spirit  that  did 
possess  him  1 ;  and  did  greatly  fear  that  my  condition  was  the 
same  with  that  of  his. 

103.  In  these  days,  when  I  have  heard  others  talk  of  what 
5  was  the  sin  against  the  Holy  Ghost,  then  would  the  Tempter  so 

provoke  me  to  desire  to  sin  that  sin,  that  I  was  as  if  I  could 
not,  must  not,  neither  should  be  quiet  until  I  had  committed 
that.  Now,  no  sin  would  serve  but  that ;  if  it  were  to  be  com- 
mitted by  speaking  of  such  a  word,  then  I  have  been  as  if  my 

10  Mouth  would  have  spoken  that  word,  whether  I  would  or  no  ; 
and  in  so  strong  a  measure  was  this  temptation  upon  me,  that 
often  I  have  been  ready  to  clap  my  hand  under  my  Chin,  to 
hold  my  Mouth  from  opening ;  and  to  that  end  also  I  have  had 
thoughts  at  other  times,  to  leap  with  my  head  downward,  into 

1 5  some  Muck-hill  hole  or  other,  to  keep  my  Mouth  from  speaking. 

104.  Now  I  blessed  the  condition  of  the  Dog  and  Toad,  and 
counted  the  estate  of  everything  that  God  had  made  far  better 
than  this  dreadful  state  of  mine,  and  such  as  my  Companions 
was ;  yea,  gladly  would  I  have  been  in  the  condition  of  Dog  or 

20  Horse,  for  I  knew  they  had  no  soul  to  perish  under  the  ever- 
lasting weights  of  Hell  or  Sin,  as  mine  was  like  to  do.  Nay,  and 
though  I  saw  this,  felt  this,  and  was  broken  to  pieces  with  it, 
yet  that  which  added  to  my  sorrow  was,  that  I  could  not  find 
that  with  all  my  Soul  I  did  desire  deliverance.    That  scripture 

25  did  also  tear  and  rend  my  soul,  in  the  midst  of  these  distractions, 
The  wicked  are  like  the  troubled  sea  which  cannot  rest,  whose 
Waters  cast  up  Mire  and  Dirt.  There  is  no  peace  to  the  wicked, 
saith  my  God? 

105.  And  now  my  heart  was,  at  times,  exceeding  hard.    If 
30  I  would  have  given  a  thousand  Pounds  for  a  Tear,  I  could  not 

shed  one ;  no,  nor  sometimes  scarce  desire  to  shed  one.  I  was 
much  dejected  to  think  that  this  should  be  my  lot.  I  saw  some 
could  mourn   and  lament  their  sin ;  and   others,  again,  could 

1  1  Sam.  16.  14.  2  Is.  57.  20,  21. 


TO  THE  CHIEF  OF  SINNERS  39 

rejoice,  and  bless  God  for  Christ ;  and  others,  again,  could  quietly 
talk  of,  and  with  gladness  remember,  the  Word  of  God ;  while  I 
only  was  in  the  storm  or  tempest.  This  much  sunk  me.  I  thought 
my  condition  was  alone.  I  should,  therefore,  much  bewail  my 
hard  hap  ;  but  get  out  of,  or  get  rid  of,  these  things,  I  could  not.     5 

106.  While  this  temptation  lasted,  which  was  about  a  year, 
I  could  attend  upon  none  of  the  Ordinances  of  God  but  with 
sore  and  great  Affliction.  Yea,  then  was  I  most  distressed  with 
blasphemies  ;  if  I  have  been  hearing  the  Word,  then  unclean- 
ness,  blasphemies,  and  despair  would  hold  me  a  Captive  there  ;  10 
if  I  have  been  reading,  then,  sometimes,  I  had  sudden  thoughts 

to  question  all  I  read ;  sometimes,  again,  my  Mind  would  be  so 
strangely  snatched  away,  and  possessed  with  other  things,  that 
I  have  neither  known,  nor  regarded,  nor  remembered  so  much 
as  the  sentence  that  but  now  I  have  read.  15 

107.  In  Prayer,  also,  I  have  been  greatly  troubled  at  this 
time.  Sometimes  I  have  thought  I  should  see  the  devil,  nay, 
thought  I  have  felt  him,  behind  me,  pull  my  Clothes.  He  would 
be,  also,  continually  at  me  in  the  time  of  Prayer  to  have  done ; 
Break  off,  make  haste,  you  have  prayed  enough,  and  stay  no  20 
longer ;  still  drawing  my  Mind  away.  Sometimes,  also,  he  would 
cast  in  such  wicked  thoughts  as  these :  that  I  must  pray  to  him, 
or  for  him.    I  have  thought  sometimes  of  that  —  Fall  down,  or, 

if  thou  wilt  fall  down  and  "worship  me} 

108.  Also,  when,  because  I  have  had  wandering  thoughts  25 
in  the  time  of  this  Duty,  I  have  laboured  to  compose  my  Mind 
and  fix  it  upon  God,  then,  with  great  force,  hath  the  Tempter 
laboured  to  distract  me,  and  confound  me,  and  to  turn  away  my 
Mind,  by  presenting  to  my  heart  and  fancy  the  form  of  a  Bush, 

a  Bull,  a  Besom,  or  the  like,  as  if  I  should  pray  to  those.    To  30 
these  he  would,  also,  at  some  times  especially,  so  hold  my  Mind 
that  I  was  as  if  I  could  think  of  nothing  else,  or  pray  to  nothing 
else  but  to  these,  or  such  as  they. 

1  Matt.  4.  9. 


40  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

109.  Yet,  at  times  I  should  have  some  strong  and  heart- 
affecting  apprehensions  of  God,  and  the  reality  of  the  truth  of 
his  Gospel.  But,  oh !  how  would  my  heart,  at  such  times,  put 
forth  itself  with  inexpressible  groanings.  My  whole  soul  was 
5  then  in  every  word.  I  should  cry  with  pangs  after  God  that 
he  would  be  merciful  unto  me.  But  then  I  should  be  daunted 
again  with  such  conceits  as  these ;  I  should  think  that  God  did 
mock  at  these,  my  prayers,  saying,  and  that  in  the  audience  of 
the  holy  angels,  This  poor  simple  wretch  doth  hanker  after  me 

10  as  if  I  had  nothing  to  do  with  my  mercy  but  to  bestow  it  o?i  such 
as  he.  Alas,  poor  Fool !  how  art  thou  deceived!  It  is  not  for 
such  as  thee  to  have  favour  with  the  Highest. 

no.  Then  hath  the  Tempter  come  upon  me,  also,  with  such 
discouragements  as  these —  You  are  very  hot  for  mercy,  but  1 

15  will  cool  you  ;  this  frame  shall  not  last  always  ;  Many  have  been 
as  hot  as  you  for  a  spurt,  but  I  have  quenched  their  zeal.  And 
with  this,  such  and  such  who  were  fallen  off  would  be  set  before 
mine  Eyes.  Then  I  should  be  afraid  that  I  should  do  so  too. 
But,  thought  I,  I  am  glad  this  comes  into  my  Mind.     Well,  I 

20  will  watch,  and  take  what  heed  I  can.  Though  you  do,  said 
Satan,  I  shall  be  too  hard  for  you  ;  I  will  cool  you  insensibly,  by 
degrees,  by  little  a?id  little.  What  care  I,  saith  he,  though  I  be 
seven  years  in  chilling  your  heart  if  I  can  do  it  at  last  ?  Con- 
tinual iv eking  will  lull  a  crying  Child  asleep.    I  will  ply  it  close, 

25  /;///  I  will  have  my  end  accomplished.  Though  you  be  burning 
hot  at  present^  yet,  if  I  can  pull  you  from  this  Fire,  I  shall  have 
you  cold  before  it  be  long. 

in.  These  things  brought  me  into  great  straits ;  for  as  I 
at  present  could   not  find  myself  fit  for  present  death,  so  I 

30  thought  to  live  long  would  make  me  yet  more  unfit ;  for  time 
would  make  me  forget  all,  and  wear  even  the  remembrance  of 
the  evil  of  sin,  the  worth  of  Heaven,  and  the  need  I  had  of  the 
Blood  of  Christ  to  wash  me,  both  out  of  Mind  and  Thought. 
But  I  thank  Christ  Jesus  these  things  did  not  at  present  make 


TO  THE   CHIEF  OF  SINNERS  41 

me  slack  my  crying,  but  rather  did  put  me  more  upon  it,  (like 
her  who  met  with  the  adulterer1,)  in  which  days  that  was  a  good 
word  to  me  after  I  had  suffered  these  things  a  while  :  I  am  per- 
suaded that  neither  height,  nor  depth,  death  nor  life,  &c,  shall 
separate  us  from  the  Lore  of  God,  which  is  in  Christ  fes us}  And  5 
now  I  hoped  long  life  should  not  destroy  me,  nor  make  me  miss 
of  Heaven. 

112.  Yet  I  had  some  supports  in  this  temptation,  though 
they  were  then  all  questioned  by  me.  That  in  the  third  of 
Jeremiah,  at  the  first,  was  something  to  me,  and  so  was  the  10 
consideration  of  the  fifth  verse  of  that  Chapter ;  that  though 
we  have  spoken  and  done  as  evil  things  as  we  could,  yet  we 
should  cry  unto  God,  My  father,  thou  art  the  guide  of  my  youth  ;3 
and  should  return  unto  him. 

113.  I  had,  also,  once  a  sweet  glance  from  that  in  the  fifth  15 
of  second  Corinthians,  For  he  hath  made  him  to  be  sin  for  us, 
who  knew  no  sin ;  that  we  might  be  made  the  Righteousness  of 
God  in  him.    I  remember,  also,  that  one  day  as  I  was  sitting  in 

a  Neighbour's  House,  and  there  very  sad  at  the  consideration 
of  my  many  blasphemies,  and  as  I  was  saying  in  my  mind,  20 
What  ground  have  I  to  think  that  I,  who  have  been  so  vile  and 
abominable,  should  ever  inherit  Eternal  Life  ?  that  word  came 
suddenly  upon  me,  What  shall  we  then  say  to  these  things  ?  If 
God  be  for  us,  who  can  be  against  us  1  4  That,  also,  was  an  help 
unto  me,  Because  I  live,  ye  shall  live  also?  But  these  were  but  25 
hints,  touches,  and  short  visits,  though  very  sweet  when  present ; 
only  they  lasted  not ;  but,  like  to  Peter's  Sheet,  of  a  sudden  were 
caught  up  from  me  to  Heaven  again.6 

1 1 4.  But  afterwards  the  Lord  did  more  fully  and  graciously 
discover  himself   unto   me ;   and,  indeed,  did   quite,   not   only  30 
deliver  me  from  the  guilt  that,  by  these  things,  was  laid  upon 
my  Conscience,  but  also  from  the  very  filth  thereof;  for  the 

1  Deut.  22.  27.  3  Jer.  3.  4,  5.  5  John  14.  19. 

2  Rom.  8.  38,  39.  4  Rom.  8.  31.  6  Acts  10.  16. 


42  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

temptation  was  removed,  and  I  was  put  into  my  right  Mind 
again,  as  other  Christians  were. 

115.  I  remember  that  one  day,  as  I  was  travelling  into  the 
Country  and  musing  on  the  wickedness  and  blasphemy  of  my 

5  Heart,  and  considering  of  the  enmity  that  was  in  me  to  God, 
that  scripture  came  in  my  mind,  He  hath  made  peace  by  the 
Blood  of  his  Cross}  By  which  I  was  made  to  see,  both 
again,  and  again,  and  again,  that  day,  that  God  and  my 
soul  were  Friends  by  this  Blood ;  yea,  I  saw  that  the  Justice 

10  of  God  and  my  sinful  Soul  could  embrace  and  kiss  each  other 
through  this  Blood.  This  was  a  good  day  to  me  ;  I  hope  I  shall 
not  forget  it. 

116.  At  another  time,  as  I  sat  by  the  fire  in  my  House,  and 
musing  on  my  wretchedness,  the  Lord  made  that  also  a  precious 

15  word  unto  me,  Forasmuch,  then,  as  the  Children  are  partakers 
of  flesh  and  blood,  he  also  himself  likewise  took  part  of  the  same  ; 
that  through  death  he  might  destroy  him  that  had  the  power  of 
death,  that  is,  the  Devil,  and  deliver  them  who,  through  fear  of 
death,  were  all  their  lifetime  subject  to  bondage?    I  thought  that 

20  the  glory  of  these  words  was  then  so  weighty  on  me  that  I  was, 
both  once  and  twice,  ready  to  swoon  as  I  sat ;  yet  not  with 
grief  and  trouble,  but  with  solid  joy  and  peace. 

117.  At  this  time,  also,  I   sat  under  the  ministry  of  holy 
Mr.  Gifford,  whose  Doctrine,  by  God's  Grace,  was  much  for 

25  my  stability.  This  man  made  it  much  his  business  to  deliver 
the  People  of  God  from  all  those  false  and  unsound  rests  that, 
by  nature,  we  are  prone  to  take  and  make  to  our  souls.  He 
would  bid  us  take  special  heed  that  we  took  not  up  any  truth 
upon  trust,  as  from  this,  or  that,  or  any  other  man  or  men,  but 

30  to  cry  mightily  to  God  that  he  would  convince  us  of  the  reality 

thereof,  and  set  us  down  therein,  by  his  own  Spirit,  in  the  Holy 

Word.    For,  said  he,  if  you  do  otherwise  when  temptations  come, 

if  strongly,  you,  not  having  received  them  with  evidence  from 

1  Col.  1.  20.  2  Heb.  2.  14,  15. 


TO  THE   CHIEF  OF  SINNERS  43 

heaven,  will  find  you  want  that  help  and  strength  now  to  resist 
as  once  you  thought  you  had. 

11S.  This  was  as  seasonable  to  my  Soul  as  the  former  and 
latter  Rain  in  their  season ;  for  I  had  found,  and  that  by  sad 
experience,  the  truth  of  these  his  words ;  for  I  had  felt  no  man     5 
can  say,  especially  when  tempted  by  the  Devil,  that  Jesus  Christ 
is  Lord  but  by  the  Holy  Ghost.    Wherefore  I  found  my  Soul, 
through  Grace,  very  apt  to  drink  in  this  Doctrine,  and  to  incline 
to  pray  to  God  that,  in  nothing  that  pertained  to  God's  glory 
and  my  own  eternal  happiness,  he  would  suffer  me  to  be  with-  10 
out  the  confirmation  thereof  from    Heaven ;   for  now   I   saw 
clearly  there  was  an  exceeding  difference  betwixt  the  notions  of 
flesh  and  blood,  and  the  Revelations  of  God  in  Heaven ;  also,  a 
great  difference  between  that  Faith  that  is  feigned,  and  accord- 
ing to  Man's  Wisdom,  and  of  that  which  comes  by  a  Man's  15 
being  born  thereto  of  God.1 

119.  But,  oh  !  now,  how  was  my  Soul  led  from  truth  to  truth 
by  God !  Even  from  the  Birth  and  Cradle  of  the  Son  of  God 
to  his  Ascension  and  Second  Coming  from  Heaven  to  judge 
the  world.  20 

120.  Truly,  I  then  found,  upon  this  account,  the  great  God 
was  very  good  unto  me ;  for,  to  my  remembrance,  there  was 
not  anything  that  I  then  cried  unto  God  to  make  known  and 
reveal  unto  me  but  he  was  pleased  to  do  it  for  me ;  I  mean 
not  one  part  of  the  Gospel  of  the  Lord  Jesus,  but  I  was  orderly  25 
led  into  it.  Methought  I  saw  with  great  evidence,  from  the  re- 
lation of  the  four  Evangelists,  the  wonderful  work  of  God,  in 
giving  Jesus  Christ  to  save  us,  from  his  Conception  and  Birth 
even  to  his  Second  Coming  to  Judgment.    Methought  I  was  as 

if  I  had  seen  him  born,  as  if  I  had  seen  him  grow  up,  as  if  I  30 
had  seen  him  walk  through  this  World,  from  the  Cradle  to  his 
Cross ;  to  which,  also,  when  he  came,  I  saw  how  gently  he  gave 
himself  to  be  hanged  and  nailed  on  it  for  my  sins  and  wicked 
1  Matt.  16.  15-17  ;  1  John  5.  1. 


44  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

doings.    Also,   as   I   was    musing   on   this,   his   progress,  that 
dropped  on  my  spirit,  He  was  ordained  for  the  slaughter} 

121.  When  I  have  considered  also  the  truth  of  his  resurrec- 
tion, and  have  remembered  that  word,  Touch  me  not,  Mary,2 

5  &c,  I  have  seen  as  if  he  leaped  at  the  Grave's  mouth  for  joy 
that  he  was  risen  again,  and  had  got  the  conquest  over  our 
dreadful  foes.  I  have  also,  in  the  Spirit,  seen  him  a  Man  on 
the  Right  Hand  of  God  the  Father  for  me ;  and  have  seen  the 
manner  of  his  coming  from  Heaven  to  judge  the  World  with 
io  Glory,  and  have  been  confirmed  in  these  things  by  these  Scrip- 
tures following,  Acts  i.  9,  10;  vii.  56;  x.  42.  1  Thessalonians 
iv.  17,  18.    Hebrews  vii.  24;  viii.  3.    Revelations  i.  18. 

122.  Once  I  was  much  troubled  to  know  whether  the  Lord 
Jesus  was  both  Man  as  well  as  God,  and  God  as  well  as  Man ; 

15  and  truly,  in  those  days,  let  men  say  what  they  would,  unless 
I  had  it  with  evidence  from  Heaven,  all  was  as  nothing  to  me, 
I  counted  not  myself  set  down  in  any  truth  of  God.  Well,  I 
was  much  troubled  about  this  point,  and  could  not  tell  how  to 
be  resolved ;  at  last,  that  in  the  fifth  of  the  Revelations  came 

20  into  my  mind,  And  I  beheld,  and  Io,  in  the  midst  of  the  throne 
and  of  the  four  beasts,  and  in  the  midst  of  the  Elde?'s  stood  a 
Lamb.  In  the  midst  of  the  Throne,  thought  I,  there  is  his 
Godhead :  in  the  midst  of  the  Elders,  there  is  his  manhood ; 
but  oh  !  methought  this  did  glister  !  it  was  a  goodly  touch,  and 

25  gave  me  sweet  satisfaction.  That  other  scripture  also  did  help 
me  much  in  this,  To  us  a  Child  is  born,  to  us  a  Son  is  given ; 
and  the  Government  shall  be  upon  his  shoulder :  and  his  Name 
shall  be  called  Wonderful ,  Counsellor,  The  mighty  God,  The 
everlasting  Father,  the  Piince  of  Peace,  &c.3 

30  123.  Also,  besides  these  teachings  of  God  in  his  Word,  the 
Lord  made  use  of  two  things  to  confirm  me  in  these  things ; 
the  one  was  the  errors  of  the  Quakers,  and  the  other  was  the 
Guilt  of  Sin ;  for  as  the  Quakers  did  oppose  this  Truth,  so  God 

1  1  Pet.  1.  19,  20.  2  John  20.  17.  "    3  Isa.  9.  6. 


TO  THE   CHIEF  OF  SINNERS  45 

did  the  more  confirm  me  in  it,  by  leading  me  into  the  Scriptures 
that  did  wonderfully  maintain  it. 

124.  The    errors    that    this    people   then   maintained    were, 

1.  That    the    holy    Scriptures    were    not    the   Word    of    God. 

2.  That   every  man   in   the   world   had    the   Spirit   of    Christ,     5 
Grace,  Faith,  &c.    3.  That  Christ  Jesus,  as  crucified,  and  dying 
1600  years  ago,  did  not  satisfy  Divine  Justice  for  the  sins  of 
His  People.    4.  That  Christ's  Flesh  and  Blood  was  within  the 
Saints.     5.  That  the   bodies  of  the   Good  and   Bad   that  are 
buried  in  the  Churchyard  shall  not  arise  again.    6.  That  the  10 
Resurrection  is  past  with  good  Men  already.    7 .  That  that  Man 
Jesus,  that  was  crucified  between  two  Thieves  on  Mount  Cal- 
vary, in  the  land  of   Canaan,  by  Jerusalem,  was  not  ascended 
up  above  the  starry  Heavens.    8.  That  he  should  not,  even  the 
same  Jesus  that  died  by  the  hands  of  the  Jews,  come  again  at  1 5 
the  last  day,  and  as  man  judge  all  Nations,  &c. 

125.  Many  more  vile  and  abominable  things  were  in  those 
days  fomented  by  them,  by  which  I  was  driven  to  a  more 
narrow  search  of  the  Scripture,  and  was,  through  their  light 
and  testimony,  not  only  enlightened,  but  greatly  confirmed  and  20 
comforted  in  the  truth ;  and,  as  I  said,  the  guilt  of  sin  did  help 
me  much,  for  still  as  that  would  come  upon  me,  the  Blood  of 
Christ  did  take  it  off  again,  and  again,  and  again,  and  that  too, 
sweetly,  according  to  the  Scriptures.  O  Friends  !  cry  to  God  to 
reveal  Jesus  Christ  unto  you  ;  there  is  none  teacheth  like  him.  25 

126.  It  would  be  too  long  here  to  stay,  to  tell  you  in  par- 
ticular how  God  did  set  me  down  in  all  the  things  of  Christ, 
and  how  he  did,  that  he  might  so  do,  lead  me  into  his  words  ; 
yea,  and  also  how  he  did  open  them  unto  me,  make  them  shine 
before  me,  and  cause  them  to  dwell  with  me,  talk  with  me,  and  30 
comfort  me  over  and  over,  both  of  his  own  Being,  and  the 
Being  of  his  Son,  and  Spirit,  and  Word,  and  Gospel. 

127.  Only  this,  as  I  said  before  I  will  say  unto  you  again,  that 
in  general  he  was  pleased  to  take  this  course  with  me.    First, 


46  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

to  suffer  me  to  be  afflicted  with  temptation  concerning  them, 
and  then  reveal  them  to  me :  as  sometimes  I  should  lie  under 
great  guilt  for  sin,  even  crushed  to  the  ground  therewith,  and 
then  the  Lord  would  show  me  the  death  of  Christ ;  yea, 
5  and  so  sprinkle  my  Conscience  with  his  Blood,  that  I  should 
find,  and  that  before  I  was  aware,  that  in  that  Conscience 
where  but  just  now  did  reign  and  rage  the  Law,  even  there 
would  rest  and  abide  the  peace  and  love  of  God  through  Christ. 

128.  Now  had  I  an  evidence,  as  I  thought,  of  my  Salvation 
10  from  Heaven,  with  many  golden  Seals  thereon,  all  hanging  in 

my  sight ;  now  could  I  remember  this  manifestation  and  the 
other  discovery  of  Grace,  with  comfort ;  and  should  often  long 
and  desire  that  the  last  day  were  come,  that  I  might  for  ever 
be  inflamed  with  the  sight,  and  joy,  and  communion  with  him 

1 5  whose  Head  was  crowned  with  thorns,  whose  Face  was  spit  on, 
and  Body  broken,  and  Soul  made  an  offering  for  my  sins :  for 
whereas,  before,  I  lay  continually  trembling  at  the  mouth  of 
Hell,  now  methought  I  was  got  so  far  therefrom  that  I  could 
not,  when  I  looked  back,  scarce  discern  it ;  and,  oh  !  thought  I, 

20  that  I  were  Fourscore  Years  old  now,  that  I  might  die  quickly, 
that  my  Soul  might  be  gone  to  rest. 

129.  But  before  I  had  got  thus  far  out  of  these  my  Temp- 
tations, I  did  greatly  long  to  see  some  ancient  godly  Man's 
experience,  who  had  writ  some  hundreds  of  years  before  I  was 

25  born  ;  for  those  who  had  writ  in  our  days,  I  thought,  (but  I 
desire  them  now  to  pardon  me,)  that  they  had  writ  only  that 
which  others  felt,  or  else  had,  through  the  strength  of  their  Wits 
and  Parts,  studied  to  answer  such  objections  as  they  perceived 
others  were  perplexed  with,  without  going  down  themselves  into 

30  the  deep.  Well,  after  many  such  longings  in  my  mind,  the  God 
in  whose  hands  are  all  our  days  and  ways,  did  cast  into  my 
hand,  one  day,  a  Book  of  Martin  Luther ;  it  was  his  Comment 
on  the  Galatians  —  it  also  was  so  old  that  it  was  ready  to  fall 
piece  from  piece  if  I  did  but  turn  it  over.    Now  I  was  pleased 


TO   THE   CHIEF  OF   SINNERS  47 

much  that  such  an  old  Book  had  fallen  into  my  hands ;  the 
which,  when  I  had  but  a  little  way  perused,  I  found  my  condi- 
tion, in  his  experience,  so  largely  and  profoundly  handled,  as  if 
his  Book  had  been  written  out  of  my  heart.  This  made  me 
marvel ;  for  thus  thought  I,  This  Man  could  not  know  anything  5 
of  the  state  of  Christians  no7c>,  but  must  needs  write  and  speak 
the  experience  offorifier  days. 

130.  Besides  he  doth  most  gravely  also  in  that  Book,  debate 
of  the  rise  of  these  temptations,  namely,  Blasphemy,  Desperation, 
and  the  like ;  showing  that  the  Law  of  Moses  as  well  as  the  10 
Devil,  Death,  and  Hell  hath  a  very  great  hand  therein.  The 
which,  at  first,  was  very  strange  to  me ;  but  considering  and 
watching,  I  found  it  so  indeed.  But  of  particulars  here  I  intend 
nothing ;  only  this,  methinks,  I  must  let  fall  before  all  men,  I  do 
prefer  this  book  of  Martin  Luther  upon  the  Ga/atians,  (except-  1 5 
ing  the  Holy  Bible,)  before  all  the  Books  that  ever  I  have  seen, 

as  most  fit  for  a  wounded  Conscience. 

131.  And  now  I  found,  as  I  thought,  that  I  loved  Christ 
dearly.  Oh !  methought  my  soul  cleaved  unto  him,  my  affec- 
tions cleaved  unto  him.  I  felt  love  to  him  as  hot  as  Fire ;  and  20 
now,  as  fob  said,  /  thought  I  should  die  in  my  nest ; 1  but  I  did 
quickly  find  that  my  great  Love  was  but  little,  and  that  I,  who 
had,  as  I  thought,  such  burning  love  to  Jesus  Christ,  could  let 
him  go  again  for  a  very  trifle.  But  God  can  tell  how  to  abase 
us,  and  can  hide  Pride  from  Man.  Quickly  after  this  my  love  25 
was  tried  to  purpose. 

132.  For  after  the  Lord  had,  in  this  manner,  thus  graciously 
delivered  me  from  this  great  and  sore  Temptation,  and  had 
set  me  down  so  sweetly  in  the  Faith  of  his  holy  Gospel,  and 
had  given  me  such  strong  consolation  and  blessed  evidence  30 
from  Heaven  touching  my  interest  in  his  love  through  Christ ; 
the  Tempter  came  upon  me  again,  and  that  with  a  more 
grievous  and  dreadful  Temptation  than  before. 

1  Job  29.  iS. 


48  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

133.  And  that  was,  To  sell  and  part  with  this  ?nost  blessed 
Christ,  to  exchange  him  for  the  things  of  this  life,  for  anything. 
The  Temptation  lay  upon  me  for  the  space  of  a  year,  and  did 
follow  me  so  continually  that  I  was  not  rid  of  it  one  day  in  a 

5  Month,  no,  not  sometimes  one  hour  in  many  days  together,  un- 
less when  I  was  asleep. 

134.  And  though,  in  my  judgment,  I  was  persuaded  that 
those  who  were  once  effectually  in  Christ,  as  I  hoped,  through 
his  Grace,  I  had  seen  myself,  could  never  lose  him  for  ever  — 

10  for  the  land  shall  not  be  sold  for  ever,  for  the  land  is  mine,1  saith 
God,  —  yet  it  was  a  continual  vexation  to  me  to  think  that  I 
should  have  so  much  as  one  such  thought  within  me  against  a 
Christ,  a  Jesus,  that  had  done  for  me  as  he  had  done ;  and  yet 
then  I  had  almost  none  others,  but  such  Blasphemous  ones. 

15  135.  But  it  was  neither  my  dislike  of  the  thought,  nor  yet 
any  desire  and  endeavour  to  resist  it  that  in  the  least  did  shake 
or  abate  the  continuation,  or  force  and  strength  thereof ;  for  it 
did  always,  in  almost  whatever  I  thought,  intermix  itself  there- 
with in  such  sort  that  I  could  neither  eat  my  food,  stoop  for  a 

20  pin,  chop  a  stick,  or  cast  mine  eye  to  look  on  this  or  that,  but 
still  the  temptation  would  come,  Sell  Christ  for  this,  or  sell 
Christ  for  that ;  sell  him,  sell  him. 

136.  Sometimes  it  would  run  in  my  thoughts,  not  so  little  as 
a  hundred  times  together,  Sell  him,  sell  him,  sell  him ;  against 

25  which  I  may  say,  for  whole  hours  together,  I  have  been  forced 
to  stand  as  continually  leaning  and  forcing  my  spirit  against  it, 
lest  haply,  before  I  were  aware,  some  wicked  thought  might 
arise  in  my  heart  that  might  consent  thereto ;  and  sometimes 
also  the  Tempter  would  make  me  believe  I  had  consented  to  it, 

30  then  should  I  be  as  tortured  upon  a  Rack  for  whole  days 
together. 

137.  This  Temptation  did  put  me  to  such  scares,  lest  I 
should  at  some  times,  I  say,  consent  thereto,  and  be  overcome 

1  Lev.  25.  23. 


TO  THE  CHIEF  OF  SINNERS  49 

therewith,  that  by  the  very  force  of  my  mind,  in  labouring  to 
gainsay  and  resist  this  wickedness,  my  very  body  also  would  be 
put  into  action  or  motion  by  way  of  pushing  or  thrusting  with 
my  hands  or  elbows,  still  answering  as  fast  as-  the  destroyer 
said,  Sell  him  ;  I  will  not,  1  will  not,  I  will  not,  I  will  not ;  no,  5 
not  for  thousands,  thousands,  thousands  of  Worlds.  Thus  reckon- 
ing lest  I  should,  in  the  midst  of  these  assaults,  set  too  low  a 
value  of  him,  even  until  I  scarce  well  knew  where  I  was,  or 
how  to  be  composed  again. 

138.  At  these  seasons  he  would  not  let  me  eat  my  food  at  10 
quiet ;  but,  forsooth,  when  I  was  set  at  the  Table  at  my  meat, 

I  must  go  hence  to  pray ;  I  must  leave  my  food  now,  and  just 
now,  so  counterfeit  holy  also  would  this  Devil  be.  When  I  was 
thus  tempted,  I  should  say  in  myself,  Now  I  am  at  my  meat, 
let  me  make  an  end.  No,  said  he,  you  must  do  it  now,  or  you  15 
will  displease  God,  and  despise  Christ.  Wherefore  I  was  much 
afflicted  with  these  things ;  and  because  of  the  sinfulness  of  my 
nature,  (imagining  that  these  things  were  impulses  from  God), 
I  should  deny  to  do  it,  as  if  I  denied  God ;  and  then  should  I 
be  as  guilty,  because  I  did  not  obey  a  temptation  of  the  Devil,  20 
as  if  I  had  broken  the  Law  of  God  indeed. 

139.  But  to  be  brief,  one  Morning,  as  I  did  lie  in  my  bed, 
I  was,  as  at  other  times,  most  fiercely  assaulted  with  this  temp- 
tation, to  sell  and  part  with  Christ ;  the  wicked  suggestion  still 
running  in  my  mind,  Sell  him,  sell  him,  sell  him,  sell  him,  sell  25 
him,  as  fast  as  a  man  could  speak.  Against  which  also,  in  my 
mind,  as  at  other  times,  I  answered,  No,  no,  not  for  thousands, 
thousands,  thousands,  at  least  twenty  times  together.  But  at  last, 
after  much  striving,  even  until  I  was  almost  out  of  breath,  I  felt 
this  thought  pass  through  my  heart,  Let  him  go,  if  he  will !  and  30 
I  thought  also,  that  I  felt  my  heart  freely  consent  thereto.  Oh, 
the  diligence  of  Satan  !    Oh,  the  desperateness  of  man's  heart ! 

140.  Now  was  the  battle  won,  and  down  fell  I,  as  a  Bird 
that  is  shot  from  the  top  of  a  tree,  into  great  guilt,  and  fearful 


50  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

despair.  Thus  getting  out  of  my  Bed,  I  went  moping  into  the 
field  ;  but  God  knows,  with  as  heavy  a  heart  as  mortal  man,  I 
think,  could  bear ;  where,  for  the  space  of  two  hours,  I  was  like 
a  man  bereft  of  life,  and  as  now  past  all  recovery,  and  bound 
5  over  to  eternal  punishment 

141.  And  withal,  that  scripture  did  seize  upon  my  soul, 
Or  profane  person,  as  Esau,  who  for  one  morsel  of  Meat,  sold  his 
birthright ;  for  ye  know,  how  that  afterward,  when  he  would 
have  inherited  the  blessing,  he  was  rejected ;  for  he  found  no  place 

10  of  repentance,  though  he  sought  it  carefully  with  tears} 

142.  Now  was  I  as  one  bound;  I  felt  myself  shut  up  unto 
the  judgment  to  come.  Nothing  now  for  two  years  together 
would  abide  with  me  but  damnation,  and  an  expectation  of 
damnation.    I  say,  nothing  now  would  abide  with  me  but  this, 

1 5  save  some  few  moments  for  relief,  as  in  the  sequel  you  will  see. 

143.  These  words  were  to  my  soul  like  fetters  of  brass  to 
my  legs,  in  the  continual  sound  of  which  I  went  for  several 
months  together.  But  about  ten  or  eleven  o'clock  one  day,  as  I 
was  walking  under  a  hedge,  (full  of  sorrow  and  guilt,   God 

20  knows,)  and  bemoaning  myself  for  this  hard  hap,  that  such  a 
thought  should  arise  within  me ;  suddenly  this  sentence  bolted 
in  upon  me,  The  blood  of  Christ  remits  all  guilt.  At  this  I  made 
a  stand  in  my  spirit :  with  that,  this  word  took  hold  upon  me, 
The  blood  offesus  Christ,  his  Son,  cleanseth  us  from  all  sin!1 

25  144.  Now  I  began  to  conceive  peace  in  my  Soul,  and 
methought  I  saw  as  if  the  Tempter  did  lear  and  steal  away 
from  me,  as  being  ashamed  of  what  he  had  done.  At  the  same 
time  also  I  had  my  sin,  and  the  blood  of  Christ  thus  represented 
to  me,  that  my  sin,  when  compared  to  the  blood  of  Christ,  was 

30  no  more  to  it,  than  this  little  clot  or  stone  before  me  is  to  this 
vast  and  wide  field  that  here  I  see.  This  gave  me  good  encour- 
agement for  the  space  of  two  or  three  hours ;  in  which  time 
also,  methought  I  saw,  by  faith,  the  Son  of  God,  as  suffering 

1  Heb.  12.  16,  17.  2  1  John  1.  7. 


TO  THE  CHIEF  OF  SINNERS  5  I 

for  my  sins ;  but  because  it  tarried  not  I  therefore  sunk  in  my 
spirit  under  exceeding  guilt  again. 

145.  But  chiefly  by  the  afore-mentioned  scripture,  concern- 
ing Esau's  selling  of  his  Birthright ;  for  that  Scripture  would 
lie  all  day  long,  all  the  week  long,  yea,  all  the  year  long  in  my  5 
mind,  and  hold  me  down,  so  that  I  could  by  no  means  lift  up 
myself.  For  when  I  would  strive  to  turn  me  to  this  Scripture, 
or  that,  for  relief,  still  that  sentence  would  be  sounding  in  me, 
For  ye  know,  how  that  afterwa?'d,  when  he  would  have  inherited 
the  blessing  he  found  no  place  of  repentance,  though  he  sought  it  10 
carefully  with  tears. 

146.  Sometimes  also,  I  should  have  a  touch  from  that  in 
I  have  prayed  for  thee,  that  thy  faith  fail  not;1  but  it  would  not 
abide  upon  me ;  neither  could  I  indeed,  when  I  considered  my 
state,  find  ground  to  conceive  in  the  least,  that  there  should  be  15 
the  root  of  that  Grace  within  me,  having  sinned  as  I  had  done. 
Now  was  I  tore  and  rent  in  heavy  case,  for  many  days  together. 

147.  Then  began  I  with  sad  and  careful  heart,  to  consider 
of  the  nature  and  largeness  of  my  sin,  and  to  search  in  the 
Word  of  God,  if  I  could  in  any  place  espy  a  word  of  promise,  20 
or  any  encouraging  sentence  by  which  I  might  take  relief. 
Wherefore  I  began  to  consider  that  third  of  Mark,  All  manner 
of  sins  and  blasphemies  shall  be  forgiven  unto  the  sons  of  men, 
wherewithsoever  they,  shall  blaspheme}   Which  place,  methought, 

at  a  blush,  did  contain  a  large  and  glorious  Promise,  for  the  25 
pardon  of  high  offences ;  but  considering  the  place  more  fully, 
I  thought  it  was  rather  to  be  understood  as  relating  more  chiefly 
to  those  who  had,  while  in  a  natural  estate,  committed  such 
things  as  there  are  mentioned  ;  but  not  to  me,  who  had  not  only 
received  Light  and  Mercy,  but  that  had,  both  after,  and  also  30 
contrary  to  that,  so  slighted  Christ  as  I  had  done. 

148.  I  feared  therefore  that  this  wicked  sin  of  mine,  might 
be  that  sin   unpardonable,  of  which  he  there  thus  speaketh. 

1  Luke  22.  32.  2  Mark  3.  28,  29. 


52  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

But  he  that  shall  blaspheme  against  the  Holy  Ghost  hath  never 
forgiveness,  but  is  in  danger  of  eternal  damnation}  And  I  did 
the  rather  give  credit  to  this,  because  of  that  sentence  in  the 
Hebrews,  For  ye  know,  how  that  afterward,  when  he  would 
5  have  inherited  the  blessing,  he  was  rejected ;  for  he  found  no  place 
of  repentance^  though  he  sought  it  carefully  with  tears.  And  this 
stuck  always  with  me. 

149.  And  now  was  I  both  a  burthen  and  terror  to  myself; 
nor  did  I  ever  so  know,  as  now,  what  it  was  to  be  weary  of  my 

10  life,  and  yet  afraid  to  die.  Oh,  how  gladly  now  would  I  have 
been  anybody  but  myself !  Anything  but  a  man  !  and  in  any 
condition  but  mine  own  !  for  there  was  nothing  did  pass  more 
frequently  over  my  mind,  than  that  it  was  impossible  for  me 
to  be  forgiven  my  transgression,  and  to  be  saved  from  wrath 

15  to  come. 

150.  And  now  began  I  to  labour  to  call  again  time  that  was 
past ;  wishing  a  thousand  times  twice  told,  that  the  day  was  yet 
to  come,  when  I  should  be  tempted  to  such  a  sin !  concluding 
with  great  indignation,  both  against  my  heart,  and  all  assaults, 

20  how  I  would  rather  have  been  torn  in  pieces,  than  found  a  con- 
senter  thereto.  But,  alas !  these  thoughts,  and  wishings,  and 
resolvings,  were  now  too  late  to  help  me  ;  the  thought  had  passed 
my  heart ;  God  hath  let  me  go,  and  I  am  fallen.  Oh  /  thought 
I,  that  it  7c>as  with  me  as  in  months  past,  as  in  the  days  when 

25  God  preserved  me!*1 

151.  Then  again,  being  loth  and  unwilling  to  perish,  I  began 
to  compare  my  sin  with  others,  to  see  if  I  could  find  that  any  of 
those  that  were  saved  had  done  as  I  had  done.  So  I  considered 
David's  Adultery  and  Murder,  and  found  them  most  heinous 

30  crimes  ;  and  those  too  committed  after  Light  and  Grace  received. 
But  yet  by  considering,  I  perceived  that  his  transgressions  were 
only  such  as  were  against  the  Law  of  Moses ;  from  which  the 
Lord  Christ  could,  with  the  consent  of  his  Word,  deliver  him. 

2  Job  29.  2, 


TO  THE  CHIEF  OF  SINNERS  53 

But  mine  was  against  the  Gospel ;  yea,  against  the  Mediator 
thereof ;  I  had  sold  my  Saviour. 

152.  Now  again  should  I  be  as  if  racked  upon  the  wheel, 
when  I  considered,  that,  besides  the  guilt  that  possessed  me,  I 
should  be  so  void  of  Grace,  so  bewitched.  What,  thought  I,  5 
must  it  be  no  sin  but  this  ?  Must  it  needs  be  the  great  trans- 
gression ?  x  Must  that  wicked  one  touch  my  soul  ? 2  Oh,  what 
stings  did  I  find  in  all  these  sentences ! 

153.  What,  thought  I,  is  there  but  one  sin  that  is  unpardon- 
able ?   But  one  sin  that  layeth  the  soul  without  the  reach  of  God's  10 
mercy  ;  and  must  I  be  guilty  of  that  ?    Must  it  needs  be  that  ? 

Is  there  but  one  sin  among  so  many  millions  of  sins,  for  which 
there  is  no  forgiveness  ;  and  must  /  commit  this  ?  Oh,  unhappy 
sin!  Oh,  unhappy  Man!  These  things  would  so  break  and 
confound  my  spirit,  that  I  could  not  tell  what  to  do  ;  I  thought,  1 5 
at  times,  they  would  have  broke  my  wits  ;  and  still,  to  aggravate 
my  misery,  that  would  run  in  my  mind,  Ye  know  how  that  after- 
ward, when  he  would  have  inherited  the  blessing,  he  was  rejected. 
Oh !  none  knows  the  terrors  of  those  days  but  myself. 

154.  After  this  I  came  to  consider  of  Peter's  sin,  which  he  20 
committed  in  denying  his  Master  ;  and  indeed,  this  came  nighest 

to  mine  of  any  that  I  could  find  ;  for  he  had  denied  his  Saviour, 
as  I,  and  that  after  Light  and  Mercy  received  ;  yea,  and  that 
too,  after  Warning  given  him.  I  also  considered,  that  he  did  it 
both  once  and  twice ;  and  that,  after  time  to  consider  betwixt.  25 
But  though  I  put  all  these  circumstances  together,  that,  if  pos- 
sible, I  might  find  help,  yet  I  considered  again,  that  his  was 
but  a  denial  of  his  Master,  but  mine  was  a  selling  of  my  Saviour. 
Wherefore  I  thought  with  myself,  that  I  came  nearer  to  fudas, 
than  either  to  David  or  Peter.  30 

155.  Here  again  my  torment  would  flame  out  and  afflict  me  ; 
yea,  it  would  grind  me,  as  it  were,  to  powder,  to  discern  the 
preservation  of  God  towards  others,  while  I  fell  into  the  snare ; 

l  Ps.  19.  13.  2  1  John  5.  jS. 


54  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

for  in  my  thus  considering  of  other  men's  sins,  and  comparing 
of  them  with  my  own,  I  could  evidently  see  how  God  preserved 
them,  notwithstanding  their  wickedness,  and  would  not  let  them, 
as  he  had  let  me,  to  become  a  Son  of  Perdition. 
5  156.  But  oh,  how  did  my  Soul,  at  this  time,  prize  the  pres- 
ervation that  God  did  set  about  his  people !  Ah,  how  safely 
did  I  see  them  walk,  whom  God  had  hedged  in !  They  were 
within  his  Care,  Protection,  and  Special  Providence,  though  they 
were  full  as  bad  as  I  by  Nature ;  yet  because  he  loved  them, 

10  he  would  not  suffer  them  to  fall  without  the  range  of  Mercy ;  but 
as  for  me,  I  was  gone,  I  had  done  it ;  he  would  not  preserve 
me,  nor  keep  me ;  but  suffered  me,  because  I  was  a  Reprobate, 
to  fall  as  I  had  done.  Now,  did  those  blessed  places,  that  spake 
of  God's  keeping  his  People,  shine  like  the  Sun  before  me,  though 

1 5  not  to  comfort  me,  but  to  show  me  the  blessed  state  and  heritage 
of  those  whom  the  Lord  had  blessed. 

157.  Now  I  saw,  that  as  God  had  his  hand  in  all  providences 
and  dispensations  that  overtook  his  Elect,  so  he  had  his  hand  in 
all  the  Temptations  that  they  had  to  sin  against  him,  not  to 

20  animate  them  unto  Wickedness,  but  to  choose  their  Temptations 
and  Troubles  for  them ;  and  also  to  leave  them,  for  a  time,  to 
such  Sins  only  as  might  not  destroy,  but  humble  them  ;  as  might 
not  put  them  beyond,  but  lay  them  in  the  way  of  the  renewing 
of  his  Mercy.    But  oh,  what  Love,  what  Care,  what  Kindness 

25  and  Mercy  did  I  now  see,  mixing  itself  with  the  most  severe 
and  dreadful  of  all  God's  ways  to  his  people  1  He  would  let 
David,  Hezekiah,  Solomon,  Peter,  and  others  fall,  but  he  would 
not  let  them  fall  into  sin  unpardonable,  nor  into  Hell  for  Sin. 
Oh !  thought  I,  these  be  the  Men  that  God  hath  loved ;  these 

30  be  the  Men  that  God,  though  he  chastiseth  them,  keeps  them 
in  safety  by  him,  and  them  whom  he  makes  to  abide  under  the 
shadow  of  the  Almighty.  But  all  these  thoughts  added  sorrow, 
grief,  and  horror  to  me,  as  whatever  I  now  thought  on,  it  was 
killing  to  me.    If  I  thought  how  God  kept  his  own,  that  was 


TO  THE  CHIEF  OF  SINNERS  55 

killing  to  me.  If  I  thought  of  how  I  was  falling  myself,  that 
was  killing  to  me.  As  all  things  wrought  together  for  the  best, 
and  to  do  good  to  them  that  were  called,  according  to  his  pur- 
pose ;  so  I  thought  that  all  things  wrought  for  my  damage,  and 
for  my  eternal  overthrow.  5 

158.  Then,  again,  I  began  to  compare  my  sin  with  the  sin 
of  Judas,  that,  if  possible,  I  might  find  that  mine  differed  from 
that  which,  in  truth,  is  unpardonable.  And,  oh !  thought  I,  if  it 
should  differ  from  it,  though  but  the  breadth  of  an  hair,  what 

a  happy  condition  is  my  Soul  in  !  And,  by  considering,  I  found  10 
that  Judas  did  his  intentionally,  but  mine  was  against  my  prayer 
and  strivings ;  besides,  his  was  committed  with  much  deliberation, 
but  mine  in  a  fearful  hurry,  on  a  sudden ;  all  this  while  I  was 
tossed  to  and  fro,  like  the  Locusts,  and  driven  from  trouble  to 
sorrow;  hearing  always  the  sound  of  Esau's  fall  in  mine  ears,  15 
and  of  the  dreadful  consequences  thereof. 

159.  Yet  this  consideration  about  Judas,  his  sin  was,  for  a 
while,  some  little  relief  unto  me ;  for  I  saw  I  had  not,  as  to  the 
circumstances,  transgressed  so  foully  as  he.  But  this  was  quickly 
gone  again,  for,  I  thought  with  myself,  there  might  be  more  20 
ways  than  one  to  commit  the  unpardonable  sin ;  also  I  thought 
that  there  might  be  degrees  of  that,  as  well  as  of  other  trans- 
gressions ;  wherefore,  for  ought  I  yet  could  perceive,  this  iniquity 

of  mine  might  be  such,  as  might  never  be  passed  by. 

160.  I  was  often  now  ashamed,  that  I  should  be  like  such  25 
an  ugly  man  as  Judas.    I  thought,  also,  how  loathsome  I  should 
be  unto  all  the  saints  at  the  Day  of  Judgment ;  insomuch,  that 
now  I  could  scarce  see  a  good  man,  that  I  believed  had  a  good 
Conscience,  but  I  should  feel  my  heart  tremble  at  him,  while 

I  was  in  his  presence.     Oh !   now  I   saw  a  glory  in  walking  3o 
with  God,  and  what  a  mercy  it  was  to  have  a  good  Conscience 
before  him. 

161.  I  was  much  about  this  time  tempted  to  content  myself 
by  receiving  some  false  Opinion  ;  as  that  there  should  be  no 


56  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

such  thing  as  a  Day  of  Judgment,  that  we  should  not  rise  again, 
and  that  Sin  was  no  such  grievous  thing  ;  the  Tempter  suggest- 
ing thus,  For  if  these  things  should  indeed  be  true,  yet  to  believe 
otherwise,  would  yield  you  ease  for  the  present.  If  you  must  perish, 
5  never  torment  yourself  so  much  before  hand ;  d?ive  the  thoughts 
of  damning  out  of  your  mind,  by  possessing  your  mind  with 
some  such  conclusions  that  Atheists  and  Ranters  do  use  to 
help  themselves  withal. 

162.  But,  oh !  when  such  thoughts  have  led  through  my  heart, 
10  how,  as  it  were,  within  a  step,  hath  Death  and  Judgment  been 

in  my  view !  Methought  the  Judge  stood  at  the  door,  I  was  as 
if  it  was  come  already  ;  so  that  such  things  could  have  no  enter- 
tainment. But,  methinks,  I  see  by  this,  that  Satan  will  use  any 
means  to  keep  the  Soul  from  Christ ;  he  loveth  not  an  awakened 
1 5  frame  of  spirit ;  security,  blindness,  darkness,  and  error  is  the 
very  kingdom  and  habitation  of  the  wicked  one. 

163.  I  found  it  hard  work  now  to  pray  to  God,  because  de- 
spair was  swallowing  me  up  ;  I  thought  I  was,  as  with  a  tempest, 
driven  away  from  God,  for  always  when  I  cried  to  God  for 

20  mercy,  this  would  come  in,  'Tis  too  late,  I  am  lost,  God  hath  let 
7nefall ;  not  to  my  correction,  but  condemnation  ;  my  sin  is  unpar- 
donable ;  and  I  know,  concerning  Esau,  how  that,  after  he  had 
sold  his  birthright,  he  would  have  7'eceived  the  blessing,  but  was 
rejected.  About  this  time,  I  did  light  on  that  dreadful  story  of  that 

25  miserable  mortal,  Francis  Spira  ;  a  Book  that  was  to  my  troubled 
spirit  as  salt  when  rubbed  into  a  fresh  wound ;  every  sentence 
in  that  Book,  every  groan  of  that  Man,  with  all  the  rest  of  his 
actions  in  his  dolours,  as  his  tears,  his  prayers,  his  gnashing  of 
teeth,  his  wringing  of  hands,  his  twining  and  twisting,  languish- 

30  ing  and  pining  away  under  that  mighty  hand  of,  God  that  was 
upon  him,  was  as  knives  and  daggers  in  my  soul ;  especially  that 
sentence  of  his  was  frightful  to  me,  Man  knows  the  beginning 
of  sin,  but  who  bounds  the  issues  thereof!  Then  would  the  former 
sentence,  as  the  conclusion  of  all,  fall  like  a  hot  thunderbolt 


TO  THE  CHIEF  OF  SINNERS  57 

again  upon  my  conscience;  for  you  ktiow  how  that  afterward, 
when  he  would  have  inherited  the  blessing,  he  tvas  rejected ;  for 
he  found  no  place  of  repentance,  though  he  sought  it  carefully 
with  tears. 

164.  Then  was  I  struck  into  a  very  great  trembling,  insomuch    5 
that  at  sometimes  I  could,  for  whole  days  together,  feel  my  very 
body,  as  well  as  my  mind,  to  shake  and  totter  under  the  sense 

of  the  dreadful  judgment  of  God,  that  should  fall  on  those  that 
have  sinned  that  most  fearful  and  unpardonable  sin.  I  felt  also 
such  a  clogging  and  heat  at  my  stomach,  by  reason  of  this  my  10 
terror,  that  I  was,  especially  at  sometimes,  as  if  my  breast  bone 
would  have  split  asunder.  Then  I  thought  of  that  concerning 
fudas,  who,  by  his  falling  headlong,  burst  asunder,  and  all  his 
bowels  gushed  out} 

165.  I  feared  also  that  this  was  the  mark  that  the  Lord  did  15 
set  on  Cain,  even  continual  fear  and  trembling,  under  the  heavy 
load  of  guilt  that  he  had  charged  on  him  for  the  blood  of  his 
brother  Abel.  Thus  did  I  wind,  and  twine,  and  shrink,  under 
the  burthen  that  was  upon  me;  which  burthen  also  did  so  op- 
press me,  that  I  could  neither  stand,  nor  go,  nor  lie,  either  at  20 
rest  or  quiet. 

166.  Yet  that  saying  would  sometimes  come  to  my  mind,  He 
hath  received  gifts  for  the  rebellious?-    The  rebellious,  thought  I ; 
why,  surely  they  are  such  as  once  were  under  subjection  to  their 
prince,  eve?i  those  who,  after  they  have  sworn  subjection  to  his  25 
Government,  have  taken  up  Arms  against  him  ;  and  this,  thought 

I,  is  my  very  condition  ;  once  I  loved  him,  feared  him,  served  him  ; 
but  now  I  am  a  rebel ;  I  have  sold  him,  I  have  said,  Let  him  go 
if  he  will ;  but  yet  he  has  gifts  for  rebels,  and  then  why  not  forme  ? 

167.  This  sometimes  I  thought  on,  and  should  labour  to  take  30 
hold  thereof,  that  some,  though  small,  refreshment  might  have 
been  conceived  by  me  ;  but  in  this  also  I  missed  of  my  desire,  I 
was  driven  with  force  beyond  it,  I  was  like  a  Man  that  is  going 

1  Acts  1.  18.  2  ps<  63.  !8. 


58  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

to  execution,  even  by  that  place  where  he  would  fain  creep  in  and 
hide  himself,  but  may  not. 

1 68.  Again,  after  I  had  thus  considered  the  sins  of  the  Saints 
in  particular,  and  found  mine  went  beyond  them,  then  I  began 

5  to  think  thus  with  myself :  Set  the  case  I  should  put  all  theirs 
together,  and  mine  alone  against  them,  might  I  not  then  find  some 
Encouragement  ?  For  if  mine,  though  bigger  than  any  one,  yet 
should  but  be  equal  to  all,  then  there  is  hopes ;  for  that  blood  that 
hath  virtue  enough  in  it  to  wash  away  all  theirs,  hath  also  virtue 

io  enough  in  it  to  do  away  mine,  though  this  o?ie  be  full  as  big,  if 
no  bigger,  than  all  theirs.  Here,  again,  I  should  consider  the 
sin  of  David,  of  Solomon,  of  Manasseh,  of  Peter,  and  the  rest 
of  the  great  offenders ;  and  should  also  labour,  what  I  might 
with  fairness,  to  aggravate  and  heighten  their  sins  by  several 

1 5  circumstances  :  but,  alas  !  it  was  all  in  vain. 

169.  I  should  think  with  myself  that  David  shed  blood  to 
cover  his  Adultery,  and  that  by  the  sword  of  the  children  of 
Amnion  ;  a  work  that  could  not  be  done  but  by  continuance  and 
deliberate  contrivance,  which  was  a  great  aggravation  to  his  sin. 

20  But  then  this  would  turn  upon  me  :  Ah  !  but  these  were  but  sins 
against  the  Law,  front  which  there  was  a  Jesus  sent  to  save  them  ; 
but  yours  is  a  sin  against  the  Saviour,  and  who  shall  save  you 
from  that  ? 

170.  Then  I  thought  on  Solomon,  and  how  he  sinned  in  loving 
25  strange  Women,  in  falling  away  to  their  Idols,  in  building  them 

Temples,  in  doing  this  after  light,  in  his  old  Age,  after  great 
mercy  received  ;  but  the  same  conclusion  that  cut  me  off  in  the 
former  consideration,  cut  me  off  as  to  this  ;  namely,  that  all  those 
were  but  sins  against  the  Law,  for  which  God  had  provided  a 
30  remedy ;  but  I  had  sold  my  Saviour,  and  there  now  remained 
no  more  sacrifice  for  sin. 

171.  I  would  then  add  to  those  men's  sins,  the  sins  of  Ma- 
nasseh, how  that  he  built  Altars  for  Idols  in  the  House  of  the 
Lord  ;  he  also  observed  times,  used  enchantment,  had  to  do  with 


TO  THE  CHIEF  OF  SINNERS  59 

Wizards,  was  a  Wizard,  had  his  familiar  Spirits,  burned  his 
Children  in  the  Fire  in  Sacrifice  to  Devils,  and  made  the 
Streets  of  Jerusalem  run  down  with  the  blood  of  Innocents. 
These,  thought  I,  are  great  sins,  sins  of  a  bloody  colour ;  yea, 
it  would  turn  again  upon  me :  They  are  none  of  them  of  the  5 
nature  of  yours  ;  you  have  parted  with  Jesus,  you  have  sold  your 
Saviour. 

172.  This  one  consideration  would  always  kill  my  heart,  My 
sin  7cas  point  blank  against  my  Saviour;  and  that  too,  at  that 
height,  that  I  had  in  my  heart  said  of  him,  Let  him  go  if  he  will.  10 
Oh !  methought,  this  sin  was  bigger  than  the  sins  of  a  Country, 

of  a  Kingdom,  or  of  the  whole  World,  no  one  pardonable,  nor 
all  of  them  together,  was  able  to  equal  mine ;  mine  outwent 
them  every  one. 

173.  Now  I  should  find  my  mind  to  flee  from  God,  as  from  15 
the  face  of  a  dreadful  judge ;  yet  this  was  my  torment,  I  could 
not  escape  his  hand  :  //  is  a  fearful  thing  to  fall  into  the  hands 
of  the  living  God}  But  blessed  be  his  Grace,  that  scripture,  in 
these  flying  sins,  would  call  as  running  after  me,  /  have  blotted 
out,  as  a  thick  cloud,  thy  transgressions ;  and,  as  a  cloud,  thy  sins :  20 
return  u?ito  me,  for  I  have  redeemed  thee}  This,  I  say,  would  come 

in  upon  my  mind,  when  I  was  fleeing  from  the  face  of  God ; 
for  I  did  flee  from  his  face,  that  is,  my  mind  and  spirit  fled 
before  him  ;  by  reason  of  his  highness,  I  could  not  endure  ;  then 
would  the  text  cry,  Return  unto  me ;  it  would  cry  aloud  with  a  25 
very  great  voice,  Return  unto  me,  for  I  have  redeemed  thee.  In- 
deed, this  would  make  me  make  a  little  stop,  and,  as  it  were, 
look  over  my  shoulder  behind  me,  to  see  if  I  could  discern  that 
the  God  of  grace  did  follow  me  with  a  pardon  in  his  hand,  but 
I  could  no  sooner  do  that,  but  all  would  be  clouded  and  darkened  30 
again  by  that  sentence,  .For  you  know  how  that  afterwards,  when 
he  would  have  inherited  the  blessing,  he  found  no  place  of  repent- 
ance^ though  he  sought  it  carefully  with  tears.   Wherefore  I  could 

1  lie').  10.  31.  2  Isa.  44.  22. 


60  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

not  return,  but  fled,  though  at  sometimes  it  cried,  Return,  return, 
as  if  it  did  holloa  after  me.  But  I  feared  to  close  in  therewith, 
lest  it  should  not  come  from  God  ;  for  that  other,  as  I  said,  was 
still  sounding  in  my  conscience,  For  you  know  how  that  after- 
5  wards,  when  he  would  have  inherited  the  blessing,  he  was 
rejected,  &*c. 

174.  Once  as  I  was  walking  to  and  fro  in  a  good  man's 
shop,  bemoaning  of  myself  in  my  sad  and  doleful  state,  afflicting 
myself  with  self -abhorrence  for  this  wicked  and  ungodly  thought ; 

10  lamenting,  also,  this  hard  hap  of  mine,  for  that  I  should  commit 
so  great  a  sin,  greatly  fearing  I  should  not  be  pardoned ;  pray- 
ing, also,  in  my  heart,  that  if  this  sin  of  mine  did  differ  from 
that  against  the  Holy  Ghost,  the  Lord  would  show  it  me ;  and 
being  now  ready  to  sink  with  fear,  suddenly  there  was,  as  if  there 

15  had  rushed  in  at  the  Window  the  Noise  of  wind  upon  me,  but 
very  pleasant,  and  as  if  I  heard  a  voice  speaking,  Didst  ever 
refuse  to  be  justified  by  the  Blood  of  Christ  ?  And,  withal  my 
whole  life  and  profession  past  was,  in  a  moment,  opened  to  me, 
wherein  I  was  made  to  see  that  designedly  I  had  not ;  so  my 

20  heart  answered  groaningly,  No.  Then  fell,  with  power,  that 
Word  of  God  upon  me,  See  that  ye  refuse  not  him  that  speaketh} 
This  made  a  strange  seizure  upon  my  spirit;  it  brought  light 
with  it,  and  commanded  a  silence  in  my  heart  of  all  those  tumul- 
tuous thoughts  that  before  did  use,  like  masterless  Hell-hounds, 

25  to  roar  and  bellow,  and  make  a  hideous  noise  within  me.  It 
showed  me,  also,  that  Jesus  Christ  had  yet  a  word  of  Grace  and 
Mercy  for  me,  that  he  had  not,  as  I  had  feared,  quite  forsaken 
and  cast  off  my  Soul ;  yea,  this  was  a  kind  of  a  chide  for  my 
proneness  to  desperation ;  a  kind  of  a  threatening  me  if  I  did 

30  not,  notwithstanding  my  sins  and  the  heinousness  of  them, 
venture  my  Salvation  upon  the  Son  of  God.  But  as  to  my 
determining  about  this  strange  dispensation,  what  it  was  I  knew 
not ;  or  from  whence  it  came  I  know  not.    I  have  not  yet,  in 

llleb.  12.25. 


TO  THE  CHIEF  OF  SINNERS  6l 

twenty  years'  time,  been  able  to  make  a  judgment  of  it ;  I 
thought  then  what  here  I  shall  be  loth  to  speak.  But  verily,  that 
sudden  rushing  wind  was  as  if  an  Angel  had  come  upon  me ; 
but  both  it  and  the  Salutation  I  will  leave  until  the  Day  of  Judg- 
ment ;  only  this  I  say,  it  commanded  a  great  calm  in  my  Soul ;  5 
it  persuaded  me  there  might  be  hope ;  it  showed  me,  as  I 
thought,  what  the  sin  unpardonable  was,  and  that  my  Soul  had 
yet  the  blessed  privilege  to  flee  to  Jesus  Christ  for  Mercy.  But, 
I  say,  concerning  this  dispensation,  I  know  not  what  yet  to  say 
unto  it ;  which  was,  also,  in  truth,  the  cause  that,  at  first,  I  did  10 
not  speak  of  it  in  the  Book.  I  do  now,  also,  leave  it  to  be 
thought  on  by  men  of  sound  judgment.  I  lay  not  the  stress  of 
my  Salvation  thereupon,  but  upon  the  Lord  Jesus,  in  the  promise ; 
yet,  seeing  I  am  here  unfolding  of  my  secret  things,  I  thought 
it  might  not  be  altogether  inexpedient  to  let  this  also  show  itself,  1 5 
though  I  cannot  now  relate  the  matter  as  there  I  did  experience 
it.  This  lasted,  in  the  savour  of  it,  for  about  three  or  four  days, 
and  then  I  began  to  mistrust  and  to  despair  again. 

175.  Wherefore,  still  my  life  hung  in  doubt  before  me,  not 
knowing  which  way  I  should  tip ;  only  this  I  found  my  Soul's  20 
desire,  even  to  cast  itself  at  the  foot  of  Grace,  by  Prayer  and 
Supplication.  But,  oh  !  'T  was  hard  for  me  now  to  bear  the  Face 
to  pray  to  this  Christ  for  mercy,  against  whom  I  had  thus  most 
vilely  sinned.  'T  was  hard  work,  I  say,  to  offer  to  look  him  in 
the  face  against  whom  I  had  so  vilely  sinned  ;  and,  indeed,  I  have  25 
found  it  as  difficult  to  come  to  God  by  prayer,  after  backsliding 
from  him,  as  to  do  any  other  thing.  Oh,  the  shame  that  did  now 
attend  me  !  especially  when  I  thought  I  am  now  a-going  to  pray 
to  him  for  mercy  that  I  had  so  lightly  esteemed  but  a  while 
before !  I  was  ashamed,  yea,  even  confounded,  because  this  30 
villany  had  been  committed  by  me ;  but  I  saw  there  was  but 
one  way  with  me,  I  must  go  to  him  and  humble  myself  unto 
him,  and  beg  that  he,  of  his  wonderful  Mercy,  would  show  pity 
to  me,  and  have  Mercy  upon  my  wretched  sinful  Soul. 


62  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

176.  Which,  when  the  Tempter  perceived,  he  strongly  sug- 
gested to  me,  That  I  ought  not  to  pray  to  God ;  for  prayer  was 
not  for  any  i?i  my  case,  neither  could  it  do  me  good,  because  I  had 
rejected  the  Mediator,  by  whom  all  prayer  came  with  acceptance  to 

5  God  the  Father,  and  without  whom  no  prayer  could  come  into  his 
presence.  Wherefore,  now  to  pray  is  but  to  add  sin  to  sin ;  yea, 
now  to  pray,  seeing  God  has  cast  you  off,  is  the  ?iext  way  to  anger 
and  offe?id  him  more  than  you  ever  did  before. 

177.  For  God,  saith  he,  hath  been  weary  of  you  for  these  sev- 
10  eral  years  already,  because  you  are  no?ie  of  his  ;  your  bawlings  in 

his  ears  hath  been  no  pleasant  voice  to  him  ;  and,  therefore,  he  let 
you  sin  this  si?i,  that  you  might  be  quite  cut  off ;  and  will  you 
pray  still  ?  This  the  Devil  urged,  and  set  forth  that,  in  Numbers} 
when  Moses  said  to  the  children  of  Israel,  That  because  they 
15  would  not  go  up  to  possess  the  land  when  God  would  have  them, 
therefore,  for  ever  after,  God  did  bar  them  out  from  thence,  though 
they  prayed,  they  might  with  tears. 

178.  As  it  is  said  in  another  place,  the  man  that  sins  presump- 
tuously shall  be  taken  from  God's  Altar  that  he  may  die;2  even 

20  as  foab  was  by  King  Solomon?  when  he  thought  to  find  shelter 
there,  &:c.  These  places  did  pinch  me  very  sore ;  yet,  my  case 
being  desperate,  I  thought  with  myself  I  can  but  die ;  and  if  it 
must  be  so  it  shall  once  be  said,  that  such  an  one  died  at  the  foot 
of  Christ  in  Prayer.    This  I  did,  but  with  great  difficulty,  God 

25  doth  know  ;  and  that  because,  together  with  this,  still  that  saying 
about  Esau  would  be  set  at  my  heart,  even  like  a  flaming  Sword 
to  keep  the  way  of  the  Tree  of  Life,  lest  I  should  taste  thereof 
and  live.  Oh  !  who  knows  how  hard  a  thing  I  found  it  to  come 
to  God  in  prayer. 

30  179.  I  did  also  desire  the  prayers  of  the  people  of  God  for 
me,  but  I  feared  that  God  would  give  them  no  heart  to  do  it ; 
yea,  I  trembled  in  my  soul  to  think  that  some  or  other  of  them 
would  shortly  tell  me,  that  God  had  said  those  words  to  them 

1  Num.  14.  36,  37,  &c.  2  Ex.  21.  14.  8  1  Kings  2.  28. 


TO  THE  CHIEF  OF  SINNERS  63 

that  he  once  did  say  to  the  prophet  concerning  the  children  of 
Israel,  Pray  not  thou  for  this  people,  for  I  have  rejected  them} 
So,  pray  not  for  him,  for  I  have  rejected  him.  Yea,  I  thought  that 
he  had  whispered  this  to  some  of  them  already,  only  they  durst 
not  tell  me  so,  neither  durst  I  ask  them  of  it,  for  fear,  if  it  should  5 
be  so,  it  would  make  me  quite  besides  myself.  Man  knows  the 
beginning  of  sin,  said  Spira,  but  who  bounds  the  issues  thereof? 

180.  About  this  time  I  took  an  opportunity  to  break  my  mind 
to  an  ancient  Christian,  and  told  him  all  my  case.    I  told  him, 
also,  that  I  was  afraid  that  I  had  sinned  the  sin  against  the  10 
Holy  Ghost ;  and  he  told  me  He  thought  so  too.   Here,  therefore, 

I  had  but  cold  comfort ;  but,  talking  a  little  more  with  him,  I 
found  him,  though  a  good  man,  a  stranger  to  much  combat  with 
the  Devil.  Wherefore,  I  went  to  God  again,  as  well  as  I  could, 
for  mercy  still.  15 

181.  Now,  also,  did  the  Tempter  begin  to  mock  me  in  my 
misery,  saying,  That,  seeing  I  had  thus  parted  zuith  the  Lord 
fesus,  and  provoked  him  to  displeasure  who  would  have  stood 
between  my  Soul  and  the  flame  of  devouring  fire,  there  was  now 
but  o?ie  way,  and  that  was,  To  pray  that  God  the  Father  would  20 
be  the  Mediator  betwixt  his  Son  and  me,  that  we  might  be  recon- 
ciled again,  and  that  I  might  have  that  blessed  benefit  in  him  that 
his  blessed  Saints  enjoyed. 

182.  Then  did  that  Scripture  seize  upon  my  soul,  He  is  of 
one  mind,  and  who  can  turn  him  ?  Oh  !  I  saw  'twas  as  easy  to  25 
persuade  him  to  make  a  new  World,  a  new  Covenant,  or  new 
Bible,  besides  that  we  have  already,  as  to  pray  for  such  a  thing. 
This  was  to  persuade  him  that  what  he  had  done  already  was 
mere  folly,  and  persuade  him  to  alter,  yea,  to  disannul,  the  whole 
way  of  Salvation ;  and  then  would  that  saying  rent  my  soul  30 
asunder,  Neither  is  there  salvation  in  any  other :  for  there  is  none 
other  name  tinder  heaven,  given  among  men,  whereby  we  must 

be  saved? 


1  Jer.  11.  14.  2  Acts  4.  12. 


hJL*+*    CswOct.AA*  +JL4Mf  U**&L 


^d^xcx***^^  -Ca.^1 


64  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

183.  Now,  the  most  free  and  full  and  gracious  words  of  the 
Gospel  were  the  greatest  torment  to  me  ;  yea,  nothing  so  afflicted 
me  as  the  thoughts  of  Jesus  Christ.  The  remembrance  of  a 
Saviour,  because  I  had  cast  him  off,  brought  forth  the  villany 

5  of  my  sin,  and  my  loss  by  it  to  mind.  Nothing  did  twinge  my 
Conscience  like  this.  Every  time  that  I  thought  of  the  Lord 
Jesus,  of  his  Grace,  Love,  Goodness,  Kindness,  Gentleness, 
Meekness,  Death,  Blood,  Promises  and  blessed  Exhortations, 
Comforts  and  Consolations,  it  went  to  my  Soul  like  a  Sword ; 

10  for  still,  unto  these  my  considerations  of  the  Lord  Jesus,  these 
thoughts  would  make  place  for  themselves  in  my  heart ;  Aye, 
this  is  the  Jesus,  the  loving  Saviour,  the  Son  of  God,  whom  thou 
hast  parted  with,  whom  you  slighted,  despised,  and  abicsed.  This 
is  the  only  Saviour,  the  only  Redeemer,  the  only  one  that  could  so 

15  love  sinners  as  to  wash  them  from  their  sins  in  his  own  most  pre- 
cious Blood ;  but  you  have  no  part  nor  lot  in  this  Jesus,  you  have 
put  him  from  you,  you  have  said  i?i  your  heart,  Let  him  go  if  he 
will.  Now,  therefore,  you  are  servered  fro?n  him ;  you  have  servered 
yourself  from  him.    Behold,  then,  his  Goodness,  but  yourself  to  be 

20  no  partaker  of  it.  Oh,  thought  I,  what  have  I  lost !  What  have 
I  parted  with  !  What  have  I  disinherited  my  poor  Soul  of  !  Oh  ! 
it  is  sad  to  be  destroyed  by  the  Grace  and  Mercy  of  God ;  to 
have  the  Lamb,  the  Saviour,  turn  Lion  and  Destroyer.1  I  also 
trembled,  as  I  have  said,  at  the  sight  of  the  Saints  of  God, 

25  especially  at  those  that  greatly  loved  him,  and  that  made  it  their 
business  to  walk  continually  with  him  in  this  World ;  for  they 
did,  both  in  their  words,  their  carriages,  and  all  their  expressions 
of  tenderness  and  fear  to  sin  against  their  precious  Saviour,  con- 
demn, lay  guilt  upon,  and  also  add  continual  affliction  and  shame 

30  unto  my  soul.  The  dread  of  them  was  upon  me,  and  I  trembled 
at  God's  Samuels.2 

184.  Now,  also,  the  Tempter  began  afresh  to  mock  my  Soul 
another  way,  saying  That  Christ,  ifideed,  did  pity  my  case,  and 

1  Rev.  6.  16.  2  !  Sam.  16.  4. 


TO  THE  CHIEF  OF  SINNERS  65 

7CU7S  sorry  for  my  loss ;  but  forasmuch  as  I  had  sinned  and  trans- 
gressed, as  I  had  done,  he  could  by  no  means  help  me,  nor  save 
me  from  what  I  feared ;  for  my  sin  was  not  of  the  nature  of  theirs 
for  whom  he  bled  and  died,  neither  was  it  counted  with  those  that 
were  laid  to  his  charge  when  he  hanged  on  the  Tree.    Therefore,     5 
unless  he  should  come  down  from  heaven  and  die  anew  for  this  sin, 
though,  indeed,  he  did  greatly  pity  me,  yet  I  could  have  no  benefit 
of  him.    These  things  may  seem  ridiculous  to  others,  even  as 
ridiculous  as  they  were  in  themselves,  but  to  me  they  were  most 
ormenting  cogitations ;  every  of  them  augmented  my  misery,  10 
that  Jesus  Christ  should  have  so  much  love  as  to  pity  me  when 
he  could  not  help  me ;  nor  did  I  think  that  the  reason  why 
he  could  not  help  me  was  because  his  Merits  were  weak,  or 
is  Grace  and  Salvation  spent  on  them  already,  but  because  his 
faithfulness  to  his  threatening  would  not  let  him  extend  his  15 
ft3  mercy  to  me.    Besides,  I  thought,  as  I  have  already  hinted,  that 
j^-my  sin  was  not  within  the  bounds  of  that   Pardon  that  was 
enwrapped  up  in  a  Promise ;  and  if  not,  then  I  knew  assuredly, 

•  *     that  it  was  more  easy  for  Heaven  and  Earth  to  pass  away  than 
C"  for  me  to  have  Eternal  Life.    So  that  the  ground  of  all  these  20 

tg    fears  of  mine  did  arise  from_a_  steadfast  belief  that  I  had  of 

"  te-^he  stability  of  the  holy  Word  of  God'  and>  als0j  from  my  being 

•  »rnisinformed  of  the  nature  of  my  sin. 
185.   But,  oh  !  how  this  would  add  to  my  affliction,  to  conceit 

that  I  should  be  guilty  of  such  a  sin  for  which  he  did  not  die.  25 
These  thoughts  would  so  confound  me^and  imprison  me,  and 
tie  me  up  from  faith,  that  I  knew  not  what  to  do.  But,  oh ! 
thought  I,  that  he  would  come  down  again  !  Oh  !  that  the  work 
of  Man's  Redemption  was  yet  to  be  done  by  Christ!  How 
would  I  pray  him  and  entreat  him  to  count  and  reckon  this  sin  30 
1  amongst  the  rest  for  which  he  died  !  But  this  Scripture  would 
strike  me  down  as  dead,  Christ  being  raised  from  the  dead  dieth 
-)      no  more;  death  hath  no  more  dominion  over  him} 

^%  1  Rom.  6.  9.  ^ 


66  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

1 86.  Thus,  by  the  strange  and  unusual  assaults  of  the 
Tempter,  was  my  Soul,  like  a  broken  Vessel,  driven  as  with 
the  Winds,  and  tossed  sometimes  headlong  into  despair,  some- 
times upon  the  Covenant  of  Works,  and  sometimes  to  wish 
5  that  the  new  Covenant,  and  the  conditions  thereof,  might,  so  far 
forth  as  I  thought  myself  concerned,  be  turned  another  way 
and  changed.  But  in  all  these  I  was  but  as  those  that  jostle 
against  the  Rocks ;  more  broken,  scattered,  and  rent.  Oh,  the 
unthought  of  imaginations,  frights,  fears,  and  terrors  that  are 

io  affected  by  a  thorough  application  of  guilt,  yielded  to  desperation  ! 
This  is  the  man  that  hath  his  dwelling  among  the  to?nbs  with  the 
dead ;  that  is  always  crying  out  and  cutting  himself  with  stones.1 
But  I  say,  all  in  vain.  Desperation  will  not  comfort  him,  the  old 
Covenant  will  not  save  him ;  nay,  Heaven  and  Earth  shall  pass 

15  away  before  one  jot  or  title  of  the  Word  and  Law  of  Grace  shall 
fail  or  be  removed.  This  1  saw,  this  I  felt,  and  under  this  I 
groaned ;  yet  this  advantage  I  got  thereby,  namely,  a  further 
confirmation  of  the  certainty  of  the  way  of  salvation,  and  that 
the  Scriptures  were  the  Word  of  God  !    Oh  !  I  cannot  now  ex- 

20  press  what  then  I  saw  and  felt  of  the  steadiness  of  Jesus  Christ, 
the  Rock  of  Man's  Salvation ;  what  was  done  could  not  be  un- 
done, added  to,  nor  altered.  I  saw,  indeed,  that  sin  might  drive 
the  soul  beyond  Christ,  even  the  sin  which  is  unpardonable  ;  but 
woe  to  him  that  was  so  driven,  for  the  Word  would  shut  him  out. 

2 5  187.  Thus  was  I  always  sinking,  whatever  I  did  think  or  do. 
So  one  day  I  walked  to  a  neighbouring  Town,  and  sat  down 
upon  a  Settle  in  the  Street,  and  fell  into  a  very  deep  pause 
about  the  most  fearful  state  my  sin  had  brought  me  to ;  and, 
after  long  musing,  I  lifted  up  my  head,  but  methought  I  saw  as 

30  if  the  Sun  that  shineth  in  the  Heavens  did  grudge  to  give  light, 
and  as  if  the  very  stones  in  the  Street,  and  tiles  upon  the  Houses, 
did  bend  themselves  against  me ;  methought  that  they  all  com- 
bined together  to  banish  me  out  of  the  World.    I  was  abhorred 

1  Mark  5.  2-5. 


TO  THE  CHIEF  OF  SINNERS  67 

of  them,  and  unfit  to  dwell  among  them,  or  be  partaker  of  their 
benefits,  because  I  had  sinned  against  the  Saviour.  O  how 
happy,  now,  was  every  creature  over  I  was.  For  they  stood 
fast  and  kept  their  station,  but  I  was  gone  and  lost. 

188.  Then  breaking  out  in  the  bitterness  of  my  soul,  I  said 
to  myself,  with  a  grievous  sigh,  How  can  God  comfort  such  a 
wretch  as  I?  I  had  no  sooner  said  it  but  this  returned  upon 
me,  as  an  echo  doth  answer  a  voice,  This  sin  is  not  unto  death. 
At  which  I  was  as  if  I  had  been  raised  out  of  a  Grave,  and 
cried  out  again,  Lord,  how  couldest  thou  find  out  sicch  a  word  as 
this  ?  For  I  was  filled  with  admiration  at  the  fitness,  and,  also, 
at  the  unexpectedness  of  the  sentence.  The  fitness  of  the  Word, 
the  Tightness  of  the  timing  of  it,  the  power,  and  sweetness,  and 
light,  and  glory  that  came  with  it,  also,  was  marvellous  to  me  to 
find.  I  was  now,  for  the  time,  out  of  doubt  as  to  that  about  15 
which  I  so  much  was  in  doubt  before.  My  fears  before  were, 
that  my  sin  was  not  pardonable,  and  so  that  I  had  no  right  to 
pray,  to  repent,  &c,  or  that  if  I  did,  it  would  be  of  no  advan- 
tage or  profit  to  me.  But  now,  thought  I,  if  this  sin  is  not  unto 
death,  then  it  is  pardonable ;  therefore,  from  this  I  have  en-  20 
couragement  to  come  to  God,  by  Christ,  for  mercy  ;  to  consider 
the  promise  of  forgiveness  as  that  which  stands  with  open 
arms  to  receive  me,  as  well  as  others.  This,  therefore,  was  a  great 
easement  to  my  mind  ;  to  wit,  that  my  sin  was  pardonable,  that 

it  was  not  the  sin  unto  death.1  None  but  those  that  know  what  25 
my  trouble,  by  their  own  experience,  was,  can  tell  what  relief 
came  to  my  Soul  by  this  consideration.  It  was  a  release  to  me 
from  my  former  bonds,  and  a  shelter  from  my  former  storm.  I 
seemed  now  to  stand  upon  the  same  ground  with  other  sinners, 
and  to  have  as  good  right  to  the  Word  and  Prayer  as  any  30 
of  them. 

189.  Now,  I  say,  I  was  in  hopes  that  my  sin  was  not  un- 
pardonable, but  that  there  might  be  hopes  for  me  to  obtain 

1  1  John  5.  16,  17. 


68  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

forgiveness.  But,  oh,  how  Satan  did  now  lay  about  him  for  to 
bring  me  down  again  !  But  he  could  by  no  means  do  it,  neither 
this  day  nor  the  most  part  of  the  next,  for  this  sentence  stood  like 
a  mill-post  at  my  back ;  yet,  towards  the  evening  of  the  next  day, 
5  I  felt  this  word  begin  to  leave  me  and  to  withdraw  its  suppor- 
tation  from  me,  and  so  I  returned  to  my  old  fears  again,  but  with 
a  great  deal  of  grudging  and  peevishness,  for  I  feared  the  sorrow 
-  of  despair ;  nor  could  my  faith  now  longer  retain  this  word. 

190.  But  the  next  day,  at  evening,  being  under  many  fears, 
10  I  went  to  seek  the  Lord ;  and  as  I  prayed,  I  cried,  and  my  Soul 

cried  to  him  in  these  words,  with  strong  cries  :  O  Lord,  I  beseech 
thee,  show  me  that  thou  hast  loved  me  with  everlasting  love}  I 
had  no  sooner  said  it  but,  with  sweetness,  this  returned  upon  me, 
as  an  echo  or  sounding-again,  I  have  loved  thee  with  a?i  everlast- 
1 5  ing  love.  Now  I  went  to  bed  at  quiet ;  also,  when  I  awaked  the 
next  morning,  it  was  fresh  upon  my  Soul,  and  I  believed  it. 

191.  But  yet  the  Tempter  left  me  not ;  for  it  could  not  be  so 
little  as  an  hundred  times  that  he  that  day  did  labour  to  break 
my  peace.    Oh  !  the  combats  and  conflicts  that  I  did  then  meet 

20  with  as  I  strove  to  hold  by  this  word ;  that  of  Esau  would  fly 
in  my  face  like  to  Lightning.  I  should  be  sometimes  up  and 
down  twenty  times  in  an  hour,  yet  God  did  bear  me  up  and  keep 
my  heart  upon  this  word,  from  which  I  had  also,  for  several  days 
together,  very  much  sweetness  and  comfortable  hopes  of  pardon. 

25  For  thus  it  was  made  out  to  me,  /  loved  thee  whilst  thou  wast 
committing  this  sin,  I  loved  thee  before,  I  love  thee  still,  and  I  will 
love  thee  for  ever. 

192.  Yet  I  saw  my  sin  most  barbarous,  and  a  filthy  crime, 
and  could  not  but  conclude,  and  that  with  great  shame  and  as- 

30  tonishment,  that  I  had  horribly  abused  the  holy  Son  of  God. 
Wherefore  I  felt  my  soul  greatly  to  love  and  pity  him,  and  my 
bowels  to  yearn  towards  him  ;  for  I  saw  he  was  still  my  Friend, 
and  did  reward  me  good  for  evil ;  yea,  the  love  and  affection 

1  Jer.  31.3. 


TO  THE   CHIEF  OF  SINNERS  69 

that  then  did  burn  within  to  my  Lord  and  Saviour  Jesus  Christ 
did  work,  at  this  time,  such  a  strong  and  hot  desire  of  revenge- 
ment  upon  myself  for  the  abuse  I  had  done  unto  him,  that,  to 
speak  as  then  I  thought,  had  I  had  a  thousand  gallons  of  blood 
within  my  veins,  I  could  freely  then  have  spilt  it  all  at  the  com-  5 
mand  and  feet  of  this  my  Lord  and  Saviour. 

193.  And  as  I  was  thus  in  musing  and  in  my  studies,  consid- 
ering how  to  love  the  Lord  and  to  express  my  love  to  him,  that 
saying  came  in  upon  me,  If  thou,  lord,  shouldest  mark  iniquities, 

O  lord,  who  shall  stand?  But  there  is  forgiveness  with  thee,  that  10 
thou  may  est  be  feared}  These  were  good  words  to  me,  especially 
the  latter  part  thereof ;  to  wit,  that  there  is  forgiveness  with  the 
Lord,  that  he  might  be  feared ;  that  is,  as  then  I  understood 
it,  that  he  might  be  loved  and  had  in  reverence;  for  it  was  thus 
made  out  to  me,  That  the  great  God  did  set  so  high  an  esteem  1 5 
upon  the  love  of  his  poor  Creatures,  that  rather  than  he  would 
go  without  their  love  he  would  pardon  their  transgressions. 

194.  And  now  was  that  word  fulfilled  on  me,  and  I  was  also 
refreshed  by  it,  Then  shall  they  be  ashamed  and  confounded,  and 
never  ope?i  their  mouth  any  more  because  of  their  shame,  when  I  20 
am  pacified  toward  them  for  all  that  they  have  done,  saith  the 
lord  God.2  Thus  was  my  Soul  at  this  time  (and,  as  I  then  did 
think,  for  ever)  set  at  liberty  from  being  again  afflicted  with  my 
former  guilt  and  amazement. 

195.  But  before  many  weeks  were  over  I  began  to  despond  25 
again,  fearing  lest,  notwithstanding  all  that  I  had  enjoyed,  that 
yet  I  might  be  deceived  and  destroyed  at  the  last ;  for  this  con- 
sideration came  strong  into  my  mind,  That  whatever  co?nfort  and 
peace  I  thought  I  might  have  from  the  Word  of  the  promise  of 
life,  yet  unless  there  could  be  found  in  my  refreshment  a  concur-  30 
rence  and  agreement  in  the  Scriptures,  let  me  think  what  I  will 
thereof,  and  hold  it  7iever  so  fast,  I  should  find  no  such  thing  at 
the  end ;  for  the  Scriptures  cannot  be  broken*  / 

1  Ps.  130.  3,  4.  2  Ezek.  16.  63.  3  John  10.  35. 


70  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

196.  Now  began  my  heart  again  to  ake  and  fear  I  might  meet 
with  disappointment  at  the  last.  Wherefore  I  began,  with  all 
seriousness,  to  examine  my  former  comfort,  and  to  consider 
whether  one  that  had  sinned  as  I  have  done  might  with  confi- 
5  dence  trust  upon  the  faithfulness  of  God,  laid  down  in  those 
words  by  which  I  had  been  comforted  and  on  which  I  had  leaned 
myself.  But  now  were  brought  those  sayings  to  my  mind,  For 
it  is  impossible  for  those  who  were  once  enlightened,  and  have 
tasted  of  the  heavenly  gift,  and  were  made  partakers  of  the  Holy 

10  Ghost,  and  have  tasted  the  good  Word  of  God,  and  the  Powers 
of  the  World  to  come,  if  they  shall  fall  away ,  to  renew  them  again 
into  repefitance.1  For  if  tve  sin  wilfully  after  that  we  have  received 
the  knowledge  of  the  truth,  there  remaineth  no  more  sacrifice  for 
sins,  but  a  certain  fearful looking  for  of 'Judgment  and  fiery  indig- 

15  nation,  which  shall  devour  the  adversaiies?  Even  as  Esau,  who 
Jor  one  morsel  of  meat  sold  his  Birthright ;  for  ye  know  how  that 
afterward,  whe?i  he  would  have  inherited  the  blessing,  he  was 
rejected ;  for  he  found  no  place  of  repentance,  though  he  sought  it 
carefully  with  tears.3 

20  197.  Now  was  the  Word  of  the  Gospel  forced  from  my  Soul, 
so  that  no  promise  or  encouragement  was  to  be  found  in  the 
Bible  for  me.  And  now  would  that  saying  work  upon  my  spirit 
to  afflict  me,  Rejoice  not,  O  Israel,  for  Joy_as  other  people.4"  For 
I  saw  indeed  there  was  cause  of  rejoicing  for  those  that  held  to 

25  Jesus  ;  but  as  for  me,  I  had  cut  myself  off  by  my  transgressions, 
and  left  myself  neither  foot-hold,  nor  hand-hold,  amongst  alluhe 
stays  and  props  in  the  precious  Word  of  Life. 

198.  And  truly  I  did  now  feel  myself  to  sink  into  a  gulf,Ys 
an  house  whose  foundation  is  destroyed.    I  did  liken  myself, 

30  this  conditon,  unto  the  case  of  a  child  that  was  fallen  into  a  mil] 
pit,  who,  though  it  could  make  some  shift  to  scrabble  and  spra-\ 
in  the  water,  yet  because  it  could  find  neitrTer^GloTior  hand  noi 

1  Heb.  6.  4-6.  3  W-*    ">    '*■   ^ 

^ y  2  Heb.  10.  26,  27. 


pnt^o-cX.  <*».T0  THE  CHIEF  OF  SIGNERS  fc-ve^-y   7I<*1£. 

foot,  therefore  at  last  it  must  <^j|Fin  that  condition.  So  soon  as 
this  fresh  assault  had  fastened  on  my  Soul,  that  scripture  came 
into  my  heart,  This  is  for  many  days}  And  indeed  I  found  it 
was  so  ;  for  I  could  not  be  delivered,  nor  brought  to  peace  again, 
until  well  nigh  two  years  and  an  half  were  completely  finished.  5 
Wherefore  these  words,  though  in  themselves  they  tended  to  dis- 
couragement, yet  to  me,  who  feared  this  condition  would  be 
eternal,  they  were  at  sometimes  as  an  help  and  refreshment  to  me. 

199.  For,  thought  I,  many  days  are  not,  not  for  ever;  many 
days  will  have  an  end;  therefore  seeing  I  was  to  be  afflicted,  10 
not  a  few,  but  many  days,  yet  I  was  glad  it  was  but  for  many 
days.    Thus,   I  say,  I  could  recal  myself  sometimes,  and  give 
myself  a  help,  for  as  soon  as  ever  the  words  came  into  my  mind 

at  first,  I  knew  my  trouble  would  be  long ;  yet  this  would  be 
but  sometimes,  for  I  could  not  always  think  on  this,  nor  ever  be  1 5 
helped  by  it,  though  I  did. 

200.  Now,  while  these  Scriptures  lay  before  me,  and  laid  sin 
anew  at  my  door,  that  saying  in  the  18th  of  Luke,2  with  others, 
did  encourage  me  to  prayer.  Then  the  Tempter  again  laid  at 
me  very  sore,  suggesting,  That  neither  the  Mercy  of  God,  nor  20 
yet  the  Blood  of  Christ,  did  at  all  concern  7ne,  nor  could  they  help 
me  for  my  sin  ;  therefore  it  was  in  vain  to  pray.    Yet,  thought  I, 

I  will  pray.  But,  said  the  Tempter,  your  sin  is  unpardonable. 
Well,  said  I,  I  will  pray.  It  is  to  no  boot,  said  he.  Yet,  said  I, 
I  will  pray.  So  I  went  to  prayer  to  God;  and  while  I  was  at  25 
prayer,  I  uttered  words  to  this  effect,  Lord,  Satan  tells  me  that 
neither  thy  Mercy,  nor  Christ's  Blood,  is  sufficient  to  save  my  Soul. 
Lord,  shall  L  ho?iour  thee  most,  by  believing  thou  wilt  and  canst  ? 
or  him,  by  believing  thou  ?ieither  wilt  nor  canst  ?  Lord,  I  would 
fain  ho?iour  thee,  by  believing  thou  wilt  and  canst.  30 

201.  And  as  I  was  thus  before  the  Lord,  that  scripture  fas- 
tened on  my  heart,  O  man,  great  is  thy  faith*  even  as  if  one  had 
clapped  me  on  the  back,  as  I  was  on  my  knees  before  God.  Yet 

1  Dan.  10.  14.  2  Lu.  iS.  i.  3  Matt.  i<.  28. 


'^uriAu  €*s~t*>¥  &>~i^^4c^9x^ 


i« 


72  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

I  was  not  able  to  believe  this,  that  this  was  a  prayer  of  faith,  till 
almost  six  months  after ;  for  I  could  not  think  that  I  had  faith, 
or  that  there  should  be  a  word  for  me  to  act  faith  on  ;  therefore 
I  should  still  be  as  sticking  in  the  jaws  of  desperation,  and  went 
5  mourning  up  and  down  in  a  sad  condition,  crying,  Is  his  mercy 
clean  gone  ?  Is  his  mercy  clean  gone  for  ever  f  And  I  thought 
sometimes,  even  when  I  was  groaning  in  these  expressions,  they 
did  seem  to  make  a  question  whether  it  was  or  no  ;  yet  I  greatly 
feared  it  was. 

io  202.  There  was  nothing  now  that  I  longed  for  more  than  to 
be  put  out  of  doubt,  as  to  this  thing  in  question ;  and,  as  I  was 
vehemently  desiring  to  know  if  there  was  indeed  hopes  for  me, 
these  words  came  rolling  into  my  mind.  Will  the  lord  cast  off 
for  ever  ?  Ana7  will  he  be  favourable  no  more  ?   Is  his  mercy  clean 

1 5  gone  for  ever  ?  Doth  his  promise  fail  for  evermore  ?  Hath  God 
forgotten  to  be  gracious  ?  Hath  he  in  anger  shut  up  his  tender 
mercies  ?1  And  all  the  while  they  run  in  my  mind,  methought  I 
had  this  still  as  the  answer,  It  is  a  question  whether  he  hath  or 
no ;  it  may  be  he  hath  not.   Yea,  the  interrogatory  seemed  to  me 

20  to  carry  in  it  a  sure  affirmation  that  indeed  he  had  not,  nor 
would  so  cast  off,  but  would  be  favourable ;  that  his  promise 
doth  not  fail,  and  that  he  had  not  forgotten  to  be  gracious,  nor 
would  in  anger  shut  up  tender  mercy.  Something,  also,  there 
was  upon  my  heart  at  the  same  time,  which  I  now  cannot  call 

25  to  mind  ;  which,  with  this  Text,  did  sweeten  my  heart,  and  made 
me  conclude  that  his  mercy  might  not  be  quite  gone,  nor  clean 
gone  for  ever. 

203.  At  another  time,  I  remember  I  was  again  much  under 
this  Question,  Whether  the  Blood  of  Christ  was  sufficient  to  save 

30  my  Soul?    In  which  doubt  I  continued  from  morning  tillabouT 

seven  or  eight  at  night ;  and  at  last,  when  I  was,  as  it  were, 

quite  worn  out  with  fear,  lest  it  should  not  lay  hold  on  me,  these 

words  did  sound  suddenly  within  my  heart,  He  is  able?    But 

!Ps.  77-  7-%  a  Heb.  7.  25. 


TO  THE  CHIEF  OF   SINNERS  73 

methought  this  word  able  was  spoke  so  loud  unto  me  ;  it  showed 
such  a  great  word,  it  seemed  to  be  writ  in  great  letters,  and  gave 
such  a  justle  to  my  fear  and  doubt,  (I  mean  for  the  time  it  tarried 
with  me,  which  was  about  a  day,)  as  I  never  had  from  that  all 
my  life,  either  before  or  after  that.  5 

204.  But  one  morning,  when  I  was  again  at  prayer,  and 
trembling  under  the  fear  of  this,  That  no  Word  of  God  could 
help  me,  that  piece  of  a  sentence  darted  in  upon  me,  My  Grace 
is  sufficient.  At  this  methought  I  felt  some  stay,  as  if  there 
might  be  hopes.  But,  oh  how  good  a  thing  it  is  for  God  to  10 
send  his  Word  !  For  about  a  fortnight  before  I  was  looking  on 
this  very  place,  and  then  I  thought  it  could  not  come  near  my 
Soul  with  comfort,  therefore  I  threw  down  my  Book  in  a  pet. 
Then  I  thought  it  was  not  large  enough  for  me ;  no,  not  large 
enough.  But  now,  it  was  as  if  it  had  Arms  of  Grace  so  wide  that  15 
it  could  not  only  enclose  me,  but  many  more  besides. 

205.  By  these  words  I  was  sustained,  yet  not  without  exceed- 
ing conflicts,  for  the  space  of  seven  or  eight  weeks ;  for  my 
peace  would  be  in  and  out,  sometimes  twenty  times  a  day ;  Com- 
fort now,  and  Trouble  presently  ;  Peace  now,  and  before  I  could  20 
go  a  furlong  as  full  of  Fear  and  Guilt  as  ever  heart  could  hold ; 
and  this  was  not  only  now  and  then,  but  my  whole  seven  weeks' 
experience ;  for  this  about  the  sufficiency  of  Grace,  and  that  of 
Esau's  parting  with  his  Birthright,  would  be  like  a  pair  of  Scales 
within  my  mind,  sometimes  one  end  would  be  uppermost,  and  25 
sometimes  again  the  other ;  according  to  which  would  be  my 
peace  or  trouble. 

206.  Therefore  I  did  still  pray  to  God  that  he  would  come  in 
with  this  Scripture  more  fully  on  my  heart;  to  wit,  that  he 
would  help  me  to  apply  the  whole  sentence,  for  as  yet  I  could  30 
not.  That  he  gave,  I  gathered ;  but  further  I  could  not  go, 
for  as  yet  it  only  helped  me  to  hope  there  might  be  mercy  for 
me,  My  Grace  is  sufficiefit.  And  though  it  came  no  further,  it 
answered  my  former  question;  to  wit,  that  there  was  hope  :  yet, 


74  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

because  for  thee  was  left  out,  I  was  not  contented,  but  prayed  to 
God  for  that  also.  Wherefore,  one  day  as  I  was  in  a  meeting 
of  God's  People,  full  of  sadness  and  terror,  for  my  fears  again 
were  strong  upon  me  ;  and  as  I  was  now  thinking  my  Soul  was 
5  never  the  better,  but  my  case  most  sad  and  fearful,  these  words 
did,  with  great  power,  suddenly  break  in  upon  me,  My  Grace  is 
sufficient  for  thee,  my  Grace  is  sufficient  for  thee,  my  Grace  is 
sufficient  for  thee,  three  times  together ;  and,  oh !  methought 
that  every  word  was  a  mighty  word  unto  me  ;  as  my,  and  Grace, 
10  and  sufficient,  and  for  thee;  they  were  then,  and  sometimes  are 
still,  far  bigger  than  others  be. 

207.  At  which  time  my  understanding  was  so  enlightened, 
that  I  was  as  though  I  had  seen  the  Lord  Jesus  look  down  from 
Heaven  through  the  Tiles  upon  me,  and  direct  these  words 

1 5  unto  me.  This  sent  me  mourning  home  ;  it  broke  my  heart,  and 
filled  me  full  of  joy,  and  laid  me  low  as  the  dust ;  only  it  stayed 
not  long  with  me,  I  mean  in  this  glory  and  refreshing  comfort, 
yet  it  continued  with  me  for  several  weeks,  and  did  encourage  me 
to  hope.   But  so  soon  as  that  powerful  operation  of  it  was  taken 

20  off  my  heart,  that  other  about  Esau  returned  upon  me  as  before ; 
so  my  Soul  did  hang  as  in  a  pair  of  Scales  again,  sometimes  up 
and  sometimes  down,  now  in  peace,  and  anon  again  in  terror. 

208.  Thus  I  went  on  for  many  weeks,  sometimes  comforted, 
and  sometimes  tormented ;  and,  especially  at  some  times,  my 

25  torment  would  be  very  sore,  for  all  those  scriptures  forenamed 
in  the  Hebrews  would  be  set  before  me,  as  the  only  Sentences 
that  would  keep  me  out  of  Heaven.  Then,  again,  I  should 
begin  to  repent  that  ever  that  thought  went  through  me,  I 
should  also  think  thus  with  myself,  Why,  how  many  Scriptures 

30  are  there  against  me?  There  are  but  three  or  four :  and  cannot 
God  miss  them,  and  save  me  for  all  them  ?  Sometimes,  again,  I 
should  think,  Oh!  if  it  were  not  for  these  three  or  four  words, 
now  how  might  I  be  comforted  ?  And  I  could  hardly  forbear,  at 
some  times,  but  to  wish  them  out  of  the  Book. 


TO  THE  CHIEF  OF  SINNERS  75 

209.  Then  methought  I  should  see  as  if  both  Peter,  and  Paul, 
and  John,  and  all  the  Writers,  did  look  with  scorn  upon  me,  and 
hold  me  in  derision  ;  and  as  if  they  said  unto  me,  All  our  words 
are  truth,  one  of  as  much  force  as  another.  It  is  not  we  that  have 
cut  you  off.  but  you  have  cast  away  yourself ;  there  is  none  of  our  5 
sentences  that  you  must  take  hold  upon  but  these,  and  such  as  these: * 

It  is  impossible;  there  remains  no  more  sacrifice  for  sin.  And 
it  had  been  better  for  them  not  to  have  known  the  Will  of  God, 
than  after  they  have  known  it  to  turn  from  the  holy  command- 
ment delivered  unto  them.2    For  the  Scriptures  cannot  be  broken.     10 

210.  These,  as  the  Elders  of  the  City  of  Refuge,3 1  saw  were-^~ 
to  be  the  Judges  both  of  my  case  and  me,  while  I  stood,  with    i»" 
the  Avenger  of  blood  at  my  heels,  trembling  at  their  Gate  for        y 
deliverance  ;  also  with  a  thousand  fears  and  mistrusts,  I  doubted 

that  they  would  shut  me  out  for  ever.  1 5 

211.  Thus  was  I  confounded,  not  knowing  what  to  do,  nor 
how  to  be  satisfied  in  this  question,  Whether  the  Scriptures  could 
agree  in  the  salvation  of  my  soul  ?  I  quaked  at  the  Apostles,  I 
knew  their  words  were  true,  and  that  they  must  stand  for  ever. 

212.  And  I  remember  one  day,  as  I  was  in  diverse  frames  20 
of  spirit,  and  considering  that  these  frames  were  still  according 

to  the  nature  of  the  several  Scriptures  that  came  in  upon  my 
mind ;  if  this  of  Grace,  then  was  I  quiet ;  but  if  that  of  Esau, 
then  tormented  ;  lord,  thought  I,  if  both  these  Scriptures  would 
?neet  in  my  heart  at  once,  I  wonder  which  of  them  would  get  the  25 
better  of  me.  So  methought  I  had  a  longing  mind  that  they 
might  come  both  together  upon  me ;  yea,  I  desired  of  God 
they  might. 

213.  Well,  about  two  or  three  days  after,  so  they  did  indeed ; 
they  bolted  both  upon  me  at  a  time,  and  did  work  and  struggle  30 
strangely  in  me  for  a  while  ;  at  last,  that  about  Esau's  birthright 
began  to  wax  weak,  and  withdraw,  and  vanish ;  and  this  about 
the  sufficiency  of  Grace  prevailed  with  peace  and  joy.    And  as 

1  Heb.  6.  4.  2  2  Pet.  2.  21.  3  Josh.  20.  3,  4. 


y6  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

I  was  in  a  muse  about  this  thing,  that  Scripture  came  home 
upon  me,  Mercy  ?'ejoiceth  against  judgment} 

214.  This  was  a  wonderment  to  me ;  yet  truly  I  am  apt  to 
think  it  was  of  God.    For  the  Word  of  the  Law  and  Wrath  must 

5  give  place  to  the  Word  of  Life  and  Grace ;  because,  though  the 
iOtt«£*}Vord  of  Condemnation  be  glorious,  yet  the  Word  of  Life  and 
Salvation  doth  far  exceed  in  glory.2   Also,  that  Moses  and  Elias 
— must^both  vani^hi  and  Ipavp  Chrisl_and  his  S aints  alone. 3 

215.  This  Scripture  did  also  most  sweetly  visit  my  soul,  And 
10  him  that  cometh  to  me  I  will  in  no  wise  cast  out}   Oh  the  comfort 

that  I  have  had  from  this  word,  in  no  wise  /  as  who  should  say, 
by  710  means,  for  no  thing,  whatever  he  hath  done.  But  Satan 
would  greatly  labour  to  pull  this  promise  from  me,  telling  of  me 
That  Christ  did  not  mean  me,  and  such  as  I,  but  sinners  of  a 

1 5  lower  rank,  that  had  not  done  as  I  had  done.  But  I  should  answer 
him  again,  Satan,  here  is  in  this  word  no  such  exception;  but  him 
that  comes ;  him,  any  him;  him  that  cometh  to  me  I  will  in  no 
wise  cast  out.  And  this  I  well  remember  still,  that  of  all  the 
sleights  that  Satan  used  to  take  this  scripture  from  me,  yet  he 

20  never  did  so  much  as  put  this  question,  But  do  you  come  aright  ? 
And  I  have  thought  the  reason  was,  because  he  thought  I  knew 
full  well  what  coming  aright  was  ;  for  I  saw  that  to  come  aright 
was  to  come  as  I  was,  a  vile  and  ungodly  sinner,  and  to  cast 
myself  at  the  feet  of  Mercy,  condemning  myself  for  sin.   If  ever 

25  Satan  and  I  did  strive  for  any  Word  of  God  in  all  my  life,  it  was 
for  this  good  word  of  Christ ;  he  at  one  end  and  I  at  the  other. 
Oh,  what  work  did  we  make  !  It  was  for  this  in  John,  I  say,  that 
we  did  so  tug  and  strive ;  he  pulled  and  I  pulled ;  but,  God  be 
praised,  I  got  the  better  of  him,  I  got  some  sweetness  from  it. 

30  216.  But,  notwithstanding  all  these  helps  and  blessed  words 
of  grace,  yet  that  of  Esau's  selling  of  his  Birthright  would  still 
at  times  distress  my  Conscience ;  for  though  I  had  been  most 

1  James  2.  13.  3  Mark  9.  5,  8. 

2  2  Cor.  3.  8-12.  4  John  6.  37. 


TO  THE   CHIEF  OF  SINNERS  JJ 

sweetly  comforted,  and  that  but  just  before,  yet  when  that  came 
into  my  mind,  it  would  make  me  fear  again,  I  could  not  be  quite 
rid  thereof,  it  would  every  day  be  with  me.  Wherefore  now  I  went 
another  way  to  work,  even  to  consider  the  nature  of  this  blas- 
phemous thought ;  I  mean,  if  I  should  take  the  words  at  the  5 
largest,  and  give  them  their  own  natural  force  and  scope,  even 
every  word  therein.  So  when  I  had  thus  considered,  I  found, 
that  if  they  were  fairly  taken,  they  would  amount  to  this,  That 
I  had  freely  left  the  Lord  Jesus  Christ  to  his  choice,  whether  he 
would  be  my  Saviour  or  no  ;  for  the  wicked  words  were  these,  10 
Let  him  go  if  he  will.  Then  that  Scripture  gave  me  hope,  I  will 
never  leave  thee  nor  forsake  thee}  O  Lord,  said  I,  but  I have  left 
thee.  Then  it  answered  again,  But  L  will  not  leave  thee.  For 
this  I  thank  God  also. 

217.  Yet  I  was  grievous  afraid  he  should,  and  found  it  exceed-  1 5 
ing  hard  to  trust  him,  seeing  I  had  so  offended  him.  I  could 
have  been  exceeding  glad  that  this  thought  had  never  befallen,  for 
then  I  thought  I  could,  with  more  ease  and  freedom  abundance, 
have  leaned  upon  his  Grace.  I  see  it  was  with  me,  as  it  was  with 
Joseph's  brethren ;  the  guilt  of  their  own  wickedness  did  often  20 
fill  them  with  fears  that  their  brother  would  at  last  despise  them.2 

218.  But  above  all  the  Scriptures  that  I  yet  did  meet  with, 
that  in  the  twentieth  of  Joshua  was  the  greatest  comfort  to  me, 
which  speaks  of  the  slayer  that  was  to  flee  for  refuge.  And  ij 
the  avenger  of  blood  pursue  the  slayer,  then,  saith  Moses,  they  that  25 
are  the  Elders  of  the  City  of  Refuge  shall  not  deliver  him  into  his 
hand,  because  he  smote  his  Neighbour  unwittingly,  and  hated  him 
not  aforetime?  Oh,  blessed  be  God  for  this  word.  I  was  con- 
vinced that  I  was  the  Slayer ;  and  that  the  Avenger  of  Blood 
pursued  me,  that  I  felt  with  great  terror ;  only  now  it  remained  30 
that  I  inquire  whether  I  have  right  to  enter  the  City  of  Refuge. 
So  I  found  that  he  must  not,  who  lay  in  wait  to  shed  blood.  It 
was  not  the  wilful  Murderer,  but  he  who  unwittingly  did  it,  he 

1  Heb.  13.  5.  2  Gen.  50.  15-17.  3Josh.  20.  5. 


yS  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

who  did  unawares  shed  blood ;  not  of  spight,  or  grudge,  or 
malice,  he  that  shed  it  unwittingly,  even  he  who  did  not  hate 
his  Neighbour  before.    Wherefore, 

219.  I  thought  verily  I  was  the  man  that  must  enter,  because 
5  I  had  smitten  my  Neighbour  unwittingly,  and  hated  him  not 

aforetime.  I  hated  him  not  aforetime ;  no,  I  prayed  unto  him, 
was  tender  of  sinning  against  him ;  yea,  and  against  this  wicked 
temptation  I  had  strove  for  a  twelvemonth  before ;  yea,  and 
also  when  it  did  pass  through  my  heart,  it  did  it  in  spight  of 
10  my  Teeth.  Wherefore  I  thought  I  had  right  to  enter  this  City, 
and  the  Elders,  which  are  the  Apostles,  were  not  to  deliver  me 
up.  This,  therefore,  was  great  comfort  to  me,  and  did  give  me 
much  ground  of  hope. 

220.  Yet  being  very  critical,  for  my  smart  had  made  me  that 
15  I  knew  not  what  ground  was  sure  enough  to  bear  me,  I  had 

one  question  that  my  Soul  did  much  desire  to  be  resolved  about ; 
and  that  was,  Whether  it  be  possible  for  any  Soul  that  hath  indeed 
sinned  the  unpardonable  sin,  yet  after  that  to  receive  though  but 
the  least  true  spiritual  cofnfort  fro?n  God  through  Christ  ?  The 
20  which,  after  I  had  much  considered,  I  found  the  answer  was, 
No,  they  could  not ;  and  that  for  these  reasons  :  — 

221.  First,  Because  those  that  have  sinned  that  sin,  they  are 
debarred  a  share  in  the  Blood  of  Christ,  and  being  shut  out  of 
that,  they  must  needs  be  void  of  the  least  ground  of  hope,  and 

25  so  of  spiritual  comfort ;  for  to  such  there  remains  710  more  sacri- 
fice for  sin}  Secondly,  Because  they  are  denied  a  share  in  the 
Promise  of  Life ;  they  shall  never  be  forgiven,  neither  in  this 
World,  neither  in  that  which  is  to  come.11  Thirdly,  The  Son  of 
God  excludes  them  also  from  a  share  in  his  blessed  Intercession, 

30  being  for  ever  ashamed  to  own  them  both  before  his  holy  Father, 
and  the  blessed  Angels  in  Heaven? 

222.  When  I  had,  with  much  deliberation,  considered  of  this 
matter,  and  could  not  but  conclude  that  the  Lord  had  comforted 

I  Heb.  10.  26.  2  Matt.  12.  32.  3  Mark  8.  38. 


TO  THE   CHIEF  OF  SINNERS  79 

me,  and  that  too  after  this  my  wicked  sin ;  then,  methought,  I 
durst  venture  to  come  nigh  unto  those  most  fearful  and  terrible 
Scriptures,  with  which  all  this  while  I  had  been  so  greatly 
affrighted,  and  on  which,  indeed,  before  I  durst  scarce  cast  mine 
Eye  (yea,  had  much  ado  an  hundred  times  to  forbear  wishing  of  5 
them  out  of  the  Bible ;  for  I  thought  they  would  destroy  me) ; 
but  now,  I  say,  I  began  to  take  some  measure  of  encouragement 
to  come  close  to  them,  to  read  them,  and  consider  them,  and  to 
weigh  their  scope  and  tendency. 

223.  The  which,  when  I  began  to  do,  I  found  their  visage  10 
changed ;  for  they  looked  not   so  grimly  on  me  as  before   I 
thought  they  did.   And,  first,  I  came  to  the  sixth  of  the  Hebrews, 
yet  trembling  for  fear  it  should  strike  me ;  which  when  I  had 
considered,  I  found  that  the  falling  there  intended  was  a  falling 
quite  away.    That  is,  as  I  conceived,  a  falling  from,  and  an  15 
absolute  denial  of  the  Gospel  of  remission  of  sins  by  Christ,1  for 
from  them  the  Apostle  begins  his  Argument.    Secondly,  I  found 
that  this  falling  away  must  be  openly,  even  in  the  view  of  the 
world,  even  so  as  to  put  Christ  to  an  open  shame.    Thirdly,  I 
found  that  those  he  there  intended  were  for  ever  shut  up  of  20 
God,  both  in  blindness,  hardness,  and  impenitency :  It  is  impos- 
sible they  should  be  renewed  again  unto  Repentance.    By  all  these 
particulars,  I  found,  to  God's  everlasting  Praise,  my  sin  was  not 
the  sin  in  this  place  intended. 

First,  I  confessed  I  was  fallen,  but  not  fallen  away,  that  is,  25 
from  the  profession  of  Faith  in  Jesus  unto  eternal  Life. 

Secondly,  I  confessed  that  I  had  put  Jesus  Christ  to  shame  by 
my  sin,  but  not  to  open  shame.  I  did  not  deny  him  before  men, 
nor  condemn  him  as  a  fruitless  one  before  the  World. 

Thirdly,  Nor  did  I  find  that  God  had  shut  me  up,  or  denied  30 
me  to  come  (though  I  found  it  hard  work  indeed  to  come),  to 
him  by  sorrow  and  repentance.    Blessed  be  God  for  unsearch- 
able grace. 

1  Heb.  6.  1-3. 


8o  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

224.  Then  I  considered  that  in  the  tenth  of  the  Hebrews,  and 
found  that  the  wilful  sin  there  mentioned  is  not  every  wilful  sin, 
but  that  which  doth  throw  off  Christ,  and  then  his  Command- 
ments too.  Secondly,  That  must  also  be  done  openly,  before  two 
5  or  three  Witnesses,  to  answer  that  of  the  Law.1  Thirdly,  This 
sin  cannot  be  committed,  but  with  great  despite  done  to  the 
Spirit  of  Grace ;  despising  both  the  dissuasions  from  that  sin, 
and  the  persuasions  to  the  contrary.  But  the  Lord  knows, 
though  this  my  sin  was  devilish,  yet  it  did  not  amount  to  these. 

10  225.  And  as  touching  that  in  the  twelfth  of  the  Hebrews, 
about  Esau's  selling  his  Birthright,2  though  this  was  that  which 
killed  me,  and  stood  like  a  spear  against  me ;  yet  now  I  did 
consider,  First,  That  his  was  not  a  hasty  thought  against  the 
continual  labour  of  his  Mind,  but  a  thought  consented  to  and 

15  put  in  practice  likewise,  and  that  too  after  some  deliberation. 
Secondly,  It  was  a  public  and  open  action,  even  before  his 
Brother,  if  not  before  many  more ;  this  made  his  sin  of  a  far 
more  heinous  nature  than  otherwise  it  would  have  been.  Thirdly, 
He  continued  to  slight  his  Birthright :  He  did  eat  and  drink,  and 

20  went  his  way ;  thus  Esau  despised  his  birthright.  Yea,  twenty 
years  after,  he  was  found  to  despise  it  still.  And  Esau  said,  I 
have  enough,  my  Brother ;  keep  that  thou  hast  unto  thyself? 

226.   Now  as  touching    this,   That    Esau  sought  a  place  of 
Repentance;    thus    I    thought,    First,    This    was    not    for    the 

25  Birthright,  but  for  the  Blessing;  this  is  clear  from  the  Apostle, 
and  is  distinguished  by  Esau  himself  ;  he  hath  taken  away  my 
Birthright  (that  is,  formerly)  ;  and,  behold,  now  he  hath  taken 
away  my  Blessing  also}  Secondly,  Now,  this  being  thus  con- 
sidered, I  came  again  to  the  Apostle  to  see  what  might  be  the 

30  mind  of  God,  in  a  New-Testament  style  and  sense,  concerning 
Esau's  sin  ;  and  so  far  as  I  could  conceive,  this  was  the  mind  of 
God,  That  the  Birthright  signified  Regeneration,  and  the  Blessing 

1  Heb.  10.  28.  8  Gen.  33.  9. 

2  Gen.  25.  29-34.  4  Gen.  27.  36. 


TO  THE   CHIEF  OF  SINNERS  8l 

the  Eternal  Inheritance ;  for  so  the  Apostle  seems  to  hint,  Lest 
there  be  any  profane  person,  as  Esau,  who  for  one  morsel  of  meat 
sold  his  Birthright;  as  if  he  should  say,  Lest  there  be  any  Per- 
son amongst  you,  that  shall  cast  off  all  those  blessed  beginnings 
of  God  that  at  present  are  upon  him,  in  order  to  a  new  Birth,  5 
lest  they  become  as  Esau,  even  be  rejected  afterwards,  when 
they  would  inherit  the  Blessing. 

227.  For  many  there  are  who,  in  the  day  of  Grace  and  Mercy, 
despise  those  things  which  are  indeed  the  Birthright  to  Heaven, 
who  yet,  when  the  deciding  day  appears,  will  cry  as  loud  as  10 
Esau,  Lord,  Lord,  open  to  us;  but  then,  as  Isaac  would  not 
repent,  no  more  will  God  the  Father,  but  will  say,  I  have  blessed 
these,  yea,  and  they  shall  be  blessed V1  but  as  for  you,  Depart  from 
me,  all  ye  workers  of  Iniquity? 

228.  When  I  had  thus  considered  these  Scriptures  and  found  15 
that  thus  to  understand  them  was  not  against,  but  according  to 
other  Scriptures ;  this  still  added  further  to  my  encouragement 
and  comfort,  and  also  gave  a  great  blow  to  that  Objection,  to 
wit,  that  the  Scriptures  could  not  agree  in  the  Salvation  of  my  Soul. 
And  now  remained  only  the  hinder  part  of  the  Tempest,  for  the  20 
thunder  was  gone  beyond  me,  only  some  drops  did  still  remain, 
that  now  and  then  would  fall  upon  me  ;  but  because  my  former 
frights  and  anguish  were  very  sore  and  deep,  therefore  it  did  oft 
befall  me  still,  as  it  befalleth  those  that  have  been  scared  with 
fire,  I  thought  every  voice  was  Eire,  Eire ;  every  little  touch  25 
would  hurt  my  tender  conscience. 

229.  But  one  day,  as  I  was  passing  in  the  field,  and  that  too 
with  some  dashes  on  my  Conscience,  fearing  lest  yet  all  was  not 
right,  suddenly  this  sentence  fell  upon  my  soul,  Thy  righteous- 
ness  is  in  Heaven ;  and  methought  withal,  I  saw,  with  the  Eyes  of  30 
my  Soul,  Jesus  Christ  at  God's  Right  Hand.  There,  I  say,  was 
my  righteousness ;  so  that  wherever  I  was,  or  whatever  I  was 
adoing,  God  could  not  say  of  me,  He  wants  my  Righteoitsness, 

1  1  Gen.  27.33.  2  T-uke  13.  25-27. 


\  +    82y  GRACE  ABOUNDING/? 

for  that  was  just  before  him.  I  also  saw,  moreover,  that  it  was 
not  my  good  frame  of  Heart  that  made  my  Righteousness 
better,  nor  yet  my  bad  frame  that  made  my  Righteousness 
worse;  for  my  Righteousness  was  Jesus  Christ  himself,  the 
5  same  yesterday,  and  to-day,  and  for  ever} 

230.  Now  did  my  Chains  fall  off  my  Legs  indeed ;  I  was 
loosed  from  my  Affliction  and  Irons ;  my  Temptations  also  fled 
away ;  so  that,  from  that  time,  those  dreadful  Scriptures  of  God 
left  off  to  trouble  me ;  now  went  I  also  home  rejoicing,  for  the 

10  Grace  and  Love  of  God.  So  when  I  came  home,  I  looked  to 
see  if  I  could  find  that  sentence,  Thy  Righteousness  is  in  Heaven, 
but  could  not  find  such  a  saying ;  wherefore  my  Heart  began 
to  sink  again ;  only  that  was  brought  to  my  remembrance,  He 
is  made  imto  us  of  God  Wisdom,  and  Righteousness,  and  Sanctifica- 

1 5  Hon,  and  Redemption;2  by  this  word  I  saw  the  other  sentence  true. 

231.  For  by  this  Scripture,  I  saw  that  the  Man  Christ  Jesus, 
as  he  is  distinct  from  us,  as  touching  his  bodily  presence,  so  he 
is  our  Righteousness  and  Sanctification  before  God.  Here, 
therefore,  I  lived  for  some  time,  very  sweetly  at  peace  with 

20  God  through  Christ.  Oh  methought,  Christ !  Christ !  there  was 
nothing  but  Christ  that  was  before  my  Eyes ;  I  was  not  now 
only  for  looking  upon  this  and  the  other  benefits  of  Christ  apart, 
as  of  his  Blood,  Burial,  or  Resurrection,  but  considered  him  as 
a  whole  Christ ;  as  he  in  whom  all  these,  and  all  other  his 

25  Virtues,  Relations,  Offices,  and  Operations  met  together,  and 
that,  as  he  sat  on  the  Right  Hand  of  God  in  Heaven. 

232.  'Twas  glorious  to  me  to  see  his  Exaltation,  and  the 
Worth  and  Prevalency  of  all  his  Benefits,  and  that  because  now 
I  could  look  from  myself  to  him,  and  should  reckon  that  all 

30  those  graces  of  God  that  now  were  green  on  me,  were  yet 
but  like  those  crack-groats  and  fourpence-halfpennies  that  rich 
men  carry  in  their  Purses,  when  their  Gold  is  in  their  Trunks 
at  home !    Oh,  I  saw  my  Gold  was  in  my  Trunk  at  home !    In 

1  Heb.  13.  8.  2  !  Cor.  1.  30. 


TO  THE  CHIEF  OF  SINNERS  83 

Christ,  my  Lord  and  Saviour !  Now  Christ  was  all ;  all  my 
Wisdom,  all  my  Righteousness,  all  my  Sanctification,  and  all 
my  Redemption. 

233.  Further,  the  Lord  did  also  lead  me  into  the  Mystery 

of  Union  with  the  Son  of  God ;  that  I  was  joined  to  him,  that  5 
I  was  flesh  of  his  flesh,  and  bone  of  his  bone,  and  now  was 
that  a  sweet  word  to  me  in  the  thirtieth  of  the  fifth  of  Ephe- 
sians.  By  this  also  was  my  Faith  in  him  as  my  Righteousness 
the  more  confirmed  to  me ;  for  if  he  and  I  were  one,  then  his 
Righteousness  was  mine,  his  Merits  mine,  his  Victory  also  10 
mine.  Now  could  I  see  myself  in  Heaven  and  Earth  at  once ; 
in  Heaven  by  my  Christ,  by  my  Head,  by  my  Righteousness 
and  Life,  though  on  Earth  by  my  Body  or  Person. 

234.  Now  I  saw  Christ  Jesus  was  looked  on  of  God,  and 
should  also  be  looked  upon  by  us,  as  that  common  or  public  15 
Person,  in  whom  all  the  whole  body  of  his  Elect  are  always  to 
be  considered  and  reckoned ;  that  we  fulfilled  the  Law  by  him, 
died  by  him,  rose  from  the  dead  by  him,  got  the  Victory  over  Sin, 
Death,  the  Devil,  and  Hell  by  him  ;  when  he  died,  we  died ;  and 

so  of  his  Resurrection.  Thy  dead  men  shall  live,  together  with  ?ny  20 
dead  body  shall  they  arise,1  saith  he.  And  again,  After  two  days  he 
will  revive  us :  in  the  third  day  he  will  raise  us  up,  and  zee  shall 
live  in  his  sight;*  which  is  now  fulfilled  by  the  sitting  down  of  the 
Son  of  Man  on  the  Right  Hand  of  the  Majesty  in  the  Heavens, 
according  to  that  to  the  Ephesians,  he  hath  raised  us  up  together,  25 
and  made  us  sit  together  in  heavenly  places  in  Christ  Jesus} 

235.  Ah,  these   blessed  considerations  and  Scriptures,  with 
many  other  of  a  like  nature,  were  in  those  days  made  to  spangle 
in  mine  Eyes,  so  that  I  have  cause  to  say,  Praise  ye  the  Lord 
God  in  his  Sanctuary ;  praise  him   in  the  Firmament  of  his  30 
Power.    Praise  him  for  his  mighty  Acts :  praise  him  according 

to  his  excellent  Greatness} 

1  Isa.  26.  19.  3  Eph.  2.  6. 

2  Hos.  6.  2.  4  Ps.  150.  1,  2. 


84  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

236.  Having  thus,  in  few  words,  given  you  a  taste  of  the 
sorrow  and  affliction  that  my  Soul  went  under,  by  the  guilt 
and  terror  that  this  my  wicked  thought  did  lay  me  under ;  and 
having  given  you  also  a  touch  of  my  deliverance  therefrom, 

5  and  of  the  sweet  and  blessed  comfort  that  I  met  with  after- 
wards, (which  comfort  dwelt  about  a  twelvemonth  with  my 
Heart,  to  my  unspeakable  admiration ; )  I  will  now,  God  will- 
ing, before  I  proceed  any  further,  give  you  in  a  word  or  two, 
what,  as  I  conceive,  was  the  cause  of  this  temptation ;  and  also 
10  after  that,  what  advantage,  at  the  last,  it  became  unto  my  Soul. 

237.  For  the  causes,  I  conceived  they  were  principally  two: 
of  which  two  also  I  was  deeply  convinced  all  the  time  this 
trouble  lay  upon  me.  The  first  was,  for  that  I  did  not,  when  I 
was  delivered  from  the  temptation  that  went  before,  still  pray 

1 5  to  God  to  keep  mefroi?i  temptations  that  were  to  come.  For  though, 
as  I  can  say  in  truth,  my  Soul  was  much  in  Prayer  before  this 
trial  seized  me,  yet  then  I  prayed  only,  or  at  the  most,  princi- 
pally for  the  removal  of  present  troubles,  and  for  fresh  dis- 
coveries of  his  love  in  Christ :  which  I  saw  afterwards  was  not 

20  enough  to  do.  I  also  should  have  prayed  that  the  great  God 
would  keep  me  from  the  evil  that  was  to  come. 

238.  Of  this  I  was  made  deeply  sensible  by  the  Prayer  of 
holy  David,  who,  when  he  was  under  present  Mercy,  yet  prayed 
that  God  would  hold  him  back  from  sin  and  temptation  to  come  ; 

25  For  then,  saith  he,  shall  I  be  upright,  and  I  shall  be  i?inocent 
from  the  great  transgression}  By  this  very  word  was  I  galled 
and  condemned,  quite  through  this  long  temptation. 

239.  That  also  was  another  word  that  did  much  condemn 
me  for  my  folly,  in  the  neglect  of  this  Duty,  Let  us  therefore 

30  come  boldly  unto  the  throne  of  Grace,  that  we  may  obtain  mercy, 
and  find  Grace  to  help  in  time  of  need}  This  I  had  not  done, 
and  therefore  was  suffered  thus  to  sin  and  fall,  according  to 
what  is  written,  Pray  that  you  enter  not  into  temptation*    And 

1  Ps.  19.  13.  2  Heb.  4.  16.  3  Matt.  26.  41. 


TO   THE   CHIEF   OF  SINNERS  85 

truly  this  very  thing  is  to  this  day  of  such  weight  and  awe  upon 
me,  that  I  dare  not,  when  I  come  before  the  Lord,  go  off  my 
knees  until  I  entreat  him  for  help  and  mercy  against  the  temp- 
tations that  are  to  come ;  and  I  do  beseech  thee,  Reader,  that 
thou  learn  to  beware  of  my  negligence,  by  the  affliction  that  5 
for  this  thing  I  did  for  days,  and  months,  and  years,  with  sor- 
row undergo. 

240.  Another    cause    of    this    temptation    was    that    I    had 
tempted  God ;  and  on  this  manner  did  I  do  it.    Upon  a  time 
my  wife  was  great  with  Child,  and  before  her  full  time  was  10 
come,  her  pangs,  as  of  a  Woman  in  travail,  were  fierce  and 
strong  upon  her,  even  as  if  she  would  have  immediately  fallen 

in  labour,  and  been  delivered  of  an  untimely  Birth.  Now,  at 
this  very  time  it  was  that  I  had  been  so  strongly  tempted  to 
question  the  Being  of  God;  wherefore,  as  my  Wife  lay  crying  15 
by  me,  I  said,  but  with  all  secrecy  imaginable,  even  thinking  in 
my  heart,  Lord,  if  thou  wilt  now  remove  this  sad  affliction  from 
my  Wife,  and  cause  that  she  be  troubled  no  more  therewith  this 
night,  (and  now  were  her  pangs  just  upon  her,)  then  I  shall 
know  that  thou  canst  discern  the  most  secret  thoughts  of  the  20 
Heart. 

241.  I  had  no  sooner  said  it  in  my  heart,  but  her  pangs  were 
taken  from  her,  and  she  was  cast  into  a  deep  sleep,  and  so  she 
continued  till  Morning.  At  this  I  greatly  marvelled,  not  know- 
ing what  to  think  ;  but  after  I  had  been  awake  a  good  while,  25 
and  heard  her  cry  no  more,  I  fell  to  sleep  also.  So  when  I 
waked  in  the  Morning  it  came  upon  me  again,  even  what  I  had 
said  in  my  heart  the  last  Night,  and  how  the  Lord  had  shewed 
me  that  he  knew  my  secret  Thoughts,  which  was  a  great  aston- 
ishment unto  me  for  several  weeks  after.  30 

242.  Well,  about  a  year  and  a  half  afterwards,  that  wicked 
sinful  thought,  of  which  I  have  spoken  before,  went  through 
my  wicked  heart,  even  this  thought,  Let  Christ  go  if  he  will ; 
so  when  I  was  fallen  under  guilt  for  this,  the  remembrance  of 


86  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

my  other  thought  and  of  the  effect  thereof  would  also  come 
upon  me  with  this  retort,  which  also  carried  rebuke  along  with 
it,  Now  you  may  see  that  God  doth  know  the  most  secret  thoughts 
of  the  heart. 
5  243.  And  with  this,  that  of  the  passages  that  were  betwixt 
the  Lord  and  his  servant  Gideon  fell  upon  my  Spirit ;  how 
because  that  Gideon  tempted  God  with  his  fleece,  both  wet  and 
dry,1  when  he  should  have  believed  and  ventured  upon  his  word, 
therefore  the  Lord  did  afterwards  so  try  him  as  to  send  him 

10  against  an  innumerable  company  of  Enemies ;  and  that  too,  as 

to  outward  appearance,  without  any  Strength  or  Help.    Thus 

he  served  me,  and  that  justly,  for  I  should  have  believed  his 

word,  and  not  have  put  an  if  upon  the  all-seeingness  of  God. 

244.  And  now  to  shew  you  something  of  the  advantages 

1 5  that  I  also  gained  by  this  temptation ;  and  first,  By  this  I  was 
made  continually  to  possess  in  my  soul  a  very  wonderful  sense 
both  of  the  Being  and  Glory  of  God,  and  of  his  beloved  Son. 
In  the  temptation  that  went  before  my  Soul  was  perplexed  with 
unbelief,   blasphemy,  hardness   of  heart,  questions   about   the 

20  being  of  God,  Christ,  the  Truth  of  the  Word,  and  certainty  of 
the  World  to  come;  I  say,  then  I  was  greatly  assaulted  and 
tormented  with  Atheism  ;  but  now  the  case  was  otherwise,  now 
was  God  and  Christ  continually  before  my  Face,  though  not  in 
a  way  of  comfort,  but  in  a  way  of  exceeding  dread  and  terror. 

25  The  Glory  of  the  Holiness  of  God  did  at  this  time  break  me 
to  pieces ;  and  the  Bowels  and  Compassion  of  Christ  did  break 
me  as  on  the  Wheel ;  for  I  could  not  consider  him  but  as  a  lost 
and  rejected  Christ,  the  remembrance  of  which  was  as  the  con- 
tinual breaking  of  my  Bones. 

30  245.  The  Scriptures  now  also  were  wonderful  things  unto 
me.  I  saw  that  the  truth  and  verity  of  them  were  the  Keys  of 
the  Kingdom  of  Heaven  ;  those  that  the  Scriptures  favour,  they 
must  inherit  bliss  ;  but  those  that  they  oppose  and  condemn  must 

1  Judges  6.  36-40. 


TO  THE  CHIEF  OF  SINNERS  87 

perish  evermore.  Oh  this  word,  For  the  Scripture  cannot  be 
broken,  would  rend  the  Caul  of  my  heart;  and  so  would  that 
other,  Whose  sins  ye  remit,  they  are  remitted  unto  them  ;  but 
whose  sins  ye  retain,  they  are  retained.  Now  I  saw  the  Apostles 
to  be  the  Elders  of  the  City  of  Refuge ;  those  that  they  were  5 
to  receive  in  were  received  to  Life ;  but  those  that  they  shut 
out  were  to  be  slain  by  the  Avenger  of  Blood. 1 

246.  Oh  !  one  Sentence  of  the  Scripture  did  more  afflict  and 
terrify  my  mind,  I  mean  those  Sentences  that  stood  against 
me,  (as  sometimes  I  thought  they  every  one  did,)  more  I  say,  10 
than  an  Army  of  forty  thousand  men  that  might  have  come 
against  me.  Woe  be  to  him  against  whom  the  Scriptures  bend 
themselves. 

247.  By  this  temptation  I  was  made  to  see  more  into  the 
Nature  of  the  Promises  than  ever  I  was  before ;  for  I  lying  1 5 
now  trembling  under  the  mighty  hand  of  God,  continually  torn 
and  rent  by  the  thunderings  of  his  Justice ;  this  made  me,  with 
careful  Heart  and  watchful  Eye,  with  great  seriousness,  to  turn 
over  every  leaf,  and  with  much  diligence,  mixed  with  trembling, 

to  consider  every  Sentence,  together  with  its  natural  force  and  20 
latitude. 

248.  By  this  temptation,  also,  I  was  greatly  beaten  off  my 
former  foolish  practice,  of  putting  by  the  Word  of  Promise 
when  it  came  into  my  mind ;  for  now,  though  I  could  not  suck 
that  comfort  and  sweetness  from  the  Promise  as  I  had  done  at  25 
other  times,  yet,  like  to  a  man  a-sinking,  I  should  catch  at  all  I 
saw.  Formerly  I  thought  I  might  not  meddle  with  the  Promise 
unless  I  felt  its  comfort,  but  now  it  was  no  time  thus  to  do, 
the  Avenger  of  Blood  too  hardly  did  pursue  me. 

249.  Now  therefore  I  was  glad  to  catch  at  that  word,  which  30 
yet  I  feared  I  had  no  groumd  or  right  to  own  ;  and  even  to 
leap  into  the  bosom  of  that  Promise,  that  yet  I  feared  did  shut 
its  heart  against  me.    Now  also  I  should  labour  to  take  the 

1  Josh.  20. 4. 


88  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

Word  as  God  hath  laid  it  down,  without  restraining  the  natural 
force  of  one  syllable  thereof.  O  what  did  I  now  see  in  that 
blessed  sixth  of  John,  And  him  that  comes  to  me,  I  will  in  no 
wise  cast  out.1  Now  I  began  to  consider  with  myself,  that  God 
5  had  a  bigger  Mouth  to  speak  with  than  I  had  Heart  to  conceive 
with.  I  thought  also  with  myself  that  he  spake  not  his  words 
in  haste,  or  in  unadvised  heat,  but  with  infinite  Wisdom  and 
Judgment,  and  in  very  truth  and  faithfulness. 

250.   I  should  in  these  days,  often  in  my  greatest  Agonies, 

10  even  flounce  towards  the  Promise,  (as  the  Horses  do  towards 
sound  Ground  that  yet  stick  in  the  Mire,)  concluding,  (though 
as  one  almost  bereft  of  his  wits  through  fear,)  on  this  I  will 
rest  and  stay,  and  leave  the  fulfilling  of  it  to  the  God  of  Heaven 
that  made  it.    Oh !  many  a  pull  hath  my  heart  had  with  Satan 

1 5  for  that  blessed  sixth  of  John.  I  did  not  now,  as  at  other  times, 
look  principally  for  comfort,  (though,  O  how  welcome  would 
it  have  been  unto  me !)  But  now  a  word,  a  word  to  lean  a 
weary  Soul  upon,  that  I  might  not  sink  for  ever,  it  was  that 
I  hunted  for. 

20  251.  Yea,  often  when  I  have  been  making  to  the  Promise, 
I  have  seen  as  if  the  Lord  would  refuse  my  Soul  for  ever.  I 
was  often  as  if  I  had  run  upon  the  Pikes,  and  as  if  the  Lord 
had  thrust  at  me  to  keep  me  from  him  as  with  a  flaming  Sword. 
Then  I  should  think  of  Esthe?',  who  went  to  petition  the  King 

25  contrary  to  the  Law.2  I  thought  also  of  Benha dad's  servants, 
who  went  with  ropes  upon  their  Heads  to  their  Enemies  for 
mercy.3  The  woman  of  Canaan  also,  that  would  not  be  daunted, 
though  called  Dog  by  Christ.4  And  the  Man  that  went  to  borrow 
bread  at  midnight,5  were  great  encouragements  unto  me. 

30  252.  I  never  saw  those  heights  and  depths  in  Grace,  and 
Love,  and  Mercy,  as  I  saw  after  this  temptation.  Great  Sins 
do  draw  out  great  Grace ;  and  where  Guilt  is  most  terrible  and 

1  John  6.  37.  2  Esther  4.  16.  3  1  Kings  20.  31,32. 

4  Matt.  15.  21-28.  6  Luke  11.  5-8. 


TO  THE  CHIEF  OF  SINNERS  89 

fierce  there  the  Mercy  of  God  in  Christ,  when  showed  to  the 
Soul,  appears  most  high  and  mighty.  When  Job  had  passed 
through  his  Captivity,  he  had  twice  as  much  as  he  had  before.1 
Blessed  be  God  for  Jesus  Christ  our  Lord.  Many  other  things 
I  might  here  make  observation  of,  but  I  would  be  brief,  and  5 
therefore  shall  at  this  time  omit  them,  and  do  pray  God  that  my 
harms  may  make  others  fear  to  offend,  lest  they  also  be  made 
to  bear  the  Iron  Yoke  as  I  did. 

I  had  two  or  three  times,  at  or  about  my  deliverance  from 
this  temptation,  such  strange  apprehensions  of  the  Grace  of  10 
God,  that  I  could  hardly  bear  up  under  it,  it  was  so  out  of 
measure  amazing,  when  I  thought  it  could  reach  me,  that  I 
do  think,  if  that  sense  of  it  had  abode  long  upon  me,  it  would 
have  made  me  incapable  for  business. 

253.   Now  I  shall  go  forward  to  give  you  a  relation  of  other  15 
of  the  Lord's  dealings  with  me,  of  his  dealings  with  me  at  sundry 
other  seasons,  and  of  the  temptations  I  then  did  meet  withal. 
I  shall  begin  with  what  I  met  with  when  I  first  did  join  in 
fellowship  with  the  people  of  God  in  Bedford.    After  I  had  pro- 
pounded to  the  church  that  my  desire  was  to  walk  in  the  Order  20 
and  Ordinances  of  Christ  with  them,  and  was  also  admitted  by 
them ;   while  I  thought  of  that  blessed  Ordinance  of  Christ, 
which  was  his  last  Supper  with  his  disciples  before  his  Death, 
that  Scripture,  Do  this  in  remembrance  of  me?  was  made  a  very 
precious  word  unto  me  ;  for  by  it  the  Lord  did  come  down  upon  25 
my  Conscience  with  the  discovery  of  his  death  for  my  sins ; 
and  as  I  then  felt,  did  as  if  he  plunged  me  in  the  virtue  of  the 
same.     But,  behold,   I  had  not  been  long  a  partaker  at  that 
Ordinance,  but  such  fierce  and  sad  temptations  did  attend  me  at 
all  times  therein,  both  to  blaspheme  the  Ordinance,  and  to  wish  30 
some  deadly  thing  to  those  that  then  did  eat  thereof ;  that,  lest 
I  should  at  any  time  be  guilty  of  consenting  to  these  wicked 
and  fearful  thoughts,  I  was  forced  to  bend  myself  all  the  while 

1  Job  42.  10.  2  Luke  22.  19. 


90  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

to  pray  to  God  to  keep  me  from  such  Blasphemies ;  and  also 
to  cry  to  God  to  bless  the  Bread  and  Cup  to  them  as  it  went 
from  mouth  to  mouth.  The  reason  of  this  temptation  I  have 
thought  since  was,  because  I  did  not,  with  that  reverence  as 
5  became  me,  at  first  approach  to  partake  thereof. 

254.  Thus  I  continued  for  three  quarters  of  a  Year,  and  could 
never  have  rest  nor  ease ;  but  at  last  the  Lord  came  in  upon 
my  Soul  with  that  same  Scripture  by  which  my  Soul  was 
visited  before ;    and  after  that  I  have  been  usually  very  well 

10  and  comfortable  in  the  partaking  of  that  blessed  Ordinance, 
and  have,  I  trust,  therein  discerned  the  Lord's  Body  as  broken 
for  my  sins,  and  that  his  precious  Blood  hath  been  shed  for 
my  Transgressions. 

255.  Upon  a  time  I  was  somewhat  inclining  to  a  Consump- 
15  tion,  wherewith,  about  the  Spring,  I  was  suddenly  and  violently 

seized  with  much  weakness  in  my  outward  man,  insomuch 
that  I  thought  I  could  not  live.  Now  began  I  afresh  to  give 
myself  up  to  a  serious  examination  after  my  state  and  condi- 
tion for  the  future,  and  of  my  evidences  for  that  blessed  World 
20  to  come ;  for  it  hath,  I  bless  the  name  of  God,  been  my  usual 
course,  as  always,  so  especially  in  the  Day  of  affliction,  to  en- 
deavour to  keep  my  interest  in  the  Life  to  come  clear  before 
my  eye. 

256.  But  I  had  no  sooner  began  to  recal  to  mind  my  former 
25  experience  of  the  goodness  of  God  to  my  Soul,  but  there  came 

flocking  into  my  mind  an  innumerable  company  of  my  Sins  and 
Transgressions,  amongst  which  these  were  at  this  time  most  to 
my  affliction,  namely,  my  Deadness,  Dulness,  and  Coldness  in 
holy  duties ;  my  Wanderings  of  heart,  of  my  Wearisomeness  in 
30  all  good  things,  my  Want  of  Love  to  God,  his  Ways,  and  People, 
with  this  at  the  end  of  all,  Are  these  the  fruits  of  Christianity  7 
are  these  the  tokens  of  a  blessed  man  ? 

257.  At  the  apprehensions  of  these  things  my  sickness  was 
doubled  upon  me ;  for  now  was  I  sick  in  my  inward  man,  my 


TO  THE  CHIEF  OF  SINNERS  91 

Soul  was  clogged  with  guilt ;  now  also  was  my  former  experience 
of  God's  goodness  to  me  quite  taken  out  of  my  mind,  and  hid 
as  if  it  had  never  been,  nor  seen.  Now  was  my  soul  greatly 
pinched  between  these  two  considerations,  Live  I  must  not,  Die 
I  dare  not.  Now  I  sunk  and  fell  in  my  spirit,  and  was  giving  5 
up  all  for  lost ;  but  as  I  was  walking  up  and  down  in  the  house, 
as  a  man  in  a  most  woful  state,  that  Word  of  God  took  hold  of 
my  heart,  Ye  are  justified  freely  by  his  Grace,  through  the  Re- 
demption that  is  in  Christ  Jesus}  But  oh  what  a  turn  it  made 
upon  me !  10 

258.  Now  was  I  as  one  awakened  out  of  some  troublesome 
sleep  and  dream,  and  listening  to  this  Heavenly  Sentence,  I 
was  as  if  I  had  heard  it  thus  expounded  to  me :  Sinner,  thou 
thinkest  that  because  of  thy  Sins  and  Infirmities  I  cannot  save 
thy  Soul :  but  behold  my  Son  is  by  me,  and  upon  him  I  look,  1 5 
and  not  on  thee,  and  will  deal  with  thee  according  as  I  ai?i  pleased 
with  him.  At  this  I  was  greatly  lightened  in  my  mind,  and 
made  to  understand  that  God  could  justify  a  sinner  at  any 
time ;  it  was  but  his  looking  upon  Christ,  and  imputing  of  his 
benefits  to  us,  and  the  work  was  forthwith  done.  20 

259.  And  as  I  was  thus  in  a  muse,  that  Scripture  also  came 
with  great  power  upon  my  Spirit,  Not  by  works  of  righteousness 
which  we  have  done,  but  according  to  his  Mercy  he  saved  us,2  &c. 
Now  was  I  got  on  high ;  I  saw  myself  within  the  Arms  of 
Grace  and  Mercy;  and  though  I  was  before  afraid  to  think  25 
of  a  dying  hour,  yet  now  I  cried,  Let  me  die.  Now  death  was 
lovely  and  beautiful  in  my  sight ;  for  I  saw  we  shall  never  live 
indeed  till  we  be  gone  to  the  other  World.  Oh,  methought  this  life 

is  but  a  slumber  in  comparison  of  that  above ;  at  this  time  also 
I  saw  more  in  those  words,  Heirs  of  God,s  than  ever  I  shall  be  30 
able  to  express  while  I  live  in  this  world.    Heirs  of  God!    God 
himself  is  the  portion  of  the  Saints.    This  I  saw  and  wondered 
at,  but  cannot  tell  you  what  I  saw. 

1  Rom.  3.  24.  2  Tit.  3.  5.     2  Tim.  1.9.  3  Rom.  S.  17. 


92  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

260.  Again,  as  I  was  at  another  time  very  ill  and  weak,  all 
that  time  also  the  Tempter  did  beset  me  strongly,  (for  I  find  he 
is  much  for  assaulting  the  soul  when  it  begins  to  approach 
towards  the  grave,  then  is  his  opportunity,)  labouring  to  hide 

5  from  me  my  former  experience  of  God's  goodness ;  also  setting 
before  me  the  terrors  of  Death  and  the  Judgment  of  God,  inso- 
much that  at  this  time,  through  my  fear  of  miscarrying  for  ever, 
(should  I  now  die,)  I  was  as  one  dead  before  Death  came,  and 
was  as  if  I  had  felt  myself  already  descending  into  the  Pit ;  me- 

10  thought,  I  said,  there  was  no  way  but  to  Hell  I  must.  But 
behold,  just  as  I  was  in  the  midst  of  those  fears,  these  words 
of  the  Angels  carrying  Lazarus  into  Abraham's  bosom1  darted 
in  upon  me,  as  who  should  say,  So  it  shall  be  with  thee  when 
thou  dost' leave  this  Wo?'ld.    This  did  sweetly  revive  my  Spirit, 

15  and  help  me  to  hope  in  God;  which,  when  I  had  with  comfort 
mused  on  a  while,  that  word  fell  with  great  weight  upon  my 
mind,  O  Death  where  is  thy  sting?  O  Grave,  where  is  thy  Vic- 
tory ? 2  At  this  I  became  both  well  in  body  and  mind  at  once, 
for  my  sickness  did  presently  vanish,  and  I  walked  comfortably 

20  in  my  Work  for  God  again. 

261.  At  another  time,  though  just  before  I  was  pretty  well 
and  savoury  in  my  Spirit,  yet  suddenly  there  fell  upon  me  a 
great  cloud  of  darkness  which  did  so  hide  from  me  the  things 
of  God  and  Christ  that  I  was  as  if  I  had  never  seen  or  known 

25  them  in  my  life.  I  was  also  so  overrun  in  my  Soul  with  a  sense- 
less, heartless  frame  of  spirit,  that  I  could  not  feel  my  Soul  to 
move  or  stir  after  Grace  and  Life  by  Christ.  I  was  as  if  my  loins 
were  broken,  or  as  if  my  hands  and  feet  had  been  tied  or  bound 
with  chains.    At  this  time  also  I  felt  some  weakness  to  seize 

30  upon  my  outward  man,  which  made  still  the  other  affliction  the 
more  heavy  and  uncomfortable  to  me. 

262.  After  I  had  been  in  this  condition  some  three  or  four 
days,  as  I  was  sitting  by  the  fire,  I  suddenly  felt  this  word  to 

1  Luke  16.  22.  2  1  Cor.  15.  55. 


TO  THE  CHIEF  OF  SINNERS  93 

sound  in  my  heart,  I  must  go  to  Jesus.  At  this  my  former  Dark- 
ness and  Atheism  fled  away  and  the  blessed  things  of  Heaven 
were  set  within  my  view.  While  I  was  on  this  sudden  thus  over- 
taken with  surprise,  Wife,  said  I,  is  there  ever  such  a  scripture, 
I  must  go  to  Jesus  ?  She  said  she  could  not  tell,  therefore  I  sat  5 
musing  still  to  see  if  I  could  remember  such  a  place.  I  had  not 
sat  above  two  or  three  minutes  but  that  came  bolting  in  upon 
me,  And  to  an  innumerable  Company  of  Angels,  and  withal, 
Hebrews  the  twelfth,  about  the  mount  Siou,1  was  set  before 
mine  eyes.  ,  10 

263.  Then  with  joy  I  told  my  wife,  O  now  I  knotv,  I know  ! 
But  that  night  was  a  good  night  to  me,  I  never  had  but  few 
better.  I  longed  for  the  company  of  some  of  God's  People  that 
I  might  have  imparted  unto  them  what  God  had  showed  me. 
Christ  was  a  precious  Christ  to  my  Soul  that  night;  I  could  15 
scarce  lie  in  my  Bed  for  Joy,  and  Peace,  and  Triumph,  through 
Christ.  This  great  Glory  did  not  continue  upon  me  until  Morn- 
ing, yet  that  twelfth  of  the  Author  to  the  Hebrews,  was  a  blessed 
Scripture  to  me  for  many  days  together  after  this. 

264.  The  words  are  these,  You  are  co?ne  unto  mount  Sion,  20 
to  the  City  of  the  living  God,  to  the  heavenly  Jerusalem,  and 

to  an  innumerable  company  of  Angels,  to  the  general  Assembly 
and  Church  of  the  firstborn,  which  are  writte?i  i?i  Heaven,  to  God 
the  Judge  of  all,  and  to  the  Spirits  of  Just  men  made  perfect,  and 
to  Jesus  the  Mediator  of  the  neiv  Testament,  and  to  the  blood  of  25 
sprinkling,  that  speaketh  better  things  than  that  of  Abel.  Through 
this  blessed  sentence  the  Lord  led  me  over  and  over,  first  to 
this  Word,  and  then  to  that,  and  showed  me  wonderful  glory  in 
every  one  of  them.  These  words  also  have  oft  since  this  time 
been  great  refreshment  to  my  Spirit.  Blessed  be  God  for  hav-  30 
ing  mercy  on  me. 

1  Heb.  12.  22-24. 


94  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

A  Brief  Account  of  the  Author's  Call  to  the  Work  of  the 
Ministry 

265.  And  now  I  am  speaking  my  Experience,  I  will  in  this 
place  thrust  in  a  word  or  two  concerning  my  preaching  the 
Word,  and  of  God's  dealing  with  me  in  that  particular  also. 
For  after  I  had  been  about  five  or  six  years  awakened,  and 

5  helped  myself  to  see  both  the  want  and  worth  of  Jesus  Christ 
our  Lord,  and  also  enabled  to  venture  my  soul  upon  him,  some 
of  the  most  able  among  the  Saints  with  us,  I  say  the  most  able 
for  Judgment  and  Holiness  of  life,  as  they  conceived,  did  per- 
ceive that  God  had  counted  me  worthy  to  understand  something 

10  of  his  Will  in  his  holy  and  blessed  Word,  and  had  given  me 
utterance,  in  some  measure,  to  express  what  I  saw  to  others  for 
edification ;  therefore  they  desired  me,  and  that  with  much 
earnestness,  that  I  would  be  willing,  at  sometimes,  to  take  in 
hand,  in  one  of  the  Meetings,  to  speak  a  word  of  Exhortation 

15  unto  them. 

266.  The  which,  though  at  the  first  it  did  much  dash  and 
abash  my  Spirit,  yet  being  still  by  them  desired  and  intreated, 
I  consented  to  their  request,  and  did  twice  at  two  several  As- 
semblies, (but  in  private,)  though  with  much  weakness  and  in- 

20  firmity,  discover  my  Gift  amongst  them.  At  which  they  not  only 
seemed  to  be,  but  did  solemnly  protest,  as  in  the  sight  of  the 
great  God,  they  were  both  affected  and  comforted,  and  gave 
thanks  to  the  Father  of  Mercies  for  the  grace  bestowed  on  me. 

267.  After  this,  sometimes  when  some  of  them  did  go  into 
25  the  Country  to  teach,  they  would  also  that  I  should  go  with 

them ;  where,  though  as  yet  I  did  not,  nor  durst  not,  make  use 
of  my  Gift  in  an  open  way,  yet  more  privately  still,  as  I  came 
amongst  the  good  People  in  those  places,  I  did  sometimes  speak 
a  word  of  Admonition  unto  them  also ;  the  which  they,  as  the 
30  other,  received  with  rejoicing  at  the  mercy  of  God  to  me-ward, 
professing  their  Souls  were  edified  thereby. 


TO  THE   CHIEF  OF  SINNERS  95 

268.  Wherefore,  to  be  brief,  at  last,  being  still  desired  by  the 
Church,  after  some  solemn  prayer  to  the  Lord  with  fasting,  I 
was  more  particularly  called  forth  and  appointed  to  a  more 
ordinary  and  public  Preaching  the  Word,  not  only  to  and 
amongst  them  that  believed,  but  also  to  offer  the  Gospel  to  5 
those  who  had  not  yet  received  the  Faith  thereof.  About  which 
time  I  did  evidently  find  in  my  mind  a  secret  pricking  forward 
thereto ;  though  I  bless  God,  not  for  desire  of  vain  Glory,  for 

at  that  time  I  was  most  sorely  afflicted  with  the  fiery  darts  of 
the  Devil  concerning  my  Eternal  State.  10 

269.  But  yet  I  could  not  be  content,  unless  I  was  found  in 
the  Exercise  of  my  Gift,  unto  which  also  I  was  greatly  animated, 
not  only  by  the  continual  desires  of  the  Godly,  but  also  by  that 
saying  of  Paul  to  the  Corinthians,  I  beseech  you,  Brethren  (ye 
know  the  household  of  Stephanus,  that  it  is  the  first  fruits  of  1 5 
Achaia,  and  that  they  have  addicted  themselves  to  the  Ministry  of 
the  Saints)  that  ye  submit  yourselves  unto  such,  and  to  every  one 
that  helpeth  with  us,  and  laboureth.1 

270.  By  this  text  I  was  made  to  see  that  the  Holy  Ghost 
never  intended  that  men  who  have  Gifts  and  Abilities  should  20 
bury  them  in  the  earth,  but  rather  did  command  and  stir  up 
such  to  the  Exercise  of  their  Gift,2  and  also  did  commend  those 
that  were  apt  and  ready  so  to  do,  They  have  addicted  themselves 

to  the  ministry  of  the  saints.    This  Scripture,  in  these  days,  did 
continually  run  in  my  mind,  to  encourage  me  and  strengthen  25 
me  in  this  my  work  for  God.    I  have  also  been  encouraged 
from  several  other  Scriptures  and  Examples  of  the  Godly,  both 
specified  in  the  Word,  and  other  ancient  histories. 

271.  Wherefore,  though  of  myself  of  all  the  Saints  the  most 
unworthy,  yet  I,  but  with  great  fear  and  trembling  at  the  sight  30 
of  my  own  weakness,  did  set  upon  the  work,  and  did  according 

to  my  Gift,  and  the  proportion  of  my  Faith,  preach  that  blessed 

1  1  Cor.  16.  15,  16. 

2  Acts  8.  4  ;  iS.  24,  25.     1  Pet.  4.  10.     Rom.  12.  6.     Fox,  Acts  and  Monuments. 


96  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

Gospel  that  God  had  showed  me  in  the  Holy  Word  of  Truth ; 
which,  when  the  Country  understood,  they  came  in  to  hear  the 
Word  by  hundreds,  and  that  from  all  parts,  though  upon  sun- 
dry and  divers  accounts. 
5  272.  And  I  thank  God  he  gave  unto  me  some  measure  of 
bowels  and  pity  for  their  Souls,  which  also  did  put  me  forward 
to  labour  with  great  diligence  and  earnestness,  to  find  out  such 
a  word  as  might,  if  God  would  bless  it,  lay  hold  of,  and  awaken 
the  Conscience  ;  in  which  also  the  good  Lord  had  respect  to  the 
10  desire  of  his  Servant.  For  I  had  not  preached  long  before  some 
began  to  be  touched,  and  to  be  greatly  afflicted  in  their  Minds 
at  the  apprehension  of  the  greatness  of  their  Sin,  and  of  their 
need  of  Jesus  Christ. 

273.  But  I  at  first  could  not  believe  that  God  should  speak 
1 5  by  me  to  the  heart  of  any  man,  still  counting  myself  unworthy  ; 

yet  those  who  thus  were  touched  would  love  me  and  have  a 
peculiar  respect  for  me ;  and  though  I  did  put  it  from  me,  that 
they  should  be  awakened  by  me,  still  they  would  confess  it,  and 
affirm  it  before  the  Saints  of  God ;  they  would  also  bless  God 
20  for  me  (unworthy  Wretch  that  I  am  !)  and  count  me  God's 
Instrument  that  showed  to  them  the  way  of  Salvation. 

274.  Wherefore,  seeing  them  in  both  their  words  and  deeds  to 
be  so  constant,  and  also  in  their  Hearts  so  earnestly  pressing  after 
the  knowledge  of  Jesus  Christ,  rejoicing  that  ever  God  did  send 

25  me  where  they  were ;  then  I  began  to  conclude  it  might  be  so, 
that  God  had  owned  in  his  Work  such  a  foolish  one  as  I,  and 
then  came  that  Word  of  God  to  my  heart  with  much  sweet 
refreshment,  The  blessi?ig  of  them  that  were  ready  to  perish  came 
upon  me ;  yea  I  caused  the  Widow  V  heart  to  sing  for  joy} 

30       2  7  5 .  At  this  therefore  I  rejoiced ;  yea,  the  tears  of  those  whom 

God  did  awaken  by  my  Preaching  would  be  both  solace  and 

encouragement  to  me  ;   for  I  thought  on  those  Sayings,   Who 

is  he  that  maketh  me  glad  but  the  sa?ne  which  is  made  sorry  by 

1  Job  29.  13. 


TO  THE   CHIEF  OF  SINNERS  97 

me  ?1  and  again,  Though  I  be  not  an  Apostle  to  others,  yet,  doubt- 
less, I  am  to  you  :  for  the  seal  of  mine  Apostleship  ai'e  ye  in  the 
Lord?  These  things,  therefore,  were  as  another  argument  unto 
me  that  God  had  called  me  to,  and  stood  by  me  in  this  Work. 

276.  In  my  preaching  of  the  Word,  I  took  special  notice  of     5 
this  one  thing,  namely,  That  the  Lord  did  lead  me  to  begin  where 
his  Word  begins  with  Sinners  ;  that  is,  to  condemn  all  flesh,  and 

to  open  and  allege  that  the  Curse  of  God,  by  the  Law,  doth 
belong  to,  and  lay  hold  on  all  men  as  they  come  into  the  World, 
because  of  Sin.  Now  this  part  of  my  Work  I  fulfilled  with  great  10 
sense ;  for  the  terrors  of  the  Law,  and  guilt  for  my  Transgres- 
sions, lay  heavy  on  my  Conscience.  I  preached  what  I  felt,  what 
I  smartingly  did  feel,  even  that  under  which  my  poor  Soul  did 
groan  and  tremble  to  astonishment. 

277.  Indeed  I  have  been  as  one  sent  to  them  from  the  dead.  15 
I  went  myself  in  Chains  to  preach  to  them  in  Chains ;  and  car- 
ried that  Fire  in  my  own  Conscience  that  I  persuaded  them  to 
beware  of.  I  can  truly  say,  and  that  without  dissembling,  that 
when  I  have  been  to  preach,  I  have  gone  full  of  guilt  and  terror 
even  to  the  Pulpit-door,  and  there  it  hath  been  taken  off ;  I  have  20 
been  at  liberty  in  my  mind  until  I  have  done  my  work,  and  then 
immediately,  even  before  I  could  get  down  the  Pulpit-stairs,  I 
have  been  as  bad  as  I  was  before.  Yet  God  carried  me  on,  but 
surely  with  a  strong  hand,  for  neither  Guilt  or  Hell  could  take 
me  off  my  Work.  25 

278.  Thus  I  went  for  the  space  of  two  years,  crying  out 
against  men's  sins,  and  their  fearful  state  because  of  them.  After 
which  the  Lord  came  in  upon  my  own  soul  with  some  staid  peace 
and  comfort  through  Christ ;  for  he  did  give  me  many  sweet 
discoveries  of  his  blessed  Grace  through  him.  Wherefore  now  30 
I  altered  in  my  preaching,  (for  still  I  preached  what  I  saw  and 
felt ;)  now  therefore  I  did  much  labour  to  hold  forth  Jesus  Christ 

in  all  his  Offices,  Relations,  and  Benefits  unto  the  World ;  and 

1  2  Cor.  2.  2.  2  1  Cor.  9.  2. 


98  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

did  strive  also  to  discover,  to  condemn,  and  remove  those  false 
supports  and  props  on  which  the  World  doth  both  lean,  and  by 
them  fall  and  perish.  On  these  things  also  I  staid  as  long  as,on 
the  other. 

5  279.  After  this,  God  led  me  into  something  of  the  Mystery 
of  the  Union  with  Christ.  Wherefore  that  I  discovered  and 
showed  to  them  also.  And  when  I  had  travelled  through  these 
three  chief  points  of  the  Word  of  God,  about  the  space  of  five 
years  or  more,  I  was  caught  in  my  present  practice  and  cast  into 

10  Prison,  where  I  have  lain  above  as  long  again,  to  confirm  the 
Truth  by  way  of  suffering,  as  I  was  before  in  testifying  of  it 
according  to  the  Scriptures  in  a  way  of  Preaching. 

280.  When  I  have  been  in  Preaching,  I  thank  God,  my  heart 
hath  often,  all  the  time  of  this  and  the  other  exercise,  with  great 

1 5  earnestness  cried  to  God  that  he  would  make  the  Word  effectual 
to  the  Salvation  of  the  Soul ;  still  being  grieved  lest  the  Enemy 
should  take  the  Word  away  from  the  Conscience,  and  so  it 
should  become  unfruitful.  Wherefore  I  did  labour  so  to  speak 
the  Word,  as  that  thereby,  if  it  were  possible,  the  Sin  and  Person 

20  guilty  might  be  particularized  by  it. 

281.  Also,  when  I  have  done  the  exercise,  it  hath  gone  to  my 
heart  to  think  the  Word  should  now  fall  as  Rain  on  stony  places, 
still  wishing  from  my  heart,  O  that  they  who  have  heard  me  speak 
this  day  did  but  see  as  I  do  what  Sin,  Death,  Hell,  and  the  Curse 

25  of  God  is ;  and  also  what  the  Grace,  and  Love,  and  Mercy  of 
God  is,  through  Christ,  to  men  in  such  a  case  as  they  are,  who 
are  yet  estranged  from  him.  And,  indeed,  I  did  often  say  in  my 
heart  before  the  I<ord,  That  if  to  be  hanged  up  presently  before 
their  Eyes  would  be  a  means  to  awaken  them,  and  coiifirm  them 

30  in  the  Truth,  I  gladly  should  be  contented. 

282.  For  I  have  been  in  my  preaching,  especially  when  I  have 
been  engaged  in  the  Doctrine  of  Life  by  Christ  without  works, 
as  if  an  Angel  of  God  had  stood  by  at  my  back  to  encourage 
me.    Oh,  it  hath  been  with  such  Power  and  heavenly  Evidence 


TO  THE   CHIEF  OF  SINNERS  99 

upon  my  own  Soul,  while  I  have  been  labouring  to  unfold  it,  to 
demonstrate  it,  and  to  fasten  it  upon  the  Conscience  of  others, 
that  I  could  not  be  contented  with  saying,  I  believe,  and  am  sure; 
methought  I  was  more  than  sure,  (if  it  be  lawful  so  to  express 
myself,)  that  those  things  which  then  I  asserted  were  true.  5 

283.  When  I  went  first  to  preach  the  Word  abroad,  the 
Doctors  and  Priests  of  the  Country  did  open  wide  against  me. 
But  I  was  persuaded  of  this,  not  to  render  railing  for  railing,  but 
to  see  how  many  of  their  carnal  Professors  I  could  convince  of 
their  miserable  state  by  the  Law,  and  of  the  want  and  worth  of  10 
Christ ;  for,  thought  I,  This  shall  answer  for  me  in  tmie  to  come, 
when  they  shall  be  for  my  hire  before  their  faces. 

284.  I  never  cared  to  meddle  with  things  that  were  contro- 
verted and  in  dispute  amongst  the  Saints,  especially  things  of  the 
lowest  Nature ;  yet  it  pleased  me  much  to  contend  with  great  1 5 
earnestness  for  the  Word  of  Faith  and  the  Remission  of  Sins 
by  the  Death  and  Sufferings  of  Jesus ;  but  I  say,  as  to  other 
things,  I  should  let  them  alone,  because  I  saw  they  engendered 
strife,  and  because  that  they  neither,  in  doing  nor  in  leaving  un- 
done, did  commend  us  to  God  to  be  his.  Besides,  I  saw  my  20 
Work  before  me  did  run  in  another  Channel,  even  to  carry  an 
awakening  word ;  to  that  therefore  did  I  stick  and  adhere. 

285.  I  never  endeavoured  to,  nor  durst  make  use  of  other 
men's  lines,1  (though  I  condemn  not  all  that  do,)  for  I  verily 
thought,  and  found  by  experience,  that  what  was  taught  me  by  25 
the  Word  and  Spirit  of  Christ,  could  be  spoken,  maintained,  and 
stood  to  by  the  soundest  and  best  established  Conscience ;  and 
though  I  will  not  now  speak  all  that  I  know  in  this  matter,  yet 
my  experience  hath  more  interest  in  that  text  of  Scripture,  Gal. 

i.  11,  12,  than  many  amongst  men  are  aware.  3° 

286.  If  any  of  those  who  were  awakened  by  my  Ministry  did 
after  that  fall  back,  (as  sometimes  too  many  did,)  I  can  truly  say 
their  loss  hath  been  more  to  me  than  if  one  of  my  own  Children, 

1  Rom.  15.  20.     2  Cor.  10.  16. 


IOO  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

begotten  of  my  body,  had  been  going  to  its  Grave.  I  think,  verily, 
I  may  speak  it  without  an  offence  to  the  Lord,  nothing  hath 
gone  so  near  me  as  that,  unless  it  was  the  fear  of  the  loss  of 
the  Salvation  of  my  own  Soul.  I  have  counted  as  if  I  had  goodly 
5  Buildings  and  Lordships  in  those  places  where  my  Children  were 
born  ;  my  heart  hath  been  so  wrapped  up  in  the  glory  of  this  ex- 
cellent Work,  that  I  counted  myself  more  blessed  and  honoured 
of  God  by  this  than  if  he  had  made  me  the  Emperor  of  the  Chris- 
tian World,  or  the  Lord  of  all  the  glory  of  the  Earth  without  it. 

10  O  these  words,  He  that  co?iverteth  a  sinner  from  the  error  of  his 
way  doth  save  a  soul from  death.1  The  fruit  of  the  righteous  is  a 
Tree  of  Life ;  and  he  that  winneth  souls  is  wise.2  They  that  be 
wise  shall  shine  as  the  brightness  of  the  Firmament ;  and  they 
that  tur?i  ma?iy  to  Righteousness  as  the  Stars  for  ever  and  ever? 

1 5  For  what  is  our  hope,  or  joy,  or  crown  of  rejoicing  ?  Are  not  even 
ye  in  the  presence  of  our  Lord  Jesus  Christ  at  his  coming  ?  For 
ye  are  our  glory  and  joy}  These,  I  say,  with  many  others  of  a 
like  nature,  have  been  great  refreshments  to  me. 

287.  I  have  observed,  that  where  I  have  had  a  Work  to  do 

20  for  God,  I  have  had  first,  as  it  were,  the  going  of  God  upon  my 
Spirit  to  desire  I  might  preach  there.  I  have  also  observed  that 
such  and  such  Souls  in  particular  have  been  strongly  set  upon 
my  heart,  and  I  stirred  up  to  wish  for  their  Salvation ;  and  that 
these  very  Souls  have,  after  this,  been  given  in  as  the  fruits  of  my 

25  Ministry.  I  have  also  observed,  that  a  Word  cast  in  by  the  by 
hath  done  more  execution  in  a  Sermon  than  all  that  was  spoken 
besides  ;  sometimes  also  when  I  have  thought  I  did  no  good, 
then  I  did  the  most  of  all ;  and  at  other  times  when  I  thought 
I  should  catch  them  I  have  fished  for  nothing. 

30  288.  I  have  also  observed,  that  where  there  hath  been  a  Work 
to  do  upon  Sinners,  there  the  Devil  hath  begun  to  roar  in  the 
hearts,  and  by  the  mouths  of  his  Servants.    Yea,  oftentimes 

1  James  5.  20.  3  Dan.  12.  3. 

2  Prov.  11.  30.  4  1  Thess.  2.  19,  20, 


TO  THE  CHIEF  OF   SINNERS  IOI 

when  the  wicked  World  hath  raged  most,  there  hath  been  souls 
awakened  by  the  Word.  I  could  instance  particulars,  but  I 
forbear. 

289.  My  great  desire  in  my  fulfilling  my  Ministry  was  to  get 
into  the  darkest  places  of  the  Country,  even  amongst  those  peo-  5 
pie  that  were  furthest  off  of  profession.  Yet  not  because  I  could 
not  endure  the  Light,  for  I  feared  not  to  show  my  Gospel  to 
any,  but  because  I  found  my  spirit  leaned  most  after  awakening 
and  converting  Work,  and  the  Word  that  I  carried  did  lead 
itself  most  that  way  also  ;  yea,  so  have  I  strived  to  preach  the  10 
Gospel,  not  where  Christ  was  named,  lest  I  should  build  upo?i 
another  man's  Foundation} 

290.  In  my  preaching  I  have  really  been  in  pain,  and  have, 
as  it  were,  travailed  to  bring  forth  Children  to  God ;  neither 
could  I  be  satisfied  unless  some  fruits  did  appear  in  my  Work.  15 
If  I  were  fruitless  it  mattered  not  who  commended  me ;  but  if 

I  were  fruitful,  I  cared  not  who  did  condemn.  I  have  thought 
of  that,  He  that  winneth  souls  is  wise;*  and  again,  Lo,  children 
are  an  Heritage  of  the  Lord ;  and  the  fruit  of  the  Womb  is  his 
reward.  As  Arrows  i?i  the  hand  of  a  mighty  man,  so  are  Children  20 
of  the  Youth.  Happy  is  the  man  that  hath  filled  his  Quiver  full 
of  them  ;  they  shall  not  be  ashamed,  but  they  shall  speak  with  the 
E?iemies  in  the  Gate.3 

291.  It  pleased  me  nothing  to  see  People  drink  in  Opinions 

if  they  seemed  ignorant  of  Jesus  Christ,  and  the  worth  of  their  25 
own  Salvation,  sound  conviction  for  Sin,  especially  for  Unbelief, 
and  an  heart  set  on  Fire  to  be  saved  by  Christ,  with  strong 
breathing  after  a  truly  scanctified  Soul.  That  it  was  that  delighted 
me ;  those  were  the  Souls  I  counted  blessed. 

292.  But  in  this  Work,  as  in  all  other,  I  had  my  temptations  30 
attending  me,  and  that  of  diverse  kinds  ;  as  sometimes  I  should 
be  assaulted  with  great  discouragement  therein,  fearing  that  I 
should  not  be  able  to  speak  the  Word  at  all  to  edification ;  nay, 

1  Horn.  15.  20,  2  Prov.  11.  30.  3  Ps.  127.  3-5. 


102  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

that  I  should  not  be  able  to  speak  sense  unto  the  people;  at 
which  times  I  should  have  such  a  strange  faintness  and  strength- 
lessness  seize  upon  my  body  that  my  legs  have  scarce  been  able 
to  carry  me  to  the  place  of  Exercise. 
5  293.  Sometimes,  again,  when  I  have  been  preaching,  I  have 
been  violently  assaulted  with  thoughts  of  blasphemy,  and  strongly 
tempted  to  speak  the  words  with  my  mouth  before  the  Con- 
gregation. I  have  also  at  some  times,  even  when  I  have  begun 
to  speak  the  Word  with  much  clearness,  evidence,  and  liberty  of 

10  speech,  yet  been  before  the  ending  of  that  Opportunity  so  blinded, 
and  so  estranged  from  the  things  I  have  been  speaking,  and 
have  also  been  so  straitened  in  my  speech  as  to  utterance  before 
the  People,  that  I  have  been  as  if  I  had  not  known  or  remem- 
bered what  I  have  been  about,  or  as  if  my  head  had  been  in  a 

15  bag  all  the  time  of  the  Exercise. 

294.  Again,  when  at  sometimes  I  have  been  about  to  preach 
upon  some  smart  and  searching  portion  of  the  Word,  I  have  found 
the  Tempter  suggest,  What !  will  you  preach  this  ?  this  condemns 
yourself;  of  this  your  own  Soul  is  guilty.     Whei'ef ore  preach  not 

20  of  it  at  all ;  or  if  you  do,  yet  so  mince  it  as  to  make  way  for  your 
own  escape ;  lest  instead  of  awakening  others,  you  lay  that  guilt 
upon  your  own  Soul,  as  you  will  never  get  from  under. 

295.  But,  I  thank  the  Lord,  I  have  been  kept  from  consent- 
ing to  these  so  horrid  suggestions,  and  have  rather,  as  Sampson, 

25  bowed  myself  with  all  my  might  to  condemn  Sin  and  Trans- 
gression wherever  I  found  it ;  yea,  though  therein  also  I  did 
bring  guilt  upon  my  own  Conscience  !  Let  me  die,  thought  I, 
with  the  Philistines}  rather  than  deal  corruptly  with  the  blessed 
Word  of  God,  Thou  that  teachest  another,  teachest  thou  not  thy- 

30  self?2  It  is  far  better  that  thou  do  judge  thyself,  even  by  preach- 
ing plainly  to  others,  than  that  thou,  to  save  thyself,  imprison 
the  Truth  in  Unrighteousness.  Blessed  be  God  for  his  help  also 
in  this. 

1  Judges  16.  29,  30.  2  Rom.  2.  21. 


TO  THE  CHIEF  OF  SINNERS  103 

296.  I  have  also,  while  found  in  this  blessed  Work  of  Christ, 
been  often  tempted  to  pride  and  liftings  up  of  Heart ;  and 
though  I  dare  not  say  I  have  not  been  infected  with  this,  yet 
truly  the  Lord,  of  his  precious  mercy,  hath  so  carried  it  towards 
me,  that,  for  the  most  part,  I  have  had  but  small  joy  to  give  way  5 
to  such  a  thing.  For  it  hath  been  my  every  day's  portion  to  be 
let  into  the  evil  of  my  own  heart,  and  still  made  to  see  such  a 
multitude  of  Corruptions  and  Infirmities  therein,  that  it  hath 
caused  hanging  down  of  the  head  under  all  my  Gifts  and  Attain- 
ments. I  have  felt  this  thorn  in  the  Flesh  *  the  very  God  of  mercy  10 
to  me. 

297.  I  have  had  also,  together  with  this,  some  notable  place 
or  other  of  the  Word  presented  before  me,  which  word  hath  con- 
tained in  it  some  sharp  and  piercing  Sentence  concerning  the 
perishing  of  the  Soul,  notwithstanding  gifts  and  parts.  As,  for  15 
instance,  that  hath  been  of  great  use  unto  me,  Though  I  speak 
with  the  Tongue  of  Men  and  Ange/s,  and  have  not  Charity,  I  a?n 
become  as  sounding  .Brass,  and  a  tinkling  Cymbal?" 

298.  A  tinkling  Cymbal  is  an  Instrument  of  Music,  with  which 

a  skilful  Player  can  make  such  melodious  and  heart-inflaming  20 
Musick  that  all  who  hear  him  play  can  scarcely  hold  from  dan- 
cing ;  and  yet  behold  the  Cymbal  hath  not  Life,  neither  comes  the 
Musick  from  it,  but  because  of  the  Art  of  him  that  plays  there- 
with ;  so  then  the  Instrument  at  last  may  come  to  nought  and 
perish,  though,  in  times  past  such  Musick  hath  been  made  upon  it.  25 

299.  Just  thus  I  saw  it  was  and  will  be  with  them  who  have 
Gifts,  but  want  saving  Grace.  They  are  in  the  hand  of  Christ, 
as  the  Cymbal  in  the  hand  of  David ;  and  as  David  could,  with 
the  Cymbal,  make  that  Mirth  in  the  Service  of  God,  as  to  elevate 
the  hearts  of  the  Worshippers,  so  Christ  can  use  these  gifted  men  30 
as  with  them  to  affect  the  Souls  of  his  People  in  his  Church ; 
yet  when  he  hath  done  all,  hang  them  by  as  lifeless,  though 
sounding  Cymbals. 

1  2  Cor.  12.  7-9.  2  1  Cor.  13.  1,  2. 


104  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

300.  This  consideration,  therefore,  together  with  some  others, 
were,  for  the  most  part,  as  a  Maul  on  the  head  of  Pride  and 
desire  of  Vain-glory.  What,  thought  I,  shall  I  be  proud  because 
I  am  a  sounding  brass  ?  Is  it  so  much  to  be  a  Fiddle  ?  Hath  not 
5  the  least  creature  that  hath  life,  pwre  of  God  in  it  than  these  ? 
Besides,  I  knew  Hivas  Love  should  never  die,  but  these  must  cease 
and  vanish.  So  I  concluded,  a  little  Grace,  a  little  Love,  a  little 
of  the  true  Fear  of  God,  is  better  than  all  these  Gifts.  Yea,  and 
I  am  fully  convinced  of  it,  that  it  is  possible  for  Souls  that  can 

10  scarce  give  a  man  an  answer  but  with  great  confusion  as  to 
method,  I  say  it  is  possible  for  them  to  have  a  thousand  times 
more  Grace,  and  so  to  be  more  in  the  love  and  favour  of  the 
Lord,  than  some  who,  by  virtue  of  the  Gift  of  Knowledge,  can 
deliver  themselves  like  Angels. 

15  301.  Thus,  therefore,  I  came  to  perceive,  that  though  Gifts 
in  themselves  were  good  to  the  thing  for  which  they  are  designed, 
to  wit,  the  Edification  of  others ;  yet  empty  and  without  power 
to  save  the  soul  of  him  that  hath  them,  if  they  be  alone.  Neither 
are  they,  as  so,  any  sign  of  a  man's  state  to  be  happy,  being 

20  only  a  dispensation  of  God  to  some,  of  whose  improvement  or 
non-improvement,  they  must,  when  a  little  love  more  is  over,  give 
an  account  to  him  that  is  ready  to  judge  the  quick  and  the  dead. 

302.  This  showed  me  too,  that  gifts,  being  alone,  were  dan- 
gerous, not  in  themselves,  but  because  of  those  evils  that  attend 

25  them  that  have  them,  to  wit,  Pride,  Desire  of  Vain  glory,  Self- 
conceit,  &c,  all  which  were  easily  blown  up  at  the  applause  and 
commendation  of  every  unadvised  Christian,  to  the  endangering 
of  a  poor  Creature  to  fall  into  the  condemnation  of  the  Devil. 

303.  I  saw  therefore  that  he  that  hath  Gifts  had  need  be  let 
30  into  a  sight  of  the  nature  of  them,  to  wit,  that  they  come  short 

of  making  of  him  to  be  in  a  truly  saved  condition,  lest  he  rest  in 
them,  and  so  fall  short  of  the  grace  of  God. 

304.  He  hath  also  cause  to  walk  humbly  with  God,  and  be 
little  in  his  own  Eyes,  and  to  remember  withal,  that  his  Gifts  are 


TO  THE   CHIEF  OF  SINNERS  105 

not  his  own,  but  the  Church's ;  and  that  by  them  he  is  made  a 
Servant  to  the  Church ;  and  he  must  give  at  last  an  account  of 
his  Stewardship  unto  the  Lord  Jesus  ;  and  to  give  a  good  account, 
will  be  a  blessed  thing. 

305.  Let  all  men  therefore  prize  a  little  with  the  fear  of  the 
Lord.  Gifts  indeed  are  desirable,  but  yet  great  Grace  and  small 
Gifts  are  better  than  great  Gifts  and  no  Grace.  It  doth  not  say, 
the  Lord  gives  Gifts  and  Glory,  but  the  Lord  gives  Grace  and 
Glory  ; *  and  blessed  is  such  an  one,  to  whom  the  Lord  gives 
Grace,  true  Grace,  for  that  is  a  certain  forerunner  of  Glory. 

306.  But  when  Satan  perceived  that  his  thus  tempting  and 
assaulting  of  me  would  not  answer  his  design,  to  wit,  to  over- 
throw my  Ministry,  and  make  it  ineffectual,  as  to  the  ends 
thereof ;  then  he  tried  another  way,  which  was  to  stir  up  the 
minds  of  the  ignorant  and  malicious,  to  load  me  with  slanders 
and  reproaches,  Now  therefore  I  may  say,  That  what  the  devil 
could  devise,  and  his  instruments  invent,  was  whirled  up  and 
down  the  Country  against  me,  thinking,  as  I  said,  that  by  that 
means  they  should  make  my  Ministry  to  be  abandoned. 

307.  It  began  therefore  to  be  rumoured  up  and  down  among 
the  people,  that  I  was  a  Witch,  a  Jesuit,  a  Highwayman,  and 
the  like. 

308.  To  all  which  I  shall  only  say,  God  knows  that  I  am  in- 
nocent. But  as  for  mine  accusers,  let  them  provide  themselves 
to  meet  me  before  the  Tribunal  of  the  Son  of  God,  there  to  an- 
swer for  all  these  things,  with  all  the  rest  of  their  iniquities,  un- 
less God  shall  give  them  Repentance  for  them,  for  the  which  I 
pray  with  all  my  heart. 

309.  But  that  which  was  reported  with  the  boldest  confidence, 
was,  that  I  had  my  Misses,  my  Whores,  my  Bastards,  yea,  two 

Wives  at  once,  and  the  like.  Now  these  slanders,  (with  the  other), 
I  glory  in,  because  but  slanders,  foolish,  or  knavish  lies,  and 
falsehoods  cast  upon  me  by  the  Devil  and  his  seed  ;  and  should 

IPs.  84.  II. 


106  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

I  not  be  dealt  with  thus  wickedly  by  the  World,  I  should  want 
one  sign  of  a  Saint,  and  a  Child  of  God.  Blessed  are  you  (said 
the  Lord  Jesus)  when  men  shall  revile  you,  and  persecute  you, 
and  shall  say  all  manner  of  evil  against  you  falsely  for  my  sake  ; 
5  rejoice,  and  be  exceeding  glad,  for  great  is  your reward in  Heaven; 
for  so  persecuted  they  the  Prophets  which  were  before  you} 

310.  These  things  therefore,  upon  mine  own  account,  trouble 
me  not ;  no,  though  they  were  twenty  times  more  than  they  are. 
I  have  a  good  Conscience,  and  whereas  they  speak  evil  of  me,  as  an 

10  evil  doer,  they  shall  be  ashamed  that  falsely  accuse  my  good  Con- 
versation in  Christ.2 

311.  So  then,  what  shall  I  say  to  those  that  have  thus  bespat- 
tered me  ?  Shall  I  threaten  them  ?  Shall  I  chide  them  ?  Shall  I 
natter  them  ?    Shall  I  entreat  them  to  hold  their  tongues  ?    No, 

15  not  I.  Were  it  not  for  that  these  things  make  them  ripe  for 
damnation  that  are  the  Authors  and  Abettors,  I  would  say  unto 
them,  Report  it,3  because  it  will  increase  my  Glory. 

312.  Therefore  I  bind  these  lies  and  slanders  to  me  as  an  or- 
nament; it  belongs  to  my  Christian  Profession  to  be  vilified, 

20  slandered,  reproached  and  reviled ;  and  since  all  this  is  nothing 
else,  as  my  God  and  my  Conscience  do  bear  me  witness,  I  rejoice 
in  reproaches  for  Christ's  sake. 

313.  I  also  calling  all  those  fools,  or  knaves,  that  have  thus 
made  it  anything  of  their  business,  to  affirm  any  of  the  things 

25  afore-named  of  me,  namely,  that  I  have  been  naught  with  other 
Women,  or  the  like.  When  they  have  used  to  the  utmost  of 
their  endeavours,  and  made  the  fullest  inquiry  that  they  can,  to 
prove  against  me  truly,  that  there  is  any  Woman  in  Heaven,  or 
Earth,  or  Hell,  that  can  say,  I  have  at  any  time,  in  any  place, 

30  by  day  or  night,  so  much  as  attempted  to  be  naught  with  them. 
And  speak  I  thus,  to  beg  mine  Enemies  into  a  good  esteem  of 
me  ?  No,  not  I :  I  will  in  this  beg  belief  of  no  man.  Believe  or 
disbelieve  me  in  this,  all  is  a  case  to  me. 

1  Matt.  5.  11,  12.  a  1  Pet.  3.  16.  3  Jer.  20.  10. 


TO  THE  CHIEF  OF  SINNERS  107 

314.  My  foes  have  missed  their  mark  in  this  their  shooting 
at  me.  I  am  not  the  man.  I  wish  that  they  themselves  be  guilt- 
less. If  all  the  Fornicators  and  Adulterers  in  England  were 
hanged  by  the  neck  till  they  be  dead,  John  Bunyan,  the  object 
of  their  Envy,  would  be  still  alive  and  well.  I  know  not  whether  5 
there  be  such  a  thing  as  a  Woman  breathing  under  the  Copes 

of  the  whole  Heaven,  but  by  their  Apparel,  their  Children,  or  by 
common  Fame,  except  my  Wife. 

315.  And  in  this  I  admire  the  Wisdom  of  God,  that  he  made 
me  shy  of  Women  from  my  first  Conversion  until  now.    Those  10 
know  and  can  also  bear  me  witness,  with  whom  I  have  been  most 
intimately  concerned,  that  it  is  a  rare  thing  to  see  me  carry  it 
pleasant  towards  a  Woman.   The  common  salutation  of  a  Woman 

I  abhor:  'tis  odious  to  me  in  whomsoever  I  see  it.  Their  com- 
pany alone,  I  cannot  away  with.  I  seldom  so  much  as  touch  a  15 
Woman's  Hand,  for  I  think  these  things  are  not  so  becoming  me. 
When  I  have  seen  good  men  salute  those  Women  that  they  have 
visited  or  that  have  visited  them,  I  have  at  times  made  my  objec- 
tion against  it ;  and  when  they  have  answered,  that  it  was  but  a 
piece  of  Civility,  I  have  told  them,  it  is  not  a  Comely  sight.  Some  20 
indeed  have  urged  the  Holy  Kiss;  but  then  I  have  asked  why  they 
make  baulks  ?  Why  they  did  salute  the  most  handsome,  and  let 
the  ill-favoured  go  ?  Thus,  how  laudable  soever  such  things  have 
been  in  the  Eyes  of  others,  they  have  been  unseemly  in  my  sight. 

316.  And  now  for  a  wind  up  in  this  matter,  I  calling  not  only  25 
Men,  but  Angels,  to  prove  me  guilty  of  having  carnally  to  do 
with  any  Woman  save  my  Wife  ;  nor  am  I  afraid  to  do  it  a  sec- 
ond time,  knowing  that  I  cannot  offend  the  Lord  in  such  a  case, 

to  call  God  for  a  Record  upon  my  Soul,  that  in  these  things  I 
am  innocent.  Not  that  I  have  been  thus  kept,  because  of  any  30 
goodness  in  me  more  than  any  other ;  but  God  has  been  mer- 
ciful to  me,  and  has  kept  me  ;  to  whom  I  pray  that  he  will  keep 
me  still,  not  only  from  this,  but  from  every  evil  way  and  work, 
and  preserve  me  to  his  heavenly  kingdom.    Amen. 


108  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

317.  Now  as  Satan  laboured  by  reproaches  arid  slanders,  to 
make  me  vile  among  my  Countrymen,  that  if  possible,  my 
Preaching  might  be  made  of  none  effect,  so  there  was  added 
hereto  a  long  and  tedious  Imprisonment,  that  thereby  I  might 

5  be  frighted  from  my  Service  for  Christ,  and  the  World  terrified 
and  made  afraid  to  hear  me  Preach,  of  which  I  shall  in  the  next 
place  give  you  a  brief  account. 

A  Brief  Account  of  the  Author's  Imprisonment 

318.  Having  made  profession  of  the  Glorious  Gospel  of  Christ 
a  long  time,  and  preached  the  same  about  five  years,  I  was  ap- 

10  prehended  at  a  Meeting  of  good  People  in  the  Country,  (among 
whom,  had  they  let  me  alone,  I  should  have  preached  that  day, 
but  they  took  me  away  from  amongst  them,)  and  had  me  before 
a  Justice  ;  who,  after  I  had  offered  security  for  my  appearing  at 
the  next  Sessions,  yet  committed  me,  because  my  Sureties  would 

15  not  consent  to  be  bound  that  I  should  preach  no  more  to  the 
People. 

319.  At  the  Sessions  after  I  was  indicted  for  an  Upholder  and 
Maintainer  of  Unlawful  Assemblies  and  Conventicles,  and  for 
not  conforming  to  the  National  Worship  of  the  Church  of  Eng- 

20  land ;  and  after  some  conference  there  with  the  Justices,  they 
taking  my  plain  dealing  with  them  for  a  Confession,  as  they 
termed  it,  of  the  Indictment,  did  sentence  me  to  perpetual 
Banishment,  because  I  refused  to  conform.  So  being  again  de- 
livered up  to  the  Gaoler's  hands,  I  was  had  home  to  Prison 

25  again,  and  there  have  lain  now  complete  twelve  years,  waiting  to 
see  what  God  would  suffer  these  men  to  do  with  me. 

320.  In  which  condition  I  have  continued  with  much  content, 
through  Grace,  but  have  met  with  many  turnings  and  goings 
upon  my  Heart,  both  from  the  Lord,  Satan,  and  my  own  Cor- 

30  ruptions ;  by  all  which,  (glory  be  to  Jesus  Christ,)  I  have  also 
received  among  many  things,  much  Conviction,  Instruction,  and 


TO  THE  CHIEF  OF  SINNERS  109 

Understanding,  of  which  at  large  I  shall  not  here  discourse  ;  only 
give  you  in  a  hint  or  two,  a  word  that  may  stir  up  the  Godly  to 
bless  God,  and  to  pray  for  me ;  and  also  to  take  encourage- 
ment, should  the  case  be  their  own,  not  to  fear  what  man  can 
do  unto  them.  5 

321.  I  never  had  in  all  my  life  so  great  an  inlet  into  the  Word 
of  God  as  now.  Them  Scriptures  that  I  saw  nothing  in  before, 
are  made  in  this  place  and  state  to  shine  upon  me.  Jesus  Christ 
also  was  never  more  real  and  apparent  than  now.  Here  I  have  \S 
seen  him  and  felt  him  indeed.  O  that  word,  We  have  not  10 
preached  unto  you  cunningly  devised  f allies  ;x  and  that  God  raised 
Christ  from  the  dead,  and  gave  him  Glory,  that  yo^r  Faith  and 
Hope  might  be  i?i  God,2  were  blessed  words  unto  me  in  this  my 
imprisoned  Condition. 

322.  These  three  or  four  scriptures  also   have   been  great  15 
refreshment  in  this  condition  to  me.    John  xiv.    1-4.  xvi.  ^^. 
Col.  iii.  3,  4.    Heb.  xii.  22-24.    So  that  sometimes  when  I  have 
been  in  the  savour  of  them,  I  have  been  able  to  laugh  at  des- 
truction, and  to  fear  neither  the  horse  nor  his  rider. ,3   I  have  had 
sweet  sights  of  the  Forgiveness  of  my  Sins  in  this  place,  and  of  20 
my  being  with  Jesus  in  another  World.    O,  the  mount  Sion,  the 
heave?ily  ferusalem,  the  innumerable  co?npany  of  Angels,  and  God 
the  fudge  of  all,  and  the  Spirits  of  fust  men  made  perfect,  and 
fesus?  have  been  sweet  unto  me  in  this  place.    I  have  seen  that 
here,  that  I  am  persuaded  I  shall  never,  while  in  this  world,  be  25 
able  to  express.    I  have  seen  a  truth  in  that  Scripture,   Whom 
having  not  seen,  ye  love  ;  in  whom,  though  now  ye  see  him  not,  yet 
believing,  ye  7'ejoice  with  joy  unspeakable  and  full  of  Glory.5 

323.  I  never  knew  what  it  was  for  God  to  stand  by  me  at  all 
turns,  and  at  every  offer  of  Satan  to  afflict  me,  &c,  as  I  have  30 
found  him  since  I  came  in  hither.    For  look,  how  fears  have 
presented  themselves  so  have  supports  and  encouragements ; 

1  2  Pet.  1.  16.  2  r  Pet.  1.  21.  3  job  39.  iS. 

4  Heb.  12.  22-24.  5  1  Pet-  *•  8. 


IIO  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

yea,  when  I  have  started  even  as  it  were  at  nothing  else  but  my 
shadow,  yet  God,  as  being  very  tender  of  me,  hath  not  suffered 
me  to  be  molested,  but  would  with  one  Scripture  and  another 
strengthen  me  against  all ;  insomuch  that  I  have  often  said, 
5  Were  it  lawful,  I  could  pray  for  greater  trouble,  for  the  greater 
comfort's  sake}  . 

324.  Before  I  came  to  Prison,  I  saw  what  was  a-coming,  and 
had  especially  two  Considerations  warm  upon  my  heart.  The 
first  was  how  to  be  able  to  endure,  should  my  imprisonment  be 

10  long  and  tedious ;  the  second  was  how  to  be  able  to  encounter 
death,  should  that  be  here  my  portion.  For  the  first  of  these, 
that  Scripture  was  great  information  to  me,  namely,  to  pray  to 
God  to  be  strengthened  with  all  might,  accordifig  to  his  glorious 
power,  unto  all  patience  and  long-suffering  with  joyf illness?    I 

1 5  could  seldom  go  to  prayer  before  I  was  imprisoned,  but  not  for 
so  little  as  a  year  together,  this  Sentence  or  sweet  petition  would, 
as  it  were,  thrust  itself  into  my  mind,  and  persuade  me,  that  if 
ever  I  would  go  through  long-suffering,  I  must  have  all  patience, 
especially  if  I  would  endure  it  joyfully. 

20  325.  As  to  the  second  Consideration,  that  saying  was  of  great 
use  to  me,  But  tve  had  the  sentence  of  death  in  ourselves,  that  we 
should  not  trust  in  ourselves,  but  in  God  which  raiseth  the  dead? 
By  this  Scripture  I  was  made  to  see,  that  if  ever  I  would  suffer 
rightly,  I  must  first  pass  a  sentence  of  death  upon  everything  that 

25  can  properly  be  called  a  thing  of  this  life,  even  to  reckon  myself, 

my  Wife,  my  Children,  my  Health,  my  Enjoyments,  and  all,  as 

dead  to  me,  and  myself  as  dead  to  them.    He  that  loveth  father 

or  mother,  son  or  daughter,  more  than  me,  is  not  worthy  of  me.4 

326.  The  second  was,  to  live  upon  God  that  is  invisible.    As 

30  Paul  said  in  another  place,  the  way  not  to  faint,  is  to  look  not 
at  the  things  which  are  seen,  but  at  the  things  which  are  not  seen  : 
for  the  things  which  are  seen  a?'e  temporal ;  but  the  things  which 

1  Eccles.  7.  14.     2  Cor.  1.5.  3  2  Cor.  1.  9. 

2  Col.  1.  11.  4  Matt.  10.  27- 


TO  THE  CHIEF  OF  SINNERS  in 

are  ?iot  seen  are  eternal}  And  thus  I  reasoned  with  myself.  If 
I  provide  only  for  a  Prison,  then  the  Whip  comes  at  unawares ; 
and  so  does  also  the  Pillory.  Again,  if  I  provide  only  for  these, 
then  I  am  not  fit  for  Banishment ;  further,  if  I  conclude  that 
Banishment  is  the  worst,  then  if  Death  come  I  am  surprised.  5 
So  that  I  see  the  best  way  to  go  through  sufferings  is  to  trust 
in  God  through  Christ,  as  touching  the  World  to  come ;  and  as 
touching  this  World,  to  count  the  Grave  my  House,  to  make  my 
Bed  iti  Darkness,  and  to  say  to  Corruption,  Thou  art  my  Father, 
and  to  the  Worm,  Thou  art  my  Mother  and  Sister}  That  is,  to  10 
familiarize  these  things  to  me. 

327.  But  notwithstanding  these  helps,  I  found  myself  a  man, 
and  compassed  with  Infirmities.  The  parting  with  my  Wife 
and  poor  Children  hath  often  been  to  me  in  this  place  as  the 
pulling  the  Flesh  from  my  Bones;  and  that  not  only  because  15 
I  am  somewhat  too  fond  of  these  great  Mercies,  but  also  be- 
cause I  should  have  often  brought  to  my  mind  the  many  hard- 
ships, miseries  and  wants  that  my  poor  Family  was  like  to  meet 
with,  should  I  be  taken  from  them,  especially  my  poor  blind 
Child,  who  lay  nearer  my  heart  than  all  I  had  besides.  O  the  20 
thoughts  of  the  hardship  I  thought  my  Blind-one  might  go  un- 
der, would  break  my  Heart  to  pieces. 

328.  Poor  Child,  thought  I,  what  sorrow  art  thou  like  to  have 
for  thy  portion  in  this  world/  Thou  must  be  beaten,  must  beg, 
suffer  hunger,  cold,  ?iakedness,  and  a  thousand  calamities,  though  25 
I  cannot  now  endure  the  Wind  should  blow  upon  thee.  But  yet 
recalling  myself,  thought  I,  I  must  venture  you  all  with  God, 
though  it  goeth  to  the  quick  to  leave  you.  O,  I  saw  in  this  condition 

I  was  as  a  man  who  was  pulling  down  his  House  upon  the 
Head  of  his  Wife  and  Children  ;  yet,  thought  I,  I  must  do  it,  30 
/  must  do  it.    And  now  I  thought  on  those  two  Milch-kme  that 
were  to  carry  the  Ark  of  God  into  another  Country,  and  to  leave 
their  Calves  behind  them? 

1  2  Cor.  4.  iS.  2  job   17.  13-14.  3  !  Sam.  6.  10-12. 


112  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

329.  But  that  which  helped  me  in  this  temptation  was  divers 
Considerations,  of  which  three  in  special  here  I  will  name.  The 
first  was  the  consideration  of  those  two  Scriptures,  Leave  thy 
fatherless  children^  I  will  preserve  them  alive,  and  let  thy  widows 

5  trust  in  me.  And  again,  The  Lord  said,  Verily  it  shall  be  well 
with  thy  Remnant ;  verily  L  will  cause  the  Enemy  to  entreat  thee 
well  in  the  time  of  evil,1  &c. 

330.  I  had  also  this  Consideration,  that  if  I  should  now 
venture  all  for  God,  I  engaged  God  to  take  care  of  my  Con- 

10  cernments  ;  but  if  I  forsook  him  and  his  ways,  for  fear  of  any 
trouble  that  should  come  to  me  or  mine,  then  I  should  not  only 
falsify  my  Profession,  but  should  count  also  that  my  Concern- 
ments were  not  so  sure,  if  left  at  God's  feet  while  I  stood  to 
and  for  his  Name,   as  they  would  be,  if  they  were  under,  my 

15  own  tuition,  though  with  the  denial  of  the  way  of  God.  This 
was  a  smarting  consideration,  and  was  as  Spurs  unto  my  Flesh. 
That  Scripture  also  greatly  helped  it  to  fasten  the  more  upon 
me,  where  Christ  prays  against  fudas,2  that  God  would  disap- 
point him  in  all  his  selfish  thoughts,  which  moved  him  to  sell 

20  his  Master.    Pray  read  it  soberly. 

331.  I  had  also  another  Consideration,  and  that  was,  the 
dread  of  the  Torments  of  Hell,  which  I  was  sure  they  must 
partake  of,  that  for  fear  of  the  Cross  do  shrink  from  their  Pro- 
fession of  Christ,  his  Words,  and  Laws,  before  the  Sons  of  men. 

25  I  also  thought  of  the  Glory  that  he  had  prepared  for  those  that, 
in  Faith,  and  Love,  and  Patience,  stood  to  his  Ways  before  them. 
These  things,  I  say,  have  helped  me,  when  the  thoughts  of  the 
misery  that  both  myself  and  mine,  might,  for  the  sake  of  my 
Profession,  be  exposed  to,  hath  lain  pinching  on  my  Mind. 

30  332.  When  I  have  indeed  conceited  that  I  might  be  ban- 
ished for  my  Profession,  then  I  have  thought  of  that  Scripture, 
They  were  stoned,  they  were  sawn  asunder,  were  tempted,  were 
slain  with  the  sword ;  they  wandered  about  in  Sheep-skins  and 

1  Jer.  49.  11  ;  15.  11.  2  Ps.  109.  6-20. 


TO  THE  CHIEF  OF  SINNERS  113 

Goat-skins;  being  destitute,  afflicted,  tormented,  of  whom  the  World 
was  not  worthy}  for  all  they  thought  they  were  too  bad  to  dwell 
and  abide  amongst  them.  I  have  also  thought  of  that  saying, 
The  Holy  Ghost  witnesseth  in  every  city,  that  Bofids  a?id  Afflic- 
tions abide  me.2  I  have  verily  thought  that  my  soul  and  it  have  5 
sometimes  reasoned  about  the  sore  and  sad  estate  of  a  ban- 
ished and  exiled  condition,  how  they  are  exposed  to  Hunger, 
to  Cold,  to  Perils,  to  Nakedness,  to  Enemies,  and  a  thousand 
Calamities  ;  and  at  last,  it  may  be,  to  die  in  a  Ditch,  like  a  poor 
forlorn  and  desolate  Sheep.  But  I  thank  God,  hitherto  I  have  10 
not  been  moved  by  these  most  delicate  reasonings,  but  have 
rather,  by  them,  more  approved  my  heart  to  God. 

333.  I  will  tell  you  a  pretty  business.  I  was  once  above  all 
the  rest  in  a  very  sad  and  low  Condition  for  many  Weeks ;  at 
which  time  also  I  being  but  a  young  Prisoner  and  not  acquainted  1 5 
with  the  Laws,  had  this  lay  much  upon  my  Spirit,  That  my 
Imprisonment  might  end  at  the  Gallows  for  aught  that  I  could 
tell.  Now,  therefore,  Satan  laid  hard  at  me  to  beat  me  out  of 
heart,  by  suggesting  thus  unto  me,  But  how  if  when  you  come 
indeed  to  die,  you  should  be  in  this  Condition  ;  that  is,  as  not  to  20 
savour  the  things  of  God,  nor  to  have  any  evidence  upon  your 
Soul  for  a  better  state  hereafter  ?  (For  indeed  at  that  time  all 
the  things  of  God  were  hid  from  my  Soul.) 

334.  Wherefore,  when  I  at  first  began  to  think  of  this,  it 
was  a  great  trouble  to  me  ;  for  I  thought  with  myself,  that  in  25 
the  Condition  I  now  was  in,  I  was  not  fit  to  die,  neither  indeed 
did  think  I  could,  if  I  should  be  called  to  it.  Besides,  I  thought 
with  myself,  if  I  should  make  a  scrabbling  shift  to  cla??iber  up 
the  Ijidder,  yet  I  should  either  with  quaking,  or  other  symptoms 
of  faintingSy  give  occasion  to  the  Enemy  to  reproach  the  Way  of  30 
God  and  his  People,  for  their  timorousness.  This  therefore  lay 
with  great  trouble  upon  me,  for  methought  I  was  ashamed  to  die 
with  a  pale  Face,  and  tottering  Knees,  for  such  a  cause  as  this.     . 

1  Heb.  it.  37-38.  2  Acts  20.  23. 


114  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

335-  Wherefore,  I  prayed  to  God  that  he  would  comfort  me, 
and  give  me  strength  to  do  and  suffer  what  he  should  call  me 
to.  Yet  no  comfort  appeared,  but  all  continued  hid.  I  was  also 
at  this  time  so  really  possessed  with  the  thought  of  Death, 
5  that  oft  I  was  as  if  I  was  on  the  Ladder  with  a  Rope  about 
my  Neck  ;  only  this  was  some  encouragement  to  me,  I  thought 
I  might  now  have  an  opportunity  to  speak  my  last  words  to  a 
Multitude,  which  I  thought  would  come  to  see  me  die ;  and, 
thought  I,  if  it  must  be  so,  if  God  will  but  convert  one  Soul  by 
io  my  very  last  words,  I  shall  not  count  my  Life  thrown  away, 
nor  lost. 

336.  But  yet  all  the  things  of  God  were  kept  out  of  my  sight, 
and  still  the  Tempter  followed  me  with,  But  whither  must  you 
go  when  you  die  ?     What  will  become  of  you  ?     W/iere  will  you 

1 5  be  found  in  another  world  ?  What  evidence  have  you  for  Heaven 
and  Glory,  a?id  an  Inheritance  among  them  that  are  Sanctifed  ? 
Thus  was  I  tossed  for  many  Weeks,  and  knew  not  what  to  do. 
At  last  this  Consideration  fell  with  weight  upon  me,  That  it  was 
for  the  Word  and  way  of  God,  that  I  was  in  this  Condition, 

20  wherefore  I  was  engaged  not  to  flinch  a  hair's  breadth  from  it. 

337.  I  thought  also,  that  God  might  choose,  whether  he 
would  give  me  comfort  now  or  at  the  hour  of  Death  ;  but  I 
might  not  therefore  choose  whether  I  would  hold  my  Profes- 
sion or  no.    I  was  bound,  but  he  was  free :  yea,  'twas  my  duty 

25  to  stand  to  his  Word,  whether  he  would  ever  look  upon  me  or 
no,  or  save  me  at  the  last.  WJierefore,  thought  I,  the  point  being 
thus,  I  am  for  going  on,  and  venturing  my  eternal  State  with 
Christ,  whether  I  have  comfort  here  or  no.  If  God  doth  not  come 
in,  thought  I,  /  will  leap  off  the  ladder  even  blindfold  into 

30  Eternity,  si?ik  or  swim,  come  Heaven,  come  Hell.  lord  fesus,  if 
thou  wilt  catch  me,  do  ;  if  not,  I  vill  venture  for  thy  Name. 

338.  I  was  no  sooner  fixed  upon  this  Resolution,  but  that 
word  dropped  upon  me,  Doth  Job  serve  God  for  nought?  As 
if  the  Accuser  had  said,  lord,  Job  is  no  upright  Man,  he  serves 


TO  THE  CHIEF  OF  SINNERS  1 15 

thee  for  by-respects  :  hast  thou  not  made  a  Hedge  about  him,  &c. 
but  put  forth  thine  Hand  now,  and  touch  all  that  he  hath,  and 
he  will  curse  thee  to  thy  Face}  How  now,  thought  I,  is  this  the 
sign  of  an  upright  Soul,  to  desire  to  serve  God,  whe?i  all  is  taken 
from  him  ?  Is  he  a  godly  Man,  that  will  serve  God  for  nothing  5 
rather  than  give  out  ?  Blessed  be  God,  then,  I  hope  I  have  an  up- 
right Heart,  for  I  am  resolved,  (God  giving  me  strength,)  never 
to  deny  my  Profession,  though  I  have  nothing  at  all  for  my  Pains ; 
and  as  I  was  thus  considering,  that  Scripture  was  set  before  me.2 

339.  Now  was  my  Heart  full  of  Comfort,  for  I  hoped  it  was  10 
sincere.  I  would  not  have  been  without  this  Trial  for  much.  I 
am  comforted  every  time  I  think  of  it,  and  I  hope  I  shall  bless 
God  for  ever  for  the  teaching  I  have  had  by  it.  Many  more  of 
the  dealings  of  God  towards  me  I  might  relate,  but  these,  out 
of  the  spoils  won  in  Battle  have  I  dedicated  to  maintain  the  15 
house  of  God.3 

The  Conclusion 

1.  Of  all  the  Temptations  that  ever  I  met  with  in  my  life,  to 
question  the  Being  of  God  and  Truth  of  his  Gospel  is  the  worst, 
and  the  worst  to  be  borne.  When  this  Temptation  comes  it 
takes  away  my  Girdle  from  me  and  removeth  the  Foundation  20 
from  under  me.  O,  I  have  often  thought  of  that  word,  Have 
your  Loins  girt  about  with  Truth ;  and  of  that,  When  the  Foun- 
dations are  destroyed,  what  can  the  Righteous  do  ? 

2.  Sometimes,  when  after  sin  committed  I  have  looked  for 
sore  Chastisement  from  the  Hand  of  God,  the  very  next  that  I  25 
have  had  from  him  hath  been  the  discovery  of  his  Grace.  Some- 
times, when  I  have  been  comforted,  I  have  called  myself  a  Fool 
for  my  so  sinking  under  trouble.  And  then  again  when  I  have 
been  cast  down  I  thought  I  was  not  wise,  to  give  such  way  to 
comfort.  With  such  strength  and  weight  have  both  these  been  30 
vpon  me. 

1  Job  1.  9,  11.  2  ps#  44,  I2-26.  3  1  Chron.  26,  27. 


Il6  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

3.  I  have  wondered  much  at  this  one  thing,  that  though  God 
doth  visit  my  Soul  with  never  so  blessed  a  discovery  of  himself, 
yet  I  have  found  again,  that  such  hours  have  attended  me  after- 
wards, that  I  have  been  in  my  Spirit  so  filled  with  darkness, 

5  that  I  could  not  so  much  as  once  conceive  what  that  God  and 
that  Comfort  was  with  which  I  have  been  refreshed. 

4.  I  have  sometimes  seen  more  in  a  line  of  the  Bible  than  I 
could  well  tell  how  to  stand  under ;  and  yet  at  another  time  the 
whole  Bible  hath  been  to  me  as  dry  as  a  stick ;  or  rather,  my 

10  Heart  hath  been  so  dead  and  dry  unto  it  that  I  could  not  conceive 
the  least  dram  of  Refreshment,  though  I  have  look  it  all  over. 

5.  Of  all  tears,  they  are  the  best  that  are  made  by  the  Blood 
of  Christ ;  and  of  all  Joy,  that  is  the  sweetest  that  is  mixed  with 
mourning  over  Christ.    Oh !  it  is  a  goodly  thing  to  be  on  our 

15  knees,  with  Christ  in  our  Arms,  before  God.  I  hope  I  know 
something  of  these  things. 

6.  I  find  to  this  day  seven  Abominations  in  my  Heart : 
1.  Inclinings  to  Unbelief.  2.  Suddenly  to  forget  the  Love  and 
Mercy  that  Christ  manifesteth.    3.  A  leaning  to  the  Works  of 

20  the  Law.  4.  Wanderings  and  coldness  in  Prayer.  5.  To  for- 
get to  watch  for  that  I  pray  for.  6.  Apt  to  murmur  because  I 
have  no  more,  and  yet  ready  to  abuse  what  I  have.  7.  I  can 
do  none  of  those  things  which  God  commands  me,  but  my 
Corruptions  will  thrust  in  themselves.     When  I  would  do  good, 

25  evil  is  present  with  me. 

7.  These  things  I  continually  see  and  feel,  and  am  afflicted 
and  oppressed  with ;  yet  the  Wisdom  of  God  doth  order  them 
for  my  good.  1.  They  make  me  abhor  myself.  2.  They  keep 
me  from  trusting  my  Heart.    3.  They  convince  me  of  the  In- 

30  sufficiency  of  all  inherent  Righteousness.  4.  They  show  me  the 
necessity  of  fleeing  to  Jesus.  5.  They  press  me  to  pray  unto 
God.  6.  They  show  me  the  need  I  have  to  watch  and  be  sober. 
7.  And  provoke  me  to  look  to  God,  through  Christ,  to  he)p 
me,  and  carry  me  through  this  world.    Amen, 


A     RELATION 


IMPRISONMENT  OF   MR.  JOHN  BUNYAN, 

Minister  of  the  Gospel  at  Bedford,  in  November,  1660. 

HIS  EXAMINATION  BEFORE  THE  JUSTICES; 

HIS  CONFERENCE  WITH  THE  CLERK  OF  THE  PEACE;  WHAT 

PASSED  BETWEEN  THE  JUDGES  AND 

HIS  WIFE  WHEN  SHE  PRESENTED  A  PETITION  FOR 

HIS  DELIVERANCE;  ETC. 

Written  by  himself,  and  never  before  Published. 


'  Blessed  are  ye  which  are  persecuted  for  righteousness'  sake  :  for  yours  is  the  kingdom 
of  heaven.  Blessed  are  ye  when  men  shall  revile  you,  and  persecute  you  ;  and  shall  say 
all  manner  of  evil  against  you  falsely,  for  my  name's  sake.  Rejoice,  and  be  exceeding  glad  : 
for  great  is  your  reward  in  heaven  :  for  so  persecuted  they  the  prophets  which  were  before 
you.'  —  Mat.  v.  10-12. 


London :  Printed  for  James  Buckland,  at  the  Buck,  in  Paternoster  Row. 

MDCCLXV. 


II7 


The  Relation  of  my  Imprisonme?it  in  the  month  of  November 
1660.  When,  by  the  good  hand  of  my  God,  I  had  for  five  or  six 
years  together,  without  any  great  interruption,  fi'eely  preached  the 
blessed  Gospel  of  our  Lord  fesus  Christ ;  and  had  also,  through 
5  his  blessed  Grace,  some  encouragement  by  his  blessing  thereupon  ; 
the  Devil,  that  old  enemy  of  man's  salvation,  took  his  opportunity 
to  inflame  the  hearts  of  his  vassals  against  me,  insomuch  that  at 
the  last  I  was  laid  out  for  by  the  warrant  of  a  justice,  and  was 
taken  and  committed  to  prison.  The  relation  thereof  is  as  follow  eth : 

10       Upon  the  12th  of  this  instant  November  1660,  I  was  desired 

by   some   of  the   friends   in  the  country  to  come   to  teach  at 

Samsell,  by  Harlington,  in   Bedfordshire.    To  whom   I  made 

a  promise,  if  the  Lord  permitted,  to  be  with  them  on  the  time 

•  aforesaid.    The  justice  hearing  thereof,  (whose   name  is  Mr. 

15  Francis  Wingate,)  forthwith  issued  out  his  warrant  to  take  me, 
and  bring  me  before  him,  and  in  the  meantime  to  keep  a  very 
strong  watch  about  the  house  where  the  meeting  should  be  kept, 
as  if  we  that  was  to  meet  together  in  that  place  did  intend  to  do 
some  fearful  business,  to  the  destruction  of  the  country ;  when, 

20  alas,  the  constable,  when  he  came  in,  found  us  only  with  our 
Bibles  in  our  hands,  ready  to  speak  and  hear  the  Word  of  God  ; 
for  we  was  just  about  to  begin  our  exercise.  Nay,  we  had  begun 
in  prayer  for  the  blessing  of  God  upon  our  opportunity,  intend- 
ing to  have  preached  the  Word  of  the  Lord  unto  them  there 

25  present.  But  the  constable  coming  in  prevented  us.  So  that  I 
was  taken  and  forced  to  depart  the  room.  But  had  I  been 
minded  to  have  played  the  coward  I  could  have  escaped  and 
kept  out  of  his  hands.  For  when  I  was  come  to  my  friend's 
house  there  was  whispering  that  that  day  I  should  be  taken,  for 

30  there  was  a  warrant  out  to  take  me ;  which  when  my  friend  heard, 

118 


RELATION  OF  BUNYAN'S  IMPRISONMENT      119 

he  being  somewhat  timorous,  questioned  whether  we  had  best 
have  our  meeting  or  not ;  and  whether  it  might  not  be  better 
for  me  to  depart,  lest  they  should  take  me  and  have  me  before 
the  Justice,  and  after  that  send  me  to  prison,  (for  he  knew  better 
than  I  what  spirit  they  were  of,  living  by  them  ;)  to  whom  I  said,  5 
No,  by  no  means,  I  zuill  not  stir,  neither  will  I  have  the  meeti?ig 
dismissed  for  this.  Come  be  of  good  cheer,  let  us  not  be  daunted ; 
our  cause  is  good,  zue  need  not  be  ashamed  of  it ;  to  preach  God's 
Word  it  is  so  good  a  work,  that  we  shall  be  well  rewarded,  if  we 
suffer  for  that,  or  to  this  purpose  ;  but  as  for  my  friend,  I  think  10 
he  was  more  afraid  of  me,  than  of  himself.  After  this  I  walked 
into  the  close,  where,  I  somewhat  seriously  considering  the  mat- 
ter, this  came  into  my  mind,  That  I  had  showed  myself  hearty 
and  courageous  in  my  preaching,  and  had,  blessed  be  Grace, 
made  it  my  business  to  encourage  others ;  therefore,  thought  I,  15 
if  I  should  now  run,  and  make  an  escape,  it  will  be  of  a  very  ill 
savour  in  the  country.  For  what  will  my  weak  and  newly  con- 
verted brethren  think  of  it  but  that  I  was  not  so  strong  in  deed 
as  I  was  in  word  ?  Also  I  feared  that  if  I  should  run,  now  there 
was  a  warrant  out  for  me,  I  might  by  so  doing  make  them  afraid  20 
to  stand,  when  great  words  only  should  be  spoken  to  them. 
Besides,  I  thought,  that  seeing  God  of  his  mercy  should  choose 
me  to  go  upon  the  forlorn  hope  in  this  country ;  that  is,  to  be 
the  first,  that  should  be  opposed,  for  the  gospel ;  if  I  should  fly, 
it  might  be  a  discouragement  to  the  whole  body  that  might  follow  25 
after.  And  further,  I  thought  the  world  thereby  would  take  occa- 
sion at  my  cowardliness  to  have  blasphemed  the  gospel,  and  to 
have  had  some  ground  to  suspect  worse  of  me  and  my  profession 
than  I  deserved.  These  things  with  others  considered  by  me,  I 
came  in  again  to  the  house  with  a  full  resolution  to  keep  the  30 
meeting,  and  not  to  go  away,  though  I  could  have  been  gone 
about  an  hour  before  the  officer  apprehended  me ;  but  I  would 
not ;  for  I  was  resolved  to  see  the  utmost  of  what  they  could  say 
or  do  unto  me.    For  blessed  be  the  Lord,  I  knew  of  no  evil  that 


120     RELATION   OF  BUNYAN'S  IMPRISONMENT 

I  had  said  or  done.  And  so,  as  aforesaid,  I  began  the  meet- 
ing ;  but  being  prevented  by  the  constable's  coming  in  with 
his  warrant  to  take  me,  I  could  not  proceed.  But  before  I  went 
away,  I  spake  some  few  words  of  counsel  and  encouragement 
5  to  the  people,  declaring  to  them  that  they  saw  we  was  prevented 
of  our  opportunity  to  speak  and  hear  the  Word  of  God,  and  was 
like  to  suffer  for  the  same :  desiring  them  that  they  should  not 
be  discouraged,  for  it  was  a  mercy  to  suffer  upon  so  good  account. 
For  we  might  have  been  apprehended  as  thieves  or  murderers, 

10  or  for  other  wickedness  ;  but  blessed  be  God  it  was  not  so,  but 
we  suffer  as  Christians  for  well  doing  :  and  we  had  better  be  the 
persecuted  than  the  persecutors,  &c.  But  the  constable  and  the 
justice's  man  waiting  on  us  would  not  be  at  quiet  till  they  had 
me  away,  and  that  we  departed  the  house.    But  because  the 

15  justice  was  not  at  home  that  day,  there  was  a  friend  of  mine 
engaged  for  me  to  bring  me  to  the  constable  on  the  morrow 
morning.  Otherwise  the  constable  must,  have  charged  a  watch 
with  me,  or  have  secured  me  some  other  ways,  my  crime  was 
so  great.    So  on  the  next  morning  we  went  to  the  constable,  and 

20  so  to  the  justice.  He  asked  the  constable  what  we  did,  where 
we  was  met  together,  and  what  we  had  with  us  ?  I  trow,  he  meant 
whether  we  had  armour  or  not ;  but  when  the  constable  told 
him,  that  there  was  only  met  a  few  of  us  together  to  preach  and 
hear  the  Word,  and  no  sign  of  anything  else,  he  could  not  well 

25  tell  what  to  say :  yet  because  he  had  sent  for  me,  he  did  adven- 
ture to  put  out  a  few  proposals  to  me,  which  was  to  this  effect, 
namely,  What  I  did  there  ?  and  why  I  did  not  content  myself 
with  following  my  calling  ?  for  it  was  against  the  law,  that  such 
as  I  should  be  admitted  to  do  as  I  did. 

30  Joh?i  Bunyan.  To  which  I  answered,  that  the  intent  of  my 
coming  thither,  and  to  other  places,  was  to  instruct,  and  counsel 
people  to  forsake  their  sins,  and  close  in  with  Christ,  lest  they 
did  miserably  perish ;  and  that  I  could  do  both  these  without 
confusion,  (to  wit,)  follow  my  calling,  and  preach  the  Word  also. 


RELATION   OF  DUNYAN'S  IMPRISONMENT      121 

At  which  words,  he  was  in  a  chafe,  as  it  appeared  ;  for  he  said 
that  he  would  break  the  neck  of  our  meetings. 

Bun.  I  said,  it  may  be  so.  Then  he  wished  me  to  get  sureties 
to  be  bound  for  me,  or  else  he  would  send  me  to  the  jail. 

My  sureties  being  ready,  I  called  them  in,  and  when  the  bond  5 
for  my  appearance  was  made,  he  told  them,  that  they  was  bound 
to  keep  me  from  preaching  ;  and  that  if  I  did  preach,  their  bonds 
would  be  forfeited.  To  which  I  answered,  that  then  I  should 
break  them  ;  for  I  should  not  leave  speaking  the  Word  of  God  ; 
even  to  counsel,  comfort,  exhort,  and  teach  the  people  among  10 
whom  I  came  ;  and  I  thought  this  to  be  a  work  that  had  no  hurt 
in  it :  but  was  rather  worthy  of  commendation  than  blame. 

Wingate.  Whereat  he  told  me,  that  if  they  would  not  be  so 
bound,  my  mittimus  must  be  made,  and  I  sent  to  the  jail,  there 
to  lie  to  the  quarter-sessions.  15 

Now  while  my  mittimus  was  a  making,  the  justice  was  with- 
drawn ;  and  in  comes  an  old  enemy  to  the  truth,  Dr.  Lindale, 
who,  when  he  was  come  in,  fell  to  taunting  at  me  with  many 
reviling  terms. 

Bun.  To  whom  I  answered,  that  I  did  not  come  thither  to  20 
talk  with  him,  but  with  the  justice.  Whereat  he  supposed  that  I 
had  nothing  to  say  for  myself,  and  triumphed  as  if  he  had  got 
the  victory  ;  charging  and  condemning  me  for  meddling  with  that 
for  which  I  could  show  no  warrant ;  and  asked  me,  if  I  had 
taken  the  oaths  ?  and  if  I  had  not,  'twas  pity  but  that  I  should  25 
be  sent  to  prison,  Sec. 

I  told  him,  that  if  I  was  minded  I  could  answer  to  any  sober 
question  that  he  should  put  to  me.  He  then  urged  me  again, 
how  I  could  prove  it  lawful  for  me  to  preach,  with  a  great  deal 
of  confidence  of  the  victory.  30 

But  at  last,  because  he  should  see  that  I  could  answer  him  if 
I  listed,  I  cited  to  him  that  verse  in  Peter,  which  saith,  As  every 
man  hath  received  the  gift,  even. so  let  him  minister  the  same,  &C.1 
1  1  Pet.  4.  10. 


122     RELATION   OF  BUNYAN'S  IMPRISONMENT 

Li /id.  Aye,  saith  he,  to  whom  is  that  spoken  ? 

Bun.  To  whom  ?  said  I,  why,  to  every  man  that  hath  received 
a  gift  from  God.  Mark,  saith  the  apostle,  As  every  man  that  hath 
received  a  gift  from  God,  <S:c.  And  again,  You  may  all  prophesy 
5  one  by  one}  Whereat  the  man  was  a  little  stopt,  and  went  a 
softlier  pace :  but  not  being  willing  to  lose  the  day,  he  began 
again,  and  said : 

Lind.  Indeed  I  do  remember  that  I  have  read  of  one  Alex- 
ander a  Coppersmith,  who  did  much  oppose  and  disturb  the 
10  apostles ;  —  (aiming,  'tis  like,  at  me,  because  I  was  a  Tinker.)| 

Bun.  To  which  I  answered,  that  I  also  had  read  of  very  many 
priests  and  pharisees  that  had  their  hands  in  the  blood  of  our 
Lord  Jesus  Christ. 

Lind.  Aye,. saith  he,  and  you  are  one  of  those  scribes  and 
1 5  pharisees :  for  you,  with  a  pretence,  make  long  prayers  to  de- 
vour widows'  houses. 

Bun.    I  answered,  that  if  he  had  got  no  more  by  preaching 

and  praying  than  I  had  done,  he  would  not  be  so  rich  as  he  now 

was.    But  that  Scripture  coming  into  my  mind,  A?iswer  not  a 

20  fool  according  to  his  folly,2  I  was  as  sparing  of  my  speech  as  I 

could,  without  prejudice  to  truth. 

Now  by  this  time  my  mittimus  was  made,  and  I  committed  to 
the  constable  to  be  sent  to  the  jail  in  Bedford,  &c. 

But  as  I  was  going,  two  of  my  brethren  met  with  me  by  the 
25  way,  and  desired  the  constable  to  stay,  supposing  that  they  should 
prevail  with  the  justice,  through  the  favour  of  a  pretended  friend, 
to  let  me  go  at  liberty.  So  we  did  stay,  while  they  went  to  the 
justice ;  and  after  much  discourse  with  him,  it  came  to  this ; 
that  if  I  would  come  to  him  again,  and  say  some  certain  words 
30  to  him,  I  should  be  released.  Which  when  they  told  me,  I  said 
if  the  words  was  such  that  might  be  said  with  a  good  conscience, 
I  should,  or,  else,  I  should  not.  So  through  their  importunity  I 
went  back  again,  but  not  believing  that  I  should  be  delivered :  for 

1  1  Cor.  14.  31.  2  Prov.  26.  4. 


RELATION  OF  BUNYAN'S  IMPRISONMENT      123 

I  feared  their  spirit  was  too  full  of  opposition  to  the  truth  to 
let  me  go,  unless  I  should  in  something  or  other  dishonour  my 
God,  and  wound  my  conscience.  Wherefore,  as  I  went,  I  lift 
up  my  heart  to  God  for  light  and  strength  to  be  kept  that  I 
might  not  do  anything  that  might  either  dishonour  him  or  wrong  5 
my  own  soul,  or  be  a  grief  or  discouragement  to  any  that  was 
inclining  after  the  Lord  Jesus  Christ. 

Well,  when  I  came  to  the  justice  again  there  was  Mr.  Foster 
of  Bedford,  who  coming  out  of  another  room,  and  seeing  me 
by  the  light  of  the  candle,  (for  it  was  dark  night  when  I  went  10 
thither,)  he  said  unto  me,  Who  is  there  ?  Joh?i  Bunyan  ?  with 
such  seeming  affection,  as  if  he  would  have  leaped  in  my  neck 
and  kissed  me,  which  made  me  somewhat  wonder,  that  such  a 
man  as  he,  with  whom  I  had  so  little  acquaintance,  and,  besides, 
that  had  ever  been  a  close  opposer  of  the  ways  of  God,  should  15 
carry  himself  so  full  of  love  to  me.  But,  afterwards,  when  I  saw 
what  he  did,  it  caused  me  to  remember  those  sayings,  Their 
to?igues  are  smoother  than  oil,  but  their  words  are  draw?i  swords} 
And  again,  Beware  of  men,  &c.2  When  I  had  answered  him,  that 
blessed  be  God  I  was  well,  he  said,  What  is  the  occasion  of  your  20 
being  here  2  or  to  that  purpose.  To  whom  I  answered,  that  I 
was  at  a  meeting  of  people  a  little  way  off,  intending  to  speak  a 
word  of  exhortation  to  them ;  but  the  justice  hearing  thereof, 
(said  I,)  was  pleased  to  send  his  warrant  to  fetch  me  before 
him,  &c.  25 

Foster.  So,  (said  he,)  I  understand ;  but  well,  if  you  will 
promise  to  call  the  people  no  more  together,  you  shall  have  your 
liberty  to  go  home ;  for  my  brother  is  very  loth  to  send  you  to 
prison,  if  you  will  be  but  ruled. 

Bun.   Sir,  (said  I,)  pray  what  do  you  mean  by  calling  the  30 
people    together  ?    My  business  is  not   anything  among  them 
when  they  are  come  together  but  to  exhort  them  to  look  after 
the  salvation  of  their  souls,  that  they  may  be  saved,  &c. 
1  Ps.  55.  21.  2  Matt.  10.  17. 


124     RELATION  OF  BUNYAN'S  IMPRISONMENT 

Fast.  Saith  he,  We  must  not  enter  into  explication  or  dispute 
now ;  but  if  you  will  say  you  will  call  the  people  no  more  to- 
gether, you  may  have  your  liberty ;  if  not,  you  must  be  sent 
away  to  prison. 
5  Bun.  Sir,  said  I,  I  shall  not  force  or  compel  any  man  to  hear 
me ;  but  yet,  if  I  come  into  any  place  where  there  is  a  people 
met  together,  I  should,  according  to  the  best  of  my  skill  and 
wisdom,  exhort  and  counsel  them  to  seek  out  after  the  Lord 
Jesus  Christ,  for  the  salvation  of  their  souls. 
10  Fast.  He  said,  that  was  none  of  my  work;  I  must  follow 
my  calling  ;  and  if  I  would  but  leave  off  preaching,  and  follow 
my  calling,  I  should  have  the  justice's  favour,  and  be  acquitted 
presently. 

Bun.  To  whom  I  said,  that  I  could  follow  my  calling  and  that 
1 5  too,  namely,  preaching  the  Word  ;  and  I  did  look  upon  it  as  my 
duty  to  do  them  both,  as  I  had  an  opportunity. 

Fost.  He  said,  to  have  any  such  meetings  was  against  the 
law ;  and,  therefore,  he  would  have  me  leave  off,  and  say  I  would 
call  the  people  no  more  together. 
20  Bun.  To  whom  I  said,  that  I  durst  not  make  any  further 
promise ;  for  my  conscience  would  not  suffer  me  to  do  it.  And 
again,  I  did  look  upon  it  as  my  duty  to  do  as  much  good  as  I 
could,  not  only  in  my  trade,  but  also  in  communicating  to  all 
people,  wheresoever  I  came,  the  best  knowledge  I  had  in  the 
25  Word. 

Fost.  He  told  me  that  I  was  the  nearest  the  Papists  of  any ; 
and  that  he  would  convince  me  of  immediately. 

Bun.  I  asked  him  wherein  ? 

Fost.  He  said,  in  that  we  understood  the  Scriptures  literally. 
30       Bun.   I  told  him  that  those  that  were  to  be  understood  liter- 
ally, we  understood  them  so ;  but  for  those  that  was  to  be  un- 
derstood otherwise,  we  endeavoured  so  to  understand  them. 

Fost.  He  said,  which  of  the  Scriptures  do  you  understand  lit- 
erally ? 


RELATION  OF  BUNYAN'S  IMPRISONMENT      125 

Bu?i.  I  said  this,  He  that  believeth  shall  be  saved}  This  was 
to  be  understood  just  as  it  is  spoken ;  that  whosoever  believeth 
in  Christ  shall,  according  to  the  plain  and  simple  words  of  the 
text,  be  saved. 

Fost.   He  said  that  I  was  ignorant,  and  did  not  understand  the     5 
Scriptures ;  for  how,  (said  he,)  can  you  understand  them  when 
you  know  not  the  original  Greek  ?  <\:c. 

Bun.  To  whom  I  said,  that  if  that  was  his  opinion,  that 
none  could  understand  the  Scriptures  but  those  that  had  the 
original  Greek,  &c,  then  but  a  very  few  of  the  poorest  sort  10 
should  be  saved ;  (this  is  harsh ;)  yet  the  Scripture  saith, 
That  God  hides  his  things  from  the  wise  and  prudent ,  that  is, 
from  the  learned  of  the  world,  and  reveals  them  to  babes  and 
sucklings. 

Fost.  He  said  there  was  none  that  heard  me  but  a  company  1 5 
of  foolish  people. 

Bun.  I  told  him  that  there  was  the  wise  as  well  as  the  foolish 
that  do  hear  me ;  and  again,  those  that  are  most  commonly 
counted  foolish  by  the  world  are  the  wisest  before  God ;  also, 
that  God  had  rejected  the  wise,  and  mighty,  and  noble,  and  20 
chosen  the  foolish  and  the  base. 

Fost.  He  told  me  that  I  made  people  neglect  their  calling ; 
and  that  God  had  commanded  people  to  work  six  days,  and 
serve  him  on  the  seventh. 

Bun.  I  told  him  that  it  was  the  duty  of  people,  (both  rich  and  25 
poor,)  to  look  out  for  their  souls  on  them  days  as  well  as  for 
their  bodies ;  and  that  God  would  have  his  people  exhort  one 
another  daily,  while  it  is  called  to-day  r 

Fost.  He  said  again  that  there  was  none  but  a  company  of 
poor,  simple,  ignorant  people  that  came  to  hear  me.  30 

Bun.  I  told  him  that  the  foolish  and  ignorant  had  most  need 
of  teaching  and  information ;  and,  therefore,  it  would  be  profit- 
able for  me  to  go  on  in  that  work. 

1  Mark  16.  16.  2  Heb.  3.  13. 


126     RELATION  OF  BUNYAN'S  IMPRISONMENT 

Fost.  Well,  said  he,  to  conclude,  but  will  you  promise  that 
you  will  not  call  the  people  together  any  more  ?  and  then  you 
may  be  released  and  go  home. 

Bun.   I  told  him  that  I  durst  say  no  more  than  I  had  said ; 
5  for  I  durst  not  leave  off  that  work  which  God  had  called  me  to. 
So  he  withdrew  from  me,  and  then  came  several  of  the  jus- 
tice's servants  to  me,  and  told  me  that  I  stood  so  much  upon  a 
nicety.    Their  master,  they  said,  was  willing  to  let  me  go ;  and 
if  I  would  but  say  I  would  call  the  people  no  more  together,  I 
10  might  have  my  liberty,  &c. 

Bun.   I  told  them  there  were  more  ways  than  one  in  which 
a  man  might  be  said  to  call  the  people  together.    As,  for  instance, 
if  a  man  get  upon  the  market  place,  and  there  read  a  book,  or  the 
like,  though  he  do  not  say  to  the  people,  Sirs,  come  hither  and 
1 5  hear ;  yet  if  they  come  to  him  because  he  reads,  he,  by  his  very 
reading,  may  be  said  to  call  them  together  ;  because  they  would 
not  have  been  there  to  hear  if  he  had  not  been  there  to  read. 
And  seeing  this  might  be  termed  a  calling  the  people  together, 
I  durst  not  say  I  would  not  call  them  together ;  for  then,  by  the 
20  same  argument,  my  preaching  might  be  said  to  call  them  together. 
Wing,  and  Fost.  Then  came  the  justice  and  Mr.  Foster  to  me 
again ;  (we  had  a  little  more  discourse  about  preaching,  but  be- 
cause the  method  of  it  is  out  of  my  mind,  I  pass  it;)  and  when  they 
saw  that  I  was  at  a  point,  and  would  not  be  moved  nor  persuaded, 
25       Mr.  Foster  told  the  justice  that  then  he  must  send  me  away 
to  prison.    And  that  he  would  do  well,  also,  if  he  would  present 
all  those  that  were  the  cause  of  my  coming  among  them  to 
meetings.    Thus  we  parted. 

And,  verily,  as  I  was  going  forth  of  the  doors,  I  had  much 
30  ado  to  forbear  saying  to  them  that  I  carried  the  peace  of  God 
along  with  me ;  but  I  held  my  peace,  and,  blessed  be  the  Lord, 
went  away  to  prison,  with  God's  comfort  in  my  poor  soul. 

After  I  had  lain  in  the  jail  five  or  six  days,  the  brethren  sought 
means,  again,  to  get  me  out  by  bondsmen ;   (for  so  run  my 


RELATION   OF  BUNYAN'S   IMPRISONMENT      127 

mittimus,  that  I  should  lie  there  till  I  could  find  sureties.)  They 
went  to  a  justice  at  Elstow,  one  Mr.  Crumpton,  to  desire  him 
to  take  bond  for  my  appearing  at  the  quarter-sessions.  At  the 
first  he  told  them  he  would ;  but  afterwards  he  made  a  demur 
at  the  business,  and  desired  first  to  see  my  mittimus,  which  run  5 
to  this  purpose :  That  I  went  about  to  several  conventicles  in 
this  county,  to  the  great  disparagement  of  the  government  of  the 
church  of  England,  &c.  When  he  had  seen  it,  he  said  that  there 
might  be  something  more  against  me  than  was  expressed  in  my 
mittimus  ;  and  that  he  was  but  a  young  man,  and,  therefore,  he  10 
durst  not  do  it.  This  my  jailer  told  me ;  whereat  I  was  not  at 
all  daunted,  but  rather  glad,  and  saw  evidently  that  the  Lord  had 
heard  me ;  for  before  I  went  down  to  the  justice,  I  begged  of 
God  that  if  I  might  do  more  good  by  being  at  liberty  than  in 
prison  that  then  I  might  be  set  at  liberty  ;  but  if  not,  his  will  be  1 5 
done.  For  I  was  not  altogether  without  hopes  but  that  my  im- 
prisonment might  be  an  awakening  to  the  Saints  in  the  country, 
therefore  I  could  not  tell  well  which  to  choose ;  only  I,  in  that 
manner,  did  commit  the  thing  to  God.  And  verily,  at  my  return, 
I  did  meet  my  God  sweetly  in  the  prison  again,  comforting  of  20 
me  and  satisfying  of  me  that  it  was  his  will  and  mind  that  I 
should  be  there. 

When  I  came  back  again  to  prison,  as  I  was  musing  at  the 
slender  answer  of  the  Justice,  this  word  dropped  in  upon  my  heart 
with  some  life,  For  he  knew  that  for  envy  they  had  delivered  him}  25 

Thus  have  I,  in  short,  declared  the  manner  and  occasion  of 
my  being  in  prison  ;  where  I  lie  waiting  the  good  will  of  God, 
to  do  with  me  as  he  pleaseth  ;  knowing  that  not  one  hair  of  my 
head  can  fall  to  the  ground  without  the  will  of  my  Father  which 
is  in  Heaven.  Let  the  rage  and  malice  of  man  be  never  so  great,  30 
they  can  do  no  more,  nor  go  no  further,  than  God  permits  them  ; 
but  when  they  have  done  their  worst,  we  know  that  all  things 
work  together  for  good  to  them  that  love  God.  Farewell. 
1  Matt.  27.  18. 


128      RELATION   OF  BUNYAN'S   IMPRISONMENT 

Here  is  the  Sum  of  my  Examination  before  Justice  Keelin,  Justice 
Chester,  Justice  JV  undalc,  Justice  Beecher,  and 'Justice  Snagg,  6°<r. 

After  I  had  lain  in  prison  above  seven  weeks,  the  quarter-ses- 
sions was  to  be  kept  in  Bedford,  for  the  county  thereof,  unto 
which  I  was  to  be  brought ;  and  when  my  jailer  had  set  me  before 
those  justices,  there  was  a  bill  of  indictment  preferred  against 
5  me.  The  extent  thereof  was  as  followeth  :  That  John  Bunyan, 
oj  the  town  tf  Bedford,  labourer,  being  a  person  of  such  and  such 
conditions,  he  hath,  (since  such  a  time,)  devilishly  and  perniciously 
abstained  from  coming  to  church  to  hear  Divi?ie  service,  and  is  a 
common  uph older  of  several  unlawful  meetings  and  conventicles,  to 
10  the  great  disturbance  and  distraction  of  the  good  subjects  of  this 
kingdom,  contrary  to  the  hues  of  our  sovereign  lord  the  King,  &>c. 

The   Clerk.  When  this  was  read,  the  clerk  of  the  sessions 
said  unto  me,  What  say  you  to  this  ? 

Bun.  I  said,  that  as  to  the  first  part  of  it,  I  was  a  common 
15  frequenter  of  the  church  of  God.    And  was  also,  by  grace,  a 
member  with  them  people  over  whom  Christ  is  the  Head. 

Keelin.   But,   saith  Justice   Keelin,   (who   was   the  judge  in 
that  court,)  Do  you  come  to  church,  (you  know  what  I  mean,) 
to  the  parish  church,  to  hear  Divine  service  ? 
20       Bun.  I  answered,  No,  I  did  not. 

Keel.   lie  asked  me  why  ? 

Bun.  I  said,  Because  I  did  not  find  it  commanded  in  the 
Word  of  God. 

Keel.    I  te  said,  We  were  commanded  to  pray. 
25       Bun.  I  said,  But  not  by  the  Common  Prayer  Book. 

Keel.   I  fe  said,  How  then  ? 

/.'////.    I   said,  With  the  Spirit.    As  the  apostle  saith,  I  will 
pray  with  the  Spirit,  and  with  the  understanding} 

Keel.    He  said.  We  might  pray  with  the  Spirit,  and  with  the 
30  understanding,  and  with  the  Common  Prayer  Book  also. 

1  1  Cor.  14.  15 


RELATION   OF  BUNYAN'S   IMPRISONMENT      129 

Bun.  I  said  that  the  prayers  in  the  Common  Prayer  Book 
was  such  as  was  made  by  other  men,  and  not  by  the  motions  of 
the  Holy  Ghost,  within  our  Hearts ;  and  as  I  said,  the  apostle 
saith,  he  will  pray  with  the  Spirit,  and  with  the  understanding, 
not  with  the  Spirit  and  the  Common  Prayer  Book.  5 

Another  Justice.  What  do  you  count  prayer  ?  Do  you  think 
it  is  to  say  a  few  words  over  before  or  among  a  people  ? 

Bun.  I  said,  No,  not  so ;  for  men  might  have  many  elegant, 
or  excellent  words,  and  yet  not  pray  at  all;  but  when  a  man 
prayeth,  he  doth,  through  a  sense  of  those  things  which  he  wants,  10 
(which  sense  is  begotten  by  the  Spirit,)  pour  out  his  heart  before 
God  through  Christ ;  though  his  words  be  not  so  many  and  so 
excellent  as  others  are. 

Justices.    They  said,  That  was  true. 

Bun.  I  said,  This  might  be  done  without  the  Common  Prayer  15 
Book. 

Another.  One  of  them  said  (I  think  it  was  Justice  Blundale, 
or  Justice  S?iagg),  How  should  we  know  that  you  do  not  write 
out  your  prayers  first,  and  then  read  them  afterwards  to  the 
people  ?    This  he  spake  in  a  laughing  way.  20 

Bun.  I  said,  It  is  not  our  use,  to  take  a  pen  and  paper,  and 
write  a  few  words  thereon,  and  then  go.  and  read  it  over  to  a 
company  of  people. 

A?wther.   But  how  should  we  know  it,  said  he  ? 

Bun.   Sir,  it  is  none  of  our  custom,  said  I.  25 

Keel.  But,  said  Justice  Keelin,  it  is  lawful  to  use  Common 
Prayer,  and  such  like  forms  :  for  Christ  taught  his  disciples  to 
pray,  as  John  also  taught  his  disciples.  And  further,  said  he, 
cannot  one  man  teach  another  to  pray  ?  Faith  comes  by  hear- 
ing ;  and  one  man  may  convince  another  of  sin,  and  therefore  30 
prayers  made  by  men,  and  read  over,  are  good  to  teach,  and 
help  men  to  pray. 

While  he  was  speaking  these  words,  God  brought  that  word 
into  my  mind,  in  the  eighth  of  the  Romans,  at  the  26th  verse. 


130     RELATION  OF  BUNYAN'S  IMPRISONMENT 

I  say,  God  brought  it,  for  I  thought  not  on  it  before :  but  as  he 
was  speaking,  it  came  so  fresh  into  my  mind,  and  was  set  so 
evidently  before  me,  as  if  the  Scripture  had  said,  Take  me,  take 
me ;  so  when  he  was  done  speaking, 
5  Bun.  I  said,  Sir,  the  Scripture  saith,  that  it  is  the  Spirit 
that  helpeth  our  infirmities ;  for  we  know  not  what  we  should 
pray  for  as  we  ought ;  but  the  Spirit  itself  maketh  intercession  for 
us,  with  sighs  and  groanings  which  cannot  be  uttered.1  Mark, 
said  I,  it  doth  not  say  the  Common  Prayer  Book  teacheth  us  how 

10  to  pray,  but  the  Spirit.  And  it  is  the  Spirit  that  helpeth  our 
infirmities,  saith  the  apostle ;  he  doth  not  say  it  is  the  Common 
Prayer  Book. 

And  as  to  the  Lord's  prayer,  although  it  be  an  easy  thing  to 
say,  Our  Father,  &c,  with  the  mouth ;  yet  there  is  very  few  that 

1 5  can,  in  the  Spirit,  say  the  first  two  words  of  that  prayer  ;  that 
is,  that  can  call  God  their  Father,  as  knowing  what  it  is  to  be 
born  again  and  as  having  experience  that  they  are  begotten 
of  the  Spirit  of  God ;  which  if  they  do  not,  all  is  but  bab- 
bling, &c. 

20       Keel.  Justice  Keelin  said,  that  that  was  a  truth. 

Bu?i.  And  I  say  further,  as  to  your  saying  that  one  man 
may  convince  another  of  sin,  and  that  faith  comes  by  hearing, 
and  that  one  man  may  tell  another  how  he  should  pray,  &c,  I 
say  men  may  tell  each  other  of  their  sins,  but  it  is  the  Spirit 

25  that  must  convince  them. 

And  though  it  be  said  that  faith  comes  by  heari?ig,  yet  it  is 
the  Spirit  that  worketh  faith  in  the  heart2  through  hearing,  or 
else  they  are  not  pivfited  by  hearing. 

And  that  though  one  man  may  tell  another  how  he  should 

30  pray ;  yet,  as  I  said  before,  he  cannot  pray,  nor  make  his  con- 
dition known  to  God,  except  the  Spirit  help.  It  is  not  the  Com- 
mon Prayer  Book  that  can  do  this.  It  is  the  Spirit  that  showeth 
us  our  sins,  and  the  Spirit  that  shoiccth  us  a  Saviour,  and  the 

1  Rom.  8.  26.  2  Heb.  4.  12. 


RELATION   OF  BUNYAN'S   IMPRISONMENT      131 

Spirit  that  stirreth  up  in  our  hearts  desires  to  come  to  God,  for 
such  things  as  we  stand  in  need  of,  even  sighing  out  our  souls 
unto  him  for  them  with  groans  which  cannot  be  uttered.  With 
other  words  to  the  same  purpose.    At  this  they  were  set. 

Keel.   But,  says  Justice  Keelin,  what  have  you  against  the    5 
Common  Prayer  Book  ? 

Bun.  I  said,  Sir,  if  you  will  hear  me,  I  shall  lay  down  my 
reasons  against  it. 

Keel.   He  said,  I   should  have  liberty ;  but  first,  said  he,  let 
me  give  you  one  caution ;  take  heed  of  speaking  irreverently  of  10 
the  Common  Prayer  Book  ;  for  if  you  do  so,  you  will  bring 
great  damage  upon  yourself. 

Bun.  So  I  proceeded,  and  said,  My  first  reason  was,  because 
it  was  not  commanded  in  the  Word  of  God,  and  therefore  I 
could  not  do  it.  15 

Another.  One  of  them  said,  Where  do  you  find  it  commanded 
in  the  Scripture,  that  you  should  go  to  Elstow,  or  Bedford,  and 
yet  it  is  lawful  to  go  to  either  of  them,  is  it  not? 

Bun.  I  said,  To  go  to  El  stow,  or  Bedford,  was  a  civil  thing, 
and  not  material,  though  not  commanded,  and  yet  God's  Word  20 
allowed  me  to  go  about  my  calling,  and  therefore  if  it  lay  there, 
then  to  go  thither,  &x.  But  to  pray,  was  a  great  part  of  the 
Divine  worship  of  God,  and  therefore  it  ought  to  be  done  ac- 
cording to  the  rule  of  God's  Word. 

Another.  One  of  them  said,  He  will  do  harm ;  let  him  speak  25 
no  further. 

Keel.  Justice  Keelin  said,  No,  no,  never  fear  him,  we  are  bet- 
ter established  than  so  ;  he  can  do  no  harm  ;  we  know  the  Com- 
mon Prayer  Book  hath  been  ever  since  the  Apostles'  time,  and 
is  lawful  for  it  to  be  used  in  the  church.  30 

Bun.  I  said,  Show  me  a  place  in  the  epistles  where  the  Com- 
mon Prayer  Book  is  written,  or  one  text  of  Scripture  that  com- 
mands me  to  read  it,  and  I  will  use  it.  But  yet,  notwithstanding, 
said  I,  they  that  have  a  mind  to  use  it,  they  have  their  liberty ; 


132      RELATION   OF  BUNYAN'S   IMPRISONMENT 

that  is,  I  would  not  keep  them  from  it ;  but  for  our  parts,  we 
can  pray  to  God  without  it.    Blessed  be  his  name. 

Another.  With  that,  one  of  them  said,  Who  is  your  God  ? 
Beelzebub  ?  Moreover,  they  often  said  that  I  was  possessed 
5  with  the  spirit  of  delusion,  and  of  the  Devil.  All  which  sayings 
I  passed  over ;  the  Lord  forgive  them  !  And  further,  I  said, 
Blessed  be  the  Lord  for  it,  we  are  encouraged  to  meet  together, 
and  to  pray,  and  exhort  one  another  ;  for  we  have  had  the  com- 
fortable presence  of  God  among  us.  For  ever  blessed  be  his 
10  holy  name  ! 

Keel.  Justice  Keelin  called  this  pedler's  French,  saying,  that 
I  must  leave  off  my  canting.  The  Lord  open  his  eyes ! 

Bun.     I  said,  that  we  ought  to  exho?-t  one  another  daily,  while 
it  is  called  to-day. 
1 5       Keel.  Justice  Keelin  said,  that  I  ought  not  to  preach ;  and 
asked  me  where  I  had   my  authority  ?    with  other  such  like 
words. 

Bun.  I  said,  that  I  would  prove  that  it  was  lawful  for  me, 
and  such  as  I  am,  to  preach  the  Word  of  God. 
20       Keel.  He  said  unto  me,  By  what  Scripture  ? 

I  said,  By  that  in  the  first  epistle  of  Peter,  the  fourth  chapter, 
the  tenth  verse,  and  Acts  the  eighteenth,  with  other  Scriptures, 
which  he  would  not  suffer  me  to  mention.  But  said,  Hold ;  not 
so  many,  which  is  the  first  ? 
25  Bun.  I  said,  this:  As  every  man  hath  received the  gift ';' even  so 
vii?iister  the  same  one  to  another,  as  good  stewards  of  the  mani- 
fold grace  of  God.  If  any  man  speak,  let  him  speak  as  the  oracles 
of  God,  &*c. 

Keel.  He  said,  Let  me  a  little  open  that  Scripture  to  you : 
30  As  every  man  hath  received  the  gift ;  that  is,  said  he,  as  every 
one  hath  received  a  trade,  so  let  him  follow  it.  If  any  man  have 
received  a  gift  of  tinkering,  as  thou  hast  done,  let  him  follow 
his  tinkering.  And  so  other  men  their  trades ;  and  the  divine 
his  calling,  &c. 


RELATION   OF  BUNYAN'S  IMPRISONMENT      133 

Bun.  Nay,  Sir,  said  I,  but  it  is  most  clear,  that  the  apostle 
speaks  here  of  preaching  the  Word  ;  if  you  do  but  compare  both 
the  verses  together,  the  next  verse  explains  this  gift  what  it  is, 
saying,  If  any  man  speak,  let  him  speak  as  the  oracles  of  God. 
So  that  it  is  plain,  that  the  Holy  Ghost  doth  not  so  much  in  5 
this  place  exhort  to  civil  callings,  as  to  the  exercising  of  those 
gifts  that  we  have  received  from  God.  I  would  have  gone  on, 
but  he  would  not  give  me  leave. 

Keel.  He  said,  We  might  do  it  in  our  families,  but  not  other- 
ways.  I0 

Bun.  I  said,  If  it  was  lawful  to  do  good  to  some,  it  was  law- 
ful to  do  good  to  more.  If  it  was  a  good  duty  to  exhort  our 
families,  it  is  good  to  exhort  others ;  but  if  they  held  it  a  sin  to 
meet  together  to  seek  the  face  of  God,  and  exhort  one  another 
to  follow  Christ,  I  should  sin  still ;  for  so  we  should  do.  1 5 

Keel.  He  said  he  was  not  so  well  versed  in  Scripture  as  to 
dispute,  or  words  to  that  purpose.  And  saidj  moreover,  that 
they  could  not  wait  upon  me  any  longer ;  but  said  to  me,  Then 
you  confess  the  indictment,  do  you  not  ?  Now,  and  not  till  now, 
I  saw  I  was  indicted.  20 

Bun.  I  said,  This  I  confess,  we  have  had  many  meetings  to- 
gether, both  to  pray  to  God,  and  to  exhort  one  another,  and 
that  we  had  the  sweet  comforting  presence  of  the  Lord  among 
us  for  our  encouragement ;  blessed  be  his  name  therefore.  I 
confessed  myself  guilty  no  otherwise.  25 

Keel.  Then,  said  he,  hear  your  judgment.  You  must  be  had 
back  again  to  prison,  and  there  lie  for  three  months  following ; 
and  at  three  months'  end,  if  you  do  not  submit  to  go  to  church 
to  hear  Divine  service,  and  leave  your  preaching,  you  must  be 
banished  the  realm :  and  if,  after  such  a  day  as  shall  be  ap-  30 
pointed  you  to  be  gone,  you  shall  be  found  in  this  realm,  &c, 
or  be  found  to  come  over  again  without  special  license  from  the 
king,  &c,  you  must  stretch  by  the  neck  for  it,  I  tell  you  plainly  ; 
and  so  he  bid  my  jailor  have  me  away. 


134     RELATION   OF  BUNYAN'S  IMPRISONMENT 

Bun.  I  told  him,  as  to  this  matter,  I  was  at  a  point  with  him  ; 
for  if  I  was  out  of  prison  to-day  I  would  preach  the  gospel 
again  to-morrow,  by  the  help  of  God. 

Another.  To  which  one  made  me  some  answer  ;  but  my  jailor 
5  pulling  me  away  to  be  gone,  I  could  not  tell  what  he  said. 

Thus  I  departed  from  them  ;  and  I  can  truly  say,  I  bless  the 
Lord  Jesus  Christ  for  it,  that  my  heart  was  sweetly  refreshed  in 
the  time  of  my  examination,  and  also  afterwards,  at  my  re- 
turning to  the  prison.  So  that  I  found  Christ's  words  more  than 
10  bare  trifles,  where  he  saith,  He  will  give  a  mouth  and  wisdom, 
even  such  as  all  the  adversaries  shall  not  gainsay  or  resist.1 
And  that  his  peace  no  man  can  take  from  us. 

Thus  have  I  given  you  the  substance  of  my  examination. 
The  Lord  make  these  profitable  to  all  that  shall  read  or  hear 
15  them.    Farewell. 

The  Substance  of  some  Discourse  had  between  the  Clerk  of  the 
Peace  and  myself,  when  he  came  to  admonish  me,  according  to 
the  tenor  of  that  Law  by  which  I  was  in  Priso?i 

When  I  had  lain  in  prison  other  twelve  weeks,  and  now  not 
knowing  what  they  intended  to  do  with  me,  upon  the  third  of 
April,  comes  Mr.  Cobb  unto  me,  (as  he  told  me, )  being  sent 
by  the  Justices  to  admonish  me  ;  and  demanded  of  me  submit- 
20  tance  to  the  Church  of  England,  &c.  The  extent  of  our  dis- 
course was  as  followeth  :  — 

Cobb.  When  he  was  come  into  the  house  he  sent  for  me  out 
of  my  chamber  ;  who,  when  I  was  come  unto  him,  he  said, 
Neighbour  Bunyan,  how  do  you  do  ? 
25  Bun.  I  thank  you,  Sir,  said  I,  very  well,  blessed  be  the  Lord. 
Cobb.  Saith  he,  I  come  to  tell  you  that  it  is  desired  you  would 
submit  yourself  to  the  laws  of  the  land,  or  else  at  the  next  ses- 
sions it  will  go  worse  with  you,  even  to  be  sent  away  out  of  the 
nation,  or  else  worse  than  that. 

1  Luke  21.  15. 


RELATION   OF  BUNYAN'S   IMPRISONMENT      135 

Bun.   I  said  that  I  did  desire  to  demean  myself  in  the  world, 
both  as  becometh  a  man  and  a  Christian. 

Cobb.   But,  saith  he,  you  must  submit  to  the  laws  of  the  land, 
and  leave  off  those  meetings  which  you  was  wont  to  have ;  for 
the  statute  law  is  directly  against  it ;  and  I  am  sent  to  you  by     5 
the  Justices  to  tell  you  that  they  do  intend  to  prosecute  the  law 
against  you  if  you  submit  not. 

Bun.  I  said,  Sir,  I  conceive  that  that  law  by  which  I  am  in 
prison  at  this  time  doth  not  reach  or  condemn  either  me  or  the 
meetings  which  I  do  frequent.  That  law  was  made  against  those  10 
that  being  designed  to  do  evil  in  their  meetings,  make  the  exer- 
cise of  religion  their  pretence  to  cover  their  wickedness.  It 
doth  not  forbid  the  private  meetings  of  those  that  plainly  and 
simply  make  it  their  only  end  to  worship  the  Lord,  and  to  exhort 
one  another  to  edification.  My  end  in  meeting  with  others  is  1 5 
simply  to  do  as  much  good  as  I  can,  by  exhortation  and  counsel, 
according  to  that  small  measure  of  light  which  God  hath  given 
me,  and  not  to  disturb  the  peace  of  the  nation. 

Cobb.  Every  one  will  say  the  same,  saith  he  ;  you  see  the  late 
insurrection  at  London,  under  what  glorious  pretences  they  went ;  20 
and  yet,  indeed,  they  intended  no  less  than  the  ruin  of  the  king- 
dom and  commonwealth. 

Bun.  That  practice  of  theirs  I  abhor,  said  I ;  yet  it  doth  not 
follow  that,  because  they  did  so,  therefore  all  others  will  do  so. 
I  look  upon  it  as  my  duty  to  behave  myself  under  the  King's  25 
government,  both  as  becomes  a  man  and  a  Christian,  and  if  an 
occasion  were  offered  me,  I  should  willingly  manifest  my  loyalty 
to  my  Prince,  both  by  word  and  deed. 

Cobb.  Well,  said  he,  I  do  not  profess  myself  to  be  a  man 
that  can  dispute ;  but  this  I  say,  truly,  neighbour  Bunvan,  I  30 
would  have  you  consider  this  matter  seriously,  and  submit  your- 
self ;  you  may  have  your  liberty  to  exhort  your  neighbour  in 
private  discourse,  so  be  you  do  not  call  together  an  assembly  of 
people;  and,  truly,  you  may  do  much  good  to  the  church  of 


136     RELATION   OF  BUNYAN'S  IMPRISONMENT 

Christ  if  you  would  go  this  way ;  and  this  you  may  do,  and  the 
law  not  abridge  you  of  it.  It  is  your  private  meetings  that  the 
law  is  against. 

Bun.  Sir,  said  I,  if  I  may  do  good  to  one  by  my  discourse, 
5  why  may  I  not  do  good  to  two  ?  and  if  to  two,  why  not  to  four, 
and  so  to  eight  ?  &c. 

Cobb.  Ay,  saith  he,  and  to  a  hundred,  I  warrant  you. 
Bun.  Yes,  Sir,  said  I,  I  think  I  should  not  be  forbid  to  do 
as  much  good  as  I  can. 
10  Cobb.  But,  saith  he,  you  may  but  pretend  to  do  good,  and 
indeed,  notwithstanding,  do  harm,  by  seducing  the  people ;  you 
are,  therefore,  denied  your  meeting  so  many  together,  lest  you 
should  do  harm. 

Bun.  And  yet,  said  I,  you  say  the  law  tolerates  me  to  dis- 

1 5  course  with  my  neighbour ;  surely  there  is  no  law  tolerates  me 

to  seduce  any  one  ;  therefore,  if  I  may,  by  the  law,  discourse  with 

one,  surely  it  is  to  do  him  good  ;  and  if  I,  by  discoursing,  may  do 

good  to  one,  surely,  by  the  same  law,  I  may  do  good  to  many. 

Cobb.  The  law,  saith  he,  doth  expressly  forbid  your  private 

20  meetings ;  therefore  they  are  not  to  be  tolerated. 

Bun.  I  told  him  that  I  would  not  entertain  so  much  unchar- 
itableness  of  that  Parliament  in  the  35th  of  Elizabeth,  or  of 
the  Queen  herself,  as  to  think  they  did,  by  that  law,  intend  the 
oppressing  of  any  of  God's  ordinances,  or  the  interrupting  any 
25  in  the  way  of  God ;  but  men  may,  in  the  wresting  of  it,  turn  it 
against  the  way  of  God.  But  take  the  law  in  itself,  and  it  only 
fighteth  against  those  that  drive  at  mischief  in  their  hearts  and 
meetings,  making  religion  only  their  cloak,  colour,  or  pretence ; 
for  so  are  the  words  of  the  statute :  If  any  meetings,  wider 
30  colour  or  pretence  of  religion,  &c. 

Cobb.  Very  good ;  therefore  the  King,  seeing  that  pretences  are 
usually  in  and  among  people,  as  to  make  religion  their  pretence 
only,  therefore  he,  and  the  law  before  him,  doth  forbid  such  pri- 
vate meetings,  and  tolerates  only  public ;  you  may  meet  in  public. 


RELATION  OF  BUNYAN'S  IMPRISONMENT      137 

Bun.  Sir,  said  I,  let  me  answer  you  in  a  similitude.  Set  the 
case  that,  at  such  a  wood  corner,  there  did  usually  come  forth 
thieves,  to  do  mischief ;  must  there  therefore  a  law  be  made 
that  every  one  that  cometh  out  there  shall  be  killed  ?  May 
there  not  come  out  true  men  as  well  as  thieves  out  from  5 
thence  ?  Just  thus  it  is  in  this  case ;  I  do  think  there  may  be 
many  that  may  design  the  destruction  of  the  commonwealth ; 
but  it  does  not  follow  therefore  that  all  private  meetings  are 
unlawful ;  those  that  transgress,  let  them  be  punished.  And  if 
at  any  time  I  myself  should  do  any  act  in  my  conversation  as  10 
doth  not  become  a  man  and  Christian,  let  me  bear  the  punish- 
ment. And  as  for  your  saying  I  may  meet  in  public,  if  I 
may  be  suffered,  I  would  gladly  do  it.  Let  me  have  but  meet- 
ing enough  in  public,  and  I  shall  care  the  less  to  have  them 
in  private.  I  do  not  meet  in  private  because  I  am  afraid  to  15 
have  meetings  in  public.  I  bless  the  Lord  that  my  heart  is 
at  that  point,  that  if  any  man  can  lay  anything  to  my  charge, 
either  in  doctrine  or  practice,  in  this  particular,  that  can  be  proved 
error  or  heresy,  I  am  willing  to  disown  it,  even  in  the  very 
market  place ;  but  if  it  be  truth,  then  to  stand  to  it  to  the  last  20 
drop  of  my  blood.  And,  Sir,  said  I,  you  ought  to  commend  me 
for  so  doing.  To  err  and  to  be  a  heretic  are  two  things.  I  am 
no  heretic,  because  I  will  not  stand  refractorily  to  defend  any 
one  thing  that  is  contrary  to  the  Word.  Prove  anything  which 
I  hold  to  be  an  error,  and  I  will  recant  it.  25 

Cobb.  But,  goodman  Butiyan,  said  he,  methinks  you  need 
not  stand  so  strictly  upon  this  one  thing,  as  to  have  meetings 
of  such  public  assemblies.  Cannot  you  submit,  and,  notwith- 
standing, do  as  much  good  as  you  can,  in  a  neighbourly  way, 
without  having  such  meetings  ?  30 

Bu?i.  Truly,  Sir,  said  I,  I  do  not  desire  to  commend  myself, 
but  to  think  meanly  of  myself ;  yet  when  I  do  most  despise 
myself,  taking  notice  of  that  small  measure  of  light  which  God 
hath  given  me,  also  that  the  people  of  the  Lord,  (by  their  own 


138     RELATION   OF  BUNYAN'S  IMPRISONMENT 

saying,)  are  edified  thereby.  Besides,  when  I  see  that  the  Lord, 
through  grace,  hath  in  some  measure  blessed  my  labour,  I  dare 
not  but  exercise  that  gift  which  God  hath  given  me  for  the  good  of 
the  people.  And  I  said  further,  that  I  would  willingly  speak  in 
5  public,  if  I  might. 

Cobb.   He  said,  that  I  might  come  to  the  public  assemblies 
and  hear.    What  though  you  do  not  preach  ?  you  may  hear.    Do 
not  think  yourself  so  well  enlightened,  and  that  you  have  re- 
ceived a  gift  so  far  above  others,  but  that  you  may  hear  other 
10  men  preach.    Or  to  that  purpose. 

Bun.  I  told  him,  I  was  as  willing  to  be  taught  as  to  give  in- 
struction, and  I  looked  upon  it  as  my  duty  to  do  both ;  for,  said 
I,  a  man  that  is  a  teacher,  he  himself  may  learn  also  from  another 
that  teacheth,  as  the  Apostle  saith :  We  may  all  prophesy,  one 
15  by  one,  that  all  may  learn}  That  is,  every  man  that  hath  re- 
ceived a  gift  from  God,  he  may  dispense  it,  that  others  may  be 
comforted ;  and  when  he  hath  done,  he  may  hear  and  learn, 
and  be  comforted  himself  of  others. 

Cobb.   But,  said  he,  what  if  you  should  forbear  awhile,  and  sit 
20  still,  till  you  see  further  how  things  will  go  ? 

Bun.   Sir,    said  I,  Wickliffe  saith,  that  he  which  leaveth  off 
preaching  and  hearing  of  the  Word  of  God  for  fear  of  ex- 
communication of  men,  he  is  already  excommunicated  of  God, 
and   shall   in   the  day   of   judgment  be    counted   a   traitor  to 
25  Christ. 

Cobb.  Ay,  saith  he,  they  that  do  not  hear  shall  be  so  counted 
indeed  ;  do  you,  therefore,  hear. 

/>'////.  But,  Sir,  said  I,  he  saith,  he  that  shall  leave  off  either 
preaching  or  hearing,  &c.  That  is,  if  he  hath  received  a  gift 
30  for  edification,  it  is  his  sin,  if  he  doth  not  lay  it  out  in  a  way  of 
exhortation  and  counsel,  according  to  the  proportion  of  his 
gift ;  as  well  as  to  spend  his  time  altogether  in  hearing  others 
preach. 

1  2  Cor.  14.  31. 


RELATION  OF  BUNYAN'S  IMPRISONMENT      139 

Cobb.   But,  said  he,  how  shall  we  know  that  you  have  re- 
ceived a  gift  ? 

Bun.   Said  I,  Let  any  man  hear  and  search,  and  prove  the 
doctrine  by  the  Bible. 

Cobb.      But  will  you  be  willing,  said  he,  that  two  indifferent    5 
persons  shall  determine  the  case,  and  will  you  stand  by  their 
judgment  ? 

Bun.  I  said,  Are  they  infallible  ? 

Cobb.   He  said,  No. 

Bun.  Then,  said  I,  it  is  possible  my  judgment  may  be  as  good  10 
as  theirs.    But  yet  I  will  pass  by  either,  and  in  this  matter  be 
judged  by  the  Scriptures.   I  am  sure  that  is  infallible,  and  can- 
not err. 

Cobb.   But,  said  he,  who  shall  be  judge  between  you,  for  you 
take  the  Scriptures  one  way,  and  they  another?  15 

Bun.  I  said,  The  Scripture  should,  and  that  by  comparing 
one  scripture  with  another ;  for  that  will  open  itself,  if  it  be 
rightly  compared.  As,  for  instance,  if  under  the  different  ap- 
prehensions of  the  word  Mediator,  you  would  know  the  truth 
of  it,  the  Scriptures  'open  it,  and  tells  us  that  he  that  is  a  me-  20 
diator  must  take  up  the  business  between  two,  and  a  mediator 
is  not  a  mediator  of  one,  but  God  is  one,1  and  there  is  one  mediator 
between  God  and  men,  even  the  man  Christ  Jesus?  So  likewise 
the  Scripture  calleth  Christ  a  complete,  or  perfect,  or  able  high 
priest.  That  is  opened  in  that  he  is  called  man,  and  also  God.  25 
His  blood  also  is  discovered  to  be  effectually  efficacious  by  the 
same  things.  So  the  Scripture,  as  touching  the  matter  of  meet- 
ing together,  &c,  doth  likewise  sufficiently  open  itself  and  dis- 
cover its  meaning. 

Cobb.  But  are  you  willing,  said  he,  to  stand  to  the  judgment  30 
of  the  Church  ?  . 

Bun.  Yes,  Sir,  said  I,  to  the  approbation  of  the  church  of 
God.    The  Church's  judgment  is  best  expressed  in  Scripture. 

1  Gal.  3.  20.  2  !  xim.  2.  5. 


140     RELATION  OF  BUNYAN'S  IMPRISONMENT 

We  had  much  other  discourse  which  I  cannot  well  remember, 
about  the  laws  of  the  nation,  and  submission  to  governments ; 
to  which  I  did  tell  him,  that  I  did  look  upon  myself  as  bound 
in  conscience  to  walk  according  to  all  righteous  laws,  and  that 
5  whether  there  was  a  King  or  no ;  and  if  I  did  anything  that 
was  contrary,  I  did  hold  it  my  duty  to  bear  patiently  the  penalty 
of  the  law,  that  was  provided  against  such  offenders  ;  with  many 
more  words  to  the  like  effect.  And  said,  moreover,  that  to  cut 
off  all  occasions  of  suspicion  from  any,  as  touching  the  harm- 
10  lessness  of  my  doctrine  in  private,  I  would  willingly  take  the 
pains  to  give  any  one  the  notes  of  all  my  sermons  ;  for  I  do  sin- 
cerely desire  to  live  quietly  in  my  country,  and  to  submit  to  the 
present  authority. 

Cobb.  Well,  neighbour  Bunyan,  said  he,  but  indeed  I  would 
15  wish  you  seriously  to  consider  of  these  things,  between  this 
and  the  quarter-sessions,  and  to  submit  yourself.  You  may 
do  much  good  if  you  continue  still  in  the  land ;  but  alas,  what 
benefit  will  it  be  to  your  friends,  or  what  good  can  you  do  to 
them,  if  you  should  be  sent  away  beyond  the  seas  into  Spain, 
20  or  Constantinople,  or  some  other  remote  part  of  the  world  ?  Pray 
be  ruled. 

Jailor.  Indeed,  Sir,  I  hope  he  will  be  ruled. 
Bun.  I  shall  desire,  said  I,  in  all  godliness  and  honesty  to 
behave  myself  in  the  nation,  whilst  I  am  in  it.  And  if  I  must 
25  be  so  dealt  withal,  as  you  say,  I  hope  God  will  help  me  to  bear 
what  they  shall  lay  upon  me.  I  know  no  evil  that  I  have  done 
in  this  matter,  to  be  so  used.  I  speak  as  in  the  presence 
of  God. 

Cobb.  You   know,   saith   he,   that   the    Scripture    saith,  the 
30  powers  that  be  are  ordained  of  God} 

Bun.  I  said,  Yes,  and  that  I  was  to  submit  to  the  King 
as  supreme,  also  to  the  governors,  as  to  them  that  are  sent 
by  him. 

1  Rom.  13.  1. 


RELATION  OF  BUNYAN'S  IMPRISONMENT      141 

Cobb.  Well  then,  said  he,  the  King  then  commands  you,  that 
you  should  not  have  any  private  meetings  ;  because  it  is  against 
his  law,  and  he  is  ordained  of  God,  therefore  you  should  not 
have  any. 

Bun.    I  told  him  that  Paul  did  own  the  powers  that  were  in     5 

his  day,  as  to  be  of  God ;  and  yet  he  was  often  in  prison  under 

them  for  all  that.    And  also,  though  Jesus  Christ  told  Pilate,  that 

he  had  no  power  against  him,  but  of  God,  yet  he  died  under 

the  same  Pilate ;  and  yet,  said  I,  I  hope  you  will  not  say  that 

either  Paul,  or  Christ,  was  such  as  did  deny  magistracy,  and  so  10 

sinned  against  God  in  slighting  the  ordinance.    Sir,  said  I,  the 

law  hath  provided  two  ways  of  obeying :  The  one  to  do  that 

which  I,  in  my  conscience,  do  believe  that  I  am  bound  to  do, 

actively ;  and  where  I  cannot  obey  actively,  there  I  am  willing 

to  lie  down,  and  to  suffer  what  they  shall  do  unto  me.    At  this  1 5 

he  sat  still,  and  said  no  more ;  which,  when  he  had  done,  I  did 

thank  him  for  his  civil  and  meek  discoursing  with  me ;  and  so 

we  parted. 

O  that  we  might  meet  in  heaven ! 

Farewell.  J.  B.       20 

He7-e  follow eth  a  discourse  between  my  Wife  and  the  Judges,  with 
others,  touching  my  Deliverance  at  the  Assizes  following ;  the 
which  J  took  from  her  ow?i  Mouth 

After  that  I  had  received  this  sentence  of  banishing,  or  hang- 
ing, from  them,  and  after  the  former  admonition,  touching  the 
determination  of  Justices,  if  I  did  not  recant ;  just  when  the  time 
drew  nigh,  in  which  I  should  have  abjured,  or  have  done  worse, 
(as  Mr.  Cobb  told  me,)  came  the  time  in  which  the  King  was  to  2 ; 
be  crowned.  Now,  at  the  coronation  of  Kings,  there  is  usuallv 
a  releasement  of  divers  prisoners,  by  virtue  of  his  coronation  ; 
in  which  privilege  also  I  should  have  had  my  share  ;  but  that 
they  took  me  for  a  convicted  person,  and  therefore,  unless  I 
sued  out  a  pardon,  (as  they  called  it,)  I  could  have  no  benefit  30 


142      RELATION   OF  BUNYAN'S   IMPRISONMENT 

thereby.  Notwithstanding,  yet,  forasmuch  as  the  Coronation 
Proclamation  did  give  liberty,  from  the  day  the  King  was 
crowned  to  that  day  twelvemonth,  to  sue  them  out ;  therefore, 
though  they  would  not  let  me  out  of  prison,  as  they  let  out 
5  thousands,  yet  they  could  not  meddle  with  me,  as  touching  the 
execution  of  their  sentence ;  because  of  the  liberty  offered  for 
the  suing  out  of  pardons.  Whereupon  I  continued  in  prison  till 
the  next  assizes,  which  are  called  Midsummer  assizes,  being  then 
kept  in  August  1661. 

10  Now,  at  that  assizes,  because  I  would  not  leave  any  possible 
means  unattempted  that  might  be  lawful,  I  did,  by  my  wife, 
present  a  petition  to  the  Judges  three  times,  that  I  might  be 
heard,  and  that  they  would  impartially  take  my  case  into  consid- 
eration. 

1 5  The  first  time  my  wife  went,  she  presented  it  to  Judge  Hales, 
who  very  mildly  received  it  at  her  hand,  telling  her  that  he  would 
do  her  and  me  the  best  good  he  could ;  but  he  feared,  he  said, 
he  could  do  none.  The  next  day,  again,  lest  they  should,  through 
the  multitude  of  business,  forget  me,  we  did  throw  another  pe- 

20  tition  into  the  coach  to  Judge  Twisdon ;  who,  when  he  had  seen 
it,  snapt  her  up,  and  angrily  told  her  that  I  was  a  convicted 
person,  and  could  not  be  released,  unless  I  would  promise  to 
preach  no  more,  &c. 

Well,  after  this,  she  yet  again  presented  another  to  Judge 

25  Hales,  as  he  sat  on  the  bench,  who,  as  it  seemed,  was  willing  to 
give  her  audience.  Only  Justice  Chester  being  present  stept  up 
and  said,  that  I  was  convicted  in  the  court,  and  that  I  was  a  hot- 
spirited  fellow,  (or  words  to  that  purpose,)  whereat  he  waved  it, 
and  did  not  meddle  therewith.    But  yet,  my  wife  being  encour- 

30  aged  by  the  High  Sheriff,  did  venture  once  more  into  their  pres- 
ence, (as  the  poor  widow  did  to  the  unjust  Judge,1)  to  try  what 
she  could  do  with  them  for  my  liberty,  before  they  went  forth 
of  the  town.    The  place  where  she  went  to  them  was  to  the  Swan 

1  Luke  18.  1-6. 


RELATION   OF  BUNYAN'S   IMPRISONMENT      143 

Chamber,  where  the  two  Judges,  and  many  Justices  and  Gen- 
try of  the  country,  was  in  company  together.  She  then,  coming 
into  the  chamber  with  a  bashed  face,  and  a  trembling  heart,  be- 
gan her  errand  to  them  in  this  manner :  — 

Woman.  My  Lord  (directing  herself  to  Judge  Hales),  I  make     5 
bold  to  come  once  again  to  your  Lordship,  to  know  what  may 
be  done  with  my  husband. 

Judge  Hales.  To  whom  he  said,  Woman,  I  told  thee  before, 
I  could  do  thee  no  good ;  because  they  have  taken  that  for  a 
conviction  which  thy  husband  spoke  at  the  sessions  ;  and  unless  10 
there  be  something  done  to  undo  that,  I  can  do  thee  no  good. 

Worn.  My  Lord,  said  she,  he  is  kept  unlawfully  in  prison; 
they  clapped  him  up  before  there  was  any  proclamation  against 
the  meetings  ;  the  indictment  also  is  false.    Besides,  they  never 
asked  him  whether  he  was  guilty  or  no ;  neither  did  he  confess  1 5 
the  indictment. 

One  of  the  Justices.  Then  one  of  the  Justices  that  stood  by, 
whom  she  knew  not,  said,  My  Lord,  he  was  lawfully  convicted. 

Worn,  it  is  false,  said  she ;  for  when  they  said  to  him,  Do 
you  confess  the  indictment  ?    he  said  only  this,  that  he  had  been  20 
at  several  meetings,  both  where  there  was  preaching  the  Word, 
and  prayer,  and  that  they  had  God's  presence  among  them. 

Judge  Twisdon.  Whereat  Judge  Tuns  do  11  answered  very  an- 
grily, saying,  What !  you  think  we  can  do  what  we  list ;  your 
husband  is  a  breaker  of  the  peace,  and  is  convicted  by  the  law,  25 
&c.    Whereupon  Judge  Hales  called  for  the  Statute  Book. 

Worn.   But,  said  she,  my  Lord,  he  was  not  lawfully  convicted. 

Chester.  Then  Justice  Chester  said,  My  Lord,  he  was  law- 
fully convicted. 

Worn.   It  is  false,  said  she ;  it  was  but  a  word  of  discourse  30 
that  they  took  for  a  conviction,  as  you  heard  before. 

Ches.  But  it  is  recorded,  woman,  it  is  recorded,  said  Justice 
Chester ;  as  if  it  must  be  of  necessity  true,  because  it  was  re- 
corded.   With  which  words  he  often  endeavoured  to  stop  her 


144     RELATION   OF  BUNYAN'S  IMPRISONMENT 

mouth,  having  no  other  argument  to  convince  her,  but  it  is  re- 
corded, it  is  recorded. 

Worn.  My  Lord,  said  she,  I  was  a  while  since  at  London,  to 
see  if  I  could  get  my  husband's  liberty  ;  and  there  I  spoke  with 
5  my  Lord  Barkwood,  one  of  the  House  of  Lords,  to  whom  I  de- 
livered a  petition,  who  took  it  of  me  and  presented  it  to  some 
of  the  rest  of  the  House  of  Lords,  for  my  husband's  release- 
ment ;  who,  when  they  had  seen  it,  they  said  that  they  could 
not  release  him,  but  had  committed  his  releasement  to  the  Judges, 
10  at  the  next  assizes.  This  he  told  me ;  and  now  I  come  to  you 
to  see  if  anything  may  be  done  in  this  business,  and  you  give 
neither  releasement  nor  relief.  To  which  they  gave  her  no  an- 
swer, but  made  as  if  they  heard  her  not. 

Ches.  Only  Justice  Chester  was  often  up  with  this,  He  is  con- 
15  victed,  and  It  is  recorded. 

Worn.  If  it  be,  it  is  false,  said  she. 

Ches.  My  Lord,  said  Justice  Chester,  he  is  a  pestilent  fellow, 
there  is  not  such  a  fellow  in  the  country  again. 

Twis.  What,  will  your  husband  leave  preaching?    If  he  will 
20  do  so,  then  send  for  him. 

Wotn.  My  Lord,  said  she,  he  dares  not  leave  preaching,  as 
long  as  he  can  speak. 

Twis.  See  here,  what  should  we  talk  any  more  about  such  a 
fellow  ?  Must  he  do  what  he  lists  ?  He  is  a  breaker  of  the  peace. 
25  Worn.  She  told  him  again,  that  he  desired  to  live  peaceably, 
and  to  follow  his  calling,  that  his  family  might  be  maintained ; 
and,  moreover,  said,  My  Lord,  I  have  four  small  children  that 
cannot  help  themselves,  of  which  one  is  blind,  and  have  nothing 
to  live  upon,  but  the  charity  of  good  people. 
30  Hales.  Hast  thou  four  children  ?  said  Judge  Hales ;  thou 
art  but  a  young  woman  to  have  four  children. 

Worn.  My  Lord,  said  she,  I  am  but  mother-in-law  to  them, 
having  not  been  married  to  him  yet  full  two  years.  Indeed,  I 
was  with  child  when  my  husband  was  first  apprehended ;  but 


RELATION  OF  BUNYAN'S   IMPRISONMENT      145 

being  young,  and  unaccustomed  to  such  things,  said  she,  I 
being  smayed  at  the  news,  fell  into  labour,  and  so  continued  for 
eight  days,  and  then  was  delivered,  but  my  child  died. 

Hales.  Whereat,  he  looking  very  soberly  on  the  matter,  said, 
Alas,  poor  woman  !  5 

Twis.  But  Judge  Twisdon  told  her,  that  she  made  poverty 
her  cloak ;  and  said,  moreover,  that  he  understood  I  was  main- 
tained better  by  running  up  and  down  a  preaching,  than  by  fol- 
lowing my  calling. 

Hales.  What  is  his  calling  ?   said  Judge  Hales.  10 

Answer.  Then  some  of  the  company  that  stood  by  said,  A 
Tinker,  my  Lord. 

Worn.  Yes,  said  she,  and  because  he  is  a  Tinker,  and  a  poor 
man,  therefore  he  is  despised,  and  cannot  have  justice. 

Hales.  Then  Judge  Hales  answered,  very  mildly,  saying,  I  15 
tell  thee,  woman,  seeing  it  is  so,  that  they  have  taken  what  thy 
husband  spake  for  a  conviction ;  thou  must  either  apply  thyself 
to  the  King,  or  sue  out  his  pardon,  or  get  a  writ  of  error. 

C/ies.  But   when  Justice  Chester  heard    him    give   her   this 
counsel;  and  especially,  as  she  supposed,  because  he  spoke  of  a  20 
writ  of  error,  he  chafed,  and  seemed  to  be  very  much  offended  ; 
saying,  My  Lord,  he  will  preach  and  do  what  he  lists. 

Worn.  He  preacheth  nothing  but  the  Word  of  God,  said  she. 

Twis.  He  preach  the  Word  of   God !  said  Twisdon ;  (and 
withal  she  thought  he  would  have  struck  her;)  he  runneth  up  25 
and  down,  and  doth  harm. 

Worn.  No,  my  Lord,  said  she,  it  is  not  so ;  God  hath  owned 
him,  and  done  much  good  by  him. 

Twis.  God  !    said  he  ;  his  doctrine  is  the  doctrine  of  the  Devil. 

Worn.  My  Lord,  said  she,  when  the  righteous  Judge  shall  30 
appear,  it  will  be  known  that  his  doctrine  is  not  the  doctrine  of 
the  Devil. 

Twis.  My  Lord,  said  he,  to  Judge  Hales,  do  not  mind  her, 
but  send  her  away. 


146     RELATION   OF  BUNYAN'S  IMPRISONMENT 

Hales.  Then  said  Judge  Hales,  I  am  sorry,  woman,  that  I 

can  do  thee  no  good ;  thou  must  do  one  of  those  three  things 

aforesaid ;  namely,  either  to  apply  thyself  to  the  King,  or  sue 

out  his  pardon,  or  get  a  writ  of  error ;  but  a  writ  of  error  will 

5  be  cheapest. 

Worn.  At  which  Chester  again  seemed  to  be  in  a  chafe,  and 
put  off  his  hat,  and  as  she  thought,  scratched  his  head  for  anger. 
But  when  I  saw,  said  she,  that  there  was  no  prevailing  to  have 
my  husband  sent  for,  though  I  often  desired  them  that  they  would 

10  send  for  him,  that  he  might  speak  for  himself,  telling  them, 
that  he  could  give  them  better  satisfaction  than  I  could  in  what 
they  demanded  of  him,  with  several  other  things,  which  now  I 
forget ;  only  this  I  remember,  that  though  I  was  somewhat  tim- 
orous at  my  first  entrance  into  the  chamber,  yet  before  I  went 

1 5  out,  I  could  not  but  break  forth  into  tears,  not  so  much  because 
they  were  so  hard-hearted  against  me  and  my  husband,  but  to 
think  what  a  sad  account  such  poor  creatures  will  have  to  give 
at  the  coming  of  the  Lord,  when  they  shall  there  answer  for  all 
things  whatsoever  they  have  done  in  the  body,  whether  it  be 

20  good  or  whether  it  be  bad. 

So,  when  I  departed  from  them,  the  Book  of  Statute  was 
brought,  but  what  they  said  of  it  I  know  nothing  at  all,  neither 
did  I  hear  any  more  from  them. 

Some  Carriages  of  the  Adversaries  of  God's  Truth  with  me  at  the 
next  Assizes,  which  70a  s  on  the  icjth  of  the  First  Month,  1662 
I  shall  pass  by  what  befell  between  these  two  assizes,  how  I 

25  had,  by  my  Jailor,  some  liberty  granted  me,  more  than  at  the 
first,  and  how  I  followed  my  wonted  course  of  preaching,  tak- 
ing all  occasions  that  were  put  into  my  hand  to  visit  the  people 
of  God ;  exhorting  them  to  be  steadfast  in  the  faith  of  Jesus 
Christ,  and  to  take  heed  that  they  touched  not  the  Common 

30  Prayer,  &c,  but  to  mind  the  Word  of  God,  which  giveth  direc- 
tion to  Christians  in  every  point,  being  able  to  make  the  man 


RELATION   OF  BUNYAN'S  IMPRISONMENT      147 

of  God  perfect  in  all  things  through  faith  in  Jesus  Christ,  and 
thoroughly  to  furnish  him  unto  all  good  works.  Also,  how  I, 
having,  I  say,  somewhat  more  liberty,  did  go  to  see  Christians 
at  London ;  which  my  enemies  hearing  of,  were  so  angry,  that 
they  had  almost  cast  my  Jailor  out  of  his  place,  threatening  5 
to  indict  him,  and  to  do  what  they  could  against  him.  They 
charged  me  also,  that  I  went  thither  to  plot  and  raise  division, 
and  make  insurrection,  which,  God  knows,  was  a  slander ;  where- 
upon my  liberty  was  more  straitened  than  it  was  before  :  so  that 
I  must  not  look  out  of  the  door.  Well,  when  the  next  sessions  10 
came,  which  was  about  the  10th  of  the  eleventh  month,  I  did 
expect  to  have  been  very  roundly  dealt  withal ;  but  they  passed 
me  by,  and  would  not  call  me,  so  that  I  rested  till  the  assizes, 
which  was  the  19th  of  the  first  month  following  ;  and  when  they 
came,  because  I  had  a  desire  to  come  before  the  judge,  I  de-  15 
sired  my  jailor  to  put  my  name  into  the  Kalender  among  the 
felons,  and  made  friends  of  the  Judge  and  High  Sheriff,  who 
promised  that  I  should  be  called  ;  so  that  I  thought  what  I  had 
done  might  have  been  effectual  for  the  obtaining  of  my  desire. 
But  all"  was  in  vain  ;  for  when  the  assizes  came,  though  my  name  20 
was  in  the  Kalender,  and  also  though  both  the  Judge  and  Sheriff 
had  promised  that  I  should  appear  before  them,  yet  the  Justices 
and  the  Clerk  of  the  peace  did  so  work  it  about,  that  I,  not- 
withstanding, was  deferred,  and  might  not  appear ;  and  although, 
I  say,  I  do  not  know  of  all  their  carriages  towards  me,  yet  this  25 
I  know,  that  the  Clerk  of  the  peace  did  discover  himself  to  be 
one  of  my  greatest  opposers.  For,  first,  he  came  to  my  jailor, 
and  told  him  that  I  must  not  go  down  before  the  Judge,  and 
therefore  must  not  be  put  into  the  Kalender  ;  to  whom  my  jailor 
said,  that  my  name  was  in  already.  He  bid  him  put  me  out  30 
again ;  my  jailor  told  him  that  he  could  not,  for  he  had  given 
the  Judge  a  Kalender  with  my  name  in  it,  and  also  the  Sheriff 
another.  At  which  he  was  very  much  displeased,  and  desired 
to  see  that  Kalender  that  was  yet  in  my  jailor's  hand;  who, 


148     RELATION   OF  BUNYAN'S   IMPRISONMENT 

when  he  had  given  it  him,  he  looked  on  it,  and  said  it  was 
a  fafee  Kalender ;  he  also  took  the  Kalender  and  blotted  out 
my  accusation,  as  my  jailor  had  writ  it.  (Which  accusation  I 
cannot  tell  what  it  was,  because  it  was  so  blotted  out ;)  and  he 
5  himself  put  in  words  to  this  purpose :  '  That  John  Bunyan  was 
committed  in  prison,  being  lawfully  convicted  for  upholding  of 
unlawful  meetings  and  conventicles,'  &c.  But  yet,  for  all  this, 
fearing  that  what  he  had  done,  unless  he  added  thereto,  it  would 
not  do  ;  he  first  run  to  the  Clerk  of  the  assizes,  then  to  the  Jus- 

10  tices,  and  afterwards,  because  he  would  not  leave  any  means 
unattempted  to  hinder  me,  he  comes  again  to  my  jailor,  and  tells 
him,  that  if  I  did  go  down  before  the  Judge,  and  was  released, 
he  would  make  him  pay  my  fees,  which,  he  said,  was  due  to 
him ;  and  further  told  him,  that  he  would  complain  of  him  at 

1 5  the  next  quarter  sessions  for  making  of  false  Kalenders  ;  though 
my  jailor  himself,  as  I  afterwards  learned,  had  put  in  my  accuT 
sation  worse  than  in  itself  it  was  by  far.  And  thus  was  I  hin- 
dered and  prevented,  at  that  time  also,  from  appearing  before 

the  Judge,  and  left  in  prison.    Farewell. 

John  Bunyan 


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